I'm a 25-year old New Yorker who generally enjoys her life - I have a great job, good friends and lots of hobbies. However, my on-again/off-again boyfriend of 3 years makes me too miserable to enjoy all this.
During the times we've been together and the times we've been far apart (I went away to grad school last year, and meanwhile he took a job in Boston) there has been incredibly intense passion between us. We fight and cry, but our resolutions are amazingly intense as well. Our 'downs' usually result from his being unhappy (he is quite unhappy and critical by nature) and taking it out on me; however, this makes the 'ups' feel so good... like I've won him over or something. In recent years, he's done things like moving all the way back to NY to be with me, before backing out and deciding that to be with me would be 'unfair to me'. Sometimes we date, sometimes we just sleep together, sometimes we don't talk for months. The roller coaster is an intense and heartbreaking ride. I know deep down that a good relationship should be more stable, and that he is too messed-up be able to give me that. But I am also addicted to his drama and passion, and I love him - I find myself wanting to stick with him until he is well enough to treat me right.
I'm sure it sounds as if I already know what I need to do - and I do, intellectually. But it's been years and I just can't seem to internalize that understanding. My emotions just won't comply. I was truly in love with him - and now I stay up at night depressed that being in love doesn't really mean anything. I miss him terribly and cry nearly every day; I can't take other men that I date seriously. I really need words of wisdom to help me free myself from this mess.
Thank you...
Dear Plauged,
"I'm sure it sounds as if I already know what I need to do - and I do, intellectually....My emotions just won't comply."
Ah, the constant battle between brain and heart. I know it well and its one of the most frustrating kinds of fights that can take place, because essentially its you versus...well, you. So in addition to the exhausting emotional rollercoaster your boyfriend is putting you through, you're that much more tired and stressed out from your own internal arguments. Man do you need a vacation!
I have to commend you for the enormous amount of patience and understanding you've provided for this guy. You are one hell of a girlfriend! There are not many women around who would have the heart to consistantly forgive some of the harsh behavior this guy has demonstrated, nor would many people accept his emotional instability and put in the insurmountable work and time it takes to sort things out and reconcile matters no matter how badly he's lashed out. And I assume that's why its so hard to completely seperate yourself from this guy. I mean, you've worked so hard and dedicated so much time and so much of yourself...and now what? Throw it away? It seems too painful because it feels like such a waste....
but its not.
I once read that Native Americans occasionally hold ceremonial fires where they will burn artwork and other things they've created. Not because they don't care for them - they certainly do...but its a way of letting go, of not letting what they've created hold them back from exploring new creations, of seeking out new paths of creativity, of expanding their minds and themselves. I'm sure its painful to watch something they've created and that they love slip away. But the experience itself teaches how to let go of something before you become obsessed with it, and it holds you in one place. It might seem extremely hard to do, but growth can sometimes hurt. After all that's why they call 'em "growing pains".
With that said, first off, don't burn up your boyfriend. ;)
But take some time to reflect on this creation, and realize that the loss of it may be painful, but the work and time and care you put into it is NOT, I REPEAT, IS NOT a waste. The love you gave him is something you should be proud of, because it shows your capacity to unconditionally care for someone, and that makes you a great human being. Plus the lessons you've learned here are priceless - nothing is more valuable than experience. I hope you change your habits quick - and instead of staying up at night depressed that 'love doesn't mean anything', you sleep soundly knowing that your ability to love is outstanding, and that it can even soothe the most unpredictable and unstable of personalities. You are a living example that love truly does exist and mean something, because this guy may have time apart from you, but eventually he realizes that whatever he's looking for, its not as fantastic as what you give to him, and he comes crawling back to it. The problem is, when he does come back for it, he doesn't appreciate all that you give to him, and takes you for granted, because he knows you'll put up with it. In my experience, the professinals call what he's doing "emotional abuse". The hurt of him being critical towards you and fighting with you, the high of him finally being kind and caring towards you, and then back down again. Its abusive towards you because of the stress and pain it causes you, and the power it gives him.
