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Half Sister
Ok. So, i'm 14/f. and this is kinda a long story, i'll try to make it as short as i can. so when my mom was 18 (she is 37 now) she had a baby. She didn't mean to or anything, but its just one of those kinda things that happend. She knew that she couldn't take care of her, so she gave her to a family that couldn't have a baby. So yeah, my mom told me about all of this when i was about 10 i think, and now i'm 14, obviously. lol. anyways, the agentcy (sp) that my mom went through to give her baby to another family had some rules. and one of them was that my mom and her baby, Becky, couldn't meet until Becky was 18, and until she was ready. Well just the other day they got to talk for the first time over the fone cause Becky is 20 or somethin now. well, she told my mom that she wanted to talk to me sometime, and that she really wanted to be like a sister to me. but i'm not really sure if i'm ready to just let my "sister" come into my life. i mean, one day she talkes to my mom and she just comes into the family? they haven't even met yet! and now my mom is talking about how she could come on vacation in the summer, and how Becky and i could go shopping together and stuff like that. and i'm just like wth? and Becky told my mom that she wanted to talk to me over the fone sometime, but what the heck do i talk to her about? am i blowing this way out of proportion, or not? idk what to do or think. help!! thanx!! <3!!
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I guess what your 'sister' is trying to do is include you!
Becky may get the impression that your mum is your mum and she doesn't want to take her away from you and make you feel like that you don't matter!
I say give her a chance! Yes it will be hard to have to start and 'share' your mum and your family to start off with but who knows, she could turn out to be a really cool chick!
But at the same time you need to let your mum know how you feel about this! Tell her that your going to need some time to adjust to the changes and that she needs to understand that!
Good luck hope I helped :)
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Kinda. Like you said they haven't even met yet. But they are excited. Don't begrudge them that.
You may feel jealous now and then too. Thats normal and its ok, so long as it doesn't get out of hand. You sound like you are smart enough not to let that happen.
Your sister is older than you. Old enough to be on her own. She has a life, she has parents who love her. Her and your mom may spend a lot of time together at first, but she has a life and it is separate from yours and moms.
It would be great if you and your mom could have some kind of relationship with her. This could be very upsetting to your mom before its over with too. She may not be thinking ahead very clearly right now.
I think you should talk to her on the phone. She can drive so she probably could take you shopping
or to a movie. It might be fun! She probably knows the latest fashions and all about make-up tricks, things that would be fun. She might also be a good
friend to tell things to.
She is your sister on paper but she will be more a friend than a sister to you. Same as she will be more a fiend than a daughter to your mom. Don't be upset about it, try and get in on the excitement of it. :)
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Hey!
Kay, I have a half sister too. Shes 15 years older than me and we dont really have that great of a relationship. we share a dad, and he tries to get us to spend time together but we just dont. I resent her for not taking that part in my life that I wish she did and I also resent her for waiting so long to realize that I'm her little sister and I deserve the same attention she gives her other half sister and half brother. I drive by her house ever couple of days and see her outside with her kdis and it drives me crazy. So first of all, be thankful your sister wants to meet you, but I'm not being one of those people whose liek you have family you should love them, because I know that I should be making an effort to see my sister when I drive by al the time, and I dont, so I know where you stand.
Tell your mom that you arent ready for a major family change and that you want to take it slow. Then when you talk to Becky was it? tell her that you'd like to get to know her, but you arent comfortable with doing it really fast. Tell her that you want to get to know her, but maybe only once or twice a month for the first little while. Tell yuor mom you cant do a vacation yet and that you just want a nice slow start and that when youre ready for this kind of thing you'll tell her when you are.
As far as talking to becky, start by telling her about your life and your friends and school small talk stuff that you'd tell a boyfriend or someone new in your life. Tell her your favourite colour your eye colour your hair colour funny storie about your friends things youd tell a sister, becaus ethis way you can give her that little sister she's always wanted and also get o know her a bit. Ask her questions like when she found out she was adopted and what its like finding ehr mom. Take an intrest in her life.
After two or three phone conversations go out shopping or to lunch and talk somemore.
Remember thatyou can take this as slowly as you want and that you can treat her like a new friend or a new guy or some random person whose going out to lunch with you. It will be along time before she is like that sister that you've spent your entire life with, but it's a start.
You arent blowing this out of proportion and don't worry about how you're feeling its completely natural, and you can set the pace dont worry. Let me know if you want to talk or you want some help with ideas on what to talk about, good luck,
Angie91
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You know, I understand your uneasiness about this situation. It all seems weird and things are happening so fast. But, I think if you let it, it could be a wonderful blessing to have this woman in your life. I think you should talk to her. Start out just being friends. Don't feel pressured to love her right away. Slowly get to know her. You can even tell her that this is weird for you, I bet she would understand. Take things slow, and it will all fall into place. Just keep communicating with your mom and with Becky, because if you don't tell them what is going on with you, they will assume everything is great, even if it's not. So good luck, I really hope everything works out!
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I don't think you are blowing this out of proportion. This is kind of an awkward situation that you were thrust into and you had nothing to do with. After saying that however, I think you are getting lucky. Your new half sister can become a good friend, or mentor. 14 can be a rough age, if you aren't comfortable talking to your mom ever, you now have another person to talk to who probably went through the exact same issues as you do. You dont have to let her into your life right away, just try being her friend. You both came from your mom, so you two are probably a lot alike. You were indeed put into an awkward situation, but when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Try to understand your mom too, she's just trying to do the right thing, bringing your sister back into her life. She did the right thing when she was 18 too, giving your sister a life that your mom knew she couldn't provide.
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