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Find it difficult to get close to a bloke.
i'm 19 years old and a female and was sexually abused when i was very yound by a babysitter. i am not worried about this and dont feel it affects me that much and i am quite open with this fact and the people who are close to me know about it all. The problem is that when a guy wants to get close with me i just seem to panic and just feel well out of my comfort zone. especially if its a boyfriend and its sexual. i have had sex in the past and the guys know about it and are very conciderate of it. But yet i still dont know when its affecting me like this. or even if it is that is the reason why. just finding it very difficult to get close to a bloke. i have loads of guy mates which i mess around with alot but i dunno its just so confusing. could you please enlighten me on this if its possible.
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I was molested when I was young and it kind of had the same affect on me. I guess I finally realized that not everyone is like that and would violate me in that way. The one problem that I see in your situation is that regardless of how you feel you are still fooling around. This could be bad. The reason is because you are not comfortable with what is going on. I think that regardless of the situation you need to feel comfortable with yourself more than pleasing the other person.I understand that not everyone can afford to go to the counselor and recieve help that way so my ears are always open and if you need to talk annonimously you can always e-mail me. cmerun69@yahoo.com Just remember that you have to be happy and content before you can make someone else happy and content. I hope I have helped and hit me up if you wanna talk about it
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maybe you shoul talk to a counselor because this is a problem the only think i can think of is that the guys friends you out of your comfort zone with reminds you of the perso who sexually abused maybe not looks wise but in some way so talk with someone.
Jazzy**
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I would suggest that going and talking it through with a trained counsellor could help you sort your head out. They will not give you answers or tell you what to do because it is their role to help you understand yourself and to work out the answers with their guidance. It is not easy to open up to complete strangers but it could work. If you feel unable or unwilling to do that then sit down with a piece of paper and write down everything you feel about the abuse. Write down your anger and fear, your lack of control at the time and when you have done that, read it over and highlight the bits that still matter today. Working through your feelings on paper gives you a chance to reflect the control you now have over them. Continue to analyse your feelings until you have worked it all through and then either burn, tear or bury the paper and the fear or whatever emotion you are feeling at the time. It may seem an odd thing to do but if it helps all well and good. Continue to trust your instincts and your comfort zone and it time it will get better. I wish you lots of luck.
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its pretty normal to freak out when people get close to you after a thing like that happening.
i would maybe just try not to think about the past and focus for the present!=D
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well, i was molested when i was very young also and im not sure whether that affects the relationships i have with boys either..i have never told anyone because it was when i was very young and it didnt really matter to me. anyways i think it could be that your emotions get crazy when a guy wants to get close to you. you have to think sometimes 'do you really want to be close to this guy?' or 'do u really wanna be in a relationship with this guy?'. my advice to you is to be yourself or be true to yourself and relationships that you have with anybody would be comfortable. the fact that you just keep thinking about the past when you were sexually abused could be the reason why you dont feel you're in your comfort zone when close to a guy. maybe you should try leaving all that behind and move on...hope i helped
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Maybe when he gets close to you, just remind yourself that he won't do anything to you. I have a friend that got sexually abused and that helped her.
Snowi
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