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October 27, 2009Answers:
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those are the simplest, most final words you can ever hear, or ever say. how do you react when you're not the one saying them? I don't know how to go on with my life. I've been struggling for months now, and my situation only becomes more hopeless. estranged from my wife of 12 years, a thousand miles from my kids, working at a job i dont' like. the only reason i haven't committed suicide yet is the thought of my kids tears, or my parents tears, or even my wife's tears. i don't want to break their hearts, but i don't know how i can go on with my heart being broken either. i live with this pain every day, every night, and it doesn't go away. i'm seeking solice in any place i can find it, and it doesn't matter. the only little pleasure i have now is when i see my kids every two weeks, and it's only for a day that i interact with them. how is this living? my love of my life has had her heart broken, by me, and now is with someone else. it's her who said those words to me. i can't live with this pain. i don't have any enjoyment now. stupid bars and fucked up online meeting people shit sucks. i don't see the point in going on. i so much want to go out morrison or monroe style. what the fuck am i supposed to do. i care so much about those people and having their hearts hurt even more, but how do i go on like this? there is no pleasure anymore. nothing. foo0d sucks. sex isn't fun without her. there's nothing. i'd drink myself to death, but somehow that's not fun either. there is no way to repair the damage done, and though i wish there was, i'm now dealing with the finality of a love that to me was the best thing in the world. i don't know what to do. i so much just want to die. i want this to be over, and i never want to live or be happy again. i think i'd spend an eternity chasing what i once had, and spend so much time looking back at what was, that i'd be confined to a prison in my mind. i can't live like that. i don't want to cause others hurt, but just don't know how to go on through the drudgery and gray of every day life anymore. there is no place for me to turn except this stupid thing. i hate this life.
I can't imagine what you may be going through and you do talk about it in detail here. You must remember that what has been broken, can also be fixed. Your first importance, goal is to bridge the gap between you and your ex-wife. You need to turn this situation around, talk to your ex-wife - in terms of providing a healthy environment for your children. Once you can bridge that gap, you must put your children into consideration. It is better every 2 weeks for one day, than every month and one day, or every year and one day - or never. Though the moments you have are limited with them, you must support them in every way. You can be in their lives in many ways: call them day to day, find out how their lives are, let them know that they can still come to you when they have problems. You can still be a parent outside the four walls of the home you used to have. You must continue doing that. Once you can bridge the gaps that have grown (which will be hard) but you have to choose: living a life with no meaning, or creating meaning by giving a full life to your kids. You also need to think about what your kids are going through, as this separation will also affect them. You are still their father. Be a father. Strive to show them that you will still be there every soccer game, ballet recital, spelling bee contest. Show them that you are still involved in their lives.
Second, seek help from someone qualified who can help you set the goals you need. Once this is done, you can show the court system that you are improving your well-being and thus able to provide a safe and healthy environment for your kids so that you can also have them over.
Be mindful of the current situation. Make the changes you want to see. Be the change.
My hair is AWFUL, I need help! Can anyone tell me of a good hair relaxer they have used? My hair is unbelievably frizzy, curly, and puffy. I can't stand it, I can never even wear my hair down because it's so bad.
ALL advice is appreciated. I've tried those cheap-o store bought ones and they didn't really do much, but that was years ago.
Frizz-Eaze I heard is good. I think it is by John Frieda collection
i realllly wanna make out with himm, but like id ont know what to do hah im kinda shyy so yehah. but like when we hang out and stuff we always cuddle and hes always holding me. we kiss everytime we're together but i reallly wanna makeout with himm. helppp.
thanks :]
Sometimes communication is all you need. Indicate to your boyfriend that you want to kiss a little longer, kiss him frequently, trace his lips, it is all about communicating. Don't forget that =)
So there's this kid who goes to my school who started talking to me...he's not attractive and he's kinda nerdy.I decided to give him a chance and start "talking" to him.
He claimmed he liked me and I just kinda said that i would "maybe" like him back.
