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She was only thirteen
After reading this, I know that I will get a few comments telling me that my younger sisters' life is like Tracey's life in the movie Thirteen.
I want to give background by saying that I am now 14, and my sister is 13. When I was 12, I was really in love with guys, and I had a boyfriend and stuck with him, but I did only hang out with about 2 or 3 guys, but I was young, when there was no kissing, or raging hormones. I had my first peck on the lips with my boyfriend, but went no further because I was way too young.
When I reached 13, and my sister was 12, I noticed that her behavior with boys was much different than mine. She had got a boyfriend that had gotten high all the time and was nasty.
Now, my dad didn't like this at all, but he had no control over it because of his divorce with my mom, so after he was gone, our family lost its control.
After a while, she stopped dating the guy and dated this new guy she met, I knew nothing about him. But soon, I found out that she had made out with him already. 12 year old girl. Soon, we began to see where the influence was coming from, one her friends she met, a girl that had a nasty behavior with guys.
My mom didn't seem to want to stop this, she was busy living her own life, as I was angry, and telling her how horrible shes been towards her kids, my dad was on her case about it too.
My sister has the worst attitude ever, always telling my mom to shut up and ordering her around. I didn't take her crap, if she dared to order me around, I'd just tell her to shove it, of course my mom would defend her.
Shes now 13, and my mom knows that shes tried her first cigarette. She spreads rumors, lies and has caused so much pain in our family.
So, I guess what I'm trying to ask is, that nobody wants to see their younger sister spend her life this way, my mom is still doing nothing about this, my dad still has no control, and I want something done about it. Would anyone know a possible way that I could fix this, or should I watch her pay the price of her own actions?
[NOTE: I can't talk to my mom, nobody could even guess how many battles of just trying to talk to her I've been with her, and there must be more shes doing because a friend told me that theres a lot of things shes been doing that I don't know about, I've asked her and she won't tell me.]
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Well, I think that you as the big sister should talk to her and give her tips. Let her know some of the dangers and harsh consequences, she's putting herself in. Let her know that you're always there for her, to listen and explain. Usually younger sisters tend to listen to their older sisters.
PS: If you ever need more help, come to my column.
Taniqua's-teen-advice
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As terrible as it is, you have to let her hit rock bottom. You can help her pick up the pieces after she's at her lowest, but first she needs to be able to see that what she is doing is wrong. If she doesn't then she won't listen to your advice that have to give her. Remember sometimes people put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to tear them down.
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That's so horrible.. I've seen it happen too among my friends. People can change so quickly. Anyway- I really think you need to talk to your dad. As someone else already said maybe he can go to court and get custody over you guys as well as still seeing your mom. Even if your sister is acting this way and causing so much pain, she's still your sister. And as hard as it may be, you have to talk to her. Show her what her life could do to her. Doing all the stuff that it sounds like she's been doing already at this age, it's just gonna get worse... You're her big sister so talk to her. Make her understand what you feel. But don't enforce your beliefs on her. Let her know you're always there to listen and help her out when she needs it. Good luck!
Hope I helped!
~Lana
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Thats just messed up! Honesltly talk some sense into your sister! And your parents also!! Shes their kid also and they have to start acting like parents and they arent doing a really good job now! If you cant talk to your sister or parents talk to another trusted adult. I am sure they will help you out and tell you what things you can do to help. Talk to your aunt or counslor. You have to stop your sister because you dont want her to end up bad. I know you care about her and you are worried but you have to talk to someone else to fix this. ♥
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Look to God. Prayer is the power to settle everything. Your family is going through tough times, but dedicated prayer can solve it. Pray for your sister to see that what she is doin is wrong and mayber show her some in the bible about saving yourself for marriage... if you have a pastor.. talk to him... if you do pray and you aren't saved... God won't hear anything until you ask for salvation and mean it. If you don't have a church, join one. Your sister has a better chance if she has a Christian example to look to. Talk to your dad, too the two of you can make a difference. two is stronger than one and God is stronger than all.
