Free AdviceGet Free Advice
Home | Get advice | Give advice | Topics | Columnists | - !START HERE! -
Make Suggestions | Sitemap

Get Advice


Search Questions

Ask A Question

Browse Advice Columnists

Search Advice Columnists

Chat Room

Give Advice

View Questions
Search Questions
Advice Topics

Login

Username:
Password:
Remember me
Register for free!
Lost Password?

Want to give Advice?

Sign Up Now
(It's FREE!)

Miscellaneous

Shirts and Stuff
Page Backgrounds
Make Suggestions
Site News
Link To Us
About Us
Terms of Service
Help/FAQ
Sitemap
Contact Us


The Burmuda Triangle


Question Posted Tuesday July 5 2005, 5:16 pm

I am in love with this guy. We'll call him Zach. And I like this guy. We'll call him Elijah. Zach's in love with this girl. We'll call her Alli. Alli's in love with this guy and is in a lasting relationship with this guy. We'll call him Joe. Okay, now the problem is Alli has no feelings for Zach and she's told him so. Zach is still hanging on because it is so hard for him to let go. But he knows he has to. And he's told me that when he isn't thinking of her he's thinking of me. I am that girl that he will fall back on and I'm okay with that. But while I'm waiting for him to get over her Elijah really likes me. He wants to be the guy to make me smile. And the more time he spends with girls the more he thinks of me. I like him, but I love Zach. Elijah told me that he will wait as long as he has to but he will not wait if it will jeopardize his well-being. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to lose Zach more. Zach tells me but he would be okay if I went with Elijah. But the problem is that if I get too deep in with Elijah and Zach decides he wants to be with me it will only make it harder to turn Elijah away. What do I do? I will rate all answers.

[ Answer this question ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?


Rebecca answered Tuesday July 5 2005, 8:51 pm:
I read your feedback - and I just have to say that if you are not the most important person in your world - who is? It has to be you - love doesn't mean that you put other people in front of your needs. I hear what you are saying - but what I'm saying is not to close yourself off - by far - just don't sit and wait for him. I know it feels very kind and loving to do so - and feels kinda humanitarian to be the one person who understands him and is willing to wait for him...etc..but really it's not. I was there. I am 31 now and have had my share. I just don't want you to sell yourself short. You don't have to be closed off - just put yourself first. Love is not you giving 100% of yourself and waiting for him while he gives much much less than 100%. Love is giving and understanding - from both directions. Being good to you has to come first because - like the old wore out, but very true saying goes - you can't give what you don't have. It's true. Good luck. If nothing else, you will come out of this stronger - no matter the decision. After I came out of the situation over 15 years ago I learned so much. There really is no substitute teacher for life experience.




Babygirl - DO NOT waste your precious time waiting on a guy that has you second on his list! If you like the other guy - go for it - if the other one misses out - his loss. Never wait on a guy - to get over someone. That is like dating a married man that won't leave his wife but keeps promising someday - that is for the birds honey! I can tell you that he doesn't like you that much if he's telling you that it's okay for you to go out with the other guy. And it's fine to say that you are okay with being the rebound girl - but those things never last because they didn't really want to be with you to begin with... I mean for your own good and peace of mind let this Zach guy go!!! You sound like you are really ready to put your whole life on hold if he wants to be with you - you are giving him WAY TOO MUCH POWER. Pull your power back and don't wait on anyone!!! He will walk all over you if he ever does get with you - for the simple reason that he knows you are just waiting for him - won't date anyone - waiting for him - blah blah blah... That just screams I will do anything for you even if it's not good for me - because waiting on the sidelines is not good for you.

I don't mean to be harsh, I just hate to hear women giving up their power to guys that are not even worth it! Make him work for it girl! Don't just sit up waiting and hoping.... that is for suckas and I know you are not that! If he doesn't recognize what a good catch you are - he's lame - not you!!!

[ Rebecca's advice column | Ask Rebecca A Question
]




LoveableHottBaby answered Tuesday July 5 2005, 7:15 pm:
hmm i think you should go with elijah...zach is like waiting for Alli and when he finally realizes that he cant have her then hes gonna turn to you?! thats kinda wrong...elijah seems sweet and all for waiting for you that shows that he really cares about you and hes not like waiting for someone else then after that hes gonna turn back to you...id be offended if i were you but w/e you think about that then alright...give elijah a chance if zach falls for you while youre with him then thats not your fault you waited for zach and he even let you get with elijah so yeah...hope i helped ya out! and good lucK! <33

[ LoveableHottBaby's advice column | Ask LoveableHottBaby A Question
]



curliecue answered Tuesday July 5 2005, 6:31 pm:
Why do you love Zach so much? If he loved you that much back, then he would already have been over Alli. Elijah, I think, is a better decision. If he loves you enough to wait, then he really deserves you. But then again, there might be something to Zach that I don't know, and he might be better. With the info you gave me, i think you should take Elijah.

