|
it's over
those are the simplest, most final words you can ever hear, or ever say. how do you react when you're not the one saying them? I don't know how to go on with my life. I've been struggling for months now, and my situation only becomes more hopeless. estranged from my wife of 12 years, a thousand miles from my kids, working at a job i dont' like. the only reason i haven't committed suicide yet is the thought of my kids tears, or my parents tears, or even my wife's tears. i don't want to break their hearts, but i don't know how i can go on with my heart being broken either. i live with this pain every day, every night, and it doesn't go away. i'm seeking solice in any place i can find it, and it doesn't matter. the only little pleasure i have now is when i see my kids every two weeks, and it's only for a day that i interact with them. how is this living? my love of my life has had her heart broken, by me, and now is with someone else. it's her who said those words to me. i can't live with this pain. i don't have any enjoyment now. stupid bars and fucked up online meeting people shit sucks. i don't see the point in going on. i so much want to go out morrison or monroe style. what the fuck am i supposed to do. i care so much about those people and having their hearts hurt even more, but how do i go on like this? there is no pleasure anymore. nothing. foo0d sucks. sex isn't fun without her. there's nothing. i'd drink myself to death, but somehow that's not fun either. there is no way to repair the damage done, and though i wish there was, i'm now dealing with the finality of a love that to me was the best thing in the world. i don't know what to do. i so much just want to die. i want this to be over, and i never want to live or be happy again. i think i'd spend an eternity chasing what i once had, and spend so much time looking back at what was, that i'd be confined to a prison in my mind. i can't live like that. i don't want to cause others hurt, but just don't know how to go on through the drudgery and gray of every day life anymore. there is no place for me to turn except this stupid thing. i hate this life.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
My parents went through a divorce a few years ago. I know its tough. It was really hard on my father and my husband and I are going through some tough times I want to talk but he ignores me even though the situation is him lieing to him but anyways, I know its tough. It will take so much time to get over your wife of 12 years and for your kids Itll get easier. As they get older youll see them more. Just be there for them this is really hard on them my brothers grades slipped, he went from a average child to punk skater heavy rock music. smoking, drugs drinking ( which i finally got him to stop) thank god. but hear are some ideas. Church it is good for you ( makes me sound terrible because I dont go to church) but they have programs in some churches lie divorce recovery even if you are not divorced and you meet men and woman who are struggling with the same situation. My father meet some great friends that way. Go to places you like to go. What about sports or music? little clubs that play music etc. if you like the barsyou dont have to drink to meet some good people. how old are your kids? a park? childrew events? etc. you meet people every.
]
Having these feelings can take years from your life. In essence, you're killing yourself by grieving for your family because you cannot interact with them any longer. It's very common when divorces and separations occur.
Then goal now is to keep busy and keep your mind active. This is the time to pick up a new hobby, make new friends, and start volunteering your excess time in places where it will be appreciated.
Volunteer at homeless shelters, elderly centers, food pantries, local church functions, and anything else around your area that is available. This may seem odd for many people but it keeps you active, you interacting with the public, and begins to grow a sense of self-worth inside of you. It doesn't take the place of family but it helps you to feel like you mean something to the world. If you are the one that essentially "broke" the marriage somehow then this will create new hope in your life. Helping others helps you in so many ways.
Volunteering a good chunk of your time at least 3 or 4 times a week is ideal. It will look good to the courts if there is a/another custody hearing. Your wife will be impressed that you are getting motivated and aren't sitting like a worthless bump on a log. It will, again, help improve your self-worth. It will help keep you away from drugs and alcohol, which many people turn to in these times. It will keep you active in the community and you will be able to build new bonds with other people. Those bonds may evolve into full-fledge friendships, where you are able to go outside of the volunteer center and spend time with an ideal friend you made.
You don't want to go meet anyone new and replace your wife and children. No bars, no clubs.
You don't want to drink your sorrows away and deal with them another day.
You do not want to commit suicide.
So, if you have been thinking of taking up a hobby for awhile and never did then now is the time to look into that. If you have days where it seems like you barely do nothing then pick up the phone and start making calls to local places to volunteer your time at. You will make friends, socialize, and get your mind off of this mess. Believe it or not, being with people in need will wind up helping you to fully see where your marriage went wrong. You will be appreciated for your time and you will be able to see what good you can do, that you haven't been doing.
As you have said, the damage is done and things will not be repaired. Well, things MIGHT be repaired down the line but it isn't foreseen at the moment and dwelling on that is not going to help the situation. Many people try not to dwell on things like this so they go out bar-hopping and the like. This isn't good because you're in an emotionally unstable time where some of your choices you might make in situations like that could wind up extremely harmful to you and your family. Turn to something good and helpful towards others too.
Suicide only spreads your pain out to all of your friends and family. That pain grows within each of them and they are prone to give in to it like the person who committed suicide did. It's easy to give in to pain but it isn't easy for your family to overcome that burden. A slow, agonizing suicide (what you are beginning to put yourself through now) only worsens the pain your family feels because they will watch you deteriorate as a person.
At this point you are not useless. You have a chance to turn your life around and make it completely new. You can make this dying time into a growing time. Make your life into something worth living.
Don't give up just yet. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me directly...
]
I can't imagine what you may be going through and you do talk about it in detail here. You must remember that what has been broken, can also be fixed. Your first importance, goal is to bridge the gap between you and your ex-wife. You need to turn this situation around, talk to your ex-wife - in terms of providing a healthy environment for your children. Once you can bridge that gap, you must put your children into consideration. It is better every 2 weeks for one day, than every month and one day, or every year and one day - or never. Though the moments you have are limited with them, you must support them in every way. You can be in their lives in many ways: call them day to day, find out how their lives are, let them know that they can still come to you when they have problems. You can still be a parent outside the four walls of the home you used to have. You must continue doing that. Once you can bridge the gaps that have grown (which will be hard) but you have to choose: living a life with no meaning, or creating meaning by giving a full life to your kids. You also need to think about what your kids are going through, as this separation will also affect them. You are still their father. Be a father. Strive to show them that you will still be there every soccer game, ballet recital, spelling bee contest. Show them that you are still involved in their lives.
Second, seek help from someone qualified who can help you set the goals you need. Once this is done, you can show the court system that you are improving your well-being and thus able to provide a safe and healthy environment for your kids so that you can also have them over.
Be mindful of the current situation. Make the changes you want to see. Be the change.
]
More Questions: |