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my mom is an alcoholic
My mom is like addicted to alcohol. Every weekend, when she is off work, she has like a 12-pack of beer. Some times less; some times more. Even when she is working, on occasion she'll sneak in a few beers before work or after. And she never finds the time to spend time with the family. She makes promises she'll skip a weekend, or a day at least, to do something "as a family" but she ends up getting drunk when she gets home from work on Friday. She breaks my heart so much when she makes promises, then breaks them. I do know alcoholism is [like] a disease that's hard to cure, but is there anything I can do to help her??
She knows the long-term side effects, like liver disease and other problems. She knows she has a problem, but she is always denying it. And there are times when she does gets drunk she gets violent. I CAN'T turn her in or anything, because then my dad would kill me. But just personally, what can I do to help her?
Thanks
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My Dad is like that - a 24 pack in two days usually.
Talking does not help, the other parent does not help - it won't stop until the abuser knows its a problem and WANTS to change.
Things I did: I did talk to Mom and let her know that she gets drunk too much. I told her that if I found anything in the house, I will drain it and throw it away. She threatened to call the cops on me when I said that (which wouldn't work - throwing away drinks is not illegal), she threatened to kick me out (which she'll get in trouble. I was a minor at that time and she is ultimately responsible for me), she threatened not to cook/feed/clothe me (which, by then I was doing all that myself)
Eventually, there was no liqour in the house and she stayed out to drink instead.
When she does get violent - leave. Do not allow yourself in that situation. Call a friend, take a walk or goto the neighboors.
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Your dad is as much to blame for the situation, because he is enabling your mom's addiction. They are both responsible for the well-being and environment of the family. They are the adults. You have been on an emotional rollercoaster and had your heart broken repeatedly. Her promises are no good. Yet, you always have hope that just this once, this time, she will make good on one. She won't. Accept that she is choosing her addiction over the family. So is your dad. You CAN turn her in and unless you really think your dad will kill you, I would. I have had to turn in someone in a similar situation. Yes, they were enraged and said very hateful things. Yes, they got into trouble. Yes, they got the help they needed, and eventually got totally clean and sober. Now this person has a real life and those that they love are no longer being hurt and put in danger. Doing the right thing is hardly ever the easy thing. Only you can make this decision, but you deserve help and support. I want you to at least talk to an adult teacher or counselor you trust about your feelings and fears. You can't do it alone and you won't be able to fix this. It is not your responsibility to correct the mistakes of adults who have abused their power over your childhood. I know you love them, but you deserve more than this. Love yourself and them enough to be different from them. You know when to ask for help. They don't. That is why you will save the only one you have the power and responsibility to save....yourself. You can only help her if you do not enable her by continuing to protect her...that is the "easy way out" like your dad is taking, but it is not the true way out into a healthy new life. The disease of the addicted thrives in the dark, the secrecy, the veil of those who conceal the parasite. Bring it to the light. The light will hurt the eyes because they were used to darkness, the eyes will curse the day and hate the reflection they see. They will hate what they have become in the darkness. They will see finally see what has been their comfort at night, was really a parasite eating them alive. It will hurt to detach the gripping jaws of the addiction, and it will leave scars. But, the parasite will shrivel up and squirm back into its cave. Then the released will either walk in the sunlight or return to the dark cave and the parasite. It is a disease, but it is also a choice. Once the parasite is not hidden and protected, your mom will have a chance to rid herself of the monster that is alcoholism and really be able to choose for herself. She needs help from professionals. If this is something you are strong enough to do, make that call for her. Turn her in.
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Hey,
In this situation, I think the best thing to do is confront her when she's sober. Tell her that her drinking is really upsetting to you and that if she gets caught, she could get into seriously trouble as she can get physical while drunk. Don't hold back when you're telling her. Maybe you'll get the message across to her.
Also, I would recommend talking to your dad. Ask him to talk to your mom also, and ask him to throw any alcohol you have in the house away. This could result in your mom drinking less, even if she buys the alcohol herself.
I hope things get better for your family.
Al
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The best you can do to help her is to try to get her to come out of her denial. As long as she is in denial and refuses to see she has a problem, she will do nothing to stop drinking. She has to WANT to stop and ADMIT she has a problem.
Something that may help is to set up an intervention with her, consisting of your family and anyone else who cares about her and wants to see her kick her habit.
I'm giving you a link to the website for Online Al-Anon Outreach. Maybe some one here can help you with your problem and tell you the best way to set up an intervention.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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You need to talk to her;fast! You need to tell her what the consequences of her actions are & how they can affect her & other people. It's important that she hears this from YOU. Anyone can tell her but to have her own child means more. It's telling her that you're concerned for her health & there are other things out there to do. Tell her how you feel and you're worried & she should care. Tell her that she's setting an example on your health: growing up around alchohol can increase the risk of the same thing happening to you! Not good. So talk to your dad or siblings (if any) & see if it's ok to maybe replace the alchohol with something more healthy, but make sure she ok's this. I hope this works out! Good luck! -Lauren
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