Feel free to pop ANYTHING in my question box! I will try and answer all questions as best as I can and help anyone out that needs me!
Member Since: April 27, 2014
Answers: 12
Last Update: September 8, 2014
Visitors: 1306
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I've recently started dating a guy. We expressed mutual desire to wait a while for sex as we both valued emotional connection versus just physical, but things happened and well, in a heated moment of passion, we has sex. Unprotected. Damn. I asked before he put himself in me if he had a condom, he didn't so we slowed things down a bit, but apparently not slow enough cause we ended up having sex anyway. Stupid move, I know. But being on birth control for the last 10+ years I wasn't worried at the time about pregnancy. Until after of course when you inevitably get that constant panic until your period shows up...
We talked about it afterwards and I expressed that since I felt emotionally ready, it wasn't a big deal for me that we didn't wait to have sex, and that it was a step further in our relationship and wanted to make sure he was on the same page, but that condoms were a must in the future. He seemed to be but he still wanted to wait a while for the next time. Fair enough.
A week later, we did diner at my place and things got heated again, and realizing that I didn't hit up the pharmacy that week for condoms because I assumed that 'a while' meant more than a week, I decided not to let things end up in the bedroom. He asked what was the matter and I told him we couldn't have sex because I didn't have condoms at my place. Turns out he doesn't believe in wearing condoms, only in the pull-out method (which is not actually a protection method BTW!), and doesn't want to use them because it ruins the moment. I explained that condoms are supposed to be part of the act and that there are sexy ways to include it, just like grabbing for lube or a toy, and they don't have to be this evil thing he made them out to be. He responded in a "well i've always done it that way and since we both dont want kids right now, whats the problem? besides you're on the pill anyway". I explained that the condom was used for protection against a lot more than pregnancy for me, and it keeps my sanity after sex from my mind going wild and thinking up all sorts of "im pregnant" scenarios, and that it also just happens to protect against STD's. He basically told me that the pullout method was more effective and that I was being very manipulative "going back on my word" after the first time. I apologized for the miscommunication, but that I was not ready to change my beliefs (and health risk!), and that if he didn't understand than we would just not have sex, ever, and that is a very important aspect to a relationship for me. He proceeded to try an convince me that "since I was going to be worried about pregnancy for no reason until my period anyway, that we could do it one more time his way (pullout) and then afterwards we could continue with using condoms. I told him that I was not going to be bargaining with him about something that I care very strongly about, and he responded with a speech about how apparently I didn't actually care about him if I was willing to throw away what we had built just because he wouldn't wear a condom, and that it was just because I like to be in control of everything. I told him that it was a very difficult decision, but I had to go with my gut and trust that if he truly cared about me he would understand. I didn't ask him to change his beliefs, but to understand where I am coming from. He left after saying "you're making a huge mistake" so I'm pretty sure this means we are broken up.
Did I make the right call? I'm beating myself up for it, but I tried to be as subjective as I could.
female, 26 (link)
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Hi!
I have always been brought up by my mum to stand your guns but also to be super careful when having sex! I think that you made 100% the right decision in what you have done.
Yes the pill will protect you from getting pregnant but it does not protect you from any STD's that could be life threatening!
If this guy won't understand that for you something is important and he won't respect that then he is not worth your time! You need someone who will care for your needs and understand your opinions, especially when it's something as important as your sex life and health!
Please don't beat yourself up because i stand by you in that it's your body and you should have complete control as to what goes on in it! If he isn't going to be protected then he's being ridiculous and clearly can't care about you that much.
Another thing to think of is that when you sleep with one person unprotected you are also sleeping with all the people they have slept with! They may have an STD that even they don't know about.
All I'm saying is, your health is never worth risking for some guy- especially one that will just walk out when he doesn't get what he wants!
Sticking by you and please don't feel bad! You made a very wise and brave move that many girls would have buckled at- be proud!
Good luck for the future,
SliceOfAdvice!
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I know some of you are going to think I am silly but can you get professional puppy pictures taken? This little guy is like my child and if my child was little I would get studio portraits done, so why not for my puppy? Would they just laugh at me or am I not the first one to think of this? (link)
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Hi!
You certainly aren't the first one! My friend has a HUGE canvas in her kitchen of pictures of her and her puppy! Just tap into google any nearby photographers and give them a ring. I'm sure some of them will be happy to help.
And I'm not judging you as my puppy is basically my baby too!
Good luck and hope the pictures turn out gorgeous!