It really, really worries me that you're waiting around for him to treat you right, because he already knows you'll put up with most of the crap he dishes out, and that leaves you waiting...and waiting, and waiting. THAT is what's extremely unfair to you. Moving to New York to be with you isn't "unfair to you' - that move would have been plenty fair and an indication of how much he cares for your happiness. And you deserve to be shown, not just told, how much your happiness and your peace of mind means to him.
There is this saying, "I can do bad by myself" that I often use in relationship advice, because a lot of the women that happen to ask me questions are being emotionally abused by their partner, and then taking it one step further by emotionally abusing themselves for "failing" in the relationship. But you've failed nothing here - you've done your part and given your all. Unfortunately, it takes two to tango, and this fella just aint doing his part. You deserve someone who is going to give as much as you, and the way to find that person is for YOU to treat yourself well first.
With all of that said, I'm going to give you two pieces of advice. One is: start doing little things that remind you of what a great person you are, and thereby result in treating yourself well. all the work you're pouring into this relationship needs a little redirection, and a that work needs to be given towards your own self-improvement, instead of his. So start doing things to remind yourself that YOU can make YOU feel good, and that you don't need this relationship-drug dependancy. After a three-year relationship of mine ended, I started talking to a therapist (this helps as well if you can afford it) and she suggested i put little signs up around my apartment stating good thing, positive traits about myself. It sounds cheesy, I know. But I have to admit, it did help, when I looked in the mirror in the morning, and saw a little post-it that said, "you're much stronger than you give yourself credit for". It made me smile, it made me feel good, and it made me feel a little prouder. And I think you could use a dose of all those feelings, plauged. This guy has you pretty beaten up inside, and its something you can do to start to rebuild your confidence and refocus you onto you. This is a time when you need to be your best friend. Its time to take good care of that chick!
You say you have a great group of friends? Use 'em! Although you may not want to 'burden' them with this stuff, they're your friends, and its their job to be there for you when you're going through a tough time. There's nothing people love to hear more than "I need you". Tell your friends you need their help to get through this, their support, their encouragement to get out and do things, but to also understand when you start to feel down. EVERYONE needs support.
My second piece of advice is to slowly but surely distance yourself from this guy. I know it seems impossible, that's why I'm not suggesting cold turkey. But in my experience, the more time I spent building myself up personally, and spending time with friends and loved ones that truly cared for me and wanted me to be happy, the more I realized that 3 year relationship I was in was just plain poison for me. It caused me to spiral into random depressions, and stifled me from doing the things I wanted to do and pursuing new things as well because ...well, it was all about him. Sound familiar?
I know the head and the heart speak completely different languages. Everytime someone says, "God, how can she stay with him?!?" They're coming from the logical side. Logic is so much easier...you can make decisions coldly and quickly. But when emotions are involved its a whole different story, and they can often make you seem like an insane woman. (I really speak from experience there.)
PLEASE try to start distancing yourself though. Not picking up the phone here, skipping a date there, and then eventually, as you know you must, move on, and let him leetch off of someone else's emotions.
Once again, please know that you're a good girlfriend and give yourself the credit that you've given your all. I hope you take actions towards giving to yourself, being good to yourself, because you deserve it so much, and it seems long overdue.
Best of luck in this difficult situation, and please feel free to write me again at any time!
Take good care honey, and sorry for the novel of an answer,
Tissues for Issues
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Get ready for this one, it might be a bit long.
Okay well my boyfriend and I had plans for today to get together so he could meet my cousin. Instead he gets drunk, calls me telling me that he can't come over but he wants me at his friends house to hang out at a party with him, then proceeds to tell me that I cannot bring my cousin who I never see. When I tell him no I can't just leave my cousin here he goes on saying oh well there are plenty of hott girls here who want to take their clothes off. Then I just tell him I was hanging up and he didn't even say just kidding or try to stop me he simply says k bye. That really got to me and I messaged him on myspace saying how he treated me was really wrong. He just replied back by saying soooo many b**ches so little time then he says where is the ky (as in the lubricant) G** Da** it.
