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Me and my boyfriend have been dating like almost 15 months and we are getting to the more intense sexual side our relationship, but i have something i had never told him. I was raped at a young age and I dont know if he will be able to tell. I always told him i was a virgin. Do you think I that would be concidered lying even though it wasnt consensual? And do you think I should tell him I really need some help.
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The advice below about him not being able to tell is totally wrong. I love the one about: "even doctors can't tell..." sheesh.
There's a piece of skin called a hymen. If you don't have one, you cannot prove you are a virgin. If you have sex, and do not tell him. He will know, and assume you lied to him.
Please tell him. You will get to find out how he is going to take it, and he will get the truth from the woman he loves.
Remember: There is no chance to ever tell him after the fact without most likely losing him. There is also a great deal of emotional baggage that that goes along with being sexually abused. You should let him know what he is letting himself in for. (Many things will not even come up until you have babies of your own. Things change.)
I'll be proud of you if you tell the truth.
DangerNerd.
P.S. My wife was a virgin when we married. It wasn't a little blood. We had to pay for the bedding in the honeymoon suite.
P.P.S. The very first question his friends will ask: "So, was she really a virging or did you get played for a fool." Doubt it? Even my MOM wanted to know!!!
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He won't be able to tell if you're a virgin or not. If you have sex with him, it's going to be so much different because you actually want it and I'm guessing you really really care about him! Only tell him if you're comfortable with telling him. No one is making you. But don't tell him unless you're absoloutly comfortable!!!
♥ Always,
Maria
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no thats none of his business
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i think you should tell him calmly but i think he will understand
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Well this sounds like you have a real good relationship with him...i mean you have too you been with him for 15 months.. you should be able to tell him that.. go ahead open up to him about it.. and yes it is lying.. cause that does consider you not a virgin but is wasnt consensual so your boyfriend will be the first person it actually met something with.. i know it might not be the easiest thing to tell your boyfriend that you was raped cause i got malested by my dad and almost raped by my old friend Jay while im with my boyfriend so i can imagine that its going to be hard to tell him... jus tell him in person so it will kinda make it more easier cause if he is the kind of guy that will comfort you and hold you then you got it right in front of you.. i hope i helped hun and im very sorry that..thats happen to you..much luv dez x0x0
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The best thing possible to do is tell him this right away. Then he can 'help you sort out your emotions'. No, you wouldn't be concidered lying.Rape is a serious issue, and if he doesn't understand, well my dear, fuck him.
-Maddy
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I think you should be honest and tell him. If he really loves you he must understand how hard for you it was to tell the truth. Its not like you asked to be raped, he has to understand that too.
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if you tell him im sure he will understand its not ur folt something that bad has happend. well if your as close as u say you are im sure he wont say any more about it. good luk emmxx
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Its not lying, You didnt lose your virginity when you were raped. Because you did not want that to happen. So dont worry, just dont say anything and if you do have sex..and he asks about it..then tell him. But you dont have to say anything if he doesnt ask.
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First off, I'm pretty much sure your boyfriend won't be able to tell you're not a virgin seeing as it's been a long time since you've had a sexual relationship with anyone.
Yes, it is considered lying if you're telling him you're a virgin when you're not whether you were willing to lose your virginity or not.
It's entirely up to you if you tell him or not if you think you can trust him enough and he will support you. If he is a good boyfriend I don't think he'll flip out on you or anything if he is a good boyfriend he'll take it calmly and think nothing of it as it wasn't your fault in the first place and you were just to scared to tell him.
Good luck, hun.
♥Em
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First of all, your boyfriend won't be able to tell that you are not a virgin. Chances are the sex will be uncomfortable for you if you've not had any penetration since you were younger.
However, I'll point out that just because you can keep your secret physically, you might not be able to emotionally. You're obviously thinking about it, and it's totally up to you whether you tell or not. I think it's justified to have not told him up to this point if you were uncomfortable - a good boyfriend would not brand you a liar for that.
But should you tell? It's up to you. It depends on your comfort level, if you have other people who know and support you, how much you trust your boyfriend, etc. Remember, even if you choose to not tell him now doesn't mean you can't tell him later.
Think carefully before having sex, though. It could bring back some bad memories, so make sure you've got lots of people around who love and support you.
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yes its considered lying, no i really wouldnt recomend telling him. i dont know why, but it doesnt seem like a good idea. anyways, no he wont be able to tell that you arent a virgin, even doctors cant tell.
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