[ curliecue's advice column | Ask curliecue A Question
]



kashia answered Tuesday July 5 2005, 6:09 pm:
ok first off you need to think....
which one is there when you are upset.....
which one seems to truly care
choose the one youseem to like(zach) the most..
someone is goin to get hurt but it will show u which one truly cares when you make yourfinal decision...
good luck
~KASHIA~

[ kashia's advice column | Ask kashia A Question
]



Tinkerbelle answered Tuesday July 5 2005, 5:58 pm:
i don't think you should be with either.. for now. think about how you really feel, and ask yourself things like: what makes you like both of them? who makes you feel the best? who makes you laugh and smile the most? who do you know will be there for you whenever you need them? who could you imagine being with 10 years from now? who knows you the most? who is sweet and treats you like a princess? who are you more comfortable around? who do you have more in common with? who would you always have a good time with? who can you talk to nonstop and never run out of things to say? who has those adorable things about them that you love? after all of those and more, hopefully you can figure out who's better for you. but if both of them are equally great, then just wait and see what happens; maybe zach will get over alli, maybe your feelings for elijah will grow, or maybe you'll get over one of them. just wait and figure your feelings out, and follow your heart. good luck!

[ Tinkerbelle's advice column | Ask Tinkerbelle A Question
]



Jess5764 answered Tuesday July 5 2005, 5:51 pm:
why is this question called "the bermuda triangle"?

[ Jess5764's advice column | Ask Jess5764 A Question
]



SweetiiPiie09 answered Tuesday July 5 2005, 5:50 pm:
What I think that you should do is, go with Elijah...if you like him and he really likes you, I can't help but say Duh! Go with him! And if Zach decides that he wants to be with you, then you can always brake it up with Elijah...and if he says that he will wait for you for as long as it takes then he will understand your choice.
Best of luck!

[ SweetiiPiie09's advice column | Ask SweetiiPiie09 A Question
]



GodsLastGun answered Tuesday July 5 2005, 5:45 pm:
To me it sounds like Zach is just keeping you on the back burner, and he obviously doenst love you as much as you love him, You shouldnt be the one to wait around for him while he decides which of you is better, Elijah likes you, and you like Elijah, and Zach is just using you "just in case" he happens to find himself alone

[ GodsLastGun's advice column | Ask GodsLastGun A Question
]



mushoku answered Tuesday July 5 2005, 5:42 pm:
You wait. Don't be with either. You have feelings for a guy who doesn't return them, and another guy has feelings for you, but you don't have the same for him. You should be with the one you want to be with, not the one you have to settle for (yes, that's a harsh way to put it, but it's the truth).

Spend time with them both. You may find that your feelings for Elijah develop into more, or that Zach's feelings for you develop. Don't commit to either, just be friends until your mind is made up.

"Don't wait for a person you can live with; wait for the person you can't live without."

[ mushoku's advice column | Ask mushoku A Question
]



Sammerz619 answered Tuesday July 5 2005, 5:40 pm:
Wow this is tough. I feel like a broken record saying this, but you need to pick one. I think you should hang out with both of them together and see whic person your more drawn too. If that doesnt work id go *elijah* because if *alli* and *joe* break up *zach* is gonna forget u and head straight up to *alli* you wouldnt want ur heart broken like that, and i bet things can go deeper with elijah. I hope i helped. Sammerz

[ Sammerz619's advice column | Ask Sammerz619 A Question
]



Irishdude405 answered Tuesday July 5 2005, 5:38 pm:
I think you Should Follow your Heart. I think That Elijah Seems Very interested in you and that he is willing to go to the end of the World For you while Zach is still waiting for another girl to fall in love with him. Elijah Seems more trustworthy and Like he Loves you more and It seems that Zach is in the Same Situation so i think he will Understand.

If you need help you can talk to me

You ask Ill Answer Irishdude405

[ Irishdude405's advice column | Ask Irishdude405 A Question
]

More Questions:

<<< Previous Question: Music Hosting
Next Question >>> weight

Recent popular questions:
Want to give advice?

Click here to start your own advice column!

What happened here with my gamer friends?

All content on this page posted by members of advicenators.com is the responsibility those individual members. Other content © 2003-2014 advicenators.com. We do not promise accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any advice and are not responsible for content.

Attention: NOTHING on this site may be reproduced in any fashion whatsoever without explicit consent (in writing) of the owner of said material, unless otherwise stated on the page where the content originated. Search engines are free to index and cache our content.
Users who post their account names or personal information in their questions have no expectation of privacy beyond that point for anything they disclose. Questions are otherwise considered anonymous to the general public.

[Valid RSS] eXTReMe Tracker