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What do I do now?
I am 28 now, graduated from high school 10 years ago. I am taking part in planning our high school reunion and I was looking through my old yearbooks, for phone numbers and stuff. I came across a note from a guy I always knew was in love with me, but he was a nerd so I never gave him a chance. I was good friends with him, when no one was looking. I always kinda had a crush on him too, but could never go there. I remember him writing this note, but I guess I never really looked into it.
Here is what he said in 11th grade:
"Well, what a crazy year! It went by too fast. By the way, the reason why I didn't go to the prom was because I didn't know how I could handle seeing you with your date. Oh well, I have to live with that now. I'm sure you kow my feelings about you. But I know you just want to be friends. I can handle that. Until then, see you in my dreams. Your Imzari, Rob"
He never would tell me what Imzari meant, and of course none of my friends knew. And this was before you could just look up anything on the internet :)
Here is what he said senior year:
"I really can't say anything more. I guess I have already said it all. See you in 20 years. Love, Rob"
I spoke with him maybe twice since then. We have both grown up and got married. I am happy, but I do sometimes think of him.
I looked up what Imzadi meant today, it means soulmate, beloved, first. It's roots are in fantasy but it's conception is in the soul. How deep is that?? Oh my god, it made me cry! I think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!
My question is, what do I do when I see him? I want to tell him that I was sorry for letting my social status get in the way of how he felt about me and how I secretly felt about him, and I want to tell him that I looked up the word Imzadi and I know what it means. We are both married, and I am happy- I am not looking to leave my husband or anything, I love him. But I am wondering if it is appropriate to say those things, or maybe I should just leave it alone. Maybe I should just give him a hug and say how happy I am to see him. I really do want him to know that I am sorry, and that I looked up that word. I just don't want to cause any problems.
What do you think???
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Hey. Wow that was really touching to read =). But anyways, this guy obviously really loved you and he probably still thinks about you from time to time. I think it would be really nice to give him closure and tell him how you feel. He will be so happy to know this rather than always feeling like he was the guy who wasn't good enough for you. Now, I'm not saying you made him feel this way at all but I just mean that when you like someone so much and they just wanted to be friends (which is totally ok), he probably felt that way. I would tell him that you really did always like him and that it made you cry when you looked up that word. He would really appreciate it. Obviously I wouldn't do this around your husband or his wife because as you know they wouldn't understand why you were doing this =). Anyways, I think it would make him feel really good if you told him all this and gave him closure. It will probably make you feel a lot better too! I really hope I helped and good luck! =)
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I think you should just let it go. You have both gone your separate ways, and telling him that may cause problems, though it is not your intention.
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I think I would tell him that the things he said to you in highschool were really touching. I would tell him you finally know what that word means, and you really appreciate that he felt that way about you. I would tell him that you are sorry you never saw him for the man he was back then, but time marches on. It was something that just wasn't meant to be, and you know that because you are each happily married.
Other than that, I would say no more on the subject. No need to make excuses for yourself. He knows that your social status was a factor, and he obviously accepted it. That's just how high school life is.
We all move on. We all grow up. We all make mistakes, and learn from them if we're lucky. Life goes on.
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I would speak with him, maybe away from others, but letting him know first of all that you don't expect him to leave his wife and you are not going to leave your husband. Then tell him that you regret never having honored his feelings 10 years ago and you wish you had acknowledged how he was feeling. It doesn't change anything now, but it will likely mean a great deal to him to hear how much you have grown. Tell him that you will always cherish your friendship and it means a lot to you to know that he loved you that much. If you can't do this, then write him a note and ask him to open it in private. Then he can forgive you and you can move on, knowing that high schoolers are just like that. You were maybe shallow. He was maybe needlessly torturing himself by pining for you when you didn't return his affection. You can both move on. I was surprised to see how much everyone had changed at my h.s. reunion. Good luck.
Sabine
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I understand how you feel the need to get some closure with this. But your right, maybe some things are better left alone. Both of you are married and happy now. Maybe a hug and a "I'm glad to see you" would be the best thing in this situation. It might be embarassing for him to talk about this face to face with you.
But if you do get the chance to sit down and talk with him one on one let him know that the notes he wrote you meant alot, and that you really appreciated it.
I hope this helped.
Katie
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