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Im dating a guy who is cousins with one of my closer friends they talk about me and i know they do, because she feels that we shouldnt date anymore we've been together for almost 2 years (few more months to come) but my bf feels that i've stolen him away from her like i hog him to much & she feels the same way. I dont want them to think that. Im not heartless i think family is important so why'd i want that for them right? i want them to know that i do believe its important that they still do see eachother, I want to write her a letter explaining that i do think its important they hang out, spend time together, u no? So could you help me get started with a letter or tell me some things to put in the letter?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
So sorry it has taken this long to get back to you. I have been away for a week.
First, I cannot stress how immportant honesty is. Just simply start your letter like this, or something like it!
Dear Friend,
I understand how you feel about me hogging your cousin. Please understand that I never intended for this to happen. You are welcome to hang out with us anytime. I am not keeping him from you and I am certainly not trying to steal him. He has been my boyfriend for 2 years and you are my close friend. Besides it is up to him who he wants to spend his time with. I think family is important. Honestly, if you are upset because he spends too much time with me, then maybe you should tell him that. I love the both of you and want all of us to be close friends. You guys should hang out and talk about this if it upsets you that much. I understand how important family is. You also must understand that he has been your cousin your entire life, you have had your entire life to get to know him. I have barely had 2 years. We like each other and end up spending a lot of time together. As a result you feel like I have stolen him.
(Honestly how can you steal something that is not yours to begin with? <---Dont write that in your letter)
The three of us need to get together and figure out what we can do to resolve these feelings you are having,
Sincerely,
ME
OK, that is an idea of what you could say to her.
Hope this helps and I really hope that I am not too late.
hnstymtrs
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send her a letter inviting her to do something with you and your BF. Maybe go camping, or something touristy. make a point of letting your bf do stuff with his cousin since you know that she is not competition with you , there is no need for him not to spend alot of time with her. IF your bf feels the same way maybe he is not quite ready to make as big a commitment to your relationship as you are. If you think he is worth it maybe you should step back a little and see what his reactiion is, if he chases after you, you will know he has made his choice.
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You could write a letter, but be forewarned: sometimes things come across differently in writing than you intended. When she reads your letter, she won't see your body language or hear your tone. It's easier for her to misinterpret something you write and you won't be there to explain that isn't what you meant. Why not just get together with her and ask why she feels that you are 'stealing' her cousin? Tell her that you value her friendship and that you would like things to get better between the two of you. Tell her that you realize family ties are important. She should be able to give you examples of what it is that makes her feel like you are stealing her cousin. Then you can evaluate whether or not those are things you want to change. I'd advocate talking to your boyfriend as well. Ask him why he feels the way he does. What would he like to see changed? Then you can decide if you think those concerns are valid. If you do write a letter, include these same ideas (that you value her friendship, that things seem to have gone wrong, and you'd like the opportunity to work with her to fix them). Remember, at the end of the day, only you can decide whether or not you want to change the things she doesn't like. But it is certainly worth talking to her about.
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I think a letter would be a very understanding way for her.Explain to her that you really like her and her cousin and care about them both and would never try to split them up etc, maybe you could organise to go to a movie and stuff with your boyfriend and her so she doesnt feel left out in anyway.Explain this to your bf as well so you can all move on with it.Keep me posted with what happens!
goodluck
justaskemily xox
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Sure I can help you! Thanks so much for posting in my inbox; really appreciate it!
Ok, to get you started you'll need to write down all the points of what you want to say. For example here's some to get you started:
* You think family is important.
* You think it is important for them to spend time together.
* You don't see why you shouldn't date her cousin anymore.
* She does not own him or you and is not in the relationship so should not have an input into how long you and your boyfriend should be together.
Just add anything to that list that you want to say...just important points for your letter. It doesn't have to be too long, just what you feel you need to say.
Remember that she is a close friend and you don't want to lose her or her cousin over this so keep your letter to her NICE. Just give her the facts in a way which dosen't sound too rude or upfront. Especially the last point.
Once you've thought about and written down your points you'll need to just say a few sentences or so about each...sort of like writing an essay, I suppose, but this is just short and sweet if you wish!
Just let her know how your feeling as well, this is really important because she might not be able to see this from your point of view. Most people don't look at both sides of a dilemma. So just tell her straight out...if you're feeling confused or upset then tell her so. Remember to keep it nice though.
I think the way in which you've explained your situation here to me is a good way to start, you've told me your feelings and the main points, just keep along this track of things.
If you need anymore advice ontop of this or more tips on setting out your letter or getting started I'd be more than happy to help you so just leave me a question in my inbox. If you'd like I can help you with your completed letter as well; you can email it to me if you'd like...my address is in my column.
Best of luck with this and I hope all goes well for you!
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