Free AdviceGet Free Advice
Home | Get advice | Give advice | Topics | Columnists | - !START HERE! -
Make Suggestions | Sitemap

Get Advice


Search Questions

Ask A Question

Browse Advice Columnists

Search Advice Columnists

Chat Room

Give Advice

View Questions
Search Questions
Advice Topics

Login

Username:
Password:
Remember me
Register for free!
Lost Password?

Want to give Advice?

Sign Up Now
(It's FREE!)

Miscellaneous

Shirts and Stuff
Page Backgrounds
Make Suggestions
Site News
Link To Us
About Us
Terms of Service
Help/FAQ
Sitemap
Contact Us


jealous feelings


Question Posted Wednesday April 12 2006, 12:00 am

I love knowing that my boyfriend is caring and trusting but I can't help but feel like I need to watch him. I know he likes me and doesn't want to be with anyone else, but I can help checking the comments he gets from other girls on Myspace or how he looks at other girls. I know its pretty normal for any girl to do that. When he doesn't message me (when he's online) I get nervous that he thinks I'm insane or something. Yet I know that he probably isn't paying attention to the screen, is busy, etc. I've never been like this with any of my other boyfriends and he makes me nervous/intimidated, (In a good way) because he's exactly the type of guy I've always wanted. I just don't want to lose him but I know inside he likes me a lot. How can I deal with these somewhat jealous feelings I get when he talks with other girls and understand he likes me not them? Sorry if that sounded conceited, I'll rate.

[ Answer this question ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?


Vikki27 answered Thursday April 13 2006, 12:57 pm:
It doesn't sound conceited. What you're going through is very normal for the majority of women when they know they have found someone they could really and truly care about.

You know, when I first started going out with my boyfriend I went through a similar thing. I used to text him and I would end up waiting an hour or more for a text back at times. I used to this he was ignoring me, he was with another girl, he didn't want to talk to me for whatever reason. Later, after a year or so, I realised it's because he texts while watching TV and gets so engrossed, he can sit with his phone in his hand for half an hour to an hour without finishing the text!!

My point is that usually there are completely normal explanations for things like these, as you have already said but you need to learn coping mechanisms so your imagination doesn't run riot. It's VERY hard to control paranoia over things like this (hope you're not offended but that's what I always classed it as with me) but it can be done.

The one thing that ALWAYS stopped me from panicking was one occasion where my boyfriend told me that if I couldn't stop being paranoid over it and if I couldn't stop thinking he didn't love me then the relationship wouldn't be able to go anywhere. Right then I knew I had to control it.

So when something happened that made me paranoid, I had a REALLY long think before I acted on it. What else could he be doing? Did he give me any signs someone else might be involved last time I saw him? and so forth. After a while, I got used to thinking about all the alternatives to him ignoring me and I got over it. I also learned to suppress my feelings of jealousy and fear because they weren't caused by him, they were caused by my own lack of self esteem and eventually they would drive him away. So I tried to focus on other things. I played a computer game, I phoned a friend for a chat.

This is exactly what you need to do. Realise that your paranoia over him being with someone else is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you worry aloud to him about it, the more likely it is to drive him to it. So calm down before you say anything. Suppress it, write about it, talk about it to a friend, anything but don't voice it aloud to him. Eventually, you'll realise this is common behaviour for a man and you'll be over it.

[ Vikki27's advice column | Ask Vikki27 A Question
]




melissa answered Thursday April 13 2006, 10:26 am:
heyy i know what you mean! girls leave my bf tons of picture comments about his beautiful blue eyes..but you cant et too upset over it because hes with you! he could easily have the other girls who call him hot or whatever..but hes with you ! jealousy is a normal feeling..i think what you should do is open up communication more with him..if me or my bf gets a lil jealous we talk to each other about it..sometimes a little reassurance from him is all you need..like you might be together watching a movie at your house..bring up the subject maybe..and i guarentee you he will pull you tighter and let you know how much he cares for you and rtheres no reason to be upset..reassurance from himm will help a lot more than reassurance from us
:) hope i helped out

[ melissa's advice column | Ask melissa A Question
]



skippy_pebbles answered Wednesday April 12 2006, 10:43 pm:
i know EXACTLY how you feel..if my bfs online and hes not talking to me i get upset and really sad cause im talking to my BFF and shes talking about the things my bfs talking to her about usually its about my BFF's boyfriend. but knowing that hes talking to her and not me really hurts. but i just keep telling myself that im the only one he loves. and when you get a message your just so happy, ya know? but if you start feeling really jealus or upset then maybe you should try talking to him about it. but just keep thinking of how much MORE he likes you than all those other girls!

"hope i helped"
~*skippy_pebbles*~

[ skippy_pebbles's advice column | Ask skippy_pebbles A Question
]



crazygoober2006 answered Wednesday April 12 2006, 2:42 pm:
You can't control what other girls are going to say to your boyfriend. You should be glad he's considered "yours". It's normal for you to feel the way you do. Just remember that you have a good looking guy, and of course girls are gonna tell him that he's cute. I'm a girl that would do that, even if I knew he had a g/f. I would respect that, and just say he's cute. Not all girls are me, and try to go for him. If he hasn't shown signs of cheating on you so far, enjoy what you have. I've been known to read into stuff way to much. Don't think about the what if's too much. If you really had something to worry about, you would hear about it from his friends, and yours and they would warn you. Good luck!

[ crazygoober2006's advice column | Ask crazygoober2006 A Question
]



kim06 answered Wednesday April 12 2006, 12:51 pm:
im sure you have nothing to worry about maybe he just wasnt there when you sent him a message. if you really like him then maybe youre just worried because you like him so much. im sure you will be fine.
dont worry im sure youll get thru it nd you have nothing to worry abot
kim

[ kim06's advice column | Ask kim06 A Question
]



gentlegiant answered Wednesday April 12 2006, 12:49 am:
you know my ex girlfriend was exactly like that. when we were on line and i wasnt responding, she would go bonkers. or if i didnt phone message her back right away when she sent me a message she would go beserk. you have nothing to worry about. truthfully, your reactions are totally normal. It shows you really do love him. dont worry so much if he talks to other girls. ever guy does that. now if he were to have a drink with other girls or hang out with them more,yes than there is reason for concern. Be proud of him. and if you still are doubtful, sit and talk with him and let your thoughts and feelings out. hope i helped.

[ gentlegiant's advice column | Ask gentlegiant A Question
]

More Questions:

<<< Previous Question: Latin or Spanish
Next Question >>> my belly ring got infected

Recent popular questions:
Want to give advice?

Click here to start your own advice column!

What happened here with my gamer friends?

All content on this page posted by members of advicenators.com is the responsibility those individual members. Other content © 2003-2014 advicenators.com. We do not promise accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any advice and are not responsible for content.

Attention: NOTHING on this site may be reproduced in any fashion whatsoever without explicit consent (in writing) of the owner of said material, unless otherwise stated on the page where the content originated. Search engines are free to index and cache our content.
Users who post their account names or personal information in their questions have no expectation of privacy beyond that point for anything they disclose. Questions are otherwise considered anonymous to the general public.

[Valid RSS] eXTReMe Tracker