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are these good?????????//?????????????????????
Anna Joe
The kid no one really knows
Just sat
She was kind of fat
Every day people would critize
About her size
I was the only one who heard her crys
Her endless sighs
I never knew
What she was about to do
It was a misty Monday
I wish she found have found another way
We walked in
Right before she commited her sin
They laughed at her and called her fat
And there I sat
Wanting it to stop
I could have fought
Before I could think
In just one blink
She reached in her shirt
Everyone screamed as shots beamed
Up and down each row
Then it came to me and she said no
I was in shock
Then came a knock
Hurried,
In her head
There everyone sat dead
I burst in tears
Because I had no more peers
I could have stopped this all
I heard voices down the hall
Terrified yells
And there i was
Just because
I did'nt call her fat....
But I just sat
I let her cry,
wanting to die
And it just might be
Because of me
Everyones dead
And poor Anna shot herself in the head
www.poetrypoems.com/bleedingeverywhere give me feedback on my site and dont try to copy and paste cuz these are published
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Honestly it sounds like you stole Jeremy's story, for one. It has a nice rhythm but definitely needs work, mostly in the area of syllable flow and vocabulary. I'd revamp it and post again if I had written it, because it's just not Quite right.
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Good job, but did this really happen? It sounds soo real, yet you wish it weren't true. But I must admit, it's quite astonishing. Thanx, and show us somemore!
~Chelsea~
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yes i like them
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wow its really good. i love it. but wuts with the site?.....keep up the good work...:)
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I loved the poem!your very talented...
*much love*
*~tasha~*
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Hey i am signed up there and i have some of my poems published in a book but not for this site i almost got 1st in a contest but there was amazing in front of me.. so whatever they deserved it. but i like this and you did very good-trix
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i love the poem ! ! !
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thats a really good poem i would b interested in reading some more of them.
~xoxo~ Caitlin
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It'd be better if it rhymed every other line,but it's a very dark poem and it tells a really sad story. I like it.
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wow! That's very impressive! I was touched! It really is a remarkable poem! Good job! Remember my name if you ever need more feedback. I'd like to read more of your poems!
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That was great! Omg that could be soo published and i bet that you would win a prize er sumthing if you show it! It makes sence-shows what schools like-and shows peoples feelings..its great!!-x0x becca
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