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i guess i'm jealous
f/15
so me and my best friend went to high school and we met up with one of our elementary friends and she became really close with her again and i felt like i was getting pushed out tho i was becoming friends just not as good with the other girl. So i told them both but gave more crap about it to my best friend and they say that they are making an effort but they still do it. So i was talking to my best friend today and she said that she went to the mall with just the other girl and they went christmas shopping and i got kinda upset when she mentioned that she didn't invite everyone else..cuz im her best friend and now shes makin it seem like we are nto as close..and i accidentally cussed her out i was so upset. What do i do now? i cant even get up the nerve to talk to her.
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Well you need to get the nerve to talk to her. You need to apologize for "cussing her out". Then you need to explain, calmly, that you feel like you two are getting farther apart, and you dont like it. (Never blame it on her) Say it makes you sad to be left out all the time. Hopefully, if she is nice, she will understand and include you and stay close.
<3
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at first, you will feel left out becasue its like a reunion for them. if you guys are really best friends, you guys will keep on being friends. maybe you and the other girl will become really good friends too. its ok to feel left out. if she went to the mall and didnt invtie you, maybe she just wanted to spend some time with her old friend. people are allowed to have more than 1 best friend.
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i know exactly how you feel. your worried that your starting to lose your best friend well you probably are if you dont start mnaking an effort...... just try to fit in with them talk to them more hang out more give alot to offer..(and i dont mean by gifst) i mean by time friendship a hand in something she needs..... be cool about it you really dont have to be the closests of friends and maybe you should start by calling her and apologizing about your temper that you gave her and ask her out to drink a soda or somthing im sure things will work out.......good luck
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Well, this is definitely a situation that happens often and is very unfortunate. I'm sorry that you're hurting and I certainly can understand why. I think most girls and women have gone through this at one time or another in their lives.
Jealousy is a natural reaction, but it eats away at one's self esteem and creates distance with those at whom our jealousy is aimed. I know it's hard to watch your best friend develop this close friendship with someone you're not as close to. However, as we grow, friendships DO change and people come into our lives and leave them - most often when it is time. I'm not saying that your best friend is ready to leave your life. I'm just saying that we need to look at the people who do come into our lives. There is always a reason. Sometimes, when the purpose of the union has been met, people part their ways. And, yes, that's difficult.
But for now, you don't need to assume that your best friend has abandoned you or is ready to part ways with you. It sounds as though you've tried talking to both girls who then tried to make an effort not to exclude you, though you said it hasn't seemed to really work out that way. However, it sounds as though you might have been a little tough on your best friend when you "gave more crap about it" to her. When you initially talked to these two (before you gave "crap" to your best friend) did you do it calmly, and honestly explain how you were feeling? Were you hurting so badly that you didn't give your best friend a chance to talk rationally with you? I know when you're hurting it is sometimes difficult to hold back and to not lash out. But of course, that tends to make people back away from you. They're not always sure how to react or respond.
It would have hurt me too if these two girls went shopping and hadn't invited me. But, from this experience, you could look at it as your friend needing a little space, or perhaps these two needed some bonding time which did not necessarily mean at all that they were meaning to ditch you as their friend. But it was insensitive of your best friend to tell you about this excursion which excluded you. I'm sure she didn't mean to be insensitive and was probably just sharing something with you and maybe didn't realize how much it would hurt you. Then your hurt turned to anger and you lashed out at her by cussing her out. OK, well that wasn't the best thing to do, as I know you realize now. I know it's hard to face people when you've acted out some sort of emotion that has come from hurt. You feel embarrassed and are still hurt. But, since this girl has been your best friend for so long, I would make every effort to talk to her and apologize for your outburst. Talk to her calmly and just express your feelings as honestly as possible. Tell her how hurt you are that she and this other girl are doing things and excluding you. Ask her if there is a particular reason this is happening. Listen to what she has to say and try to be as calm as you can. Tell her how much your friendship has meant to you and that you would like to have a friendship with this other girl, that you think it's great that the two of them get along so well, but you don't want to be excluded from events that you and your best friend always did together in the past. Also tell her that you still need private time with her, without this other girl. Ask her if she's willing to work through this with you.
If for some reason, your friend doesn't respond the way you'd like, then I suggest that you try to move on for now. Wow, losing friends is really tough, but it happens and you've just got to try to develop other friendships with people who will respect your needs and work with you on maintaining a good friendship. Just remember that no matter how upset you may get, you need to act as maturely and honestly as possible in order to continue to earn that respect. And of course, that goes for your friends as well. If they do not seem like they are acting in a way that you can respect or understand and they're not willing to work with you on the friendship, then you know that you must continue moving on...finding people who you can trust. Friendships can be difficult, but they are more apt to stay in tact if both parties work hard at communicating. This goes for any relationship.
I wish you well and hope that you're able to have a serious and loving conversation with your best friend. If she initially acts stand-offish when you approach her, give her a chance. Be patient. She may still be stinging from the cussing-out you gave her. Please try to work on controling your temper and realize that the anger is coming from hurt. Expressing the true feeling of hurt without slipping into anger can be so much more healthy for you and your relationships. I know. I've been working on this for a long time myself! Again, good luck. I bet you can salvage this friendship if you are patient, work hard, and are as honest as you can be.
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Oh dear. There is no easy answer to your situation, which is an all too common one in female friendships(this applies to women of all ages-the fear of betrayal by one's friends is as primordial and acute as fear over straying lovers).
While I can fully understand why you feel angered and hurt by your friends' behaviour, you have to understand that by being jealous, you are driving them both away. It doesn't sound as if they are being intentionally malicious-more that they have naturally gravitated towards each other. This actually happens a fair bit in university, but there people tend to be older and happier to be more fluid(also, it is at university where most people grow up enough to settle on the few friends whom they care about most).
To get back to your problem, I would talk to your friend as soon as possible, preferably in person, otherwise on the phone. Don't IM, this one needs to be face to face. Apologise, as sincerely as you can make it sound, for cussing her out, but go on to explain that the business about the mall wasn't okay, and she shouldn't do that again. If she just blows you off and says w/e, then you need to give her space. Hang about with other people(some highschool cliques are more appraochable than others). Eventually your friend mightwell fall out with her other friend, in which case you guys could grow closer again. It sounds harsh, but just try to accept that this is the way of highschool friendships. Hope I helped.
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