Im a 22 year old female..
my question has to do with the question i asked before.. im sorry but im just confused and i dont know who else to ask for advice. so im getting to know a 22 yr. old male who recently got out of a long term relationship due to his ex cheated on him.& he has 3 kids with her. so i took the advice of getting to know him not minding he has kids, cause i started to have feelings for him. he just today told me he had to tell me something that he couldnt text me or call me anymore. because something happen and he had to be there for his family. but that he didnt want me to take it as if he is a bad person. he said he enjoyed the time we spent together and that hopefully we can see each other soon so he can explain everything to me, but for now he had to say bye. i was so confuse & still am. i told him i understand he has to be there for his family. but i dont get it. he is not the type that would try & hurt me intentionally. but i dont know what to think. a few days ago when i was with him. his ex called him. & i could hear her sort of clearly through the phone. she called him "baby" and ask him where he was & with who, he told her so i think it bother her. but he didnt want to talk to her then and told her it wasnt the moment so he hanged up but she kept on calling him. he apologized. and told me had to answer cause his son is sick. but he doesnt like talking much about his ex or that situation in particular.i dont know if to think this has something to do with what happened today. i made up my mind & decided to not look foward to the day he calls me back & "explains everything to me" cause i fear it will never come. im sorry for the very long long story/question. do you guys think i should just forget about him?
Great advice LiLReBeL6907! Everything she said is exactly right.
Also, that bull crap about, "oh I can't explain it now I need to be there for my family" is ridiculous. You were dating him and damn well deserved an explanation to why he couldn't call you or text you anymore. Just because he has a child and a 'baby mama' doesn't mean you should get the crap end of the stick. That little situation in its self should say a lot. This guy has a lot of issues that he needs to work out....I wouldn't waste my time.
Good luck!
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F-18
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I was only 15 and he was the first person that showed real interest in me. He is the only person i have dated or loved. But now we live together in our own apartment i have been living with him for almost a year now but we have only had our own apartment for about 6 months.
Within the past few months i have begun questionioning the relationship. Only because i have never been with anyone else and am wishing i could have dated around awhile before sticking with someone. I have never kissed or done anything with anyone else and all i can think about is what it would be like. I really want to try and date around for awhile before i become considered an adult and finish college. I want to be able to be a teenager and maybe go to a party or two. My boyfriend has kept me from drinking and as sweet as he is i lost alot of my friends due to that and the fact that it seems like i can't hangout with others.
up until July i could say we had an amazing relationship and loved every minute but now that i look deeper into it just because we never fight & seem to always get along doesn't mean its great. I want to go out with friends...unfortunately it seems like i only get along with guys and he won't allow me to hangout with guys. I would like to end the relationship i think just so i can stop being a shell and be the pearl i should be(got that from Katy Perry's song Pearl) i feel like i could be so much more and this relationship is holding me back from doing what i truly want to do. I don't know if i can break it off because of the fact that it has been three years and i don't want to waste it all and end up missing what i had.
I have recently befriended a guy i work with and he thinks i am awesome and i am trying to be his friend and not have to shut him out whenever he wants to hangout and play video games with me. (yes im kinda a nerd like that lol) So i have been playing video games with him and have been feeling myself pulling farther and farther away from my boyfriend unitentionally. i don't go to bed when he does anymore i just join later in the night and i don't cuddle i just sleep on my half and have the hardest time getting to sleep because all i can think about is our relationship and if its going to work.
I don't know if i can throw away 3 years of love, I'm not sure what we would do with our apartment for the next 6 months because neither of us can afford it on our own, And we bought a puppy together six months ago and im not sure who would get him. I think the main reason i havent broken it off is because of those 3 things i don't know what i would do without my pupppy.
Also we rarely ever have sex or anything virtually close to it. I cannot get turned on by him it seems almost impossible at first we would always be kissing and having fun but now it seems like we could try forever and never get me anywhere near horny enough to actually have sex comfortably. I have to force myself to do it every now and then like once every couple months which is pretty terrible.
Sorry i wrote a book but i really really need some form of advice. Please no rude comments or anything.
I talked to him the other day about it but it still doesn't seem to be okay with him that i want to hangout with people and how im feeling he doesn't understand...and the guy from work is nothing more than a friend i have yet to hangout with him i have just played games w/him and talk...about nothing i shouldn't either its purely innocent.
