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help! ex boyfriend is dangerous!
Hi-
this is a serious situation: I have a great boyfriend, but my ex boyfriend is extremely dangerous and I wonder if I should give up my present relationship and move out of town so my present guy is safe and I will be safe.
The ex is absolutely nuts and he has attempted to hurt someone in this community--I spend most of my time hiding out.
Any answers?
Thanks,
musicfan (I'm 40 years old and female).
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Oh Wow..There's a lot of things on here that I can relate to, but I actually did what you are thinking of doing. I broke up with my boyfriend at the time, so my ex who was very dangerous would leave him alone. I loved him so much that I thought I was saving him from a lifetime of heartache and pain. Of course he didn't want to leave me, but I convinced him it was the best. My ex left him alone so in essence it worked in that respect, but my ex did not leave me alone and harrassed me for years to come. There were no stalking laws and a protection order was hard to come by back then...plus they warn you if you sick the law on them, the violence gets worse, and it does.
I have wondered for over 20 some years what life would have been like if I would have stayed with the nice guy. I regret what I did. I know now that if we were deeply in love we would have found a way to be together, even if it would have required both of us to move. I'm afraid you might regret your decision too...I would never go that route again.
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i don't think that you need to leave town. I think that if this guy is really that dangerous, you SHOULD call the police and maybe even get a restraining order!
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sorry. this is a bit repetative with the last answers but i really think you need to get the police involved. like eustachius said, dont let him alter your life. i know its a sticky situation and you would obviously not want your current boyfriend to get hurt so its a good thing to be concerned. letting go of the new guy and moving away will just make you more upset because your whole life will change. be rational about it, get help from the police. i'm sure it'll work out fine. just be careful
<3ND143
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I think you need to inform the police (if you haven't already). You need to get a restraining order against the ex.
You also need to make sure your current boyfriend knows all about him and what he is capable of. Don't want him caught unaware.
Hopefully he will want to continue seeing you, but he needs to know what is going on. I wouldn't just break up with him and run though. He is old enough to make that decision for himself.
If you think you will be safer elsewhere, then do what you have to do. But make sure it is the only option left to you before you do that.
You could also take a self defense course.
Good luck and be safe. :)
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If you have made it absolutely clear to your ex that you are with someone else and to leave you alone, I suggest that you take this matter seriously and inform the police. They will then be able to log and monitor the situation. If he has hurt someone else and the police were involved in the incident, they will take your situation far more seriously too. Why should you have to hide and think about leaving your home because of some nutter. Take some precautions to keep you and your boyfriend safe though. I suggest never being alone in the house without securing every door and window and asking friends or family to go shopping with you or go with your boyfriend. Tell everyone that you are being harassed and ask them to help should you ever need them. Keep a log of every threat and menace to you or your boyfriend and regularly update the police. I also suggest that you lock your doors whilst out driving and check in your car before getting in. Be observant about things that look slightly wrong to you and above all listen to your own instincts. I wish you and your boyfriend the very best for the future. Good luck.
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My advice would be to not alter your life. That would let him know that he has control over you and would make him do more, perhaps even follow you to your new home.
Do you have proof that he's dangerous? Have you told him to leave you alone? If so, talk to the police about it and try to get a restraining order put out against him. That would not only protect you, but I think it would cover your bf too. Inform your neighbors about him and have them watch out for you as well. If you see him stay around other people, don't let him EVER catch you alone!
Good luck and be safe!
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