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Old flames
What do I do about an 'old flame' of my wife's that she has emailed recently and that I found out about? The messages back and forth hurt me deeply. I love her very much and she says she loves me and it will never happen again. I believe her but am vulnerable and afraid. I haven't always been the best communicator to her and want to do everything I can to show her how much I still love her, more than when I first met her years ago. The 'old flame' was her first high school sweetheart, way before I met her and I am truly at a loss for what the best way to approach this all is. By the way, we are both in our late 40's.
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the only thing to do is talk to her tell her you know what she is doing or get hurt and pratend it never happend
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its still good that you love each other and want things to work , you might want to try seeing a marrige counciler
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Okay, did you ask your wife what she was emailing this guy about, or think about what you saw for emails? It may not be anything of a guilty act. Maybe she is trying to get closure from something of years ago. Go ahead and ask her, and if that is the case, then let her get closure with something from the past that is bothering her. Let her close up an old wound if she needs to. You can't erase her past and if she needs to fix something let her. If it is a guilty thing going on, ask her what she is missing in her relationship with you that she feels she needs to go and seek it someplace else. Tell her you are willing to work on it. If it is just as simple as she deeply cared about this person years ago and is curious how his life is going now, tell her you would appreciate it if she found out about him for her own satisfaction, and then let it go, and leave it at that. I think it's important if you ask her and you find out why she has talked to him, what her intentions were. Try to be understanding and never try to ridicule her for her past. If she is being guilty, then you can ridicule her for her present actions.
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If you truly believe in your marriage this should not be an issue. It's perfectly ok for her to be taken out to dinner or something by an old boyfriend. Don't be the suspicious creepy guy who reads through all her letters she received 20 years ago or anything. Rather, embrace this as a time to remind your wife that she has moved on and found a better relationship.
If you trust your wife with everything that you are, there will be no problems. Let her feel a little nostalgic. You shouldn't have to worry about it if you truly love her, and she loves you as well.
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Well, I'm 16 but I know a lot about this type of situation. When my boyfriend and I had the same situation, the solving of the problem took time. Out of the blue, my ex and I were back in contact again. I believe the feeling that your wife had experienced from the sudden communication with her high school sweetheart was the rush of old memeories and maybe even the sweet fantasization of the "what if" game. If I'm not mistaken, the lack of communication that she gets from you (this is not your fault) she gets it from those emails. What you need to do, as a husband, get into her life. You already are but ask her what she felt when she delivered and recieved those emails. Don't all of a sudden badger her, talk to her more like a friend. Whatever she says, look at it as if you were in her position. When she says that she'll stop, that doesn't mean that she won't stop thinking about him. Take time with her. Spend more time getting to know each other on a friend-to-friend basis. If it's hard for you to open up, just let her talk and vent but GIVE adequate FEEDBACK and tell her how you feel about what she says. If you can't do it verbally, write it down. Well, I may be 16, but you asked for advice. Tell me what you think and if I helped, okay? email:akwariusmeh@yahoo.com.....
Hope things work out.
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