So what I want to know is how do I let him know what he is doing to me is making me have suicidal thoughts. He really is a great boyfriend when he isn't drunk so I don't plan on breaking up with him. But how do I just let him know what he does hurts me.
Hey there.
I'm sorry to hear that a caring, forgiving person such as yourself is being so severly mistreated by someone who doesn't know how to love you properly - and doesn't know how to love himself properly either.
Too often, intoxication is used as an excuse for some of the worst behavior out there. But the fact of the matter is, at some point you have to stop making excuses. HE is the one that decided to pick the bottle up and let things get out of control. HE is the one that has issues that he needs to deal with, but instead he's escaping into alcohol, and taking all his inner demons out on you. There is no other way to say this - he's an alcoholic, and until he faces that fact and truly wishes to change that aspect of himself, he will continue to mistreat you, and everyone else around him. "So many b**tches, so little time" ??! - haha! He wishes. There's nothing attractive about a drunk, loud-mouthed, abnoxious jerk who can't hold his liquor, and I can pretty much guarentee you that there's not a "hot girl" in sight that wants to get near his sorry ass.
There's that old saying - "I can do bad by myself." You may feel lonely on your own, but honey - he's being such a terrible person right now, he's making you feel a hell of a lot worse than lonely. Its completely unfair to you, and you don't deserve this. You deserve someone who will return the care, concern and love that you're giving to him too generously, and that he's not taking the time to appreciate.
Unfortunately, there are instances in life where words will just come up short. This is one of those instances. This guy's treating you horribly...but you don't break it off, no matter how harmful it is towards you. So he's probably got it into his head, "I can do whatever I want, and they'll be no consequences."
At this point, actions are the only thing that will let this person know that you are hurt by what he does and you won't tolerate it. Its time to get angry, stop calling, stop sending email, and send him packing honey. You deserve SO MUCH BETTER and the last thing he deserves is your time and energy! You sound like such a sweet girl - and you can do so much better. And IN NO WAY is he worth you taking your own life - the fact that he'd even make you THINK of that is the worst thing in the world !! Its just more proof that this guy is just plain poison. The world is a better place because you're in it. You have a lot of other boyfriends, better times, and a lot more life ahead of you...and suicide is just plain unfair - to you.
Feelings of suicide are overwhelming and serious, and I'm begging you to seek out someone that's close to you that you trust, someone you know that cares about you, to just talk about it. Your feelings deserve to be acknowledged and cared for, and I think you know deep down who your true friends are - and this guy aint one of em. Try to surround yourself with family and friends right now, who you know are going to return the same caring attitude you try to give out. When your inner strength is built up, and you're surrounded by more positive people and fewer negative, it shows, and you'll start to feel a lot better about yourself. When you start treating yourself really well, you attract those who'll want to treat you just the same. before you know it, the RIGHT kind of guys will start to come along, and mr. alcoholic putz will just be a distant memory.
Hang in there - and Good Luck!
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sometimes when you ask what a drawing is about or a song people answer "eternal sunshine of a spottless mind" very often actually) so it seems to be on everyones mind.. but what is it? a metaphor for something? a movie?
Hey there,
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a movie, starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet. Its an incredible film, and I highly suggest you see it.
Enjoy!
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I'm 14 and wear I 34A...I will consider it small for my age, but I'm curious, am I done growing? What can I do to see that I am done? Someone said you rub them and see if they are around? Thanks!
Hi Ready,
When you're female your body goes through a lot of changes, and it seems like you're always growing in different directions for the majority of your life. And even though it feels like its taken forever to grow into who you are now, there's still a lot of growing ahead of you.
