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My Friend
I have a friend..well she might be. She is from Taiwan and she has lived in the U.S. for 2-3 years already. What bugs me is this: she doesn't know very much English. And this BUGS me! She'll say something like, "He don't like fish" or something and I'm like DOESN'T! Anyways, that's not all. When we go to the movies or wherever, and she's paying for both of us, she won't talk to the people giving out tickets. She'll make me order them because "she's scared". Scared of being made fun of for her English. And she makes me go with her when she has to talk to a teacher. And we were at a party and we were playing a game where you describe something until someone guesses it. Well she got all quiet and she said that she was about to cry because she doesn't know much English.
Also when she eats she lowers her head to her plate instead of lifting her fork to her mouth. Just everything she does bugs me! I've told her and she started writing me all these notes saying "Are you mad at me? -Your best friend".
She doesnt even try to learn English, she and her family only speak Chinese in their house.
What do I do?
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Wow, this poor girl. She sounds like she is doing her absolute best to assimilate into our culture (which is radically different from the Chinese)and learn the language. That takes time, and she need someone to help her out and show her, in a kind and understanding way. It is so hard and scary, and on top of that she has regular school work to learn, and friends problems to deal with. You need to help her and not get so selfishly annoyed. I can't even imagine why you can't understand what this girl is going through, I really can't.
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I can understand why she is so upset. It must be difficult to live in a household that only speaks Chinese and then be expected to speak English the rest of the time.
I don't wish to offend you in any way but right now you need to be helping to build her self confidence. If you act as though you are irritated by her when she doesn't speak English properly, it's going to make her more scared to try, especially in front of other people, which will be why she is asking you to do the talking instead.
It must be very difficult for her right now and she needs you to be supportive. Rather than losing your temper with her, why not try to spend some time with her after school, teaching her to speak English properly? Or you could buy her a book about speaking English as a second language. If you put yourself in her shoes, it's the equivelant of you going to China and being expected to speak Chinese by a community that makes you feel humiliated if you get it wrong. It is intimidating. So getting her a book or trying to teach her some English, to try to improve her knowledge of the language will be much better for her than getting upset with her when she gets it wrong. It might also give you that wam fuzzy 'feel good' feeling.
I know it can be difficult to keep your patience with someone who doesn't pick things up very quickly but the more you can boost her self confidence, the faster she will learn. She will get the hang of it but in the meantime, don't be too harsh on her. She's doing the best she can.
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You're being a little inconsiderate. How would you feel if you were from a different country and you didn't know anything about it and just basically repeated things that you heard others say? You would probably feel bad too. Maybe you can actually HELP her learn some simple English phrases.
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well, not to offend, but it sounds like you are the one that is getting a little bit pissy with her. i mean, not to sound cliche, but she is new here and will take some time to learn customs and language. if she bugs you that much just gradually stop hanging out with her so much and hang around friends that make you feel happier.
-celina
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WELL no offence, but shes from Taiwan, english is an extreamley hard language to learn unless you were taught from an infant, or at a young age. It shouldnt bug you because you need to be sympthatic to that she's not from here.
She probably wants you to come with her to talk to people because you are her only friend, or because she is afraid, because she doesnt know hardly anyone here.
And well how would you feel if you went to taiwan? you wouldnt know how to speak that either, and you';d probably act the same way as her.
In taiwan its part of how they are, they lower their heads to their plate, maybe you should have checked some cultural backgrounds, you shoudlnt be annoyed ber her because I'm sure if you were in her situation you'd feel the same way.
She is used to her own culture, not american.
Well if you are mad at her you should tell her, even though you have no right to be because she didnt do anything wrong.
You cannot say she doesnt even try to learn english, unless you have asked her? And maybe she doesnt have anyone to teach her, you could. But remember its VERY hard to learn a different launguage especially english.
Her family only speak's chinease in their house because, that is their native launguage..
Just calm down, and try to put yourself in her shoes and see how she's feeling.
take care dear
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You do realize English is probably the hardest language to learn, right?
You may not think so, since you are probably English speaking from birth. But to others, the language is extremely complex with many vocabulary rules and words. A good chunk of english, is basically words from other languages.
Cut her some slack. I'm sure she TRIES to learn English. But I wouldn't expect her to be that great at it after only a couple of years.
Just be patient with her. And learn to take her for who she is. People who act annoying on purpose bug me, so does that mean I will avoid them? No because I have to deal with them every day.
Be patient with her.
I hope I helped. And tell her good luck on her English. www.wikipedia.org (in the dictionary section) is a good source for words in english, and it is also in chinese for her if she needs it.
-Ryan
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Well my first impulse after reading this is that you should go easy on her. I certainly can understand how you might be annoyed with the situation, but remember that talent for languages is not something everyone has.
All of my schooling took place in international schools, so I have always been around every kind of foreigner imaginable. All of them were trying to learn English. One thing that became very apparent was that some could pick it up after a few weeks while others, 10 years later, still had a crappy accent and somewhat poor grammar. And this is despite the fact that we had excellent teachers, all British or American, in a private school environment.
Keep in mind also that English is one of the hardest languages to learn well. They say that most people can pick up a bit quite easily, but it is actually one of the hardest languages in the world to master (i.e. not to sound foreign).
Ok sorry I went on a bit there. On to what you should do. Try to focus on her good qualities. Focus on the things that made you friends with her in the first place (maybe she is loyal, or fun, or generous).
Having lived in several different countries, I can relate to the embarassment of trying to learn a new language. Not everyone has this, but I am guessing she is much like me in this respect. What she needs there is gentle encouragement. If one jumps on her mistakes she will close up and be less inclined to experiment later. She is probably very self conscious about her mistakes, you need to make her feel as though it is ok for her to mess up. That way she will slowly try more.
In any case, I would recommend that you bear with it. Try to keep in mind that this is very hard for her. Also it sounds as though she is scared to lose you as a friend. Give her the extra room to be a little weird or a little annoying. I think, in the long run, the friendship may end up being worth it.
Good luck.
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