Slice of advice x
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F/18 ive been nervous about letting my boyfriend ...go down on me... Because im afraid he might think it looks ugly down ther (i think its ugly!) Or im afraid it might smell bad or taste bad for him ...do guys like going down on girls? And what should i do considering the hair...? Shave...? Wax...? Or dont guys mind? Im so scared he thinks its gross... (link)
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Heya
F/17, so I had this EXACT problem! I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and in the beginning I wasn't fussed but then I just because really self conscious about my 'downstairs' and put off him giving me oral sex for quite a few months. It actually upset him because he felt like he was rubbish at it and that it was like putting space between us.
I would just recommend what I did as I now don't have a problem and everything is happy and healthy. I would advise you to shave and shower before seeing him so that you know that it is clean down there! As for the smell, I wouldn't worry about that! If you have showered earlier then it won't be an issue at all.
As for worrying about the taste then I really wouldn't as we have to put up with theirs so it's only fair that they put up with ours haha! And besides it really can't be that bad. But if you are worried about it then try using flavoured lube (I recommend strawberry) because then you won't have stress about it and it makes it nicer for you.
Finally, just relax! After all he's your boyfriend and he likes you for who you are. Just enjoy your time together and have fun. If you are really nervous about it then try and discuss it with him, I'm sure he will put you at ease and it will all be much easier if you feel relaxed. If you just stop worrying and go with the flow then it will be fine.
Good luck- SliceOfAdvice x
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OK, my life sucks. My mother hates me and is doing drugs, my dad keeps molesting me and I can't feel emotions or make friends. Now how the fuck do I commit suicide. (link)
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I'm sorry this is so late! SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER. You are worth so much and although it may not seem it, things will get better! How you are being treated is not fair and not right- you are worth more than all of this I promise. Talk to someone, anyone! The police, school, GP, a friend, a family member. Someone is there to help you! There are so many advice lines like child line that will help you. Please do not give in and let them get you down. Killing yourself is not the answer ever. You are strong and you can get through this just please get people involved!xx
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I've been in a relationship with a girl from overseas for almost two years. I'm a 26 y/o guy, and she's 24. She came with me here about a year and a half ago. I treat her well, romance her, buy her roses, bake her cakes, take her out when I have time, tell her that she's beautiful, help her look for work, and a lot with English.
Last year she started acting funny and talking about a guy, and I found out she cheated on me by looking at her phone, and reading her emails (Not saying this was right, just that I did it). I confronted her, but I never really felt she thought what she did was wrong. I promised not to look at her stuff again.
For the half year since then she's been using her phone a ton, and hiding it from me. Lately she has been getting calls and messages from the guy she cheated with on me again, so often that even though she doesn't want me to know, it's inevitable that I would see at some point. She gets pissed off over trivial things, she's stuck to her phone 24/7, we hardly ever have sex anymore, and sometimes I don't feel like she even wants to be here.
So I gave her time, and everything just felt kind of wrong. I broke my promise and checked up on her. She's still cheating on me, and things never really stopped. She tells me she's faithful, nothing has happened, and she loves me, but I know she's lying.
Recently she got offered her dream job in my country, and the contract process is happening fairly quickly. She's staying here on a Partner visa with me, and we live together. If I break up with her, she either has to leave within a month, or become illegal. Apart from that, it will obviously make my life more hellish for that month than it already is living with a person who you know is lying to you with a straight face, while making out with another guy. I know that she is planning to stay with me for the two years it will take for her to gain permanent residence, and then leave me for the guy she is cheating on me with.
In my country, you can only ever sponsor two people to be partners, and if your first partner is granted PR, the length your second one has to wait grows to 5 years, rather than just 2.
I don't know how to handle breaking up with her, and what to say to who, when. I don't want to be taken advantage of, or have my name smeared by this. Breaking up with her before she gets PR will pretty much destroy her whole life as she knows it. She quit her job to come here with me, which is kind of a black spot on her employment history in her home country. I feel angry and upset about what she has done to our relationship, but I'm still battling feelings of love for her, and I don't want to see her broken. I wish everything I know about what's happened could be a lie, but I know it's not, so I have to deal with it.
To complicate things, accepting the job involves costly medical and security checks for her, and may mean we consider moving. I'm at university, and I only just found this out, right before the exam period. I really don't want to think about this before exams, and I definitely don't want to break up with her just before my first exam, so I am putting it off, but I feel so guilty for "supporting" her through the process of getting checks and references for this job that I know will be difficult if not impossible for her to keep.
What would you do?
What should I tell her? The truth? Or that I've fallen out of love, but don't know why? Or that one of her friends told me the truth?
How do I deal with the stress of living together with this oblivious lying girl who tells me she loves me?
What should I do to handle the resistance that I'm likely to have to breaking up with her? She won't want to break up with me, because she wants PR.
Can you tell me some steps and the order in which I might do them?
Any other general advice about the situation that I haven't asked a specific question about is more than welcome.
Thanks in advance.
-Troubled (link)
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Hey!