The body doesn't do things over-night though, and most things, like breast development, take some time, and not all the rubbing in the world is going to speed up the process. If you're curious as to what size you're going to end up as, there's usually one definite answer for you: and that's your mother. Whatever your mom's cup size is, that's what you'll most likely eventually turn out to be. In some ways your body is your own, but in other ways, you inherit it.
Hope this helps!
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ok well i have a problem i am 15/f and i am ready to have sex but i do not like the way i look when im naked mostly because i have really small boobs and it makes me feel so insecure about myself and it i always think about it (my boobs being to small) and i think it would be totally embarrasing if i was having sex or getting ready to and i took off my shirt and bra and he just laughed or something because i wear pushup bras so it makes me look bigger then what i really am ok first question does anyone know anything that i can do to make my breasts larger anything will help dont say oh there is nothing you can do ive heard that before and well nothing to do with pills either ok second question ok well i am ready to have sex i think bout that all the time to but my body makes me feel insecure what should i do besides explain this to the guy i have sex with and don't say he wont care if he loves yoiu i also have heard that one before and does anyone else feel this way or has anyone else had really small boobs when they were 15 and then woke up one morning and they were just bigger cause that will really help me alot
sorry this was long but please help me
Hey help,
Oy - you sound just like me when I was 15. Although I wasn't nearly ready to have sex - that's for sure.
I have small boobs too - I'm a mid-size B cup now and I'm much older than you. When I was 15, forget it...my boobs were non-existant! But that's because I was 15, and I had a lot of growing to do. When you're female your body goes through a lot of changes, and it seems like you're always growing in different directions for the majority of your life. And even though it feels like its taken forever to grow into who you are now, there's still a lot of growing ahead of you.
The body doesn't do things over-night though, and most things, like breast development, take some time. If you're curious as to what size you're going to end up as, there's usually one definite answer right in front of your eyes: and that's your mother (as weird as that just sounded!)...Whatever your mom's cup size is, that's what you'll most likely eventually turn out to be.
I remember checking out my mom's bra once and seeing that it wasn't much more than the B cup I am now, and I too decided to save up, and buy some "guaranteed" boob enhancing pills. All that happened was that I lost $150 bucks. No double D's appeared overnight, no 'growth' what-so-ever. So don't buy into any of that crap - its all gimmicks and they're just trying to get your money, and all the "testimonies" from women saying it worked? Honey those are all actors just getting paid to say that.
I also thought of surgical enhancement. Man, I thought about that one A LOT. From time to time, it still crosses my mind. But then I realized something...the way I look is the way all the women in my family look. Most women in my family have a small chest...but I love my family, and I love the way the women in my family look - they're all individually beautiful. And to cut myself open just so I could NOT look like them seems pretty messed up.
I know you have a list of things not to say: don't say there's nothing you can do, and don't say he won't care if he loves you, etc. But I feel like all this boob-hate has been sparked by the issue of sex...and I know this is a weird question, by why are you in such a rush to have sex? Do you have a boyfriend who's pushing the issue? If that's the case, you're with the wrong guy...because no one should be teling you what to do or when's the right time to do it.
If not, I don't see why you feel you have to jump into sex so quickly. I know you've been told to wait by practically everyone, but as much as this sucks to hear, they're right. There's a lot of reasons why, but one reason its better to wait is because of what I was talking to you about before: you're still in the growing process, and your body is changing a lot, and all of that kind of makes sex a tougher thing to handle for a younger girl than it is for an older girl.
Also, with age comes a lot more confidence, in both the inside and the outside of yourself. You get a better idea of who you are, what you want, and as much as you don't want to hear this -acceptance of who you are physically. As for now, if you need to wear push up bras for a little boost of confidence, there's nothing wrong with that. I know how it is out there, and the pressure to be vuluptuous and big-in-all-the-right-places is insane. Its everywhere, and they make it seem like that's all guys want. But none of that is completely true. The truth is women come in all shapes and sizes, and most men like it that way! If everyone looked the same it would be pretty boring. And besides that? A woman's purpose on this planet is not just to please men. We gotta make sure WE'RE happy.
