ravenrenn's advice column

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Q: Now I'd like to start off that I have depression, for a few years now, I am 17/female. I don't know how this plays into this well enough or has little.
Anyways, for thepast month my depression has gotten hard on me, all the whileI've slowly detached myself from my boyfriend, and with trying to converse with him during those weeks has made him irritated from my lethargy and dealing with me, and soon I called myself off from him and became distant to him. My feelings just started to fade, feelings for him and also I couldn't very well identify my own emotions. It's gotten worse between us and before any of this problem I had made a new (male) friend. I had no intentions to have feelings for him but now they're starting to form little by little. It's all a bit too confusing. Now getting out of the hard hit of depression I had gotten now I'm trying to work it out, but I feel like I'm rejecting a bunch of things out of fear of what'll happen. My boyfriend is sweet, caring, and I'm completely comfortable with but then, sometimes he is just so messy and disrespectful to his parents, embarrassing and boring at times. And then with this other guy, through out my worst days, has managed to make me laugh, talking almost non-stop. While my boyfriend has made me feel pushed away, like what went on inside didn't matter, now all I can explain is "I don't know what's going on inside, I'm sorry" and its tearing me apart if its just depression dampening my emotions or if its legitimate, any of them. Thank you if you read all of this.

Hello and thank you for your question!

Having suffered from a similar problem, I'll try to give the best advice that I can give. It sounds like you aren't really sure what's going on with yourself and you don't really know what you want. I suggest you take a break from dating for a while and work on making yourself happy. This new guy may be making you happy now, but it might get past the "honeymoon phase" and you may be back where you started. Don't rush into anything. No one can control your happiness but you. No one can make you happy if you haven't fixed the problems you have inside. Like I said, I suggest you take a break from dating and work on finding the happiness you have inside yourself and not seek it in others. You can work on it yourself by meditating or go seek help, just make sure your road to being happy is the right path for you. If you don't want to take pills, you can solve depression without them, I did. But it's a lot of work and a lot of time spent focused on you.

I hope this some what helped and please feel free to message me with any further questions!

Q: I've been going through a recent complicated break-up. The thing is I kinda rejected him because I want to get my life back together first before being in a committed relationship. I wasn't able to offer my heart back in return to this guy who loved me so purely because I got scared that the moment I say 'yes' we'd be in a really serious relationship. And the thought of being in a serious relationship scared me. I got scared and I made a stupid mistake by talking to it with another guy friend. And it almost felt like I cheated on him, he felt like I cheated. And now he's not in love with me anymore and that it's impossible for us to be together again. Which hurt so bad.

I know all of that's kinda convoluted, but long story short, I'm hurt because I hurt the one guy who's never done anything but love me so purely and see the best in me by being a stupid and weak girl. What if he's the one for me, what if I blew the chance to be with my soulmate? What if I never meet anyone who will love me as much as he did? I can't get over the pain and the loneliness no matter what I do.

I know I've made a mistake too. But I'm not aiming to get back together with him, because he's already said it's impossible. Now he just wants to be friends with me because he knows we're really close and he doesn't want to lose that and he said that I don't deserve to be abandoned completely. What should I do to get over him and forgive myself? I'm really sorry it was really long. Thank you to anyone who will help.

Thank you for your wonderful question, I will try to give you advice to the best of my abilities!

It sounds like you just weren't ready for a relationship, and that's fine. We all make mistakes and you need to decide whether to own up and learn from it or keep letting it hurt you. You will find someone else who loves you and it could be so much better than this relationship, you never know. It sounds like you two have made it out of the break up on good terms, but you may need to make a clean break from him. I'm just giving ideas, I'm not saying this is the right decision for you, because only you can decide what is right for you. But it may be hurting you to stay friends with him because, in the back of your mind, you could be holding on to that hope that he still loves you. At least try putting some space between you. I have tried being friends with guys after we broke up and it has never worked. We were close afterwards but we ended up realizing it wasn't working. Anyway, there's no quick way to get over a guy, time is a great healer, but I obviously can't know the best path for you to take, so I hope I kind of gave you some options.

