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Does avoiding my friends make me a horrible person?
(14/f)Ok I'll attempt to make this brief. My best friend and I tried out for a more advanced program at another school. I got in, she didn't. Now whenever I talk to her she always manages to sneak in a "Your school sucks, can't believe you ditched us to go there" etc... And everytime I talk to her it's always because she wants something"Can you do this question for me, can you go to my meeting for me"etc.. (needless to say the answer tends to be no, I'll help a bit but I won't do it for you. Which causes her to throw tantrums. Anyways...).
So all of this makes me want to avoid her as much as possible, the thing is that she and another one of my friends get out of school earlier than I do, and go to my house and wait outside the door for me to come home, most of the time wanting food and/or entertainment. When I come home I tend to be a nervous wreck and I tend to spend at least a good 4 hours or so on homework. Except when they come over they refuse to leave. I'm serious, even if I tell them that I'm busy and that they should go home they always say something to the effect of "We're bored, we've got nothing else to do so we'll stay here"(they're currently not talking to me because last time they did that I told them to stop harrassing me, harsh I know).
So... any ideas of how I can keep my sanity and NOT strangle them next time I see them?
hmm... attempt to make a brief question failed, it's rather long...
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Personally, I believe that they are just using you for laughs.Sweetie DONT waste your time. Its not worth it. You are better than they are, your focused and dont let them get in your way. Sometimes everyone needs to be a little independent and has to do what they have to do. If it means pushing those people (who really arent helping you) out of your life then so be it. I know it may sound harsh, but whats more important? And no it doesnt make you a bad person, and its good that you gave a lot of information. Good luck.
Keosha
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The length doesnt matter the more information the better. you are in a tough situation. next time you see them sit them down and tell them that you still want to be there friends but moving schools was a better thing to do to support the acedemic situation that you were in. explain that they still matter to you but so doesn your work and when you finish your work or when you dont have work the nyou can hang out. your not a horrible person. next talk to you BFF nicly as you can and tell her that her meetings ect. is her bissness adn you have your own bissness. see if you can work out a time to talk with her or just hangout and catch up explain that it was beyond your control choosing who got into the school and who didnt.
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that sucks! it sounds to me as if they are not only JEALOUS but USING you too! and i wouldn't worry about the avoiding them because that's what i would be doing! next time you're speaking with them try to expalin to them that you have A LOT of homework an that they can't just come over and bother you all afternoon, YOU ARE NOT A ONE GIRL ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM! maybe they'll calm down a bit after that otherwise i'd just dump them (that sounds really harsh, but they are jeperdizing your education, and there will be other/better friends in the future). and remember, harrass you once, shame on THEM. harrass you twice, shame on YOU!
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Oh, don't worry. This won't be brief either. :D
Well, sounds like your friend is jealous. She wanted to go there too but didn't get in. Which baffles me as to why she says your school sucks. I guess that shows her level of intelligence. And it shows what kind of friend she is, to rank you instead of praise you.
No, you are not a horrible person. Obviously your friends are, though.
Seems that when they come over, the food and entertainment is all they are after.
When they wait outside your door, you can either:
A) Tell them go be bored somewhere else. Your house is not the local hangout. You have hours of homework ahead of you. Then don't let them in. Your front yard is more boring than their own homes. They will go away.
If they come in anyway, tell them "Leave. Now. No Exceptions." If they refuse, they are breaking the law. They are now trespassing on private property. Call the police. What right do they have to invade you, your home, or your privacy? The answer is NONE. They have no right to do that.
or
B) Go to the library to study after school. They won't have any fun there. You can get your homework done in peace, and I guarantee they won't be waiting on you that long to get home.
These people are not your friends. If they were, they wouldn't disrespect you at all, let alone to this degree.
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well i have never been in that situtation before but i could tell you that if all they want is for you to do their homework for them than they arent very good friends. and from my point of view only. so dont take this the wrong way. I mean when i am stresses i tend to do girly things...you know yoga, face masks, baths, and next time just try and listen to what they have to say. And tell them what is really bothering you, dont just blow up in their face. and if that doesnt work an I'm sorry always helps me.but what do i know?
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It seems your friends suffer from an inferiority complex and do not think highly of themselves or their own ability to do things. They see you as smart and having chosen a gifted program of which they probably yearn to be in at another school over them.
You need to illustrate that this is not the case and that it was for you to advance and have more opportunities but that they are smart, useful and have their own place too.
They just need to open there eyes to how important everyone is and not just you. If the jealousy continues then it's their problem and you need not give them or it any of your time.
When it comes to their homework tell them that you have your own to do, here's a few suggestions etc. but your teachers are looking to see what you can and cannpt acheive at X and not what I can. Refuse to do their work for them and if they do not like it tough. It's not your problem.
Let them know in as simple an explanation as possible that tantrums do not work and are the sign of immaturity and they need to start acting like 14-year-olds. Sometimes if people just do not get their behavior is gross you need to be forceful in telling/showing them.
If someone invites themselves over to your house without your consent or knowledge and or are in your driveway point out you do not have time to play and have tons of homework. Tell them you will call them afterwards and see if we can do something etc. etc.
Then close the door, lock it. If they push their way in then you need to get an adult or wait for one to send them packing.
Bottom line, you do not have to put up with this garbage or even stay friends with them because they are not acting likr your friends and are in fact taking advantage of you and using youby making you feel guilt over certain things.
If it were me I would move on, get other friends, and send a message to them this way that it's time to grow up. perhaps point out to them that their immaurity, tantrums, behavior is the one reason you want nothing to do with them. They need to be taught severa importantl lessons about their behavior and attitudes.
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I think if you don't want to tell an adult (like their parent -or even yours- that they're bugging you), then another option is to completely ignore them. If they wait outside, go inside yourself and slam the door on them. If they get into your house before you come home, you could go so far as to call the cops; that is breaking and entering and they'd have to go to juvie court.
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