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Complaining Friend!

Question Posted Tuesday February 1 2005, 10:53 am

I am 22 and a counsellor. I hang around in a group of three friends (not including me) and one of our friends, Emma, is constantly complaining. She always thinks that she is depressed but I know for a fact that she isn't; I deal with depressed people every day and she is NOT one of them. She thinks that just because she has a lot of things to complain about (her workload, bad love life, etc) then she is depressed. She never stops complaining and is obsessed with finding her 'Mr Right' (her last boyfriend dumped her because she was 'too clingy') and NEVER ever shuts up about it. It's gotten to the stage where I - and my other two friends - are so damn fed up of it that we are ready to explode on her any day now. We don't want an arguement but obvious rifts are being created between my other two friends and me and Emma. One of my other friends, Jen, is seriously ill and constantly in and out of hospital, yet Emma thinks HER life is so much worse, just because she can't get a boyfriend. How do we open her eyes to what's going on and how annoying she is being? She's even starting saying things like 'I want to go to sleep and never wake up, but I don't like taking tablets so I couldn't'. It's f*cking ridiculous and we are all so fed up of it...
Sorry this was long guys. Please don't just say 'tell her she is annoying' - we've tried (only nicer) and she gets so offended. It's not that simple and we don't want to argue.
x Alannah x

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chaos answered Tuesday February 1 2005, 6:28 pm:
It could be just a regular anxiety problem. I do this too. Apparently, she does need someone to talk to. Maybe you should refer her to a different counselor. Sometimes you have keep all your thoughts and feelings in all day, and you tell your friends because it makes you feel better. It's not right to keep harping on it. She needs to be lead a different direction. Maybe she needs to volunteer to help a really depressed person so that she understands what it really means. She needs to make of list of the things she really wants to acomplish in her life for the next five years.
I bet she is feeling stuck and unfortunately thinks that having a relationship will solve it. When in fact, it will only mask it until she deals with the true situtation. It's ok to be frustrated and angry and mad, but it isn't ok to stay that way and take no action.

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duzzie19 answered Tuesday February 1 2005, 4:46 pm:
if she feels depressed, that is her feeling. to tell her that she is not depressed is absolutely ridiculous...whether or not in a medical way, if a friend is depressed=extremely sad, you need to be there for them. why not help talk her through her problems instead of trying to ignore them? sorry to be harsh, i hope i helped!
please rate!

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selectopaque answered Tuesday February 1 2005, 3:23 pm:
You said yourself that your getting to the point where you and your other friends are going to blow up on her majorly. So something does need to be done, and your going to have to deal with a bit of arguements if you want to keep the friendship in the long run.

You should have a sort of intervention, and try your hardest to make her realize that she is in this slump because of her mindset on the situation. She needs to realize that she has good friends who obviously care about her enough to put up with this bull instead of simply ditching her. She does not need a guy, all she needs is friendship right now. She cannot expect to find love if she is in this self pity mode. She needs to be comfortable with herself before everyone around her can be comfortable with her.

I'm sure you know all this since your a councelor (I could be terribly wrong, this is just my opinion on the situation) But even though your a councelor yourself, it should not be you who trys to councel her. But, she should have someone who she can talk to and confide in about this made up depression. Perhaps you know of some people that she can go to. Perhaps there is a way to set her up with a councelor friend of yours without her actually knowing that you want her to see a councelor if that might help.

But basically, blunt honest truth is the only way to get out. She's going to get offended, but she will soon learn that she's being ridiculous about everything.

I've been there, I've put my friends through hell at times, and I soon got over it, pulled myself out of it, and had to apoligize to my closest friends and family.

There is a chance that she really is depressed. But she needs to be able to talk to someone who isn't so close to the situation as you are.

Good luck with that.

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THOSEGirls answered Tuesday February 1 2005, 1:10 pm:
You could try making her see reason by pointing out what you did here: That your other friend is really ill and still has a better attitude. If that doesn't work, you could try offering to get her into a counciling program (if something like that's available) or take her to a psychologist. She probably won't want to go, but calling her bluff might make her tone it down.

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MissAnnabella answered Tuesday February 1 2005, 12:46 pm:

well ...i went through a stage where i was always talking about this guy and i never shut up about him. It took my friends screaming at me to give me a wake up call..... Maybe being sarky at her will help. Thats the best i can think of good luk alannah xxx

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