Wow this is a lot of information but I will try my best to help you out here. Firstly, I want to say that you don't deserve to be treated like this! You seem like a really lovely, caring guy who deserves the same kind of attention back. This girl has not given you that and for that reason I don't think you should stand for it. You've got to stand up for yourself because at the end of the day if you don't, who will?
I think you need to be honest with her and explain how you've seen the messages and you know that she is still being unfaithful. Explain how hurt you are by this and that you simply can't put up with it anymore. Everyone has to be a little selfish at some point and putting yourself first is not necessarily a bad thing! Dishonesty ruined this relationship so don't stoop to her level by ending it with lies!
I understand that you care for this girl and that ending it with her would cause her a lot of trouble. I'm not an expert in this field which brings me to ask that is there not someone else she could stay with until she gets fully accepted into your country to work? If so you may want to consider that as an option.
If you have no option but to live with her for the month then it will be tough but worth it in the end! Just find things to do and reasons to not be around the house and therefore around her for the month. See your friends lots and plan nights out with them. Not only will this keep you from being around her but it will help you to forget her and realise how much more you deserve from a relationship.
Overall, I think that you have got to do what is best for you and what will ultimately make you happy. You need people in your life that you can trust and love and that you know feel the same towards you. This is a tough battle but it will be one that will make you a stronger person!
Good luck and all the best- sliceofadvice :)
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So I have boyfriend who is 17 and I am 15 (I'm a girl btw lol)
I told my dad about him and my dad refuses to meet him only cause we are 2 years apart. He says I cannot talk or see him. I have depression, and my boyfriend makes me happy, not much in my life makes me happy. So my dad is basically taking away my happiness. He thinks that all he wants to do is get in my pants but we've been dating for 5 months and we haven't had sex so I guess my dad doesn't know what he's talking about. Do you have any ideas on how to make my dad see that I need him?! He's super stubborn. Any ideas/advice would be great thank you!! I just wanna be able to see my boyfriend without it being a secret and behind my dad's back. (link)
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Hey!
My main advice would be to have proper conversation with your dad. Like a sit down at a table kind of conversation. Ask him what his problems with you seeing this boy are and then try and come up with a solution to all the problems that arise.
For example if he thinks you are going to have sex and get pregnant, then ensure him that you will be as open as possible with him about sex and that you will use protection etc.
Try and explain that this guy makes you really happy, after all your dad will want that for you! Dads easily forget how quickly their 'little girl' grows up and you having an older boyfriend is probably terrifying for him!
Therefore, try and understand where he is coming from. Listen to what he has to say and his worries because he might just need you to respect and relate to them.
Perhaps after this conversation he will feel a little more comfortable with the idea. Try and invite your boyfriend to your house for dinner or something when your parents are there. Your dad will feel in control as it's in his house and it's a chance for the two men to meet and your dad can see what he is really like! I would recommend not getting to close to the boyfriend (no intense kisses etc) when your dad is around & try and make him as comfortable as possible.
At the end of the day, your dad was a teenager once and he knows how this all feels. Just allow him time to understand your point of view and he will respect you and trust you more if you deal with this situation in a grown up manner.
Hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck x
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Hi, I'm 18/f..... This guy, my neighbor, loves me but I don't love him back. I've told him before that I'm not interested in him and there's no hope for us. He's always texting me and asking to come visit me. Sometimes I say yes. He is trying so hard for me to love him back but it's never gonna happen. How do I tell him that he can stop trying so hard because he is wasting his time?? I hate to see him try when he knows I will never love him. Please help. (link)
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Hey!
I had this exact problem except that my best friend fell in love with me and it was not good!
I know that you feel bad because if you invite him over then it's "leading him on" and if you ignore him, well your seen as rude! But the trick is just be completely honest. Maybe ask him over and just sit and talk about it all. Explain how you feel about him and that you really want NOTHING more than to be friends. If he tries to persuade you just insist that you cannot control your feelings!
If that fails then my advice would be to cut contact with him. Try texting him back less, don't invite him over. Don't avoid him, just don't make as much of an effort with him. You may find that this love wears off and he meets somebody knew.
The bottom line is, be blunt and be honest with him. It's easier to set him in his place now and make it very clear what you want than later on.
Hope this helps and good luck x
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My school break starts on Wednesday (May 28). I have to go to school 5 more times. That may sound like a little bit of time but school is really slow now and I just want it to be Summer. How do I just let this last almost week just fly by? (link)
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Hey,
I know how you feel- a school day can seem like a term long sometimes!
But seeing as it's the lead up to summer try and just enjoy your time in school. Lessons may be dull but you can make them more fun! Chill with your friends during your break times and just chat in lessons while doing the work to make time go quicker! The more you pack into your day the quicker they will go!
