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Dont do what I do.
I don't cut myself, or physically hurt myself because that would be a watse of a good knife. I rot away from the inside so slowley and painfully, hacking my arm apart wouldn't make any difference. The people who want to be my friends, and say hi to me at school, don't really know what their doing, or getting themselves into. I don't want to be harsh but they can't be my friends, because none of them seem to notice that anythings wrong. One friend, just ONE person, seems to be able to look into my eyes and know somethings up. I don't even hang around with her that often. But theres been times when shes passed me on my way to class, and grabbed my arm and gone "There's something up isn't there?"
That person i cherish, even though they probably don't realise it. I spend everyday withsome people, and they never seem to notice.
I should be thankful for the people who care, but if one day i lashed out and hit them, screamed at them, hurt them..........wouldn't they just walk away? If you're friend smacked you round the face and called you shit, wouldn't you just turn around and go find someone else to hang around with? If you think you would still be there for that person, you need to think long and hard. I don't know anyone who would be able to tolerate something like that.
I won't kill myself, cos then I'll be just a statistic in the world. I don't want to be another number. That would be worse than staying in this world. And I dont want strangers sympathy. I don't want people seeing reports in the newspaper of my death and saying "poor kid." I don't want it.
This is my mind speaking. These are the things going round in my head at this moment in time.I love my family and my friends to death. I don't want to hurt them. I don't want them to worry. I don't want them to cry like I'm doing right now.
Some days I feel like crying, somtimes I'm too drained to do anything. Today i laid in my room and stared into space for ages. I don't know what I was doing. I don't even know whether i was thinking. I was in a daze, and I couldn't control it.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Gift Giving?
You need to talk to someone, not for sympathy, but for yourself. You care about yourself, and that is really good, but you have a lot of things you are carrying around, and sometimes talking to someone else eases your mind, whether they are paid to listen, like a psychologist, or they are someone who cares about you (maybe too much to listen) like your family or friends, or they are your pastor, rabbi, hair stylist, bartender, police officer, etc.
As a piece of writing, it was good, and since it is so believable I don't believe it was fiction, I am responing to it like it was a question on advicenators.com.
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Bloody hell. That's good (if a little morbid and depressing).
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You said that you don't want a strangers "support" so I won't do that.
This poem is one of the best and truest poems i've heard in a long time.
You are very lucky that you have a friend that is like that because this poem is just like how I feel and I don't have anyone that can see my pain in my eyes. I go around and having a painted "happy" face on when im deing inside. all I see when i look in a mirror in a reflection of the mask. so you see i understand and i know i haven't helped and i know that you didn't want help so i guess all i can say is that turn to that friend when your feeling down and keep writing poems you have a talent. i suggest that you summit them on www.poetry.com.
sincerely
advice~gurl
kat
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I know that you said that you don't want strangers' support, but I'm going to suport you anyways because you're obviously not feeling too good. What happened, I may never come to know but I always say "put the bad things in you past behind you and never look back." You have so much potential in the world; go out there and make a difference. Go touch someone's heart, smile even if you want to frown, do sports, act happy even if you arent and soon you will fool the world. You may even fool yourself. Show love and effection to the world and the world will show love and effection back.
~Joce
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That girl who understands you, tell her this stuff. Obviously she knows a lot more then us advicenators know, otherwise i'd be happy to give you some advice, but it sounds like she wants to talk to you, and she can help you. Get that help from her. Sorry if i didn't help
Lizzy
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