Thank you for your question and feel free to message me with any further inquiries!

Q: Help please I dont know what to do. I'm being blackmailed. I am a 19yr old male and she said she was 20yrs. I sent a nude picture of myself with my face in it to a girl on Kik and she said if I don't pay her money she would post it on Ellen show website and try to have her show it on CNN or something like. And ruin my life. She wants me to pay her $100 and if I do she said she would delete the picture. Im scared that she will post it and ruin my life. I can't tell my family because they would be upset at me and cause more issues. Please someone help me I don't know what to do.

Hello and thank you for your question!

You could always go to the police and see what they can do. The worst she can do is post it online, Ellen or CNN wouldn't put it on their websites. If you are not going to pay her and there's nothing you can do to stop it, then you might as well own up to it and learn from the experience. I doubt that the picture will go viral. Just take a deep breath and look at your available actions.

Hope this helped and please message me with any future questions!

Q: I am from Australia. A boy I know recently asked me "how much makeup do you wear!?" in a "you wear so much makeup" sort of way. I wear tinted moisturizer, concealer for under my eyes, I curl my top eyelashes and put a bit of mascara on, put black eyeliner on my tightline and some face powder and sometimes a bit of bronzer and that's about it. It might sound like a lot but it's pretty light makeup. I don't pack on the tinted moisturizer either. Not many girls in my grade wear makeup. I would like my makeup to look natural, as if I'm not wearing any, and I don't know how!! Are there any tips or drugstore makeup products which are good for that? Thanks!

Try using a light brown liner on the top of your lid and a little bit of white on the bottom. Black can be super harsh and make the look less natural. White on your water line can also open up your eye and make you look more awake. Instead of using bronzer, you could try using a powder foundation a few shades darker than your skin tone to gain the same effect with less intensity. I don't know how much concealer you use, but a little goes a long way. Happy makeup hunting!

Q: I have invited another woman to have sex with my husband while I watch. She and I have meet and I like her, she is just the type I wanted for this experience.

She and my husband have not meet and won't until the night of the event. She is coming to our home where we will enjoy drinks and conversation first.

I'm looking for ideas on how to make the transition between conversation and sexy time smooth and less awkward. She and I have talked about bondage and restraint being part of the evening.

Ideas? Suggestions?

Hello! Thank you for your question!

It really shouldn't be that awkward if you are all consenting and know what's going on. Having a plan may make things more awkward in the long run. My advice would be to keep things light and address any concerns beforehand. If she seems uneasy at all, just ask her what she is concerned about and try to ease her anxiety by adjusting your plans for the evening. I hope the best!

Thank you for your question and feel free to message me if you need any further advice!

Q: I'm a white cisgender homosexual female. White racism isn't real, cisphobia isn't real, misandry isn't real, and heterophobia isn't real. Were white people enslaved and segregated for decades and still get killed in hate crimes? Nope. Do cisgenders get an increased risk of being bullied, suicidal, or killed? Nope. Did heterosexuals get burned and prevented from being married and have people insult them for holding hands in public, or people call things they don't like "straight"? Nope. Do rich people starve on the streets and have no clothes or water and need to work their ass off? Nope. Did males ever get sold into sexual slavery, rights taken away, pushed from science careers? Nope. It makes no sense to me these people who had everything handed to them on a golden platter with a silver spoon in their mouth already with a head start in life feel opressed. Why?

Thank you for your question!

However, I cannot speak on someone's behalf. I am not a cisgender heterosexual rich male, and I don't know why they act the way you described. However, if we all just start to treat everyone like people, regardless of race or background, this world would be a better place.

I really wasn't clear on what you needed advice on, but feel free to message me any further questions!

Q: No one is giving me the support I want n it been so hard 2 me because I haven't tell anyone how I fell

Hello!

I know what it's like not to have support in something, but the longer you wait to tell people how you feel, the worse you are going to feel. Communication is super important, especially if you are feeling like no one cares. If your friends still don't care, it seems like it's time for new friends. I would definitely make your concerns heard, otherwise no one will ever know how you feel.