He continues to talk to me online for like 4 hours a night and asks me to hangout.Yet when we hangout,he doesn't really seem interested AT All and gives me no attention and then that makes my friends think he doesn't like me.He talks to lots of other girls,who don't like him like that. BUt he claims he definetly talks to me the most.Since he's really nerdy,he hasn't really had much experience with girls .But how am i supposed to know if he likes me? I don't wanna tell him i like him without him telling me first because I don't wanna look desperate because I'm the "better looking and more popular" one between us...
Because of the fact that you already make it evident that you are better than him - he might automatically feel as if he has no chance. Perhaps show a little interest and he will show it right back.
i have been with my girlfriend for 4 months our sex life was amazing we took showers together slept naked but its all stopped its like i have to beg to bbe romantic to her whats happening or how can i make the good times come back?
For some, romance exists in the first initial moments - where everything is new and crazy. Perhaps you can bring some of that new and crazy back in - we often fall into a routine after a few months of being in a relationship - there might be something that she is looking for that you are not providing - in that case, ask her how you can please her better - you can ask her questions about fantasies, play games (21 q'n) - it is all about mixing things up and not becoming too comfortable that you fall into a routine.
Sometimes, a little space actually makes things better! Try to understand your girlfriend's needs as well =)
okay so im 14 and my boyfriend wants to kiss me..the thing is i never kissed anyone before and im really nervous and i dont wanna screw it up or do it wrong. please helpp :)
I was like you when I had my first kiss - I had no idea what to do and I thought I would start laughing before it even happened.
Even though I DID laugh while it happened and still had no clue what I was doing - it was a memorable and funny moment. You both will laugh!
If you are really nervous about screwing it up - just let the body work its magic. Sometimes a first kiss will just come naturally - read his actions and he will read yours. Start with a peck and go from there. You can be honest with your boyfriend and tell him that you have never kissed anyone, and that you might be bad at it - but so might he! and if he isn't, well he will teach you =)
I'm 17/f and I have (or had) this best guy friend named Paul. Just to make this clear, we weren't together or dating and I never had any type of crush or romantic feelings for him, we were just best friends for like almost all of high school. Over this summer, especially we hung out all the time and went shopping and stuff. He was always the one I could vent my complaints to about other people and he did the same to me because we almost always shared the same views and didn't have other people who agreed with us. So there are these two friends that we have, Holly and Dani. They were pretty much his best friends next to me and I was (and still am) really good friends with Holly. The whole junior year, he started to get fed up with them and would complain about them all the time. Over this past summer when we would hang out all the time, all he could talk about was how annoyed he was with them and how he was "seriously considering not being friends with them anymore". I honestly didn't mind his complaining about them and even agreed with some stuff. but i said to him why did you get yourself into a whole friendship with them in the first place if you don't like them? I know, though that he didn't feel that way about me because I know we had a connection and could really, really relate to each other which him and Holly or Dani never did.
So then the first day of senior year comes. I'm really, really good at reading peoples' attitudes and have a really good sense of when people are being even the slightest bit snippy or moody or avoiding. From the first week of school until the fourth week of school this was the case with him. It wasn't too bad but I could tell he had a slight change in attitude towards me from what it was during the summer. He even canceled on me like twice when we were supposed to hang out, for reasons like, "now I don't have time" and "I'm too tired". AND every single time I turned my head I would see him with Holly and Dani. Like, if he could pick either me or Holly to walk in the halls to class with he would walk with Holly and not bother waiting for me. I mean, don't get me wrong we still talked all the time the same as we always did but it was just different from what it was over the summer. And the thing is, I did absolutely NOTHING that he could be potentially annoyed or upset with me about. So it's not friendship breaking material but definitely something he should be confronted about.