Having something to do after school everyday will help as well because you will be more focused on that evening rather than next Wednesday! Try organising to meet with friends or go to the cinema a few nights of the week- you'll be surprised how quick time will go!
Hope that you have the best summer off school and enjoy it lots - good luck!
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I am wanting to sleep with my bf. I am a virgin he isn't. I was wondering what is the easiest and less painful way to do this. Should he do it slowly an inch at a time or push in slowly all at once? any tips or opinions on this would be greatly appreciated. (link)
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I was in this same situation about 3 months ago! Everyone told me that my first time 'was going to be painful' but I couldn't disagree more! Obviously make sure you have condoms and I would advice a tube of lube- it makes everything a million times easier!
If you are relaxed and well lubed up then it shouldn't be too painful! Just make sure that you communicate with him about what feels good and what doesn't. Sex only works if you talk about what is working and what isn't!
My main advice would be to stay calm and enjoy yourself! Everything will come naturally in the moment so have fun in the moment and do what works for the both of you!
Good luck x
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My boyfriend is getting really bored in the bedroom how can I spice it up to make him feel amazing? (link)
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Hey there!
I would firstly like to say I am no sex guru therefore I am not the most equipped to answer your question!
However, what I do know is that\'s boys imaginations can be very creative when it comes to sex! Why not have a chat with your boyfriend and ask him if there\'s anything he\'s ever wanted to try in bed or fancies giving a go. There must be something he\'s seen that he wouldn\'t mind trying.
My second this is to be confident and creative. Don\'t let yourself get caught up in the same old positions! Have a search on the web for possible positions and see if any take your interest that you wouldn\'t mind doing.
You\'d also be surprised at what some new underwear can do! Invest in a pretty pair of matching underwear and the new confidence it will give you will be enough to make you that little bit more interesting! Also it will make him be even more into you than he already is.
Just remember, whatever you do make sure you\'re both happy and just enjoy it! Sex is a chance to have fun and it shouldn\'t feel like a chore - good luck!
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So there's this guy, let's say his name is Alex, and I really like him I just don't know if he likes me. We go to Karate together and he's always looking at me through the mirror and smiling. We text almost all the time and our conversations never die. But I just wanna know if he likes me. He's always calling me his little monkey and sending me monkey emojis, but he doesn't act like he likes me. What should I do? We only started texting a week ago but I've liked him forever. I don't wanna scare him away by telling him I like him. (link)
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Hey there!
By the sounds of it you really like this guy and that\'s great! Texting all the time and from what you\'ve said, quite playful flirty texting is a sign he may like you but boys are complicated creatures who struggle to just be straight about issues sometimes!
My advice would be to carry on texting him for a bit and see how it progresses. If the texting carries on like it is now and you still feel the same about him then maybe ask to meet up with him outside of karate. If it\'s just the two of you then you may be able to tell a little better if he really likes you or not!
Or if you would rather you could drop subtle hints to him that you may like him a bit and see how he reacts. If he freaks out a bit then back off and just carry on texting and be friendly like you are now.
Just remember- if a boy really likes you then they will let you know! It can just be a little tricky to notice them hinting it sometimes! - good luck! X
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So me and my friend were getting revenge on these 2 girls. Yes I know it's bad, and I learned my lesson. But they found out and said that tomorrow I would be sorry. I don't know if I want to tell the teachers either, because then they will talk to her about it. Then she'll know and try to hurt me even more because i'm a "snitch". She's a really violent girl and I'm not a fight type of person. Please help. Yes I know it was bad of me to get revenge and everything but i'm really scared. Please please help me, I don't want to go to school tomorrow.
I have to go to school eventually, and I only have to go like 20 more times before Summer then I probably will never see her again. But I'm scared. The only time she would be able to hurt me would be after school, but there's teachers near me. I still feel like she would try to do something. Please help as soon as possible. Sorry if this is long I just really need advice here. (link)
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Hey there,
First of all stop panicking- the more you think and worry about this the more you are going to get stressed by it.
If I were you I would have a word with my parents about this, whether you are close to them or not they normally have a very good idea about how to deal with these sort of issues. After all they were at school once as well and they probably went through or knew of a similar incident.
I would also tell a teacher. By the sounds of your message you are getting really quite worked up about this all- and this girl sounds rather nasty. Being called a \'snitch\' is much better than getting beaten up in my point of view anyway!
The sooner this gets sorted, the better. She will have forgotten about the whole thing by the summer and you can enjoy your time off school! But defiantly go to a teacher about this and keep yourself safe because this is an incident of bullying an NO school should accept bullying!
Hope everything works out alright for you and don\'t feel scared of going to school- it should be a nice environment not one you are scared of!
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