Hope this helped and feel free to message me for any further questions!

Q: Hi so i am 16 yrs...i am female.i rarely have friends that are girls... my closest friend is a guy, i will call him Mike. Mike hangs out with a guy(lets call him Sam) .The three of us have most of our classes together and on evenings we go to a public place to study. To be honest Sam and i had not be really close until a year ago. Before he would talk to this girl named Liah. It turn out though that liah had a bf and liked Sam...though Last week liah and her bf broke up and she had an arguement with Sam..so they dont talk as much. But now they do and she is so clingy to Sam .

I told Mike that i liked Sam and i was going to tell him in a year or so because i was afraid since Liah liked him. Then recently mike told sam that i liked him and that i thought he was friendzoning me. i didnt know all that had occurred because at school Sam talked to me normal but then he started talking to girls at school ,hugging them and acting like he is trying to get someone and i should step back. When Mike ,Sam and i were in a group the day after mike told sam everything he rarely talk to me sometimes but then he is his normal self.i am confused and i feel uncomfortable around him.i want to tell him that i didnt tell Mike to him and that i was just crushing on him and didnt want anything more but my brother said he thinks Sam likes me and he told Mike something but Mikd hasnt tell me.Also Mike said it was a good thing to tell Sam and he had to... Mike now told me that i have to tell Sam everything or he would say more stuff to him.

Hello!
So one thing I have learned since moving to college is that there is nothing to be embarrassed about when it comes to sharing your feelings with someone. I say you go ahead and tell him how you feel, let him process it and decide what he wants. Have an honest conversation, it doesn't have to be an awkward topic. If he doesn't like you that way, then there's no harm done. I know in high school, it feels so much more intimidating to talk about, but it's really the right thing to do. It saves you a lot of time and effort in the long run because it won't control your thoughts with the wondering of his feelings for you. He may feel the same way, you never know! Even if he doesn't, that doesn't make it a failure or define you as a person.

Hope this helped!
Feel free to message me if you have any further questions!

Q: My boyfriend asked me tonight if I was a virgin because he is and has never done anything at all. We've been dating on a couple weeks and I didn't know how to answer it though. This is why:

I've gave a few guys head
I've been fingered A LOT
I had anal twice
I masturbate like once a day

I never had like...sex sex, you know? Like the making babies kind LOL. You know what I mean. Does that mean I'm a virgin?

"Virginity" is such a broad term that varies from person to person. If you're concerned on what to say to your boyfriend and kind of confused on what to tell him, then I would just explain to him what you have done and let him decide if that fits his definition of "virginity". If he's mature enough, he should be able to handle this conversation, just be open with him because honesty, especially about sex, is really important.

Hope this helped!

Q: Why amWHT DID I DO WRONG?

I do not understand.your question. More information?

Q: So I've been feeling like really depressed lately and its really not a fun feeling. I've been taking a lot of piriton tablets lately. I took 5 one day and then another 5 on another day and then I took 8 and I just I can't deal anymore, I want something strongerrrr
I'm 16 and a girl and I know that nobody has a perfect life and that maybe I'm overreacting but my feelings are legit

I'm 16 too. I have been where you been and back. My advice to you is get some help. I know that is what everyone says and you don't want help, you just want more pills. But trust me, with the right help you will begin to see your life differently. Most importantly, don't give up. Things will get worse before they get better, but trust me, they do get better. I don't know what you are going through, but if you ever want to talk about things, shoot me a message. I don't mind. I'd rather you talk to someone than do something drastic. I hope things get better.(:

Q: she dont want to talk me and i love her so much but she says that i dont wanna talk with u and she gives me fmily problems issue...............

