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No More
NO MORE
You laugh at me. You point, you say "how Weird" you say "how Ugly" you say "how Stupid".
I turn the other cheek so you can just laugh and point some more.
I have cryed my tears. I have hated myself for you.
I will always be here and you can't change that.
You will never make me feel bad again. NEVER!
So you better give up!
When I see you I laugh and say "How Pathetic!".
You have put me through this to make yourself feel good.
No More.
I have cryed my tears. I have hated myself for you But no more.
K.J.B.
Hi all advicenators! This is the only peom I have been able to write in the last 4 months and I was wondering if this is a good poem. i also want to know if I did all punctuation right? please answer it would be helpful.
K.J.B.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Gift Giving?
I've seen better... but i defintly have seen way worse so on a scale 1-10 .. 1 being bad and 10 being good i give you a 6-trix
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Overall nice poem. I liked the line "I have cried my tears. I have hated myself for you" even though you misspelled cried.
I also like "I will always be here and you can't change that."
I like how the attitude of the person yhou're talking about comes through.
I think you could do this differently with spacing. Maybe instead of one line:
you say "how weird"
you say "how ugly"
you say "how stupid"
The last line ("You will never make me feel bad again. NEVER!") seems weak, particularly the never in capitals. Maybe if you moved it down a line and took out the ! and decapitalized (is that a word? I don't think so) it?
Play around with it. Figure out what tone you want and switch words around until you get it.
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Storageanddisposal DOES give excellent advice regarding poetry...his is simply amazing.
I do think that there should be a different way to space it, more distance around "NEVER" and perhaps get rid of the "so you better give up!" and the "No more" would look better with a space above it as well...
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Humm, its not bad, but cryed is cried, and I would seperate the first line a bit:
You laugh at me,
you point.
You say "how Weird!"
"how Ugly!"
"how Stupid."
I don't think you need the second line, or maybe chnage it to the past tense: 'I have turned the other cheek, but still you laugh and point more.'
Maybe the fourth line shoud start with 'but'.
The second stanza [verse] could be longer, detailing how you have gotten over them.
Yeah, its not bad, but could use some work :)
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Punctuation isn't important in poetry, so no problem there. The only thing you want to steer from is the overuse of !. ! gets the point, but most of the time poets use subtlety. Most poems aren't very good unless they're very descriptive, symbolic, or detailed, but it looks as though you put a lot of emotion into it. A lot of the time it doesn't work in poems, but it might work here. At least you didn't try to rhyme, a lot of poems are ruined that way. One things for sure, it might make a good song. If you want to here one of mine, just ask me at my column. My teachers in poetry thought poems weren't successful if they're emotional, I happen to disagree.
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