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Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater???
Hello all!
I started a relationship with a man that I'm mentally fascinated with. He is well educated and very articulate, which is what attracted me to him. We were together for about a month when I busted him cheating. Now, two months later, I have told him I forgive him and still want a relationship with him but he is lukewarm. He "says" that he doesn't know what to do/say to make things better between us, but I've told him countless times that I'm not worried about him cheating on me again. His response, "Nothing is certain but death and taxes." My brain tells me that if he could say that to me, he doesn't care about making things right. My heart tells me that he's a good man and he won't do it again. Am I dilusional??? The Bible teaches us to forgive 70 times 70, but that doesn't mean I have to be with him still right? I'm in love with this man but I don't know if I can ever trust him again. Please help!
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Well if he cheated on you and can not say that he won't do it again right to your face then i think you sould move on and find some one new to love. I hope I helped.
claire
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Well you should just give him another shot and if he ruins it again ..be over with him ..
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Between the lines... he doesn't want a relationship at all with you, thus his answer about not being certain about cheating, etc. It's a bummer, but I bet that his cheating on you was his way of breaking up. It's strange, but I bet if you were cold and unforgiving he would have been knocking down your door trying to get you back. I hope you find someone nicer.
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You forgave him. That should make things right between the two of you-- he shouldn't have to really do or say anything. The bible says you have to forgive, not date.
It sounds like he doesn't want a relationship. That means you should move on. Even if you think you're in love, or you know you're in love, if he doesn't feel the same then don't persist in making a relationship based on your own feelings. Find another guy. Because there are always other guys.
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When the Bible says forgive him, it doesn't say that you have to stay with him no matter what. You have to be able to trust your boyfriend under every circumstance, no matter what. If he told you that he promised he would never cheat on you again, and made an effort to try to make things better, then I would definitely seek a better relationship with him. But since he has said, "Nothing is certain but death and taxes," like you, I don't really think he wants to try to make things right. If he's like that, then there's really no point in continuing to date him. He doesn't feel remorse for what he did and will continue to do what he did without regret.
I honestly hope that he's being truthful with you and that you two will sort things out and have a wonderful relationship.
As always, feel free to ask me personally any questions you may have.
<3 Sporkster
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Sure you can forgive him, but that doesn't mean you should stay with him. Why try to make a relationship work with a man that isn't worried about making a relationship work? He even said that he can't guarntee he will not cheat again. Sorry but he doesn't sound like too good of guy to me. It's time to move on and find a guy that WANTS to be with you.
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There are two possible reasons he would say something like that. The first is guilt - "I screwed up so bad, is this the kind of person I am?" The second is being unwilling to commit to not doing it again.
If it's the first, he needs to be single for a while and work some things out. If it's the second, he's messing with your head.
Forgiveness does not mean acting like it never happened. And it's good to forgive, but if you don't trust him, you shouldn't be with him. That trust may come back one day, but it may not.
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I really hate to be the bearer of bad news but it sounds to me that he may not be seeking to make things right. If he cheated on you after only a month then it seems that he is not looking to build a working relationship with you, and his recent responces seem so flippant. If he's willing to be that nonchalant about such an important issue then maybe he really doesn't care about you the way you hope he does. He should be seeking your forgiveness, not letting you forgive him. It seems that trust is important to you, and if he's broken your trust so quickly then maybe he doesn't deserve your fogiveness, admirable though it is. Sorry to be so blunt, I hope it all works out.
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