Dearcandore could not have said it better. This is the advice that I would advise you to consider. I was in the SAME situation, but instead of three years it was six for me. If you are feeling the need to get out and meet other people and explore yourself then do it. Yes, it will be hard but it would also be better than really getting yourself stuck in the relationship that you don't really want and having things end horribly and having resentment.
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When my boyfriend gets mad he gets really really mad. He hits me and has choked me twice before. I don't think he'd actually kill me but he does leave a lot of bruises and I'm really tired of it. I can't talk to him about it because he's just going to get mad. I don't want to leave him because I love him with all my heart and soul. I'm just tired of having to hide bruises and cover them up with make up and clothing all the time when I go out of the house. We live together right now and I just don't know what to do. My friend has seen the bruises and got worried but I told her it's no big deal. It is a big deal. What do I do from here? how can I make my boyfriend stop hitting me?
First of all, NEVER retaliate against someone abusive, like your boyfriend, with further abuse. This is a good way to get your self beaten like never before or killed. He isn't going to back down if you defend yourself with violence. More than likely he will get more pissed and over power you. This is real life not a J-lo movie and it's damn serious.
With that being said, I know that you are looking for advice on how to keep your relationship AND stop the abuse. I hate to break this to you and I really do feel for your situation, but the reality is that your only choice in stopping the abuse IS leaving. You CAN'T 'work things out' with an abusive partner. Abuse is a cycle. After he hits you he's very apologetic, sincere, and affectionate (this is likely what keeps you hanging on). As soon as you fight again the abuse starts right back up and it will continue to do so.
So you have two choices. Stay and keep suffering the abuse or leave and find someone who can really love you and show you what it means to be loving and caring toward another human being.
GET OUT NOW! It will NOT got better. If you feel like you are alone you are not. There are a lot of programs and people out there that can really help and guide you. http://www.thehotline.org/ is a really good one. Do some googling to maybe find some help centers in your area.
I hope things get better for you and you are able to find the help that you need.
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I am seeing this woman and she's married. I knew she was married before we started having the affair. At first I didn't feel bad at all since it's her decision to cheat on her husband but now I'm feeling a little weird. She insists on talking about their relationship after our bedroom romp and I don't like it. She's only sex to me and it seems like she doesn't get that. I kind of want to drop her from the scene but to be honest she's really pretty good in the sack. What should I do and how should I handle this sort of thing?
First of all I have no sympathy for the woman involved. She cheated and in return got used. Tough shit.
As for you, I think you pretty much know what you should do. I think really what you are asking is, "How do I deal with this situation and still get the great sex that I've been getting?". You are instigating an affair with a woman with issues far beyond anything YOU could possibly relate to. Nothing about this situation will change for the better, in fact, it is likely to get far worse. So do what's obvious and drop this before things do get really ugly.
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My boyfriend is a good guy, but he does a lot of stuff that I'm really not okay with. I've tried talking to him about it, but the thing is, he honestly doesn't see any of it as a big deal. He thinks I'm overreacting.
First, we hadn't been dating very long when a guy he was friends with made a joke about him having an STD (my boyfriend has slept with a lot of women). My boyfriend got upset, said that he may have acted like he was joking but he really wasn't, and said he didn't want me to talk to him anymore because it would cause problems (he doesn't have an STD, we got tested). So, I stopped talking to this guy. My boyfriend works with a girl who used to be my best friend, but went around saying I was a whore and I cheated on my ex with two different guys (totally not true). Naturally, I was mad and we don't talk anymore, but my boyfriend talks to her all the time at work. He says it's because they work together and he doesn't want her going to the HR department all the time, which I understand, but it's not like they're required to talk at their job, and if there were just talking about work it might be okay, but he's told me some of the things they talk about and it's like they're old friends or something.
Second, he has this gorgeous ex girlfriend. He talks about her a lot, always says how perfect she is. He said they broke up because he didn't feel good enough for her and never really felt comfortable around her, but they were really good friends before they dated, so they stayed friends. I have no problems with them being friends, but he's ALWAYS talking about how perfect she is. He tells her he loves her and he misses her and she's so amazing, and he never says those things to me. I guess I'm just jealous, but it hurts to hear him say those things to her when he won't say them to me, his girlfriend. He's always there for her when she needs him, but it's like anytime I try to talk to him about stuff that's bothering me, he acts like it's no big deal and I'm overreacting. He tells me he doesn't want to be with her, but I just can't help but get upset over it.
