ask oneindependentwoman

22 year old college woman/reporter who loves to give advice and always speaks her mind.
Member Since: March 6, 2004
Answers: 18
Last Update: March 10, 2004
Visitors: 1767

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what is a pyro???????????? _(link)

Someone who gets sexually arosed by fires, very dangerous people b/c they usually start the fires or dont stop ones they see.

whats a vibrator? _(link)

Its a plastic battery opperated penis shaped pleasure device. Doesn't do much for me personally but if you want to try it I suggest purchasing online, those stores are so sickening and nerve racking.

i'm still not sure what i should do. There's more to this guy. We did develope a friendship before we had a relationship and he the greatest friend i could ask for. He's been there for me since i left my ex. He helped me out in every way (finacialy/mentally/etc...). He helps me with my children. he treats me so good. I'm not trying to make him love me I'm not even sure if I love him, I just feel insecure sometimes and I think he's not happy with. It's all easier to talk in person but I have no "girlfriends" or family out here. I'm all on my own. thanks _(link)

I am here when you need me. Do not repeat DO NOT allow a man in your world just because there is nobody else because thats not true. Get involved in your kids school, their PTA and organizations. The only way to make friends is to get out there. Trust me, it helps. Good luck!
Take care and remember you are worth the time of a man who wants you for you.

I have a great friend named Erin. We've been best friends since 1st grade, but lately she's been deserting me for her new friends. Now, I'd normally be beaming if she made a few new friends, but I'm just so glum about it now. Her new friend, Bridget, is super mean to me! She sits there and makes fun of me for listening to Jessica Simpson, Ja Rule, Ludacris, you get the picture. She even had the nerve to make fun of my uncle's rock band (FYI my uncle's only 23)! Worst of all, Erin sits there and laughs with Bridget!!! I know that Erin isn't being the world's best friend, but she's just such a nice girl when she's away from Bridget. Bridget's also starting to talk to Erin about cutting herself... See, Bridget cuts herself in choir (I sit right next to her) & wipes her blood on a piece of paper in her planner. In fact, she has a whole page full of blood.... Nasty! She's trying to convince Erin to start doing that. Erin's also yelling at me for not going out with this kid who I don't like, but here she is hooking Bridget up with her own best guy friend, and BRIDGET HAS A BOYFRIEND who's practically in love with her! Help!!!!!! _(link)

Every school you go into you are going to recieve and lose friends and the best ones stay with you. However, the best ones also know what's good and whats bad for you and herself.
Therefore I suggest you seperate yourself from
these people first and take care of yourself.
The perspective you have to see is that you are the only one that matters because what occurs in your life will result in you changing!
As for the love triangle dont worry too much about it, broken hearts are a part of life.

Now for the bleeding thing, I ask that you talk to an adult about it, because what shes doing will not only affect her physically but also emotionally. This is the one factor that could cost a life.
oneindependentwoman

Okay this might sound kinda wierd but here it goes. I have been married for 2 1/2 years and I can't take it any more. I am in love just not with my husband. I still love my ex more than anything in this world and I don't know how to deal with it. We still see eachother all the time. Him and my husband work together. I see him every day. We even had an affair. Mynhusband knew the whole time and now he has found a girkfriend and wants us to stop seing each other. He has been with her for 2 months and I am so jelouse of her. What can I do?? _(link)

First you have to find out which man you want your husband or your former. You are the only one who knows what you want to do. That if anything is the most important. Then you sit down with your husband and talk to him. It cannot work again withouth both to be involved. Two things then must be enacted: if its involved forgiveness and/or understanding and then trust along with eachother's love. Then and I know its hard sometimes but you become that man's one woman and vice versa, trust me the world out there is hard to do alone, the dating sector especially. Good luck and respond if you wish.
Oneindependentwoman

Maybe thats what he is, a friend. I mean, just because he's a man does not mean he cannot be a friend. If you want to talk to me, keep writing to me.
oneindependentwoman

my guy friend...lets call him gary...he likes to wrestle with me but i dont like it cuz i get hurt most the time and im really bad at it. everytime i finally sit down he tells me 2 get up or he pulls me up and keeps wrestling with me. how can i tell him i dont wanna wrestle without him getting mad or pulling me up and doing it anyway?

signed,
ouch _(link)

Ouch:
Sounds like your friend has some problems with knowing who can take a bit of hard playing.
This can be really dangerous for both of you both physically and emotionally.
Before either of you get hurt you have to lay down the line, if he continues I think seperating until he gets the point.
Friends are hard to find but they are supposed to help more than point.
Oneindependentwoman

hey my best friend really likes this guy, and he likes her too. Me and my friend made a deal, if I dont have a boyfriend she cant have a boyfriend, if i dont have a boyfriend she cant have a boyfrind. (i know kinda dumb) we told each other we wouldent break the deal. I cant find a boyfriend all the guys are taken. Im popular and pretty, but there is a problem the guy that my friend likes is who I like too. She dosent know. I think he likes me too, but he likes her more. He flirts with me all the time he touches me and you know the drill. What should I do? Does he like me? Should I tell my friend? PLEAZE, PLEAZE HELP. SIGNED
confused _(link)

Dear Confused,
First, I commend you for being such a good one by keeping with the deal, however it seems to me that she may not want a boyfriend yet. Women are like snowflakes, everyone is different as are what they want in life at certain points.
If she is (and I know how it is to have friends who seem to be blind to whats in front of them) I think that you should try to get them together or discuss the deal and bring the guy up. Dont get involved if it seems they dont want you too because men come and go, but friends (especially girlfriends) the best ones are forever.
Oneindependentwoman

I think Im losing alot of weight, but I am or was 90 pounds and Im 11.. and now thes epants that fit dont fit anymore.. I dont like to eat for some reason.. I once skipped lunch in school.. and plus i heard from a teacher the lunch ladies dont wear gloves nor hair nets.. Its awful! I only drank milk that day.. and people keep saying I look skinnier, IM not anerexic and I dont wanan be I try to eat as much as I can! But I dont like food.. Its kinda hard to explain...