Sorry for the tardiness in my reply for I have been very busy lately. If this problem has not yet been resolved then here we go. Bro, give her some space. I don't know what it is about us girls but we aren't understandable sometimes. We tend to do things for no reason and its confusing. I don't think she means to hurt your feelings and if she does, then just forget about her because that's just mean. Also, I went through this time recently where I just didn't want to text a guy because I thought he was getting to attached to me and just didn't care about him that way. So just give her some space. There's nothing worse than a clingy guy. Hope I helped.(:

Q: Pls am a 18yr old girl and Am always shy to stand with my classmates. I think of this everyday. I went to see my doctor he gave me this drug but its still not working. how can i loose all those fat?I feel lonely and ashamed of myself every time. how can i loose those weight pls?

I am so sorry for the tardiness in my reply. I have been quite busy lately. If this is not yet resolved then here is my advice. The best and safest way to lose weight is to have an exercise plan and a healthy diet. I know that's probably not what you were looking for but it really is the only safe, sure to work way. Try joining a sport like track or cross country. Its going to be hard at first and you are going to want to give up, but stick with it. Hope I helped.(:

Q: me in sterss so please let me know when wvery thing will be alright

Well I can't predict when everything will be alright but if you are under a lot of stress then you should try stepping back from everything and taking a deep breath. If there is anything that makes you feel relaxed then do that. If you can't de-stress yourself and/or you feel abnormally stressed then you should seek a professional like a therapist. Hope I helped.(:

Q: hi I am from india myself gauri mehta mai ye puchna chati hu ki bhagwan ache logo ko bahut jaldi apne pass bulata hai mujhe kyu nahi mai nahi jina chati phir bhi majboori mai jee rahi hu mujhe apni life hell lagti hai so just give me or tell me what to do

Um..I am so sorry but I have no idea what you just said if you could send this in English I could help you. Even if you tell me what language you're speaking it would help a lot because then I could use Google Translate. If I can't then I am so incredibly sorry I can't help you!

Q: theres a guy that asked me out and ive been crushing on him for 2 years. so he asked me out and i said no. now i regret it. how can i fix it?
im female and im 12 years old

I have done the same exact thing! The best way to fix it is just talk to him and explain that you don't know why you said no and you kinda regret it. I'm sure he will understand. It's kinda hard when they put you on the spot like that and you probably just blurted out the first answer that came to mind. That's what I did. Hope I helped! (:

Q: i love singing and i love songwriting. but i'm not sure that my voice is where i want it to be. there are no vocal coaches where i live but i am taking classes during school. all i want to improve on is volume,control,vibrato and how to stay in tune. so any vocal exircises that could help?
also i want to be able to sing in front of people.
thanks

Always sing from your diaphragm, that's where you get all your volume and control from. Make sure you have enough air to support your notes, especially the higher ones because if your don't support those then they will go sharp or flat or,even worse, you will sound like a little kid. Open your mouth on vowels, especially e, to get a nice, full, mature sound.Staying on tune takes some practice you mostly have to know where the notes at and play it by ear so train your ear to recognize when something doesn't sound right. The best way to do this if you are learning a new song is to have you (or someone else if you don't know how to play piano) play the notes that you are going to sing on the piano a couple of times and sing through it so you know the notes and how its supposed to sound. Take the piano away and have another person listen to it. If it still sounds out of tune put the piano in until you have the pitches hammered into your brain. Good luck, hope I helped!(:

Q: Let me just start out by saying, I am a firm believer in God. He is my life, and I love him so much. :D But, you see, I was raised in a Christian household. I grew up being told that Jesus was my savior, and God was my Father. I never questioned anything. Until now. I am known amongst my friends as the religious one, the one they know to NEVER offer a drink or cigarette to. Ever. ;D I have strong ideals of what is right and wrong, and a strong conscience, of which I believe to be God guiding me. So being known as that person, my friend not long ago once came to me with a dilemma, asking me all these questions about Jesus, God, etc. I had not the slightest clue of how to answer. All my faith in Him wasn't born, it was always there. I hadn't been convinced of his presence. There was never any question. So therefore, I have no facts or anything. No shield against the questions of curious people! I only have/need love, and feelings of His presence to convince me. You can't really debate with feelings, lol. Anyway, I've recently realized; All these years of just assuming and stuff, and only dealing with God, I have no idea what the Holy Spirit is! I also have no relationship with Jesus. Which has made me realize: I'm a lukewarm. I'm a poser. I've gone through my life believing I was a true christian, and now it's sorta hit me like a ton of bricks. So after all those words, here's my question: How are all three really connected? Are Jesus and God the same thing? But, why did Jesus refer to God as "The Father" if he WAS God? If they're all the same thing, what's the point of having three different things? I'm so confused. I pray to God like he's my best friend, and my dad. We're pretty tight. But when it comes to Jesus... I don't understand! When I pray to God, am I praying to Jesus too? But the Bible says if I don't know Jesus, I might as well not know God. So according to the Bible, it doesn't matter that I trust and believe in God as much as I do if I don't have a relationship with Jesus? I mean I know Christ is the only way but... UGH. -Face/palm- I've looked it up on Google, The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit thing? But I've only gotten either huge, complicated answers, or useless historical answers. I've prayed to God about it, and I think Advicenators is where He's telling me to go to. I need a human to human ANSWER, ya know, that ANSWERS my question? So can someone simply answer my questions without any unnecessary crap or anything, like stupid Wikipedia? LOL. Thank you, my sanity depends on you! OH, side question, when I'm worshiping God in song, this unknown wave of emotion flows in my chest, and all my questions fade away, and it's as if He's looking down on me, and it's calm and serene... Is this rational, and normal? My brain's not making that up, is it? xDDD!

Okay I have to admit I did not read this all the way through but I skimmed through. But it sounds like you are on the right path the thing about realizing you weren't a true christian is the first step to becoming one. I have also had problems with figuring out what the holy spirit but the thing about that is you just have to read about the holy spirit and make your own interpretation. Everybody has their own idea about it and nobody knows which one is right so on that you just have to decide which one sounds right to you. The bible is confusing sometimes and that is probably why there are many different interpretations for it so most of this stuff you just have to think about and come to a solution that feels right. About the singing thing that is perfectly normal its God thanking you for being faithful and telling you to keep it up. A lot of people feel it. Hope I helped at least a little bit!

Q: So im new to the MUSICAL theatre(but not in theatre in general... ive done only stickly acting till recently) and im planning on auditioning for the local theatres production of aladdin jr. I need a good braodway song for girls alto/1st saprano.... any ideas???

Hmm...so many to choose from...you could try something from Hairspray if you think you can pull it off. Umm...there is always Grease if all else fails. Wicked would be fantastic to sing.

Suggestions:
You Can't Stop The Beat-Hairspray

Hopelessly Devoted to You-Grease (This one is kinda hard so do this one only if you are sure you can pull it off)

Defying Gravity-Wicked

Popular-Wicked

Those are some of my suggestions! Good luck!

Q: My mom and I have always had a friend relationship and she has always left me for someother guy and doesn't ask to see me that much and she alway text me about her life and hardly asks about mine and just a few days ago me and her got in a fight and she cused at me calling me a B**** and that I was a spoild little brat and all I said is that I was made cus she left and has non of her kids and she still calls herself a mom and she always lied to me and tryed to play it off and i am feed up with it is it ok to hate your mom for all the shit she has put me in? Please help the more help I get the better.

Okay the thing is you are holding a grudge for I am assuming has been quite awhile. Truth is holding this grudge doesn't hurt your mom or her life at all, her life is going to go on. The only person who is affected by this grudge is going to be you. You may not think that now but it does affect you in the long run. The best way to solve this is to forgive her. I know you may read this and be like how can I forgive her after all that she has done? Well until you forgive her you can't move on with your life. You will just be going through the same circle of hatred. It can be hard to forgive sometimes and it might take a while but trust me it feels really good to forgive someone that has affected your life so greatly. It feels like you can finally move one with your life and be free from hatred for that person. Hope I helped!

bio

I am 19 and I have gone through so much in the last few years. If you send me a question, I will try to answer it to the best of my ability. Don't hesitate to ask me for advice!