I call him and try to talk about it in a very calm, civil manner, trying not to make that big a deal and before I can even really say anything he's like, I don't wanna talk about this now, you're just in a bad mood. So I had no choice but to take the immature route and write him a fb message about how I felt. I was so annoyed that he was too immature to handle talking to me on the phone. I decided, I said what I have to say, now it's his turn to say something to me. It's been almost 4 weeks and he hasn't said anything to me. I really feel like he just doesn't care or he's too immature to have the balls to talk to me and confront the situation. I just feel really let down. I really don't want our friendship to end, but on the other hand, if he doesn't care it's not worth it right? In a way I feel like if he really wants me as a friend, he would talk to me but then again maybe he's just being immature, so if he's that immature i really shouldn't be friends w/ him anyway, but then should I let his immaturity in this one situation ruin our friendship? Should I say something to him or still wait for him to say something to me? This situation is just so middle school-esque but I feel like I shouldn't spoon feed him by talking to him. From the bottom of my heart I really want it to work out but idk if that's realistic. What should I do??
At 17 - I feel you have done everything right to maintain this friendship. YOu have shown your friend that he truly matters to you and that you want to save this friendship. He does not owe you the reasons as to why he doesn't want to hang out with you as much, or why he prefers Holly instead. But, if you ask him at least one more time, you can get that last question out of your mind (what if i did ask?) What is the worse that can happen? He might just not answer right? In any case - if he truly respected your friendship and you, he will tell you what has been bothering him.
Also, there might be some personal issues that are behind closed doors that he may not want to reveal. Sometimes there is not much else you can do but give someone the space they are asking for, they do sometimes find their way back. And if they don't, don't ponder over well 'what if and maybe' - sometimes friendships are only meant to last a few moments but in those moments they definitely change your life (for better or for worse) but it allows you to grow as a person.
=)
17/f
ok, so ever since high school, i've always been part of different groups of friends. Right now, im friends with tom-boyish girls that aren't all pretty made-up faces, and another group that is all made-up faced and into boys. They are different groups of people but they aren't too different, like to the point where if u bring them together there could be a massive cat-fight.. So they aren't too different, they just dont exactly like each other a whole lot, they dont mind each other though.. I hope im making sense.
Well, i was just wondering what does this mean? Im finishing high school this year and starting uni next year.. Could this mean that im still 'searching for myself'? But i feel like i know who i am already. Or could this mean im not a cliche? Like i dont fall into a clique like in those typical American movies..? Or could this mean im two-faced? I seriously doubt this one, because im still the same person in both groups.. Fun-loving and goofy..
Sorry this is so long..
Thank you though.. :)
Having different groups of friends is natural. Personalities are never just 'one type' - you won't always have just 'one personality' - and obviously the groups that are your friends, like you as you are - hence why they don't mind your other friends - that isn't of importance to them.
I can also tell you, that most likely once you start university - you will find a new group of friends and a new identity (we grow up and learn a lot more when in a different environment). This doesn't mean that you have not found yourself - to me it seems as if you have, but just remember that the self is ever changing - we always learn and change.
I think you have a strong group of friends who have influenced you in the right way. Of course you know who you are already, but this changes - and its called growth =) life is actually wonderful, even if it has crazy changes!
heyy 14/f
I have no clue what i should do my make up like? This week I'm having a Halloween dance at my school. Any tips on how to do my make up real nice? (It's not a formal or costume dance) I might have my first kiss this Friday, and i want to look good haha plus i do need some new tips.
the make up i have is:
-black mascara
-brown eyeliner
Personally, Make up that is subtle is the best. Don't over do it - don't put make-up on so that I can tell you have another layer on your face.
I would say: use the smoky eye duo eyeshadow, the lighter color goes over your entire eyelid, the darker, is for the crease and the perhaps near the corners of your eye. Use the wet eyeliner to make a thin line over your lashes ..finally, use mascara to ONLY touch up our lashes - do not make it clumpy.
As for blush, suck in your cheeks and follow your cheekbones outward to your ears - but be very subtle! don't over do it! you only need VERY little!
I only have a 6 inch penis and im 13. i wanted to know if i could make it bigger.
- AJ
You are just starting puberty. There are a lot of growth changes coming ahead of you. If you are 25 and still feel like its 'not enough' - worry about it then.
besides, you are quite young to be thinking about whether or not it is big enough! (in my opinion)
Ok I dont feel like i am very pretty. i feel fat and i kinda have some acne. but my friends and family tell me im poretty but i dont believe them. i havent had a boyfriend in a while and my self confidence is slipping into danger level zone. my friends are all gorgeous so are my siblings and everyone gawks over them. i feel pretty crappy. so can someone please tell me ow i can be prettier so i dont feel like such a loser? im 15 and female.
