|
how can i fix this up...
i wrote this poem for my boyfriend and i need some help and advice on how to make it better...
Ever since I meet you
You have been all I think about
You have been all I talk about
Your all I want in my life
You stole my heart like no other
Nobody will ever have my heart like you do
Sometimes you think I don’t like you as much as u do
You will never know how strong my feelings are for you
I don’t know if I will ever be able to explain to you how I feel about you
Day by day my love for you grows
I know I cant see you all the time
But just because I cant see your gorgeous brown eyes doesn’t mean I am not with you.
You will always have my heart with you to cheer you up
I would do anything for you
I just want to be in your arms now and forever
And I just want you to know that
No matter what happens between us weather I am your girl or not
That I will always love you
can someone help me out.. thanks
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Random Weirdos?
i think the poem is beautiful the way it is. and i think your bf will love it! its relly sweet and relly good.hope i helped XoXo
]
aw thats sooo cute!
but i think that this poem should come from you b/c i would feel weird with someone elses words in my love poem....but i think its perfect just the way it is..it comes from the heart...btw- you are amazing at writing! :)
muchh lovve
]
Aw, hunny! That is the sweetest poem ever. You can tell you put a lot of heart and soul into this poem. You gave it your all and really you don't need to change it at all. It's beautiful and perfect the way he is. I'm sure he'll love it. Here are some suggestions that you might want to concider. Maybe you could change the first paragraph to this: Ever Since I meet you. You've been all I think about, all I talk about, everything I want in my life. You stole my heart like no other. Nobody will ever have my heart like you do. - You have a little bit too much "you have" in there. You could change that around a bit. Other then that. GREAT poem! I love it.
♥ Krissy
]
Since it's obviously a free verse poem, we don't have to care about rhyming. However, there are a few grammatical problems that i'd like to correct:
Corrected:
Ever since I met you
You have been all I think about
You have been all I talk about
You're all I want in my life
You stole my heart like no other
Nobody will ever have my heart like you do
Sometimes you think I don’t like you as much as you do
You will never know how strong my feelings are for you
I don’t know if I will ever be able to explain to you how I feel about you
Day by day my love for you grows
I know I can't see you all the time
But just because I can't see your gorgeous brown eyes doesn’t mean I am not with you.
You will always have my heart with you to cheer you up
I would do anything for you
I just want to be in your arms now and forever
And I just want you to know that
No matter what happens between us, whether I am your girl or not
That I will always love you
Other than that, it's pretty decent. Nice one.
]
awww thats adorable.. its great... he'll most definetly love it!!!
]
I think it's quite a beautiful expression of love for your boyfriend. It's value or perfection as a poem is unimportant. It's for no one but him, and I'm sure he'll love it.
]
just give it to him that way. sounds great!!!
*-*Pam*-*
]
I know you want it to be a really great poem for your guy, but I would suggest you give it to him just the way it is. You dont want strangers giving you advice on how to make it any better because they dont feel what you feel towards the guy. It will be the best it can be just the way it is.
Hope I helped!
]
More Questions: |