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HELP
OK, Here's the deal. I kind of dated a guy a while back and when we stopped talking, I turned to his ex-girlfriend and found out a lot of stuff about him. It took so long to get over him and I can finally say that I AM OVER HIM for sure. Anway, his ex and I became confidants and we talked trash about him to each other all the time (ya know like girls do) and in a way, I really think that she's to be credited for me getting over him. Well, we were talking one night and I knew that the two of them had slept together when they were dating (they went out for like 2yrs.) and I told her that I was glad that I hadn't slept with him. He was her first and the only guy that she has slept with. She found out not too long ago that she has cervical cancer...she told me this and continued to inform me that her doctor had told her it was from HPV (the std). Ofcourse, she and I are both convinced that this guy is responsible for giving it to her (after all, he is the only guy that she has ever slept with). That's not my only problem: he has no idea that she has cancer and she is sooo scared to tell him. He and I share a mutual friend and that friend just happens to be my best friend (the two of them on the other hand hardly ever talk). So here's where the advice comes in, "our" friend knows about the cancer thing with the girl (he knows her too) and he has been on MY back about it ever since he found out (an accident by the way)...he wants me to tell the guy that he is carrying HPV and that his ex has cancer. I KNOW that he needs to know but why should I have to tell him??? I haven't even seen the guy in six months, he's dating someone now and chances are they're sleeping together. I would hate for someone else to get a venerial disease just because this guy is the selfish slug of a man that he is but i don't know what to do....PLEASE HELP!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
just do something
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If you are really her friend you should inform him. Ask him if he has it so you will know for sure that he gave it to her. I hope your friends okay!
-shay :-)
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You were right in thinking that you're not in a position to tell him. This issue is supposed to be confidential. If anybody tells him this it would look as if his exgirlfriend (now your friend) is back stabbing him and would probably act defensive and spread some nasty rumors against her in return. Since she doesn't have the face to tell him this herself, I suggest helping her compose a letter to him explaining her situation...make sure to tell him to go to the doctor and get himself tested for VD...Do not put any emotions on the letter just plain facts so he wouldn't be so defensive about it...also mark the letter confidential and send it to him discreetly. Hope this helps.
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You're right, he does need to know. As well as the young woman with whom he may find himself intimate at the present time. Regardless, this is not the type of information that should come from a third party. One reason being, it is of a very personal nature and he may feel a bit uncomfortable with someone not involved knowing such details regarding his personal life. Also, he may find himself with questions that noone can answer except his ex. You, or anyone else, may not be equipped to field his questions effectively. You say you'd hate for someone else to get it because he's a "selfish slug of a man". You didn't mention if he is AWARE of the disease he's carrying. It could be that he has absolutely no idea, which is not a stretch. the human-papiloma virus manifests itself differently in men than it does women. It may be that he has no physical indications of his affliction.
Lastly, it seems odd to me that you say you have gotten over him, yet you and she sit back and "trash talk him". That...coupled with the fact that you say he's a selfish slug without giving me any reason to say so other than "we stopped talking" tells me that you may not be as over him as you'd like to think. there seems to be an underlying anger that you associate with his name and that anger can't come about as a result of someone that you've let go and moved on from.
As for your friend. Be there for her in any way that you possibly can. But as far as breaking such bad news to the ex, I'd leave that up to her.
God bless her and good luck to you both.
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ok...listen you have a big problem in your hands. the things is that if you dont say anything soon enough, many people will have the disease and they will spread it out to many other people. I know is not your responsability to tell him that his ex-girlfriend has cancer, but may be it is your duty to tell him that he has a STD. He needs to be treated for it too. You have to get as much info as possible on the disease so if he questions you, you know what to say. Go to this link. [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
You need to find the right time to tell him. Do it in a reasonable way. I hope this helps and if it doesn please talk to someone professional. if you can please keep me inform. GOOD LUCK!!
princezladyd
And friend
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It is really the responsibility of his ex-girlfriend, your friend, to tell him. In fact, why hasn't she? She doesn't have to tell him she has cancer, but she should tell him that she got an std and he was her only partner.
The other problem is that all of this is just what your friend has told you. I don't think she would lie about this, but she in the one with all the first hand information, not you.
I would tell your friend that she is being irresponsible by not telling him, instead of telling him yourself.
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im going to agree with him -me
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Well really, would you want what happened to his ex to happen to anyone else? You should just tell him yourself, after all, it benefits others as well. Think of it as not doing it for him, but for every woman is he is going to sleep with.
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Once upon a time about 30 or 40 years ago, there was a woman named Kitty Genovese who lived in an apartment in New York city. Some men broke into her apartment while she was there and began to mutilate and stab her. Kitty screamed and screamed for help. All of her neighbors were home, but none of them called the police. The men left Kitty in her apartment, mortally wounded, still screaming.
They left her to scream and sob for two hours. Eventually they came back and finished the job.
All the neighbors who were interviewed either said that "it was none of their business", "they didn't want to get involved", or they thought "someone else would surely call the police".
Of course it is not your 'job' to tell anyone anything, any more than it is his ex's job, or your friend's. Nobody has to say a word, and more people could catch a horrible disease from his negligence and simple ineducation. I think you should decide which is really most important to you--your pride in "staying out of it", or another human being's life and pain. I am not preaching. This is the concept of free will, and it is ultimate.
When evil can be stopped by speaking, he who is silent is also guilty. Don't you agree?
Remember there are no cures for viruses...
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