First of all - you are only 15. I know at this age sometimes things seem worse than they really are- have confidence in the fact that there are many more changes to come, and you will grow into a woman that is right for you. Our image is as good as we can take care of it - if you have acne, don't pick at it, find out what is causing the acne (most likely your hormones) in which case, just let it ride out. Look around - most people your age do have acne!
Second - No matter how many times someone tells you, that you are pretty - it won't matter unless you personally feel that you are. Your behaviour, of putting yourself down - is making you feel worse than you may think you are. Pick a few things about yourself that you do like? (how awesome your hair is!) or your eyes, or your nose..pick a few things that you do like and wouldn't change - now focus on those. We all have things that we don't like about ourselves - but we can't always change them. Things you can change, like weight (exercise and a sensible diet) might work to have you feel better. Of course exercise is aversive - we don't like it at first but it does feel good after the first couple of times.
All in all - you must change your perceptions about yourself before you can ever believe in someone else telling you. Focus on positive things about you and naturally you will have more confidence.
And remember - you are only 15 - in another 2 -3 years, you will be changing and give it another 2 after that - and you will look very different! Just look in yourself for that confidence. =)
So I was in this amazing relationship back in July-August and I loved every minute of it. He was an amazing guy that made me happy and I made him happy and everything was perfect in our relationship. Except for the fact that his parents did not like me (mainly his father because he thought I was just using him because I was "too pretty) and his brother who hates me because he thinks I'm a slut. Oh yeah and our classmates don't like us together either. They constantly gossip about me and call me horrible names (mainly girls) because I was dating him. Why did our amazing relationship end you ask? Well because I had enough of the drama and stress that came from our relationship and I ended it and I regretted it ever since. Like to this day I still get butterflies when I pass him in the hallway, in class, etc. I don't know why though :/ I can't stop thinking him either which is weird. I'm zoning out in class because he pops into my head frequently which is crazy right? I'm usually an A student with all AP Classes but lately I've been just out of it :/ So anyone wanna help me out here/give me tips/advice?
The very fact that you have let external influences end your relationship tells me that you are not very strong in dealing with the criticisms, jealousy and assumptions that often come when new relationships are established. If you are as serious about this person, you first need to be comfortable with yourself as well. Does it bother you that people are 'talking shit' and saying mean things about you? Is anything that they are saying actually true? Because if it isn't, and you know and he knows who you are - the rest of it is very easy. This relationship includes you and him. Everyone else is just a bonus. Of course having the support of his family is important. He needs to inform his father who you really are, and you should also show his father that you are not a ditz but an A student with AP classes who does well in school (I'm not sure how you can use someone for being 'too pretty).
Clearly there are misconceived images of you floating around. Either you need to clear this images up, or forget about what other people say - if you always indulge yourself in gossip, you become just another rumour. Give yourself some credit, keep a high head on your shoulder and do what feels right!
well, i'm little confused, i met this guy 22 days ago, we have met each other well, and we kissed in the first date.. i guess that is wrong cuase we started very fast..
my father doesnt want him.. my mother just tell me that just meet him better, but my father know some things not nice bout him and he doesnt want me to be with him.. i told him to give him a chance, every1 need a chance.. i feel that my boyfriend really wants me and that wht i want.. my parents doesnt know that we talk and date almost everyday..
he smoke marihuana, i hate that.. i dont know the way to come and talk to my dad and explain him thaT jorge's feelings bout me are true and not for wht they think: to have sex.. hes not that way and i want to change my dad thought..
he doesnt even want to meet him seriously.. he told me that he doesnt want him to come to this house..
and my father is not jealous.. i just want that he likes him...
how should i ask him in a nice way to give him a chance??
i am from costa rica but i understand english well
In a case where your parents have thoughts about not liking your boyfriend without really knowing him, it can be hard to change personal views. Your father has particular information about this boy that he deems unacceptable for his daughter. If you want your father to get to know this person for who he is, you might want to establish a better relationship with your father first. Therefore, try to sit and talk with your dad, simply telling him small things about the way Jorge makes you feel? How he treats you? Things that he has done thus far.
