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I don't feel like she's ready... or is it jealousy?
13/m I have a sister, let's call her "Z", she's 2 years older than me. Niether of us have ever had dates before. But this last summer, I realized that I was in love with one of my best friends from school "M", and Z was in love with one of her best friends from camp, whose name doesn't matter. Well, of course I told M how I felt about her, because it was just burning up inside me and I didn't know what else to do. It turns out, she's not sure how she likes me, and also she has an ex who went through a painful breakup with her. Because he's a jock. I am not in any way, shape, or form, a jock, and also I can't thing of any reason why we would go through a painful breakup with her. So not only is she unsure of her feelings, but she also doesn't want to go through a painful deja vu. And to put it on top of everything, she had a huge argument with the popular kids, and they will do anything to get revenge on her or anyone close to her---namely, me. So I was insanely depressed for a long time...
About two months later, we learned that what Z was feeling was mere infatuation. She went to another school this year, and she met a really weird guy "R", first they just had a bunch of classes together, then Z realized that she liked him, and eventually she loved him, and her best friends were pushing her to ask him out, or else they could slap her really hard continuously for 3 straight minutes. So she asked him out, and they're going out in a few weeks---on his birthday!
A day or two before, I had asked M to the school dance, as friends or more. She might be rehearsing for a play then, but at least there's hope. But for some reason I feel like Z isn't ready to be dating yet... I don't know why. I've never met R but he sounds like such a great guy... I don't know... Maybe it's just a huge milestone in both of our lives... maybe I'm jealous... I don't know... And right now I feel like I'm going to burst out of confusion... I usually know what's going on, people always answer my questions with stuff like "Wow, how old are you really?" or "I know some people who are 21 and you're more mature than them!" And all that crap. But now this is the one time outside of social studies or having to do with M when I have no idea what's going on... why am I so jealous or worried for her? And has it ever struck you as difficult to have two people who happen to both love each other? Like, really, what are the odds? Thanks... I'm so distraught!
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There is nothing wrong with being protective of your sister. You seem very mature so I assume you guys are pretty close to eachother even though the age difference. You might be a tad jealous as well. Your sister and you both hadn't been dating other people before and now that she is in the dating scene, you might feel left behind, especially since you like this girl, and things aren't going exactly as planned. All I have to say is that your sister is older and she is just starting to get into the dating scene. I didn't start dating until I was 15 and most people my age had already had bf's and gf's before and I was new to the whole thing. My twin sister had never dated either or gotten kissed, and when I started dating before her and got my first kiss before her, she felt left out, confused, and I could tell she was jealous as well. But her time came, and so will yours. I suggest meeting your sister's bf if things get serious since you seem to be a good judge of character. Plus it will put your heart at ease a little bit after meeting him. That way you will know for sure if he will treat your sister right. And as for the girl you like, pursue her but don't have high expectations. The more you want things to happen the more it will hurt if things don't go your way. I hope my advice helped and if you ever need any advice note my inbox and I will be happy to answer your question. ~Sherah
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I suppose it's normal for people to be protective of their sibling[s]. In most cases, that is. Especially for guys. I suggest you go talk to your sister and tell her your feelings. On one hand, she might tell you it's none of your business, but again, it might be better if she cleared your doubts for you. Talking with siblings helps a lot, trust me on that.
And a little side note, your first love doesn't always have to be your only love. I did not make it up, but i thought you'd might need to know that :)
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Never Ask That long of a Queston
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You do sound very mature for your age, and your vocabulary is commendable. It is true that at your age, the odds are scarce at two people falling so feverishly in love. But, about the only point of dating at your age is trial and error. To see what personalities you coincide or conflict with. To understand how to care for others besides your self. So, even if you dont marry that girl, atleast you could walk away from it having learned something.
The situation with your sister has a slight relevance to your problems in that you are comparing yourself to her. Remember, she's two years older. At this point, she deserves a shot at dating. Try and be happy about and/or supportive of where she is in her life. It does seem like you have a shot with this girl, and if things do pull through, think of how good it will feel. What if she just said she liked you back the second you admitted your feelings to her? Great. The exhiliration might last for a couple of minutes.
But now, atleast, if things work out it will be so much more appreciated.Your jealousy is rooted back to your feelings. Of COURSE you dont want her going out with some other guy. Your WORRIED for her because you spend a lot of your time CARING about her.
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you probably don't think she is ready because you have never seen her date someone before. whether she's ready or not, it doesn't matter. it's all in fun and learning. no one is ever truly ready for anything. you will eventually get used to her dating and it won't be a big deal, but for now just be encouraging.
"And has it ever struck you as difficult to have two people who happen to both love each other? Like, really, what are the odds?"
i used to think the same exact thing. its like..out of everyone, two people happen to like each other..not anyone else? i'm not sure what its like for your age right now..because you do seem very mature for your age..but when i was in, what, 7th grade (?) kids just liked each other from afar. like they would barely even know each other but a girl would think "oh he's cute. i like him." or "he seems nice. i like him." and i couldn't tell you how a guy thinks. haha. this makes it seem very difficult for two people to happen to like each other. maybe its just that one likes the other..so the other decides "why not?". after all, relationships are beginning to form for the first time and some kids are just curious as to what its like.
in a few years though..or even maybe next year, you may start actually hanging out with girls..if you don't already. having more time actually talking to the person you like really increases the chances that she will like you. think about it. if some girl you don't know asked you out. what would you do? what about if a girl you know and talk to asked you out? again, some kids just think "oh we are friends..so why not?" while others actually will develop feelings.
sorry this was so long. i just wrote down my thoughts and went with it. haha. i hope it helps though. let me know in your feedback.
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13/f
Lots of guys are nervous about their sisters dating. Even though you're younger, it seems like you care a lot about your sister and you want to make sure she's dating the right people. That's really sweet! You've been experimenting with some relationship stuff yourself and you know how tough it can be. Chances are, "R" is really nice. Her friends like him and she likes him, and he'll probably be ok. On a different note, M sounds really special, and you like her a lot. If you ask her again, you'll probably seem desperate. It's ok to call though, and casually ask if she'll be rehearsing for her play during the dance. It sounds like she doesn't hate you, but she's not sure if she likes you that way. Try improving your appearance a little (nothing obvious.) Work on your hair a little and wear shirts with funny slogans on them, as conversation starters. Good luck!
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It sounds like your really in love! and i had that same problem. A couple of days ago i was really in love (i mean really in love) but the guy did'nt like me. and he broke my heart, and felt exactly like you did. what i do is listen to soft rock or music that kind of realates (at least i think its spelled that way) to you or to how you are feeling (like depressed etc.). it made me feel that i wasn't the only one who felt that way. and when that happens you feel a little more calmed down. and then you just let charrish every moment you have with her, and write it in a diary. thats how girls usually calm down. hope i helped!
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