Sorry for ranting, but I'm really confused. If I'm overreacting, please tell me, because I really don't know.
Okay. Go ahead and read this last paragraph you wrote.
"Second, he has this gorgeous ex girlfriend. He talks about her a lot, always says how perfect she is. He said they broke up because he didn't feel good enough for her and never really felt comfortable around her, but they were really good friends before they dated, so they stayed friends. I have no problems with them being friends, but he's ALWAYS talking about how perfect she is. He tells her he loves her and he misses her and she's so amazing, and he never says those things to me. I guess I'm just jealous, but it hurts to hear him say those things to her when he won't say them to me, his girlfriend. He's always there for her when she needs him, but it's like anytime I try to talk to him about stuff that's bothering me, he acts like it's no big deal and I'm overreacting. He tells me he doesn't want to be with her, but I just can't help but get upset over it."
THIS IS NOT OKAY. There is nothing at all about this situation that indicates you are over reacting in anyway. If anything you aren't reacting enough or even at all. You need to have a serious talk with him about this. Let him know he's wrong and out of line by telling this crap to his ex and that it hurts. Even if he was telling the same things to it still is never okay to tell your ex these things. If his reaction is anything less than him telling you he's sorry and he'll stop...dump him! Because honestly it sounds like hes using you as just a rebound and you're just there until something better comes along or his ex decides she wants him back. If she decides she does, I can almost guarantee you will be left in a trail of dust.
Screw this guy! You deserve somebody that isn't still caught up with their ex and is dedicated to you. Why waste your time? There are plenty of better guys out there. Have fun and don't stress over this jerk.
Good luck!
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I am a 42 year old gay guy who wants to find a gay man. Where do i start and who do i get in touch with
Well, if there is a thriving gay community where you live it shouldn't be too hard. If not maybe there is a city close to you that has one. You could start by maybe googling "gay ___(your city or the closest to you)" to find gay friendly clubs. bars, restaurants or other public establishments that are gay friendly. If you have any gay friends maybe they could give you a heads up on where the hot spots are.
There are also a number of free dating websites that are pretty cool. Okcupid.com is a really good one for example. Just do a little research online and maybe you can kind of get some ideas on how to get started meeting some like minded folks.
Hope this helps! Good luck! :)
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so i'm a guy and i recently made this new friend who's a girl and we've become really close. We're not together (I'm gay) but I consider her my best friend. The thing is, I think I admire her and look up to her a little too much. I've been happier having her my friend than anyone else in a long time. When she talks to other people, I get jealous. I get sad when we're not together and happy beyond belief when I get a call or text from her. keep in mind, i'm absolutely not the clingy type, i give her space. we hang out a lot because she wants to hang with me too. I think I'm in love with her, but as a friend (i'm not sexually attracted) and I don't think this is a good thing. I get depressed at the thought of hanging out w/ anyone but her and she's all i wanna see. She doesn't feel the same way about me, i'm sure, and I don't blame her. Her life is interesting and edgy and so far mine's been boring, which is prob why i like her so much. I'm also very, very jealous. She's experienced a lot of life and has had tons of boyfriends, all things i only dream of. I just love everything about her and i feel extremely jealous and inferior (not bc she puts me down or anything, it's just the way i feel). I sometimes tend to get infatuated with people. why? what should i do about this whole thing?
I actually had a very close gay friend who acted the exact same way over me. He would get super jealous if I hung out with anyone other than him or did not include him in everything I did with other people. When I would get boyfriends...he hated ALL of them.
Two years ago I got engaged and I have recently relocated 6 hours away from home with my fiance. Needless to say the friendship that I thought I could always rely on has shriveled away to almost nothing. The last few months I had before I moved, he got a new group of friends and I saw little to nothing of him. While everyone else was giving me their love and blessings for my big move, my friend discouraged me completely and said anything he could think of to make me feel guilty about leaving my friends and family. All because he didn't want me to leave HIM.
I'm not in any sort of way saying that you are anything like my friend. I'm just using this as a point to show you what situations and feelings like this CAN lead to, which is hurt and resentment on both parts.
