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Whats happening to me?
I am so scared right now. So many things have happened to me over the past few months of this year. I began cutting myself in the beginning of may over bouts of depression. all the sudden out of no where this depression hit me. I have a great life too, but I get so depressed. Throughout the summer I would have strange mood swings, one hour I would be hyper and happy and love everyone, the next hateful, depressed, and angry at the world. I would hide in my room, and lately I have been having fear of light. I literally scream in anguish if a blind is open or I see sunlight. My mom doesn't know what is wrong with me, lately I have been scaring my sisters and boyfriend. All the sudden I found myself obsessing over demons and possessions. I have already been diagnosed with OCD, so maybe this could be another factor of it. But this is way worse than a typical OCD episode. When I have these thoughts I have thoughts of demons faces, angels bleeding, it's haunting me so much. I then hear things in a distance in my mind, telling me to do different things, telling me to look up satanist things. I dont want to, but somehow or another I feel forced. Lately, suicide has come into my mind. My cutting is worse, I have no apetite at all, Im starting to look emaciated, I feel down alot, could I be unconsiously possessed(well i wouldnt call it possessed but..I dont know how else to say it)or is this something medical as in disorder? Im so confused, and sometimes what scares me is Ill be in my room and get into fights with myself, I feel my head spin and Im going crazy. I cut and slash my arm while I fight myself, saying good things then negative things about myself. I also, when I feel tension and angered, it is really bad, it builds up so much inside me ill sit in a corner of my room and rock back and forth pulling my hair and shaking my head crying..and sometimes banging my head against the wall, but in front of my family I try to act normal, they know about my obsession, but dont know all the details. Im scared, and right now I feel fine, my crazy episode has passed, but there is always one lurking around the corner. What is this? Also to let you know, I have faith in God, but lately have pulled away from him, as in I have not said a prayer since this stuff has happened, I just can't..because when I try to say one I get thoughts of how silly it is and then I feel myself not meaning what I say in the prayer, though I want to mean it so badly.
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Get your self some Niacin you can get it at any GNC or vitamin shop.
It is why suicidal patients get better. Look it up.
Its your only option Most people will be totally cured from depression im a matter of weeks.
I have tried every thing there is and this is the only thing that works.
Dont stop taking it. With out Niacin it is impossible to get better.
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you should really get help.. you need to talk to a shrink.this might not help or anything but heres something on schizophrenia,this didnt sound like you that much but just read it..
Schizophrenia is one of the most debilitating and most misunderstood mental disorders. It has a devastating effect on those who have the condition and on their families and friends, both because of the severe effects and because of misconceptions and stigma associated with it.
What is schizophrenia?
Schizophrenia is generally believed to be a brain disorder, just as other disorders such as Alzheimer's, Parkinson's or Multiple Sclerosis. Schizophrenia appears to be a failure of the brain's chemical or electrical systems to function properly, resulting in a variety of unusual neural twists, such as disjointed ideas, confused or disconnected thoughts, and sounds or other sensations experienced as real when they exist only in the person's mind. Unfortunately, the symptoms of schizophrenia may be bizarre to both the sufferer and to others, while movies and popular books have tended to pass along incorrect information. Because of this, there are many common misconceptions about schizophrenia. For example:
* schizophrenia is NOT a "split personality"
* people with schizophrenia are NOT automatically violent criminals
* schizophrenia is NOT caused by bad parenting or character flaws
* schizophrenia is NOT an isolated condition: estimates are that 1 in 100 people in the United States may have the disorder.
What causes schizophrenia?
The onset of schizophrenia is most commonly from age 16-25. Ethnicity and economic status do not seem directly related. Scientists still are unsure of the exact cause, and it may be that more than one causal factor is involved. Causes under investigation include:
* difference in brain chemistry (there may be an imbalance of the brain's neurotransmitters, the naturally existing chemicals that assist in cellular communication)
* difference in brain structure (brain scans indicate some similarities in the structure of the brains of schizophrenics, which are different from non-schizophrenic brains)
* genetics (it occurs more often in those with a family history of schizophrenia)
* developmental factors (such as a viral infection that occurs while in the womb)
Even if research finds that differences in the structure or chemistry of the brain are sources of schizophrenia, there still remains the mystery of what caused these differences to occur.
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You need alot of help! (not being mean or anything) but you should Go to a thearapist(sorry for bad spelling) or a doctor or something and they will probably help you alot. also tell your parents and your family about the details and what is going on with you.
