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I'm worried & scared.
Well to start out with I`m a 16/female.
My boyfriend is 24 years old.
My parents are fine with our relationship, so yeah.
Today we were hanging out, and I got really mad at him for a dumb reason. So then he told me he didn`t think that things could work. I started crying & eventually fell asleep. When I woke up he told me he had taken 12 anxiety pills, which could potentially put him into a coma.
I could've care less about that, I was more worried about myself and I felt bad for me because I hated the fact that he had broken up with me. We then went to a coffee house to watch his friends band play. I was still crying, I couldn`t help myself.
I stormed out, to call my best friend because I needed to tell someone what had happened. Then him & friend came out of the coffee house & said, "Hey Mari we have to go now!" I was like "What's going on now?" Mikes friend had told Mikes mother & brother about it, so like we had to go back to Mike`s apartment. They told me I had to go upstairs while everyone talked, which was fine.
His mother drove me home, and I didn`t get to say good bye to Mike. :[ She was saying how me & him should stop seeing each other, because it`s not a good time for him to be in a relationship & I`m causing him way too much stress.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Oh my gosh, I`m so confused. I`d appreciate any response.
Thanks in advance, =]
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Even if you were the same age dear, this would be happening. Mike is a royally messed-up human being, with the strength, energy or sanity to be with another person right now.
There is no shame in that. We are all messed-up sometimes. It is just important that we realize we are too messed-up to drag someone else through it with us.
Mike has now realized that he is way too unhinged to be in a relationship. That doesn't have anything to do with you. You could be fucking perfect for him! He still can't be with you right now; maybe he never will be able too. That is just the way the cookie crumbles.
You aren't equipped to help him through this. I'm not even sure you want to help him through this. He doesn't want your help. He doesn't want to be with you. His bad behavior and messed-upness is already hurting you. If you stayed together it you would only hurt both of you more.
You should let him go. Completely. I wouldn't even recommend trying to remain friends. There is simply too much angst there. Cry it out and move on, and try not to date people who can't handle being with another person. Be okay with yourself, and find someone who is okay with themselves before you try and make an 'us' out of it.
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You probably don't want to hear this, but it sounds to me like his mom has a point. You said it yourself, you couldn't care less about the damage he had possibly done to himself, you were just concerned about yourself and the fact that you just got broken up with. That sounds to me like a major sign of immaturity and selfishness--which isn't something that someone with the issues he obviously has (I'm guessing depression, at the very least) needs to be dealing with on top of everything else. Not to mention, as others have pointed out, the age gap IS going to come between you. No matter how mature you may be for your age, how much you may love each other, etc., the fact is, you're still far less mature than someone his age. That's inevitable.
So, in a nutshell...I agree. Still be friends with him if you want to and can make it work, but it doesn't sound like either one of you are ready for a relationship with the type of person the other is at this point.
Like I said, you probably don't want to hear it, but I have to be honest. I wish you the best of luck.
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I'm bracing for a "1" rating, but I'm not about to tell you what you might want to hear. This is an advice site after all, not a popularity contest. I just hope you take what people say and think it over.
Duct tape has a point, even if its one that isn't easy to hear. I'd possibly even go further, as I don't think an eight-year age difference is an exact gap, especially when a teenager is involved. More than likely there is a HUGE gap in experience between you and him, far beyond literally 8 years. I guarantee that while he is by no means finished maturing, going from 16-24 is a huge amount of time, and everyone changes so much that its literally night and day.
That being said, I would advise you to bear in mind that its often difficult to have a relationship and keep it when two people have such disparate experiences and personalities in regards to this situation - age is a big thing, especially at this age. You might disagree with us now, but wait 10 years, and when you look back, you'll totally see what we are saying.
Its obvious this guy is having issues, I'm guessing your garden-variety depression at the very least. So its a given that he's going to get bummed out from just about anything, from the sky being grey to his coffee being cold. Throw in a GF that throws temper-tantrums and plays with his emotions (thats the impression I get), and...well..lets look at what you said:
First you said that "I got mad at him for a dumb reason". Not good. He is depressed, and you admit you got mad for a poor reason. Likely he took this poorly, and when this happens once, its probably happened several times in the past preceding this.
Next he takes a bunch of pills, and you say you 'couldn't care less' (my edit for clarity), which is a VERY worrisome thing to say. You go on to say that you basically didn't care that he tried to OD, and that you were "more worried about myself" and "I felt bad for me because...he had broken up with me". So, in review, you were more concerned with yourself, and the fact that he broke up with you, than you were about the possibility that your BF could possibly keel over, have a stroke, or in some other way die from whatever he did? NM the possible damage to internal organs, such as the liver, that often happens with certain OD's when a person DOES live...
So far, you sound more than a tad selfish, if you are less concerned with a BF's life/health, and more concerned with the fact you two were breaking up. At this point I would be wondering if your 'grief' was more about being broken up with in general and nothing to do with him per se, rather than any emotional bond with this boy. Most people I know, if their BF was breaking up, and did this with pills, would be "Oh crap!! Lets get you to the hospital and call your parents" not "I don't care about the OD, just the fact that he broke up with me".
If I was his mother, I would be thinking the exact same thing she was, and have told you about the same thing she told you. If you are messing with his emotions (possibly already unstable emotions) to such an extent that he's trying to OD in your presence, then yes...this is a relationship that should stop. If for no other reason THEN HE MIGHT REALLY OD NEXT TIME. There is NO reason to put a depressed person through stress of any kind over and over.
Take this time to examine your feelings for him. If you still want to see him in the future, give him time to work out his problems and see what happens. But how strong are your feelings if you didn't care that he might have OD'ed on you?!? If the answer is that you don't like him enough to care that he OD'ed, then IMO the relationship isn't worth salvaging, and move on.
I'm not trying to jump on you, just pointing out what jumped out at me when I read your post. If you are wanting to clarify, or get some clarification from me, shoot me an email at Erronius@Hotmail.com. And if you do anything, really try to give him some time, and space, if you care for him at all. Don't badger him or pester him, thats not a good call.
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Harsh rating: probably. I really don't think that a 8year gap between a relationship will be compatable. He's obviously dealing with issues right now and you seem to be putting pressure on his stress.
Let's put it this way. 8 year gap. Not gonna work out too smoothly. You guys are probably not equal in the needs and maturity level and so going out iwll put further strain on both of you guys. So I think you should just keep him as a friend and go look for guys who are in high school...join clubs that you like and you're bound to meet someone oyu like in there
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Well i'm not sure about your boy friends situation and why he is in a bad time but if he od'ed or took lots of anxiety pills it may not be your fault but i would be really mature and strong about the situation. i would take a break from him and just be his friend and just be by his side with no commitment. if he is in a depressional state and you don't see him and it gets worse or nothing happens if you visit it could help. just try and think about what you believe may help him. he will see how much of a sweetheart you are because eventhough he did break it off with you, you still care. and if you don't feel like seeing him or talking to him then just leave classy.
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