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Death
I’ve been brought up by a religious family. This October, I had this epiphany where I realized that I don’t believe in god.
Now, I’m a little obsessed with death. Not my own death, but the death of people I love. I function normally but when I think about someone close to me dying, I get really depressed because I realize that once they’ll die, I’ll –never- see them again.
It’s come to the point that every day, I think about death at least once and every time I hug my mother (who I love more than anyone in the world), I feel so scared because I know that at some point she’ll die and I won’t ever be able to look at her again. I keep trying to add up how old she is and compare it to the average life expectancy and count how many years she has left and I keep hoping I’ll die before her. It isn’t just her either, I’m really afraid of my sister dying or my close friends dying too.
At first, I thought it was a phase and that I would come to accept it but it’s been four months and it doesn’t seem to be going away. I also a little OCDesque, I’m obsessed with germs and I rinse a lot. Do you think I should go to counseling or will it fade? I don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to go through a week without thinking about people dying.
Also, please don’t try to recruit me to your religion. That’s not what I’m looking for and I don’t want any of those messages. I will rate you very low for them.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Spirituality?
Firstly, I will just tell you, I am Jewish. I will try my best not to try to recruit you into my religion.
Would you be mad if I tried to recruit you into religion in general? There are several religions (budhism being one) that believe in a soul and an afterlife, but not G-D. Its something you might want to look into, but it isnt for everyone, and if you have already made up your mind to be completely religionless, that's ok too.
A slight fear of death is natural, but you do make it sound as if you have a phobia. It's not uncommon, most people have at least one. It is something you can go to a councelor for, and they can help you get to the root of your fear, and if it is getting to be a big problem for you, that is what I recomend.
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We sound alot alike! When I was, about 9 or 10, my family was pretty screwed up. So T started to get really bad stomachaches & headaches because of the stress. For that reason, I thought I was going to die. But the more I thought I was going to die, I thought about how my parents and sister might die. So one night I told my dad about how I was afraid he was going to die and how I would never see him again. (Pretty weird for a 9 year old, since my dad wasn't sick or anything, but hey, I'm really not average.) My dad told me we should start spending more time and keeping a journal together to remember the good times. So I have about 3 journals filled up with things that my dad & I did together.
Sadly, my father and I no longer have that special relationship. We try to pretend to be nice to each other but thats it. Sorry that I'm talking about something you probably don't care about but here's my point: You should start keeping a journal. Seeing a therapist might help you, and I know it would help me too, but sometimes under certain circumstances, you just can't go through with it. So I keep a journal and I write down exactly how I feel. Anything you write in your journal will be a weight off your chest. Sometimes I write letters to my parents, and sometimes they're not so nice. But then there's times when I make lists about all the good things my parents have done for me. I also made a scrapbook of my family, which will serve as a lifetime reminder of how special they are to me.
What else you need, is some self reflection time each day. I know it sounds totally corny, but it sounds like you have tons of anxiety building up in you. This "reflection time" I'm talking about is just taking maybe an hour each day for yourself. Watch a Lifetime Movie. Read a tragic true story. Learning to cry or to grieve over a sad movie or story, will help you to better cope with your emotions in real life. Also write down any thoughts or questions that you have. This is basically just some time to think about deep issues in the world and your life, but after you finish, do not dwell on these thoughts. Move on. Distract yourself with something you love to do.
Of course spending time with your mother is good also. But that doesn't mean you have to spend every single minute with her. This is something my mom told me. My mom says, "When it comes to family, its quality, not quantity." This means that its much better to spend time occasionally with your family doing something very meaningful, rather than seeing them every second and doing nothing.
Life is what you make it. make your own rules. Make your own religion. But just remember to live day by day. Don't constantly worry about the future. Take it one day at a time.
P.S.- I totally understand about the germ thing! I am so afraid of even catching a normal cold! I wear a bandanna over my nose & mouth every day to school. I also occasionally skip some of my classes, or stay home from school because I want to avoid getting sick. It's very hard to deal with.
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ok well first off, that is NOT something healthy to be thinking of, it can drive you nuts, though its seems you already know that. but its kinda difficult to give you advice for this, without telling you to try to be religious. um well you COULD possibly try to not overdo the whole religion thing on yourself, but the bible, or talking to someone who KNOWS somethings about what hapens to you when you die might help and comfort yourself. your outlook on death is very scary and haunting, but if you try to beleive and have faith that when your family or loved one passes on that you WILL see them again, and that untill you do, they will be taken care of. you dont have to beleive in god to beleive that you will see them again. sorry for the religious advice, but its better than you constantly thinking about the worst. i hope that i didnt piss you off at all with my advice, and that i might have helped at leat a smidgen.
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So I guess trying to convert you to the Space Alien's Protoplasm Worshipers League is out of the question? No, seriously, just trying to get you to crack a smile. :D
I don't know that this is just a passing thing.
FACT: No one knows what will become of us when we die. It is a human nature to fear the unknown. That's where beliefs come into play.
FACT: Everyone is going to die. Yes, it's scary, and yes it's sad, but there is no way around it.
It boils down to this: It makes it really hard to enjoy those around us in life when we worry about them leaving us in death. It makes it really hard to overcome the grief of a death when you worry so much about their dying.
You talk most of your mother, lets talk about her.
You don't want to die before her. Any parent will tell you that they are supposed to go before their children. I believe that is due to when the child dies first, the grief is virtually unbearable for the parent. I have witnessed this with my own eyes, within my own family. It has been 20 years, and they still carry that grief within their hearts.
You don't want to hug her and think about her dying. You want to hug her and be thankful that she is still there now. Her death is inevitable, but you have to be willing to let go of that worry and hang on to the joy of her life yet to come. The same goes for any loved one.
Someday, she will be gone. You know that, I know that, she knows that. But maybe you can give yourself a daily reminder that today isn't someday yet. She is still here for you to hug. When she is gone, she will still be with you, because she will live on in your heart.
Yes, counseling may be in order to help you overcome this obsession, because you need to try to overcome it indeed.
It may also help for you to sit down with your mother and talk about your feelings on death with her. Mothers understand more than you would ever realize.
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Hey....Im a Christian (not recruiting) but even though I know that I will see my family in heaven someday it still scares the heck out of me...one weekend my dad was having chest pains and we took him to the hospital and the doctors told us if we hadnt taken him to the hospital he wouldve had a massive heartattack that weekend and would have died...ever since then I have been aware that we can die anyday...I think its normal to think about death after a significant event in your life...but I would definately talk to someone about it..even if you went to your pastor they can counsel you and plus its free...
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First off, I just want to tell you that I would never try to "recruit" you into my own religion and beliefs. I'm not here to judge you, I'm only here to help you. So I can promise you I will never do that to you, or anyone else that I give advice to.
Now to answer your question, I personally, do not think this is a phase you're going through at the moment. Being as it has been so long, either. I'm concerned that it's death you're thinking about, because yes, it can be a very scary thing. I don't think it matters what religion or even if you aren't religious -- it's still scary. However, this is huge amount of time thinking about it.
I do think you should go counseling, because he/she has experience in these areas. And he/she can and will help you with your situation. So yes, I definitely recommend seeing a counselor.
I wish you nothing but the best of luck, and I'm sure everything will be okay and work out just fine for you. :)
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