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cutting = bad news bears. I'm 18 too, and I've experienced this sort of stuff too over the years. I think you might have depression and an anxiety disorder of some sort (can you tell I'm going to be a psych major?). Those times when you start crying and banging your head against the wall sound like really, really bad panic attacks. PLEASE see someone about this!! I cannot emphasize that enough!
Take care of yourself,
Carolyn.
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these are the signs of possesion. all of them. i would not reccommed trying to communicate other then every night telling it to go away.
if worse things happen its for SURE demomic possesion.
i dont want you to worry but you need to perform a banishing spell or see a priest
blessed be your soul
Solemnstar
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I feel that your faith in God is really being tested. You do need to make sure that you get professional help, because no one deserves the punishment that you have been putting yourself through. With professional help you can keep yourself safe, but the real battle is within yourself right now. There is good and there is bad and from what I read the bad is trying to win you over, we all have the strength within us. Dont feel that your reaching out to God is silly, that is just the bad part lieing to you. Have the strength to push those bad thoughts out of your head and scream out your faith in God. You are worth it to Him. Seek help in your church and pray with others, there is always strength in numbers.
I know some of what you are going through, and I did find my strength in God. You can to.
Eva J
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You've put your question up on the internet, thats the first step, but now its up to you to actually talk to someone about this rather than getting the opinion of what seems to be mostly middle schoolers on this site.
Also hon I don't know how old you are but it sounds to me like what you're suffering from = Severe Teenage Angst. You're not possessed, insane, or alone, you're just confused.
Dont worry, everything in life sorts itself out, but in the meantime I repeat: please, please talk to someone about this... be it a family member, friend, counsellor, therapist, or even a hotline, if not for your own sake, for the sake of those who love you.
Take care.
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i know how you feel! i've been depressed for about 2 years now and have been cutting for about a year.
it was only this year that i came to Christ and when i'm depressed i never pray, i feel nothing will help me at all even though deep down i know only God can help me.
there is soo much i wanna say here...um. i've been through a lot of what you have, and am still going through it now. i'm not doctor but i have had some training and it sounds as though you do have depression along with anxiety. i couldn't say what the 'crazy episode' is but it could be to do with manic depression, something i used to have but i feel i've gotten over.
do some research on the net. a good site is www.blackdoginstitute.org.au
theres are heaps of sites, just give me a yell if u want somemore.
dont let yourself give into temptation either. all of this will only make you feel worse. this too i know as i was once involved in wicca. stand strong and God will reward you.
if you feel silly praying try writing a letter to God, this is another form of prayer that i use a fair bit as my mind tends to wander if i dont! just confess and thank God for your blessings, even if it's the small things like nice weather or something like thanking him for the hurdles he's put in your life to make you stronger.
i have learnt that people tend to focus always on the bad things, and never on the good things, so try and think "hey, when i get over depression i will be able to help others going through this". i use this thought a lot and it keeps me strong.
sorry if thats a bit all over the place. there was a lot gonig through my head!
just give me a yell if theres anything else i can do, ok?
love your sister in Christ
Nadia.
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Just to let you know...you are not alone. Depression kills more then hunger in this country. I mean it. You're not gonna die or get close to dying and you are going to stop cutting. You are going to sit with your family and tell them all that is happening. They are going to try to get you help because they love you. I don't know you and I love you. Don't give up hope, pray even though you don't mean it. One day it will drive all those insane thoughts in your mind away, then you will believe in all those prayers. Trust me on this, I know what I'm talking about. None of this is because of your OCD, there are no symptoms being like this. You need to talk to your family and then you need to see someone about this. See someone about your cutting problems. Your are not possessed, you have just changed some and you are obviously not liking this change. And I understand that, I would never want to harm anyone in this world because I know how it feels...I've been hurt alot. There is a suicide hotline that you can call. I'm not sure where you live so I don't know it for now but if you tell me where you live I will find you a suicide hotline. Just leave 1 in my inbox. You don't have to reveal your name, they wont ask for your name. You can also say that you have a friend doing this...but please I am begging you don't let this thing take you any farther then it already has. Instead of cutting try something else, like writing hateful poems or something. There is nothing wrong with writing hateful poems, I say it is alot better then cutting yourself. Don't starve yourself either. If you do I am going to come to your house and I am going to shove fries down your nose like I did to my friend. There are alot of people in this world that care about you, and I am one of them. Please do something about this.
*Good Luck and I have hope in you*
(I hope I helped)
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