|
Husband Problems
Where do i begin? I was recently married 9 months ago to a 47 yr. old nurse. I am a female,45,and officer and have 2 girls, 11 and 16. I was single for 6 yrs. before, having been abused and mistreated for 11 yrs. I started over and now have a nice home and 2 cars, and have worked hard alone for what I have. So anyway I always wanted to marry again someday and have the family thing, and be happy.So I took a chance and boy I have been wondering about my judgement. We so rarely make love its getting hard to recall. He is just not interested he says, He hates when I say something about it, Another problem is I wonder could he be Bi-sexual, Right after we got married I caught him on the computer with men and women and talking sex, writing Bi-Sexual couples etc. I have caught him not about 5 times since we got married,. I Now have forbid him to use my computer, well he went to the library, and did it and he probabley does it at work. He denies that he is BI, saying it was for kicks, he was just messing with them and he was just curious about people. He hurt my feelings so much and not wanting to sleep with me, makes me feel unloved,and depressed, I love him, and want my marriage to work, but you dont have to be a bright light bulb to figure something is wrong here. I have threatened to go elsewhere for sex and he says go right ahead. I am so hurt Im miserable. He says he loves me but he sure dont know how to show it and says he will leave if that is what I want. Im getting to where I dont talk to him, I hold things in, Do I need someone to just slap me and make me wake up here and quit wanting that fantasy of a decent kind,loving husband? Thanks P.s. He has 2 kids that wont have anything to do with him, he was an alcoholic and married twice before.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Dear lady:
"Please,settle this thing between you two, before it gos any further." It seems to me that he wanted someone to give him security and someone to lean on even if that meant commiting to someone he did not really want."
"Try to end this in a good way, and stay single until you know for a surety that theobject of your affection feels the same way about you." Take time to know a person before you commit." "Do backround checks and remember, this man's kids are not speaking to him for a reason and maybe you should pay them a visit and have a chat."
Good Luck
]
Chances are your husband isn't bisexual but actually gay. I have a lot of experience seeing this from my past places of employment. He might actually take it further than just the computer and being his attitude isn't great about this he might end up putting your life at risk by having unprotected sex with another person.
I don't know why you would want to stay with a man who seems to treat you like garbage. Don't you feel you are worth more than that?
What is the relationship like aside from the sex? You mentioned material things but those aren't going to make you happy in your marriage.
What I would do? I'd get a divorce. You aren't going to be able to change him, period. You will be able to find someone else.
]
<b>How long did you date your husband before you and him got married?</b> Your husband sounds like he has a serious problem, one that you can't even solve for him. I think his first hint to you was the fact that he doesn't want to have sex with you anymore. He claims that he is not interested in having sex, yet he can sit down in front of a computer and talk about sex with men and women he doesn't even know? If you can't recall the last time you and him made love, and he gets upset when you try and talk to him about it, then he is disregarding your feelings and doesn't care whether or not you are hurting. Not only that, but he is continuing to go on the internet and talk to other people about sex, even when he knows you are not comfortable with it. Yes, something is wrong in this situation. I would suggest trying marriage counseling, but I am not too sure how much that would work in this situation. Your husband is very selfish, and is only considering his emotions and his feelings. If you have threatened to have sex with someone else, and he says that he will leave, then maybe that is what he needs to do. You sound like a very successful women that can and will make it on your own without him. There is no point in having someone in your life that makes you hurt and miserable, that makes you hold your thoughts and emotions in for fear of upsetting him. He is like a stranger in your house, and maybe he needs to leave your house. If he has been married twice before and his own children don't bother to have anything to do with him, then maybe you need to take a clue from them.
]
I seriously dont think that this is the kind of guy that you want to spend the rest of your life with...right? You dont need him. If your telling him that your gonna go elsewhere for sex, and he says go right ahead, then you damn sure dont need him. It seems to me that you were doing ok by yourself! A great job (my sisters an officer), 2 kids, 2 cars... I think everyone dreams about that perfect family. and no, it's not a fantasy, because its something that almost anyone can have. and I believe you are one of those people.
I think that he probably is gay, or bi, but is still in denial about it. The best thing that I can tell you is to try and work / talk it out. Your not happy and there are plenty of other men out there who dream about that perfect family also. You dont need to be hurt, or miserable. Think about your kids, think about your happiness, that about what you truly want. Someone that you love---but your being hurt by. Thats not love. Find someone that is willing to put in the effort just like you are.
Hope I helped
Take Care!
]
Communication is KEY in any relationship, especially marriage. Confront him about exactly what is bothering you. Whatever you do though, don't lecture or verbally attack him. Instead word it in a way that phrases it like, 'I love you so much, and it really hurts me that we aren't close.' If he said he loves you, and doesn't know how to show it, well, show him how! Try being a more affectionate all the time, and not just in a sexual context. Snuggle up next to him on the couch when you are watching TV, or hold his hand when you are walking somewhere, just random acts of affection all the time. He will probably start catching on and following your lead, and hopefully that affection will carry over into the bedroom. Check your local book store for books on the topic, I'm sure there are countless books out there that are relevant to your situation. Maybe there are even some you could read together as a couple. Whatever you do, just don't hold your feelings in, that will only make things work. Like I said before, COMMUNICATION IS VITAL. Also, talk to him about your suspicions of him being bisexual. All humans are curious, and maybe that's all that it is. If you still suspect it is more serious, talk to him about it. Tell him you aren't judging him, and that you will love him no matter what, but you just want him to be honest with you. All marriages go through rough times, so try to work things out before either of you decide to leave the other. Please feel free to leave me a message in my inbox if you want anyone to talk to about this, or need any more help or suggestions on what to say. I hope this helped a little bit, at least. Good luck!
]
More Questions: |