Hope it works out
God Bless
~aeromonkey~
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I think you should talk to your dad about it. He can go to court and fight for custody. I think the fact that he has a daughter who is being allowed to run amok would be cause enough to get custody. Even though it would mean making your mom look bad (that may be why he hasn't done it so far). You need to let him know that some things you have to fight for even if it hurts others. I wish you luck. :)
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You should really talk to a guidence counselor or teacher. It may help you out more than I could, sorry to say. Good luck.
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i no this must be hard 4 you to see this happening to your sister and it looks like your the only person to care about what is happening to her have you tryed talking to your sister about how you feel perhaps she is hanging around with the wrong people or maybe she just wants to grow up to fast ensure her that she has got her whole life to grow up and there is no rush about it she must do things at her own time and her own accord only when she is ready to, tell her she doesnt have to be forced into anything she doesnt wana do and your there for her if she needs anyone to talk 2 ask her if there is anything wrong and is she being hurt by anything let her no she isnt alone and you will always be there for her there must be alot of strange things going on in her head so dont be nasty about it
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Talk to your sister. teenagers are at high risk for such behaviours as drug/alcohol use, dropping out of school, pregnancy, violence, depression, or suicide. One of the difficulties parents face is how to recognize the more subtle indicators of such behavioural problems and when and how to intervene.
A child that suddenly begins to exhibit a defiant belligerent attitude has probably fallen in with a new group of friends. This defiance itself is not the core issue but a sign of what is really going on. This new power is something that the child has learned. It could be something they learned in school or something a friend may be telling them. Defiance will not only make life miserable at home but will usually lead to expulsion from school, and eventually legal troubles if left unchecked.
Grades Dropping
If your child's grades take a sharp turn for the worse this is usually one of the first indicators that something is wrong. This change usually takes place because the child has changed friends, or that their priorities have changed. Many children develop an "I don't care attitude". This again may be coming from what they are being told by their new friends. Over the years we have talked to many parents and it is our belief that marijuana abuse is a contributor to the "I don't care attitude."
Change In Appearance
If the apparel of your child should take a dramatic change again, they probably have a new set of friends. The variation of extreme clothing changes can range from all black, to chains, and even more provocative styles of dress. The all black look is usually associated with what is referred to as the Gothic look. Care should be taken to closely monitor a child with this new look as innocent as it seems, it is definitely not a good direction for them to be headed in. Obviously a girl who begins to dress more provocatively is more than likely sexually active or may be interested in becoming so. A child who wears all of the same color of clothing may be investigating becoming associated with a gang. They will usually deny it but it again is something that should be closely monitored.
New Music
In most cases a change in life style will be accompanied by a change in musical preference. It would be wise to jot down the names of the artists a child is listening to and research them on the internet. Much can be learned about a child's lifestyle by learning about what and who they are listening to for entertainment.
New Friends
This factor mentioned in almost every change above is worth discussing on its own. If a child has switched from childhood friends and is spending more time with friends that you don't know, it would be beneficial to get to know who your child is spending their time with. We believe if a child is not bringing his or her new friends home for their parents to meet, the parent should be concerned. One good way to find out what is going on with your child would be to ask his or her previous group of friends how your child is doing? In most cases they will be wondering the same thing. They will probably be concerned and may even be able to give you information on what kind of people the new friends are.
Look For Signs of Substance Abuse
In addition to the obvious physical signs of substance abuse, another good way to determine if your child is starting to experiment with drugs is to look around their room, and check their pockets. Most teens will rely on their parent not being astute enough to pick up on signs of substance abuse. A search of your child's room could be an eye opening experience. One good way to check your teen's pockets is to turn them inside out before you wash them to check for signs of marijuana or cigarette leaves. The physical signs of substance abuse are of course sleeping more than usual, glazed eyes, slurred speech, and the smell of drugs and alcohol are still good indicators.
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