I would suggest going out and meeting new people and try to expand your social circle a bit. Still maintain the friendship you have with your friend, but work on making new friends as well. That way you have more people to occupy your time and you aren't as dedicated to just one person, which can prevent those feelings of jealousy.
Hope this makes sense...good luck :)
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Hello,
My boyfriend and I both decided to end our relationship about 4/5 weeks ago. It was a mutual decision, but we'd been discussing for a month or so. To begin with it was my idea, but towards the end it was more of his idea.
Any way, I chose not to stay friends with him because I thought it would be too hard. He wasn't happy about this, but I told him maybe we can be friends in the future.
During this time, we obviously didn't speak to eachother and I really missed him. It made me realise actually how perfect he is, he has done so much for me. I spoke to him about this, I told him I still loved him, missed him etc. He said that he really loved me, and he missed me but he was hurting so much after our break up that he never wants to go through it again. (Hense why he wouldn't want to get back together) He said it hurt a lot during the month when we were considering breaking up and he didn't want the same thing to happen again. I told him i'd give him time to think about it, but I did want to get back together. He has told me, and my best friend that he does want to get back together, he's just worried the same thing could happen again.
Since then, I haven't text him. Although he has text me. Usually making up reasons to talk to me. We were both due to attend a weekend festival in 2 weeks time with a bunch of friends, and he text me asking if i'd booked accommodation etc, and said he'd do it for me if I was busy with college etc. He still calls me "baby" and he never did this after we broke up to begin with, it's only been recently. I did ask him what was going on and whether he wanted to get back together or was he just leading me on? He said I do still love you, and I want to be with you more than anything...It's just so hard to decide because of the hurt, I don't want to go through this again in a month's time. I've reassured him that this won't happen on my part.
I'm quite stuck on what to do next, how long do you wait for someone who says they want to be with you? I've said to him, if you don't want to get back together you can just say so now so that we don't need to keep dragging the situation out. But he keeps just saying he doesn't know.
I think your ex is telling the truth and he really is very confused. Which as a result is making you really confused. One minute you guys are broke up and he doesn't hear from you for a long period of time (which is fine and perfectly normal), then all of a sudden you want to get back together. It's obvious that he still really likes you and cares about you a lot, the poor guy just doesn't want to get hurt.
Break ups can make people realize a lot of things, but take a step back and try to look at the situation from a different perspective. Can you really say for sure that the same thing won't happen again within a few months? Despite everything you are feeling now, there was a reason why you guys split in the first place. If he decides to get back together with you feeling unsure, well...that's just a recipe for all sorts of disaster.
If you really feel that things could be different this time around give him time to really think about it. State your case to him once more and let him know that you want to give him plenty of time to make a decision. Suggest that the two of you cut off all contact until he is sure about what he wants to do. Explain the reason behind cutting off contact is so not to confuse him so he will be able to really think about things with out a distraction. ASSURE him that it is not because you don't want to talk to him, but because you want to get to the bottom of things. You don't like the confusion in this situation anymore than he does. Tell him to take his time and to let you know when he is sure of what he wants.
If this doesn't work and things continue as they are, it may be best for the both of you just to move on.
Good luck!
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sooo. im 20/f. i've worked as a server for almost 4 years now at a few different places, but next week i have an interview for a serving position at this really popular bar near the university i go to and im so NERVOUS! i applied there not expecting to even get an interview, because from what i've heard its pretty hard to get a job there, and you typically have to know someone to get an in. what should i do at the interview to help me out? i've done several interviews through out my part-time career, but not at a place like this. it's a bar/grill but they have concerts, trivia/bingo nights, greek events, and all kinds of stuff, so its a place that hundreds of people apply to. the day i applied there were prob 10-15 other girls in there applying at the same time as me, and im just hoping i get it. the only thing i have to help out my case is my experience. any advice??
The best advice I could give would be to get plenty of rest the night before. Even if the interview isn't until that afternoon you want to look and feel fresh, not like you've been up all night stressing about what to wear, what to say, how to act and so forth. Start getting ready a few hours before you have to take off for the interview. This way you have plenty of time perfecting your appearance without feeling rushed.
During the interview RELAX! I know this job is a very rare opportunity. If worse comes to worse you get another job making a little less money and find something just as good or better a little down the road. Just be sure to sound as confident as you can, smile, look the interviewer in the eye when you speak to them and let your beautiful personality shine through!
Good luck!!
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