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mother
I have a mom tht is a control/protect freak she always wants things her way. I have to have my room the way she wants it my computer has to face the way she wants it and she always says when im with her im on her time and the problem is tht she always wants me to do her stuff. I run to the car, get the mail, take out the garbage(sumtimes), and do everything to care of my dog and she still doesn't appreciate me. She is way over protective. She doesn't like me goin places without her or my dad even tho i end up goin it usually takes hours of fighting and begging and crying. I am tired of her controling my life especially my room. I want my room to be MY room not hers. I like my room messy cuz then it feels like i actually live in it. What should I do? I dnt know how to talk to her cuz she always blocks me off but she never blocks my brother off when he is having problems. I dont get it she always says i have to wait till my dad comes home to discuss what is happeneing When i try to talk to her she takes things away and says she is in control!!!! i hate it she always says i dnt understand anything and i never will. When my brother calls me slut, dunce,bitch, etc. and i tell her she doesn't do anyting about it she just tells him not to and when i do those sort of things she punishes me. i cnt take it anymore HELP MEE!!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Under her roof, its her laws. Yes, its your room - but she gave it to you.
Things you can do:
First, take control of your emotions. If you can't talk about the situation without yelling or crying, try writing a letter.
Next, write down a list of the chore you do. Is it really too much? Is there something else you can do? Maybe make an arrangment that if you keep your door closed, then you could pick up an extra chore. (I started to do my own laundry to prevent cleaning my room.)
Next, you and your mom need a 'codeword'. If someone is out of control, say the codeword - take a break (a nap, a walk around the block) and get back to the situation.
Finally, grin and bear it. They raised you, they gave you your room and they feed it. In a few years you can be gone and doing things your own way.
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Just so you know, I've been living away from home for a year now, and I had a lot of the same problems with my family.
Well, I hate to say it, but she is your mother, and you are her child. Pretty much, as long as you live under her roof she does have the right to keep your room the way she wants it. As for the problems with getting the mail, taking the garbage out, etc... it's chores! As a contributing member of your family you should be doing chores. It doesn't sound like she's asking anything unreasonable of you in that respect. When it comes to being overprotective, she probably thinks she's helping you. I know it's annoying, but it's better than a mom who doesn't care!
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questions like these are the reason i started this for people who really need teh advice
*your mom doesnt control you she here to be your mom to guide you and help you during tough times tell her like write her a letter and tell her how you REALLY feel tell her all the names shes called you and how they affect you
hope shell understand and change and not call you all those terrible names
if she comfronts you about the letter tell her straight up how you feel and talk to her about it if that doesnt work
just dont let your emotions get the best of you
hope i helped
zen4evr
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My mum was always on my case about alot of things but you need to be rebellious. I don't know how old you are but it sounds like your young. I don't feel it is fair for your mum to treat you like that. Learn to say no and constantly do the opposite of what she says like mess up your room if you want. In the end she will give up.
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ok I hear where your comming from my grandma is always on my case I do something and I get it with out vassaline and im just stuck so one day I screemed loadly out at the top of my lungs "SOMEONE HELP ME HELP ME IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF" now of course you dont mean it but its just to get there attention!!! to wake them up and notice that you what help and when they come in tell them to settle down NOW and be serious and strong for what it is that you want them to hear.... tell them this mixxed with your own words : As apart of this family im intitled to your ears and eyes I love yall very much and right now I need yall to love me too.... cause right now im barly hagging on to a thread of my mind here and im lossing it so please hear me out (and if they try to get up and leave shout SIT DOWN) and then continue with what you want to say try to stike at them mentaly then work with there emotions as sutch you know what makes your family cry observe then conqure try to find the bads and the goods and say the bads then say whats good and tell them that you love them that if you didnt you wouldnt be asking for what it is that you want and on the room now yea I hear ya on that you want something to stand out and say "WOW I live here" you know so ask if you can compermise to make it the way you want it which looks messy but is infact clean and orderly and that its your room and that you want to feel that you live there in your room and that you wish that you wernt the only one there getting jumped every time you do or say something that you feel must be said so try to get there attention and if the whole "SOMEONE HELP IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF" thing dosent work then screem like someone is trying to kill you or something!!! well if that dosent work email me @ dnp6000@sbcglobal.netand Ill see what I cant come up with and trust me ive got alot...