Raven _(link)

You need to see a doctor as soon as possible. Talk to an adult that you can trust about it and it will be fine. It sounds medical however it may be that you have a bit too much on that mind of yours.

hi can someone please help me,
i am 16 and under weight does any one know what sort f food to eat to help me put on a bit of weight i am not that bothered about it i just want a bit of weight please help _(link)

Go see a doctor, he will probably subscribe you to a nutritionist and/or a persrciption for wieght gainer. Dont do it on your own you can make yourself sick.
Before you do anything, and I know this sounds cheesy but always know you have the perfect body needed to be you.

i want to write a poem, im not sure what to write about and im not good at making them up lol i will send anyone my poems if they wanna read them. i have one called love lost. that one was acctually good lol. anyways, i need a poetry partner or someone that can help me write a poem 4 my (hopefully) boyfriend. _(link)

Always always write what you know!

my friend is getting married very soon . her problem is that she is very slim and he is fat. their height is almost same.
how without getting hurt she can make love with him _(link)

Stay on top and get creative.

haha.....is humping wrong if your in a REALLY Godly relationship and your limit should be "kissing" ? _(link)

Nah just as long as no penatration happens.
lol have a good time and god bless.

I am almost 13 years old and i havent started my period!! I know that you can get your period until the age of 16 or something like that but (i know this is a little freaky)what if you have hair down there? is that a sign? please help!
~help! _(link)

Everyone starts their period at different times. I have a friend who started hers at 11 so you are beat :). dont worry about it, but dont hide it from your family, the thing you are gonna need now is assistance both physical and emotional.

My dad threatens to ground me for EVERYTHING these days..... Getting a C, buying a thong, eating 'lots' of junk food, buying food for myself, yelling at him, sleeping in too late, waking up too early.. You name it, my dad threatens to ground me for it! I just got off-grounded for getting a C- in English & buying a bag of candy for a "party" that me & my friends had at lunch last friday. I HATE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!! What am I supposed to do?? _(link)

First of all the one thing you cannot do in this world is hate your parents, no matter how many mistakes leave you crazy.
What you need to do is have a pow-wow or a meeting with your dad, give it a name to show what you want out of it. (I suggest open minded forum) and tell him your thoughts rationally. You would be suprised what the response is when you show a little maturity.

I'm 22 with 2 kids, my boyfriend of almost a year is 24. He's never been in love and has not developed any strong feelings for me. I don't know what to do, I really care for this guy. Can you give some advice? _(link)

First off you cannot make someone love you. That is the only human (if you can call it human) factor that only the person has power over. As I saw from what you said, that you "care for" him it shows me you may not love him either. My advice is to seperate for a while and let a friedship begin while you explore the outside sepratly. If its loveless you have for you and your kids, a bad outcome is at stake.

Every time I go to my friend she always jokes with me saying that "Oh here comes lil miss christian girl" and "Oh great your going to preach to us are'nt you." I know she is just playing but I wish I could witness to her without being made fun of. _(link)

Realize that people only find God when they are looking for her/him and when they aren't looking the "other person" may have hold of them.

I was with my partner for 11 years. We then married and 5 months later he met someone else and left two months later, without discussion. We had a very good relationship, and I believed we were together for life. Our respective faults did not adversersly affect the relationship and we got on very well together. He is a very independant/selfish person, but I belive he was not unfaithful to me before this occasion. He tells me he has not left because he met someone else, but becaused I nagged, and that he no longer loved me. Being a woman, yes I did nag, but far from excessivly.
We have been apart for 5 months, and I would still have him back, as I feel our relationship is worth fighting for. I was unaware that he was unhappy, and he made no indication of this. I have written a couple of letters and tried to talk to him, but he is,and always has been,reluctant, or incapable of talking about his feelings in any detail. The most I have got out of him is that he 'loves me, but not as he should'. He has remained in touch, and when I see him, he treats me like an old friend, and acts as though nothing has happened/that we did not have the past that we had.I do belive we could be happy together, despite this, and am prepared to try and put what has happened behind us. Some advice on how to 'play' all this would be gratefully received - what steps do I take to try and rebuild our relationship?. I am 42, and he is 41.
Regards
Anne Wilson. _(link)

He doesnt sound like he really wants to return but if you believe in the fight for him in your heart here is my advice.
Before anything you have to be alone with your thoughts to decide exactly what you want, not just from him but also from life. Then you can continue or say goodbye, the choice is your heart's and your head's.
If the decision is to fight:
First, you cannot ignore the past, especially something so big as cheating, no matter what your heart never will forget knowing the man you love was with someone else. Secondly, do not allow him to completely enter without discussion: i.e. you talking and telling him whats what to you.
Before either of this can happen however, you first have to decide if its worth another chance, can you forgive and forget (after the two previous steps).

Personally I married at a very young age and couldnt handle the fact that the day after I left to think my life over he was in bed with a co-worker. But that was me.

Now if saying goodbye seems to be it:
1. Write a long letter to him telling him how you feel about the relationship's past (of course including the identity) and either send it or burn it. Either way, see this as letting go.
2. Go somwhere for a day or two alone and recollect yourself and who you are. From all my relationships I have learned its easy to lose yourself.
3. Believe who you are is worthwhile and any man would be proud to be beside you.
Hope this helps,
Oneindependentwoman

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