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He doesnt believe me
Me and my boyfriend have been together for alomost a year & a half. We are (were) supposed to get married next month. Last night we were talking and he told me something that he had been holding in since last summer that he wanted to get off his chest. I was pregnant last summer and miscarried, he told me he doesnt believe I was ever pregnant. This has hurt me so much, we are not little kids, in fact I am older than him (21 & 23) I would not make up such a horrible story, I was crushed when it happened and still cry at night sometimes when I think about it. He says he cant marry me till he has proof. Getting "proof" isnt a problem, but i feel now as though I cant marry him becuase he doesnt trust me and Ive always been told if you dont have trrust you dont have nothin. I Love him more than I could ever say and the thought of losing him upsets me to no end, but at that same time i feel so betrayed by him like im some kind of monster that would make up a story like that. What should I do? please help Ill rate!!
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Miscarriage is such a sensitive issue to begin with...I, myself, miscarried with my last boyfriend, and at the time it happened, we were split up. When I told him about it, he thought I was making it up to put some sort of guilt on him for the way things ended with us. I wasn't even together with him and the pain he caused me by saying that, thinking I'd make it up JUST to do it, was unbearable. To think that the man I am engaged to wants PROOF of my miscarriage before he marries me just blows my mind.
As it's been said, if you don't have trust, you have nothing. I can see why you're doing some real serious thinking. I would be tempted to tell him to go to hell. You should not have to obtain any proof. Your word should be good for him as you're supposed to be the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. You need to make that very clear to him. Rough situation, girl, and I'm really sorry you're going through it. My best suggestion is to go with your gut, no matter how rough of a ride it'll be. Good luck.
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I think that you should do what you think is right. A person who truly loves you would do anything or belive anything you say and he is obviously not that person. You will find someone that will believe you and you sound like you would find that person fast. I think that he doesnt deserve you and you deserve better, My dvice is to show him the proof and ten tell him we wouldnt have had to o this if you woul d have believed me from the start and then tell him that you cant marry someone who think sof you as a dishonest person when you are not. You may be in pain for awile but then you will meet someone that will take it all away. Trust me you dont want to marry someone and then have regrets about it. If you feel guilty about the choice you made chances are it isnt the right one. I hope you that you find the answers you are looking for and have a feeling everyting will turn out just fine and to make things a little easier pick up a hobby that you enjoy and do it so you can keep your mind off the bad things. Do what you think is right.
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you know, ive been married for three years now, and i feel a little differently, i think without honesty, you have nothing, trust builds from honesty,the problem with trust is, it's extremely fragile. if someone you trusted told you they suspected your boyfreind of cheating and he denies it, you are going to spend a good long time doubting him, even tho you trust him. you know all it takes is a negative word from someone else you trust to make you have doubts. i think youd want proof that he was faithful. i know this hurts you but i dont think its that he doesent trust you, i suspect someone he trusts,(parent,sibling, friend) put the doubt in his mind. it happens. if he dident trust you he wouldent have even asked for proof, he wouldve just said you lied and thats that. i think he very much wants to believe you, but on this issue something(i suspect someone) gave him doubts. i think you should give him the proof, an tell him you understand, but it hurts to have him doubt you. once he sees you were telling the truth, the honesty will build more trust, for both of you, he was honest enough to tell you his doubts, it took him awhile but he was finally honest. i think he prolly spent a long time aruging with himself over his doubts, give him some peace forgive him and let it go, because trust me if you stay together with anyone long enough, something or someone is going to cause you to doubt each other,but by being honest and and willing to prove your honesty makes trust the next time around harder to break.
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You're right, without trust you have nothing to base a marriage on. It would be one thing if he had expressed his doubt and asked you whether or not you lied in the past and believed your answer when you you told him you didn't lie. It's a completely different issue when he doesn't believe you are being honest with him now and demands proof. If you give him his proof, he doesn't have to trust you because you've provided evidence. He might claim that once he sees you aren't lying he will trust you but I don't think he really will. That's like asking him to submit to a lie detector test and then telling him that if he passes, you will trust him. Trust isn't something that can be gained through evidence and proof, it's gained by really knowing someone well enough to know their heart and their character. He may have some trust issues and this may just be who he is. I don't think this will be the last time he questions your honesty and you deserve to be with someone who believes in you as much as you believe in them. He probably does love you but he really just may not be capable of complete trust and you need to decide if that's something you want to live with for the rest of your life.
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Honestly, I'd give him the proof needed.
And tell him, that your hurt, that he doesnt trust you. And yes trust is important, But maybe he's still in shock that the whole thing happend. Or paranoid about the marriage, Maybe you too should have a real talk. But really dont give up on all the trust.
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Sounds like your boyfriend is being over paranoid. Don't worry, this doesn't make him a bad person & he's not losing trust in you. Perhaps the entire experience freaked him out a bit. Judging by the fact you don't understand why he's doing this, it's probably just a bazaar personal notion that he feels he needs proof. Get him the proof just to settle him. Don't doubt his trust in you, just know that he's probably confused by this & hurt as well. Good luck & if you need any more help, just let me know. :D
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