|
Me and my boyfriend were talking and he told me he doesnt want me to hang out with Derrick even though ill have my best friend Ann with me.. My bf will be at the lakes. So he thinks i dont know what he thinks. He's asking me if i'd be wierded out if he and Scott hung out with Julie and i said no.. cuz theres 2 guys and 1 girl. its just a group of friends its a 1 on 1 type of thing. Am i wrong in this.. i mean im allowed to have friends.. arent I?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Work & School category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Personal Finance?
huh? yea your allowed to have friends, but you need to set these kind of standards for him too. if he doesnt want you hang out with some 1, say the same for him. "if i cant hang out with..., you cant hang out with..." that's how my girlfriend and i are, and it works a little bit better. you need to talk to hima bout it, and if he doesnt want to resolve it, ten he obviously is a ass and you dont need to be with him.
]
its all about trust if he doesnt want you to hang out with another guy and one of yur friends thats a girl then then he must have trust issuses with you and you need to talk to him about it or get out.. a relationship is built on trust with out that you have nothing
hope that helps
]
you ask this as if we know who derrick, ann, scott, julie and the lakes are? We dont know, you need to be more specific, and what is your question about...elaborate.
]
Ok, this sounds to me like a double standard relationship(to his bennifit), and those never work out. Either he is allowed to hang out with another guy and another girl and the same time, and likewise you can hang out with Derrick as long as your girlfriend is with you... or neither of you are allowed to hang out with anyone of the opposite gender(even if someone of the same gender is there as well).
You are allowed to have your own friends, just as he is. However, since you are in a realationship with eachother, you should both respect eachother enough not to hang out one on one with a member of the opposite gender. However, I see no problem with hanging out with a member of the opposite gender as long as there are others around as well. Your boyfriend just needs to get over his issues with not allowing you to hand out with Derrik and Ann, or he needs to stop hanging out with any girl all together.
Double-standard relationships never work, and always end in bad breakups with resentment and anger. It's one standard for you(no hanging out with a guy and a girl), and then a completely different standard for him(he can hang out with a guy and a girl). You need to quickly bring this up to him, and change it so you are both under the same standard.
<3 Nyx
]
Tell him if you are only allowed to be around women you may develop homosexual tendencies and then end up leaving him.
]
yeah and it looks like he doesnt trust you? i think thats a MUST for a relationship. tell him well im fine with you hanging out with other girls, because you know its just a group of friends...why cant i hang out with derrick? do you not trust me...i mean come on my best friend ann is gonna be there and its not fair if u get to hang out with lady friends and i dont get to hang out with my guy friends.
♥BLAiR
]
Hey girll, well im going to tell you something that i tell to almost everyone that has bf/gf problems. Men are not always the boss of the relationship. You cannot let someone tell you what you can and cannot do, talk to your man, and say that you dont get mad or jelous when he hangs out with julie, so you dont understand why hes getting all heated if your hanging out with Derrick, because your with your girl, and you wont do anything with him anyways because your loyal and you love your man. Just talk to him about it and yes girl, its wrong that hes sayin that, because men arent always going to get away with everything. If you think about it..its like this, this is an exampe "if a man fucks 20 girls, hes a pimp and hes SOOO cool, but if a girl fucks 4 guys, shes a whore and SOOO dirty" or "Girls are not aloud to have guy friends, but men are aloud to have Girl friends" or "its ok if a guy cheats, cuz uk hes SOOO cool cuz hes a pimp, but if a girl even looks at a man, shes a whore already" you understand what im saying??? I hope i helped you some and good luck, if you need more advice or someone to talk to, write me!!!
♥ kristi
]
Hey. In short, yes, you are allowed to have your own friends, seperate and away from the relationship. It is even healthy, especially in younger relationships! It sounds like your boyfriend might be a little insecure about who your friends are. This could result from low self-esteem or a lack of trust. Trust is integral in a relationship. If he cares about you, and trusts you, he should be alright with your friends. If he doesnt know Derrick, introduce him, it may allay some of his fears. However, it may also lead to him distrusting Derrick. If after being introduced to him your boyfriend is still insecure, sit him down and ask him WHY is he so against your friendship with Derrick. If he can present legitimate reasons why he is uncomfortable, then perhaps you should hear him out. However, if his reasons are illegitimate, like "I don't like you hanging out with other guys," then it may be time to sit down and really think out your relationship. Are you willing to sacrifice your friend for the sake of a guy you may, and probably won't, stay with the rest of your life? By saying he can hang out with Julie and Scott, you show that you trust him and his ability to be loyal to you. He should show that amount of respect and trust in you. If he can't, once again, it may be time to reconsider your relationship. Good luck, problems like these are often very difficult to solve. Email me personally if you need further advice.
Best Wishes, Jordan-ironchefrogue1@aol.com
]
So, he's saying that you can't hangout with your friends, one a girl and one a boy, but yet he can hangout with his friends, when there's two guys and one girl? That make's no sense what so ever. It's like he's saying it's alright for him, but not for you. Yes! You're totally right! You're allowed to have friends and he shouldn't be stopping you from this. Hangout with your friends, who cares what he says. If he's trying to control who you hangout with, he's not a good boyfriend in the first place. Boyfriends come and go, but friends are the ones that will always be there.
♥ Krissy
]
Are not wrong at all! Of course, you're allowed to have friends that are boys! I have tons of friends that are guys. My bf had no problemo with it! i think hes just worried.i highly doubt you would cheat on him...and he has the right of have friends that are girls!
Maybe yall can talk it out, and promise each toher that neither one will cheat! And yall would trust each other more...
Hope i hepled,
SAM
]
Yes, you do have the right to have friends. I mean I have a boyfriend and I have guy friends and plus I have a guy best friend. Just talk to him about it. Both of you really should trust each other, thats one of the main things in a relationship.
♥ Erin
]
♥Totally. You are entitled to your own friends and your own life. If your boyfriend is THAT insecure with your relationship and THAT much of a control freak, you've gotta talk to him. You need to be able to spend time with your friends, not just his. Make sure you aren't constantly hanging around with other guys without him being invited, but you definitly should be allowed to have friends.
]
Of course your allowed to have friends!!i guess he thinks that derrick and you would start to get close and you would eventually like him you kno? and he doesn't want to loose you.. so what you have to do is confront him and say "i know why your doing this" or just talk everything out wtih him.. i'm sure he will be understanding etc. hope i helped and if you need anyting else leave me another inbox :-)
]
More Questions: |