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Addicted to him?
Okay, so friendship questions are rare for me. This is gonna be long. If you have a problem with that, stop reading right now.
I'm really kind of scared. My best friend, short of sister, I think, is addicted to this guy.
Problem is, they never dated. She liked him, but he didn't like her. Then she got over him, and he liked her.
Then she decided to unget over him.
He's a possessive asshole. He's basically "claimed" her and talks about their married future, and she goes with it, considering him hers as he considers her his.
The worst thing is, though, all her life, her family has considered her the "screwup", so all she's known is displacement and pain. She's longed for real love her whole life, even the "parent" kind of love. Not just the husband/wife love.
I don't even know how to explain this. She thinks he unconditionally loves her.
I have unconditional love. My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage, and he loves everything about me, even my flaws, and wouldn't change me.
This guy, however, he's used her, emotionally abused her, hurt her more than anything, and he's even like, haunting her dreams. He tried to change her. Get her to dye her hair blonde, change her clothing style, criticized everything...
I'm just afraid she's going to end up with him and cause herself more pain.
She's created an idea of him for herself. Things he does, she's given examples...I can see that he's only doing these things because he gets something out of it. He gets a person to possess. Someone to own. I hate him for what he's doing to her, but she won't let me talk sense into her.
I can't talk to him because he doesn't like me anyway.
I don't know what to do about this. This girl is seriously like my little sister. I want to protect her from him. Not from all guys, just from him because I know he's bad news.
He tried to convince me to cheat on my boyfriend with him, and to tell me that if he "really" wanted me, I could be his in a heartbeat, because he's just that good with women, which sickened me from the start. I don't understand what she sees in him. Fine. Whatever, I can deal with that.
I can't deal with him hurting her and making her think he's the last person out there for her (she's had bad luck in relationships).
On top of it all, she's afraid her parents are going to make her move, and they're not sending her to college next year, which is where she should be.
What do you think I should do? I mean, I can't really DO anything. What can I say?
-Siren =(
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Ok, this guy seriously sounds like the biggest asshole ever.. and if I were you, I'd seriously try to get your friend away from him. Because if he's making her change herself for him, that's not love at all.. and this is starting to kind of sounds like an abusing relationship..which she should get out of right away! Just explain to her all the things he's doing to her... cause she's probably pushing it out of her mind and believes he's doing it out of love. He's really doing it because he thinks he has power of her..=/...so I'd seriously talk to her about this, and if she doesn't listen, I'd talk to her parents about this. And that's a really good thing if she moves, because she can't see him anymore. And I would talk to her parents about the college thing. It's really hard to get a job these days without a college diploma..=/...because if they're worried about the money, then they could just do loans over the years..=/..but about this guy ; just try to get her away from him.. because you shouldn't have to change yourself, and even though it's not ( hopefully theres none ) PYSHICAL abuse, emotional abuse is still bad. And if he's telling you to get with him cause he's..."so good with the women" or w.e then I'd seriously tell her that too.. maybe that'll show her what a huge asshole he is and she'll leave him. And give her examples from your boyfriend...be like," ___ loves me for all my flaws and doesn't try to change me.. does yours? " and just show her that he's not the perfect boyfriend. And it's good that you found love =) And explain to her also about how she THINKS she has unconditional love.. but it's not him that's giving it to her.. it's you by wanting her to be safe and happy. Well I hope everything works out for your friend, and she leaves that guy.. I hope I helped!!
Love,
MELii
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Well first off if you can't change the fact that he is part of your friends life then don't.But you can help your friend out by talking to each other and going to see movies and help her out by showing her you care. Its horrible that her parenst think shes a screw up but you can give your friend the love and support she never got from her parents. For now stay clear of her so called "boyfriend" so you won't get tangled up with his bad ways! I really never experienced this so i don't know first hand how to handle this though.I hope i helped a little bit.
claire
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Tell your friend what you just told..or asked...us...
If shes like your little sister,you should let her know about what kind of guy you think he is.If shes a good friend she'll listen...but she may be confused or even offended,so be gentle.
This guy does not sound healthy for your sis...so please,do something.
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wow.. this is a tough situation..but i think in a thing like this..your friend probably isnt going to listen to you if you try talking to her..because if your in love with someone..you dont want to believe things about your lover that may be true..maybe you could talk to her boyfriend, i mean i know you said he doesnt like you, but just be like "i dont care if you dont like me, but i need to talk to you, don't treat my friend like this, she is like a sister to me, and if you keep hurting her, shes going to end up being miserable, and if you guys were actually in love, you would want the best for each other, not the worst. and if you do not stop, one day i will catch you in the act of cheating or doing those horrible things you do.." or something along the lines of that..maybe even you can talk to your boyfriend about it, and tell him to talk to the guy, maybe even you can talk to her parents and tell them that he is doing nothing good for her and is making her miserable and she wont listen to you so maybe she will listen to her parents..
as for the college situation, if she is 18, she doesnt have to move with her parents, and i mean she should try talking to them and be like "i really want to go to college and get a further education (in the department where she wants to learn) and if you would want what is best for me, you would want me to go to college"
*i really hope i helped..if you ever need anything just ask me a question..or talk to me on aim..devilishd19
<3333
dakota
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WOW, That is a lot to read huh? Haha..But that is good that you took your time to concider typing all that. Okay She is like your sister...So say that. Say ((whatever her name is)) that shes like your little sister and that you care for her and what she does, You don't want her hurt and in pain likee is causing her and that you think it will become really bad news and you don't want her hurt because your afraid that he will end up hurting her and you don't want that because she is like your little sister and you don't want someone that you loved hurt like that. You obviously love her a lot if you care enough to say this but if she does not listen to you then you cannot do anything for her and you need to tell her that. Say at the beginning of your talk to her tell her you cannot help her if she is not going to listen. It will do no good if she does not care. Do you have her trust and honesty with each other so that she will listen to you?? Tell me how it goes. I had a friend like this but i talked came to late and she killed her self over this guy because he told her all that shit and then he told her that he hated her because she wouldnt stop talking to me..She was only 15 years old...Guys these days..But my boyfriend is great also and her boyfriend tried the same thing with me...So I know EXACTLY were your coming from.
Hope I helped a little bit.
Sara.
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