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God...this situation sucks big time. Hmmm where do I begin? First off you not on "her time" she's your mother, not a timeclock..tell her that. Also if she won't listen to you..write her a letter and slip it under her door when she goes to sleep. Let her know how you feel and that you understand why she is being protective and all but she is smothering you. As far as the room goes, I understand that she wants it clean, there's not much you can do about that..it is her house. BUT it is also your room. So go ahead and NEATLY move things around the way YOU like them. The worst she can do is move the furniture back and then when she does that-you move it right back the way you had it. Parents can be so lame sometimes. I remember being 16 and I always stayed in my room- I loved it. My mom hated it and sometimes I would come home from school and she would have moved my room around back the way she wanted it and when she left, I moved it right back the way I had it...2 weeks later she did it again so this is what I did... I went in her room and moved everything around lmao and when she got home she was mad! She said what the hell! lol and I said well you moved MY room around the way YOU wanted it so I moved YOUR room around the way I wanted it. Yea she never touched my furniture after that. LOL Now, I'm not telling you to go and do that because of course I dont know what kind of temper your parent's have ha ha so just stick to making your room the way you want it. Start small with things and work your way from there.
-Marine Wife
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One thing about control freaks is that they always feel like they need everything perfect in their eyes. What they don't understand is that perfect can mean something absolutely opposite then someone else.
You're right that you should not have to cry and beg just to be able to hang out with your friends or go somewhere. That's asinine. And the fact that you have to carry on with this behavior to get their approval confuses me. Instead of begging or crying, work with it step by step. First of all, you're going to want your voice in a steady, calm manner. You should probably try and hold back any anger if they continue to not allow you to go. Rather than fighting back be understanding and nod when they give a reason. If they don't give a reason ask them if there is a reason. State that appropriately. Last step is when they are finished voice your opinion with a really good reason as to why you should go. If they say no you can consider compromising with them. But if you can't win just say "Okay, maybe some other time". If they see you trying to act mature about it they may consider letting you go out more.
I agree with you about your room. Being artistic, I realize you need to be creative in what's yours. Maybe if you offer to pay for some decorations that you could put up your mom might let you. I think one of the biggest problems is that she may not like change. And for some, change is a fear or hard to get used to. If that's the case then it's hard to help someone get overcome that. It's not your fault, or it's nothing against you personally. It's in their head and it's part of their personality. It's like trying to get an alcholic to stop drinking. They need to want to do it first. You know what I mean? If you are able to actually talk to her without her drowning you out, you could ask her if you can start off slow by moving things around. Not the computer or the furniture. But amybe placign posters up in a different area. Or puting a chair a different way. It's all about working slowly. But once you get your one place you can do whatever you want.
Lastly, don't ever tolerate inappropiate talk from your brother like that. He should not call you a bitch, slut ect. But instead of calling him those back, act liek it doesn't phase you. Simply ignore it and he'll get bored. If he's smart he'll stop it out of boredom. He must have a lot of time on his hands to call you that. But it shouldn't bother you anyway because you know you're not those things.
But I believe your mom is so controling because she loves you. Sometimes parents have a tendency to hold on to their children to much and protect them. It's not such a bad thing sometimes, it could just be the way she expresses her love.
EDIT- Aww, thank you!! <3
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My mother was like that about my room before, but my dad talked to her about that. I'm sorry shes like that though, talk to her. And I mean, sit her down and tell her to listen to what you have to say. Or try to.
But shes probably very controlling because she loves you too much.
Either way, I'm sorry that you have to go through that. But talk to her and your dad.
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