So while you're continuing to grow, if it makes you happy to wear the push-up, go ahead. And as for sex, please consider not going there just yet. Sex isn't going to solve anything - its not going to make you feel better about your body, and sex is certainly not going to be any good if you spend most of the time trying to explain to your partner that you don't like the way you look! No one should be apologizing for the way they look - and I'm sure you're more stunning than you know! Sex is about sharing yourself with someone else because you feel great about yourself and you feel great about the other person. Please just think about focusing more on building up your self-esteem and doing things that make you feel happy, instead of focusing on some guy's happiness by having sex too soon.
Hang in there...there are better times ahead!
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ok so theres this guy in my spanish class thats a year younger than me that i swear is perfect. hes taller than me hes cute hes smart hes funny hes athletic and hes so sweet. thursday after school i was walking in the hallway when he found me and asked me what i was doing over the weekend. i told him i was going to disney world because i was going there with choir and he was like oh yea thats right you told me that. and then we walked outside and both left. when i got home i realised he might have been trying to ask me out. but im not sure. hes really nice and he could have just been making conversation. he sits right infront of me and we talk alot everyday and he will just turn around and stare at me w/ a smirk on his face. i like him alot and i think he likes me too, but im not sure. im never sure! but anyways do yall think he was trying to ask me out and that he likes me? i dont know what to say to him to show him i like him without being just plain obvious. we would be soooo perfect together its crazy. thanks so much!
It sounds like this guy is obviously interested in you, but your own lack of confidence is getting in the way of you knowing that for sure - and of you pursuing something further with him. Please don't take that as an insult - I used to be the SAME WAY. I'm a natural-born pessimist, so my first thought is usually the same as yours - if things are going really good...its probably too good to be true.
But the signs here seem to be much stronger than your own pessimism...you talk everyday, he's always kind to you, he's always looking at you...seems like he'd like to ask you out but he's not quite sure how to go about things either. Believe it or not - the list of things he likes about you is probably 2x as long as the list of things you like about him! :)
I understand that you want to show him you like him without being completely direct and making yourself vulnerable, so why not just give him some of his own medicine? Talk to him whenever you can, show off that dazzling personality of yours, and make eye contact as much as you can when you're speaking with him. By giving back some of the same signs he's dishing out, you're validating everything he's doing, almost like saying, "I like you and what you're doing - keep it up." And that can build up both his confidence and yours.
Lastly, if you're really interested in going out with him, don't wait it out until the next time he attempts to ask you out. Why not use his own words and ask him what he's doing next weekend? If he's not busy, you can use that as an opener to making plans - seeing a movie or meeting up somewhere. Hopefully, you'll be seeing each other outside of school before you know it - without having to directly say how much you're feeling for him, or just blurting out "will you go out with me??"
Good Luck
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what is the normal age for a girl to get her first kiss? and when did you guys have your first kiss?
because i'm 15/f and i've never been kissed before.
I had my first kiss when I was 16 - going on 17. And man, did I feel like it was long overdue.
But when it happened, it was with someone I really gave a damn about...and I was really happy that that's the way things turned out.
The truth of the matter? There is no "normal" age to experience your first kiss. Most girls will tell you that their first kiss was when they were 12, 13 or so, and how wonderful it was. Guess what? 13 year old boys? Not great kissers. They're new at it, just like anyone else. They're inexperienced and nervous - just like anyone else. And they feel like they have to do it right away or they won't be "normal" - just like anyone else.
But anytime kissing is rushed, it makes it less fun and less romantic. Kissing is supposed to be slow and sweet - not rushed and full of pressure. So it feels even better when you're with someone who you'd love to be closer to - not someone who'll just get it over with - which is usually what happens at younger ages. You're a 15 year old girl, who hasn't kissed yet, but DEFINITELY will, and you'll definitely know when the time is right.
As for right now, you're as normal as anyone else, except you're smart enough to know not to kiss unless it really matters to you.
You're on the right track girl.