Let your dad get a picture of this guy, that is a true depiction of him that you think so - Show your dad through talking that Jorge is a good person who may have made mistakes in the past but everyone learns. if you really think Jorge is a good person enough to fight for, you should.
Once you show your dad how happy you are around this person, then your dad will follow through (hopefully) and try meeting him. I suggest having Jorge over for dinner or going out to a restaurant for dinner and let it be a very relaxed environment. =)
14/f
My friend says he doesn't like me.
Okay, I'd believe him, but here's why I don't
-He is always staring at my lips or neck or chest in a lull in the conversation
-If we aren't around his friends and just by ourselves or around strangers, he can't keep his hands off me. He'll flip my hair or tickle my neck or poke me in the leg or grab my wrist and pull me closer and act like he's gonna hurt me, or he'll grab my jacket and say "It's mine now~
And he'll tease me.
He just touches me or grabs me ALOT.
-He'll randomly pop up wherever I'm at
-Even at like, 12AM if I'm upset he's there for me. One time a guy was getting on my nerves, and he said he'd beat hell out of him if he kept at it(this could be a 'just friends' thing, I admit)
-Every morning he texts me a clever little greeting
-He delights in proving how he's bigger and stronger than me. He doesn't treat other girls like this.
-He'll flirt with my friend when I'm there, yet I asked my friend how he does when I'm not around, and he doesn't do a thing.
What do you make of it?
You might be reading into his actions because you are already predisposed to thinking he likes you.
Looking at someone's lips and facial area when they talk is just natural - I do it all the time.
As for touching you, how long have you been friends for? Some people just have no boundary issues - they might just think that in your friendship, it is all comfortable - there is no level of being afraid or uncomfortable because you have a unique way of bonding(this bonding doesn't have to be intimate or sexual)
Some friends are just true friends - they are always going to be there for you, they will always tease you!
If he is not telling you he likes you, even after you ask - then there is a reason why he doesn't want to and that might just be because he doesnt like you..and only likes you as a friend. If you still feel that he likes you, ask him what he really thinks about you!
i just met him 22 days ago.. we're not serious dating.. we're meeting and going out.. he told me that his mother is very happy cause he is dating.. i would be the second girl that he takes to his house.,. im supposing coming to his house the next week, in 8 days.. but im not sure cause i think its a little hurry to meet them.. i will love it!! and love it more if i know their parents are really happy to meet me..!! but should i go this long or wait a little more=?? and how should i act in front of them??
wht should i not to say??
When you are meeting someone's parents, you are making an entrance into their lives. If you feel that at this point, you are not ready to be in their life, I suggest you should wait.
The fact that you are questioning meeting his parents, shows me that you are hesitant and I think you should wait until you are more confident about the relationship itself. His parents are excited for him to be dating in general, that is great. But you will be making a first impression, and that is a very important one. Unless you feel confident in your own shoes (not acting) you shouldn't meet his parents. You can wait a little, let the relationship grow.
Never think you have to act a certain way infront of parents. if you are confident with yourself, let your colours shine. This doesn't mean that you can be disrespectful and blunt the first time you meet them. Be courteous and thankful for them inviting you to their home. However do not be uptight. Let them see you for who you really are. If it ends up working out- they will anyways!
so ive been with this guy for probably like 2 weeks.
but im wondering when we should kiss?
we havent yet, and he would be my first.
any suggestions on what to do?
A first kiss is relative. There is no 'time' for it to happen and there is no window of opportunity either. If you feel like the atmosphere, the mood and the romance is there - kiss the guy!
Spontaneity is my favourite.
Just know that a first kiss is special. Don't force it to happen, it will just happen. That is a bit cliche, but a kiss is a product of the right time and the right moment (a good one at least).