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effects of school days bullying on adult life
I'd like advice with a matter ive often thought about but never done anything about.
Im just turned 50 now. but during my school years I was often bullied, maybe because i was a quiet shy sort of girl at the time. The sort bullying kids make a bee-line for.
But i went through a thoroughly miserable traumatic time throughout my last 2 years of secondary school between 1968 and 1970. Thats age 13 to 15. I was consistently bullied by gangs of other girls, mostly within the same school year, every day of every week. All the time, all year. It was ceaseless and i never had a moments peace from it. It was sometimes the threat of something awful possibly happening that kept me frightened and nervous, but often it became violent, maybe being pushed down stairs at school or literally punched in the face for absolutely no reason at all. All everyone else did was laugh. I was on my own and couldnt do anything about it. I was all the time afraid and introverted.
My parents didnt understand or believe me, neither did anyone else. The teachers did nothing to help.
I ended being sent to court and sent away into a childrens home twice, Once at 14 and then just before i was actually 15 in may of 1970. Each time it was for a period of 3 or 4 weeks. but it was horrendous, i was scared to death. staff tried to give me internal examinations and once i had to stand naked while the homes doctor looked me over, for what reason i dont know, that was so embarassing and humiliating.
And all this simply because i was too frightened to go to school or left during the day before anything else happened to me. Once i was seen outside by the housemaster, Mr Cleary of Plant Hill High School of Blackley in Manchester. He dragged and pushed me around to get me outside the head masters office, I would have willingly gone there if he had just asked me. But as soon as the headmaster came out,instead of asking me whats wrong, he strapped me on my hands. I was so shocked, i suddenly wet my clothing. I then couldnt go into the class room.so i went crying into the wash room and then went home.
Since then i have been affected by no confidence, I cannot mix well with people. I am insecure, nervous. and still after al these years, think of it all the time. It was such a terrible growing up time. I have no self confidence or self esteem at all. People can easily dominate and patronise me and they often do, and i dont know how to deal with it. If i had felt happy and confident during my growing up this would not be happening. I would have the positive life and be able to cope like the rest of my family.
Is there any way i can be paid compensation for what i suffered then, and have suffered since, due to my experiences?I personally believe i should be paid at least four thousand pounds for what i went through. Maybe a couple of thousand for each year i spent each day filled with fear and taken from my home,being punished for being a victim. I suffered through no fault of my own, and i should be helped to have some happiness and contentment now that i am getting older and should be be having some peace now. I would so much appreciate your guidance on this matter.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Ok, im only 15. but i went through the most horrible things in my elementary school. i know what you mean. its hell. its cruel. Its not fair. i had something wrong with my mucles.Things havent much changed. I didnt have confidence to stand up for myself. I only went to principles office once, and that was because a group of kids who didnt like me were going to try to get me expelled. i cried the whole time. i sought understanding. it wasnt a mistake id ever make again. After i went on to middle school my defect went away. But i was paranoid, terrified, and just about everything you explained.
i started to plan my suicide when i was 14 years old. I unscrewed the blades from pencil sharpeners and used them to slice my arms, wrists, and legs over and over agian. i got anxiety. i suffered severe depression. We had to spend much money sending me to doctors, buying pills from me. my parents punished me for being terrified, and for not wanting to live.
But with pills and a genious psycologist i finally started to heal. And now, at last, im the person i would have been. i have a life, i have strength. And for a long time i had hatred, but it passed. The very people who made my life hell had forgiven me for being different as a child. And in my own way i had forgiven them. Not forgotten, but let go. Theres no use in holding anger and hatred, dont you see? you've let this hurt you all of these years.... i can imagine how hard its been for you. but money wont take that away. if you sue a school board for what happenend to you in the past, you will only be taking money away from other children like the child you used to be.... They were Wrong, and You suffered for it. Yes. But you cant make that right this way... you need to get help with a seasoned psycologist or therepist to talk about what was done to you. You can recover, and learn confidence and peace. You can speak out and make a difference. By speaking out and sharing your experience you could reach out to other kids who go through the same things every day that you went to. But being bitter still after all these years... dont you see that thats only hurting you farther? Yes, in an ideal world you could be compensated. But the world isnt perfect. Its not even fair. YOU have to take back your life, and moeny has nothing to do with it.