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Is black lipstick too over the top?
I've got light brown hair, and a permanent tint. like foundation color.
I personally like how it looks, but does anyone think it might be too much???
"I personally like how it looks...."
And frankly, that's all that should matter. Honey, you only live once - might as well live it for YOU. It may be extreme for some, but you like it. Its your personality.
Its also your face - and the best part of things that are yours? You get to do what you want with them. If it makes you feel good to wear it, and you really enjoy it, who cares what others may think? There might be a few people who will disagree with you, but that's their problem. You sound like a fun girl who knows how to take a little risk here and there, and how to be her own self. And the most important aspect in any part of your life, is that you be true to yourself.
I have pictures of myself when I was 14 years old, and I see some of the makeup I used to wear, some of the jewlery I used to wear and some of the clothes I used to wear and I say to myself, "What the hell was I thinking?!?" BUT - I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I had a great time being myself and trying new things. After all, that's what life's about. Anything less, and you're just sleeping through time.
Good Luck!
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k, so i plucked down there for the 1st time today because i read about it on here. but then i thought..omg..what are the coincedences? what will happen when the hair grows back? how often should i pluck? because my skin is all irratated so its the only thing i can do.
The consequences won't be much aside from what you're experiencing right now - your skin will be irritated, and after a couple days, it might be a bit itchy. Outside of that, the hair will grow back normally.
It sounds like you have sensitive skin, so plucking might not be your best bet. There are shaving creams that specifically say they are for "sensitive skin". Try applying that to the land down-under next time, and gently shaving instead. Your skin will thank you for it.
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hey everyone! please recomend your favorite song. i need a new myspace song seeing as the old got deleted. umm songs with lyrics dealing with heartbreak would be best. rock or pop would also be good. thanx
If you want to consider an old school song that no one's probably heard of, try "Maybe" by Janis Joplin....
Janis was the queen of having her heart broken...and she didn't even live past 28 years old.
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i have been with my boyfriend for almost 10 months. we are really close and love each othere very much. recently we have started talking about having sex, and i want to, and i feel that i'm ready. my problem is that how i can explain this to my parents. they waited until they got married and i don't want them to judge me because i don't want to wait. how can i bring this situation up if i have questions? how can explain to them how i feel?
I'm glad to hear that you are in love with someone, and that they have the ability to love and appreciate a wonderful person like yourself. Respect and love go hand and hand - so I'm hoping that your choice to take it to another level is YOUR choice as well as his, and that your partner respects that choice.
Explaining things to your parents always seems 1000x harder - in your head. One's imagination can lead you to the darkest places. When I felt ready, I thought about talking to my parents, and all I could picture was being thrown out of the house after a huge fight...my mother crying and my father filled with anger. I mean, they were both very religious - so how could they NOT react that way? How could they NOT judge me harshly?
Well, the fact of the matter is, they can't judge you that way because they absolutely LOVE you - dearly. Yes - there will be judgement - but in the form of concern of your physical and emotional well-being...and that kind of judgement aint so bad. They're going to want to make sure their girl is ok, that she's with someone who loves her and who they trust, and above all that you're safe and practice safe sex.
I know it seems like the only kind of sex they'll accept is sex after marriage, because that's how their life went. But that's their life honey - not yours. And if anybody knows that times have changed - they do! Seriously!! Your parents are smart - they're not living in a bubble. Its 2007 and they know you have feelings towards your boyfriend, and as weird and awkward as this sounds - they know that you think about sex. Of course they want you to wait...but they know (through their own life experiences) hey - you can't always get what you want. Their daughter (YOU) is growing up, and you're going to have feelings that you are going to want to pursue.
So with that said, you CAN talk to them about this and - you should. How?
Just. Be. Honest.
That's the best advice I can give you. Sit them down - maybe seperately if that would make you feel more comfortable. And say:
"Mom/Dad, I really love (insert boyfriend's name here) and we're both thinking about sex. Its something I really feel like I'm ready for. But I also care about you and I want you to know what's going on in my life. I'm saying all this because I don't want you to judge me, but I also don't want to hide anything from you when it comes to what's going on in my life."
