|
How to say it
I have this friend who is overweight. She asked a question to me on this website about how to loose weight. The main thing was, she said that her freinds (me and my 2 BFs) always talk about her weight and it hurts her and how should she bring it up with them. Well, I found out it was her. The thing is, we have NEVER EVER EVER talked about her weight. We all knew she was bigger but... well we are going to talk to her about it. What should we say? She said she felt like that had to wear bikinis cause my freind and I did. Basically, what should we say to her?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
you don't have to talk to me.. i really can handle this myself. it's good to know that you are there for me, but i am doing what i can and i am doing it the right way. it's something that is just in my genes, if you look at my family .. i mean, i know it's probaly hard for you guys to understand you are lucky and don't have that problem. but you know, i have to work just to become normal & yeah it is hard. ever since i was a little girl it's been an issue, and it is the most sensitive subject i have and my biggest insecurity. even if i eat the exact same as you and whoever else, i guess i just have a slower metabolism and i put on weight when you wouldn't. im active & i dont eat excessive amounts, i am trying to eat really healthy and exersize as much as i can. i know this probably isn't the right way to discuss this with you through advicenators and all, i realize this now and you may not even want to here all of this but i want you to understand even though its hard, and i would try to talk about it in person or other places but .. its really sensitive for me and i can't just bring it up in a conversation, ya know? and i don't really want to its embarassing. but i don't need people telling me im overweight.. the doctor even told me that i was normal weight for my height and such, but that doesn't mean that i'm happy with my body. i know im not skinny, i never will be skinny. i just want to be average and look good. yes its hard for me but i'm exersizing and eating right so that i can wear what i want and feel comfortbale with myself. its hard for me and i am trying to be as honest with you as i can so i really hope you don't take offesnse to any of this im just trying to explain, sorry that this is so long.
-sara.
]
I think that girls especially who are overweight may not like to bring attention to it. I think by confronting her about it will make her really insicure. There are many ways to loose weight and if she was a stick thin girl who doesnt eat and is like anorexic you may want to confront her but she isn't. those are totally different issues and if i were overweight i think that the last people who should confront me are my friends. if you do decide to talk to her dont expect her to talk back; she will try and loose eye contact, say okay okay repeatedly. dont tell her, your fat you need to loose weight. not only is that rude and embarrising but it makes it sound like if she doesnt loose weight you wont be her friend. confront her if you want to but be sensitive.
]
okay, I am a large chick myself. Sometimes us large ladys just feel a need to talk about our weight and how it compares to others because we are soooo insecure with ourselves. She may just be feeling insecure and needs to talk to someone, you, because you are her friend. Just ask her why she is so concerned with her size. Good luck! I can tell you are a really good friend.
]
It could very well be that you are ignoring her weight in a way and that is upsetting her.
Maybe you talk about clothes (like bikinis!) that she can't wear. Maybe that makes her feel a little left out. You know what I mean?
It could be that you aren't directly talking about her weight, but she is seeing it as an issue.
It sounds like she is having her feelings hurt somehow. Just ask her what it is you guys need to do to make her feel better. Let her know that if you said something she took the wrong way it wasn't intentional.
You know sometimes if we have a good friend who is overweight...we really don't see it. We tend to see them for the person they are. It could be you said something about someone being fat...forgetting she had a weight problem and she took it the wrong way.
Just have a talk. All of you together. You will work it out I'm sure. :)
]
More Questions: |