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Hi,
I don't know where to begin. At the moment I am in a state of flux, I seem to be either terribly depressed and generally fed up, or just downright angry. I've been with my partner for approx 8.5years, and like most we've had our ups and downs. He's a good deal older than me, however i've never saw that as an issue, apart from when his kids have tried to split us up. All his kids are now over 16, however he has one adult son, who's now 30, who for want of a better phrase is just a bad lot. He is periodically in and out of jail and until a few months ago, his father had little if no contact with him. However his girlfriend has just had a baby and it's all changed, again i seem to have been pushed aside and I resent it like hell, particularly when the baby has now been taken into care and the son has been proven to be up to his old tricks again. I can't cope with this, I just feel so unloved and miserable and constantly seem to be picking fights with my partner. It's stressing him out, it's stressing me out and I think I'm turning into an alcoholic to boot. I hate him (the son), it's irrational and nasty but i can't help it. He tried to split us up years ago and I just can't understand why his father can't see through him and understand how I feel. I try to tell him but just end up losing the plot, going off on one and then berate him (my partner) for even breathing. I think if he would just take me away for a few days and just get us out of this enviroment it might help, but it's like talking to a brick wall trying to get through to him. We don't even get 5mins alone at home as his 16 year old has moved in after getting into bother whilst living with his mum. I'm just sick of it all and realise I'm pushing my partner away but don't know what to do to stop myself from doing it. we've just had a noher fight and I've said some terrible things and to be honest I think this might actually be the last straw for him.
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You knw..no matter what about kids...the couple has to be first. Ok..now as this is a grandchild..that he is pushing you asdie for...no way..give me a break..seems to em..that you ahve put up wiht a TON of crap
Is he a dgood provider??good in bed..nice guy??
You come first..not the son..see the son is totally pulling the father's strings..but//and this is a big but..when paresnt split up...the kids sometimes never accept it.
You ahve to talk to your partner..tell him that you accept certain things if he puts you first. Which if he did..you would not care what he did wiht his son.
He may choose his son over you...a parent will never see their children thought anything but rose glasses...
You have to decide today..what YOu really want..him..wiht teh son..which will be forever..or not..but if you do..you are going to have to swallow a lot.
it might help if you two went to couples therapy ..the person might get him to see what he is doing to you..
good luck!!!
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Ok, I may only be 14 but god damn I know alot about pushing people away. Your partner is probublly so excited to have a grandson/granddaughter that he is forgetting that his son is doing no good! I would be excited to, but just try and get involved with him and the baby! I'm sorry the man you love has children whom don't want you to be together but it's not your fault and they're all grown up now and he may still love them and care for them but they're big boys and he can live his own life now! He's just tying to help just because his son is up to no good does NOT mean the poor baby should suffer! And for the other son. It still is his son and he's 16. He still wants to care for his son, his ex-wife or whatever may not be very likable or whatever but get to know his son, do family things and you all might just grow to be close. If you really need to cry or somthing go to a sibling mom or dad, or and Aunt or Uncle who will sit there and let you cry, get it all out, don't hold nothin back! and just try to accept that an older man will most likely come with a life attached that you will have to grow accustomed to!
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don't give up, only a couple of more years and his son will be out of the house. i think that he really does love you, but its hard right now when his kids are acting up. don't get depressed. just go out and see your friends and family a couple of times a week. just don't pay any mind to him or his kids and see what happens. he will want to come back to you and ask you why you acting this way and when he does just say "o you actually noticed?" and then talk to him about it. dont' lose hope in him. don't turn to things that can also ruin your life and your relationship with him. you can learn how to do so many things. like sewing and new receipes. i hope ya'll relationship gets better!
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Love, you two will not last if you don't get into some serious family counceling. I can tell you love your husband. It's in every frustrated word you've typed. No one should have to go through what you and he are being put through. From an outside perspective I can see that he wants to be responcible for all of his family, and he doesn't know how to balance that and help himself or you. The both of you are being sucked dry and the only way I can see of helping you is to find an outside source of balance, a coucelor, not a bottle or heart shielding anger. You seem to be trying to harden yourself for the end, even if that's not what you want. I don't think it's hopeless yet, but my God you two are still in for Hell. Look, even if he will not agree to couceling, go yourself. It will help you make sense of the situation and may keep you from relying totally on the bottle for relief. If you can't help him find a balance and the marriage fails, you need to have enough of yourself left to make it alone. Please find a reliable councelor before you're all lost! Hugs and luck!
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