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Why money? And if money, why so little?
Here's my suggestion - talk to a lawyer and see, first, if you can provide enough evidence. Then find a therapist you believe you can trust, talk to, and who can help you.
Then, don't sue for money. Sue for paiment for 4 years of quality therapy and legal fees. 4k pounds is... what? Maybe as much as US $20k? Like that's going to do anything but make people try to manipulate the money from you. Including the lawyer, mind you, so make sure you trust the lawyer as well, and take a friend with you to select one - a friend who has some legal background and self-confidence enough to tell a lawyer that's going to try to wring you for money to stop wasting your time.
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I will try hard to answer this to the best of my abilities. First off, no amount of money can fix that sort of damage. You might consider getting counseling. I know your past must bring many painful memories, but try to forget them if you can. Start being more social, make some new friends who you can talk to. try volenteering in community projects to boost your confidence. maybe, if you are Christian, going to curch will bring you comfort. Dont waste the rest of your life living like this. try your best to help yuorself and others who might be in similar situations like this. i hope i helped! good luck : )
~*jaimee*~
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I was surprised by the actual question that you ask. Money would never fix all of your problems and suddenly make you feel better. Your lack of confidence runs much deeper than that.
This obviously should have been handled differently back then. But, hearing tales that from my grandmother, people just didn't talk about feelings. If you were depressed, then you were seen as having something wrong with you.
Depression runs in my family quite a bit, while I was never bullied to the point that you were, I took every little bit of bullying (normal stuff that everyone goes through) to heart. I've also always been extremely shy and inverted my whole life. I've began to come out of it by pretending to be confident until it actually starts to happen.
You could look back and think about all of the things you should have done differently, or all the things that others shouldn't have done to you... but none of that will ever happen. It's behind you and there's nothing you can do to change it. Getting a big load of money will definatley not make everything go away.
But, maybe the actual act of going out and getting what you deserve would help your confidence. I would suggest you talk to a lawyer and see what they can do for you. Perhaps you aren't the only student that this happened to, and you can get help from peers of Plan Hill High School to share their story. Perhaps this will help you realize that your not alone.
Helping students now would be good too. Like the other's have said. It can help your confidence immensly if you are able to help someone less fortunate than yourself.
You need to realize that your worth while and someone depends on you.
I'm only 22, but I do know what it's like to feel that you have no confidence and can't do the simplest tasks if it involves mixing with people. It sucks.
Like I said, pretending to have confidence and holding yourself high can help you.
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That was a long time ago and you cant look for pay back right now. Some of those people could be dead or something and by you wanting money for it its just not right. There are other things that can make you happy. First of all I think you should of stuck up for yourself astood up to the bullies. You should try voulenteering in other schools and help kids who are bullied. You dont want anything to happen to other kids like that so you should help. You can get counsling and try to be more confidente. That was the past and its time to get over it now. xOo` // ♥
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I have no idea what the laws are like where you come from concerning compensation. The people involved in ignoring your problem may have moved on or are dead. There is no amount of money that is going to make you feel better, unless maybe if you use it for much needed counseling.
Have you thought about maybe mentoring or volunteering at a school nearby to help someone who was once in position you were in? You could at least help someone else develop some self worth and belonging.
We are all bullied at one time or another in school; it's mostly how our parents teach us to deal with the problem that helps. Too bad your parents were oblivious. So your job now is to try to reteach yourself that you are worth something and that people aren't out to get you. It's hard, and sometimes impossible but if you reach out to someone you will feel better. You can start with your priest. And I find that helping those less fortunate than me is most satisfying, even if I can only do it once in a while.
Best wishes.
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