Seriously - the thing that most frightens parents today is NOT KNOWING. Being clueless as to what's going on in their kid's life is a parent's worst nightmare. You are doing them a huge favor by seriously considering talking to them about this. It just goes to show what a great daughter you are, and how much you love and respect your parents - that's something to be proud of. I hope you give yourself some serious props for that.
Lastly. Sex is serious. It is major. It deserves a lot of discussion - both with you boyfriend, and with people who's opinion you respect. Take your time to think about it, talk about it, etc. When the time is right you'll know, and it'll feel even better when you know that your family, loving judgements and all, embraces your lifestyle as much as you do. :)
Good Luck!
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ya so basically im known around school for being a tomboy who is not interested in boys like crushes, and who just likes them has good friends. One of my friends thats a boy i kinda like him a little bit but i cant let anyone know that because i will feel embarrassed. It will also be mad awkward, i dont act different around him i act the same like i dont care ill spit if i have to and i just act like me. I have liked him since last year and up to this year. I dont want to tell him because that will ruin our friendship. My best bet will be just to stop liking him and just move on with doing whatever i do. I also dont want to change who i am, and the thing is that since im a tomboy some people think that im a lesbian because i never talk about boys in the way like omg he's soo cute...even some of my so called "friends" asked me if i was a lesbian... idk its a weird situation .. i just need advice
Hey Tangled,
It looks like its time for you to weight the pros and cons of telling your friend that you're interested in him romantically. One of the pluses - as you mentioned - was that you're his friend. At least with this crush, you know him, you talk to him, you hang out with him regularly, and he's not someone you've never had contact with and you're admiring from afar. So at least you've made it this far.
On the other side, you risk your pride (being embarrassed) and you're worried about risking your friendship with him - that it won't exist if you admit you have feelings.
Its a toughie, but you sound like a tough girl, who has a great head on her shoulders. The line in your question that sticks out the most to me is: "I also dont want to change who i am..." That is the MOST IMPORTANT thing in any issue you might be dealing with. Don't compromise yourself.
So with that said, you shouldn't change the way you act around him completely. You won't enjoy your time with him if you have to take on the difficult task of being someone else, and it'll just confuse him as to who you really are deep down.
Instead of flat out saying, "I really like you" or "I have a crush on you" Maybe a more subtle approach is your style. Try to spend some time just with him, maybe by simply asking him if he wants to see a certain movie with you, etc. What are some of the things you both like to do? Where do you both like to go? By asking him to do things with you and go places with you, its a sign that you're interested in him and spending time with him, without putting your heart out there and being completely vulnerable. And by doing things you both like to do, you're not doing anything that isn't in your personality.
listen, i was a tomboy too. i had two older brothers and no sisters, so i was trained to always fit in with the guys. it doesn't make you any less of a girl and it doesn't make you a lesbian. lesbians love women sexually. if you don't feel that way, then that just aint you, and whoever wants to jump to conclusions and assume that's who you are, isn't a real friend. people who care about you will get to know you. if your friends ask you to your face if that's who you are, they're not being untrue friends, they just don't know how to go about asking those types of questions, and are a little inexperienced. that might be them just trying to know who you are.
Being a tomboy just puts you in a little bit of a difficult position, because you fit in with guys but you're not a guy, and you're not a girly girl nor do you want to be one. Finding people who relate is hard and takes time but trust me - IT WORKS OUT. I'm speaking from experience.
So hang out with your crush whenever you can. Do fun things together. Maybe lighten up on the spitting A LITTLE. Be friendly, be open, be your fun self. When you two continue to get closer and you feel more comfortable around him and less concerned with being embarrassed, you'll know. Something inside of you will say, "I have to tell him." If he feels the same, great. If not, this experience will DEFINITELY help you when the next crush comes along.
Good Luck!
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