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Trouble with friends
16/f Ever since I started highschool, things changed with friends. My friends were disloyal, saying things about me, and just hurt my feelings in every way they could think of.
I was very close with this one girl, Chelsea. She was my best friend, we did EVERYTHING together. We were like sisters. Well, something happened that I don't want to get into and she and I are no longer friends. Along with losing her as my friend, everyone that was friends with her and me at the time turned on me.
I do have FRIENDS, but I want to have close friends. I was always the kind of person that people could count on, a shoulder to cry on. Most people took advantage of that and I sort of turned into someone they could walk all over. I started becoming more asertive and I guess I started pushing people away. I'm litterly to the point where I have NO friends in my school.
I only have one best friend, Amanda but she doesn't go to the same school as me. And, I have my boyfriend. But he doesn't go to the same school as me either. And I think to myself, what if I end up losing both of them? I'll really have no one I can count on.
I just want to leave my school, go to a new school and start from scratch. Where no one knows me.
My question is, how do I get out there, and try to make friends? I want a friend that I can have sleepovers with, come to with my problems.. Someone I can really TRUST. And how do I change so that I'm not as asertive towards people?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Hey I know where you are comming from. Been there before. First and formost, do what I did: stop being assertive. Be respectful and helpful. Yes while people may still try to take advantage of you, as soon as you think they are, draw the line and say it to their face. If they aren't trying to and want to be your friend, they'll tell you that and apologize. As for being assertive, don't over do it either. You need to have a lot of confidence, so start with that. It takes time too, so don't think that if you don't have a trusting friend right away, you won't have one at all. Again, if someone says they are that trusting friend too soon, and you don't know that much about them, be a little cautious. You'll need to be a friend to have a friend. You want a friend that will listen to your problems, help you with your work, appreciate who you are...then you have to start by doing the same. Good luck!
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Are there any clubs you could join in the school? If not in the school, where you live. Your local library will normally have lists of clubs you can join. I don't know your interests, but there are sports clubs, cooking, crafts, reading groups. So many things you could join up to!
I don't know what the law in where you are, but you could get a little Saturday job, where you will meet new people.
There may be something on the internet you can join to meet people in your area? A local chat room or message board? (But be careful meeting people you don't know.)
I admire you for being yourself! If they don't like you not being a doormat, I don't think they were truly your friends in the first place. You made the right choice and I wish you luck in meeting new people!
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I went through a similar transition in highschool, mostly between 10 and 11th grade, as all the friends from before made big changes. And I've watched my yonger siblings go through the same thing. In the end, the friendships left were stronger, and the new ones we developed have lasted far longer.
Just like your old friends you have chossen to change, to become more assertive and stronger, which is fantastic! But its no suprise that with the maturing and evolving you that old friendships have gone sour.
It's a careful balance not being to bitchy at the same time as not being a doormat, and this is the time where you learn the difference (Go you! Lots of people never learn the difference.)
Don't rush into the decision to transfer schools. It might be better to look around you, figure out which friendships are worth saving and which people are worth persuing as friends. Be the kind of friend you would want to have, to everyone! You'll be shocked just how quickly that will attract like minded people to you. Make sure you get what you need from your frienships, but also make sure to give what your friend needs too.
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