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I envy my boyfriend like hell
To get it straight, envy is my biggest weakness, and I can never stand being with anyone that is better than I am (in whatever way: intelligence, appearance, accomplishments, etc.) Whenever I come across someone whom I perceive is a better individual than me, I'll run away from him/her as far as possible, otherwise the envious fire at my heart would burn me to death. Paradoxically, I fell in love with a guy whom I perceive is smarter and more accomplished than I am. He loves me too (or even more than I do him). But part of me doesn't seem to be able to carry on this relationship anymore, because I can’t stand the fact that I'm inferior than my boyfriend in some areas. I usually date someone that is equal to me or slightly dumber than me so that I can feel I'm in control. My boyfriend's intellectual superiority makes me insecure and vulnerable. I shiver whenever seeing his grandiose accomplishments. I remember someone said, "envy's true nature is the will to completely destroy the envied"—do I want to destroy my boyfriend then? Well, yes, I do RESENT him for having talents that I don't have. Yet at the same time I'm in love with him. Yes, I love AND hate him simultaneously! Such feeling is too much to handle. Ugh. I don't think I can leave him, because he loves me so deeply that I'm afraid he'd have a huge breakdown if I went away—that'd be too selfish of me. If I could get rid of my envy, everything would be fine. But how can I do it? This bad trait of mine is so ingrained in me. I always uncontrollably compare myself with others. I can't help it. So I am seeking advice from you guys. Please don't say, "everyone has his/her talents and defects. You are equal to your boyfriend because you have talents too." Yes, I do have several talents he doesn't have. But from what I perceive, my boyfriend has MORE talents than I do. He is superior to me MORE OFTEN than I am to him. I can't stand this. Meanwhile, I wish I could eradicate my envy and have a wonderful relationship with this guy.
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It is very possible for you to stay with him and be happy. I've been through something similar. It will make you feel a lot better if you talk to him about this. Tell him everything you are feeling like you did here. You will feel so much better and he will realize how high of a regard you hold him in. Only positive things can come of it. He may even have some words of comfort for you. If you stay with him you should learn how to cope with these feelings. If you leave him because of them, you could keep having the same problems in relationships over and over. Good luck. :)
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you shouldn't be jealous over his accomplishments, you should be happy for him, thats what he wants you to be.
you need to get over this & think about what you two can achieve in the future together, if you love him deeply & truly then don't ruin this relationship because your boyfriend is better than you. he won't be the first person you'll meet who is better than you. sorry to say it hun & im not trying to be rude, but get over it.
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to have a wonderful relationship with this guy you need to put all that shit behind you and look into the future, what can you both accomplish together? what talents may you both aquire together? and here is a little thought: envy is a psycological thing! comparing yourself with other people is not only not healthy for you, but it is not healthy for those around you. you need to seek help soon before envy destroys your relationship.
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You need to do something to stop that Envy problem, because it sounds like pure madness and I am being honest. I suggest you get a counciler. You have to understand that someone will always be better than you in things. You have to learn to accept that. I know bad traits are difficult to get rid of but your the only one who can get rid of your envy. You have to really want to and control yourself because no one can control your feelings except for you. This isnt about you just not wanting to break up with your boyfriend because of your problem but this serious problem is going to affect you very harshly when you get older. No one will like being around you. I can give you some tips that I think might work to help you control your envyness. I think you should relax and think about why your this way (envy-ing). You have to try to fight against this feeling by forcing things against it. Like, how you said you can't stand anyone thats better than you in intelligence, appearance etc etc. Then, you have top put into your mind that someone is going to be always better than you. Think about it. You have to try to understand the fact that you cannot over rule everyone, because everyone has strengths and weakness. Your strengths and weaknesses are different than other people. If you want to get deep into it. Knowing that your better than people at some things and people are better than you in other things. You cannot be superior than anyone because we are all human. If you were far more superior or better. You wouldnt be living the same life like everyone in the world. Which includes famous people. I'm trying to say that you have to understand that no one is better than anyone, meaning a human is better than another human. We are equal and if you can't except that your in for a rude awakening. Just because someone may have more talents, look better than you. That person as a whole isnt better than you and nor are you better. Um..I hope it helped? Cause I feel like I just babbled and this is a pretty long paragraph.. Well! If you don't think my advice was helpful I'll try to come up with something better. Until then, Think ^_^
~~ Zia
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