Member Since: September 14, 2012
Answers: 18
Last Update: September 15, 2012
Visitors: 1103
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if he asked to have sex
(link)
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If you are under 18 I don't suggest it. There is too much risk involved in having sex, especially at that age. Plus most people you would ask might say that losing your virginity isn't all that its cracked up to be. I at least lost mine with someone I loved and cared for at the time. I waited until I was 20 and honestly it was by choice. You should do what makes you feel comfortable and don't fall to peer pressure or pressure from your bf. Follow your beliefs and etc. Do it when you feel its right. If you are over 18 then its different a little bit, but I would still wait until after college or at least I got my goals and career started. Yes they have the morning after pill (Plan B), birth control, condoms, etc. but there risk of disease and too much emotional drama involved in even just sex. It always means a little more to one of the two parties involved. It could be they want to start a relationship, one last fling before marriage, a way the let loose or get revenge, etc... Sex is awesome, don't get me wrong, but it means more if it's with someone whom you are in love with. Just be honest with him. Tell him your reasons if you do or not want to. Feel him out and see if he is with you just for that or more. If you are under 18 makes sure you wait. I know it's hard, but trust me its better that way. If you are 18, think about the fact that maybe he will not be your bf in 5 to 10 years. LOL. Yeah I know the truth is won't. But make sure its something you are wanting to do. Don't do it just to make him happy. Be careful and use protection if you do.
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My girlfriend delays when we must have sex. What might be the cause of procrastination? And our relationship is doing well (link)
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Sorry but I have to ask. How old are you? That could be playing major role in the reason behind why she is delaying sex. There could be numerous reasons. Maybe she is saving herself until she is married because it's her belief. You should really stop and ask why the rush. If you truly love her then you won't force her. Sure there are physical needs. Don't get me wrong all us guys feel it, even girls want it too. If any guy or girl says they don't then they are full of BS. I suggest you ask her or talk to her. You haven't put enough information on here for anyone to give you a clear answer or to fully understand the situation. Sorry but it's the truth. I'm sure she has her reasons. One thing you have to understand is that women attach themselves usually more emotionally then physically, unlike us men who are usually the opposite. Yeah sure there are those few women that are very very sexual. Honestly, women do it just as much as men if not more, but if a woman wants it to be serious then it is valued with an emotional attachment. I'm hoping this helps you a little. Just don't force her. If she wants to she will.
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Im a male teenager, straight forsure. But.. When I'm
Horny I watch gay porn it turns me on soo much and I realy like watching it , I would only date and be with girls, but I would wanna get my penis sucked and rubbed by another guy, or maybe even do anal one day. I'm striaght though I get these feeling a lot now, is it just puberty and growing up? I know I'm not gay or bi bit I know I'm
Bicurious, should I try things with a guy? (link)
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Bi means bi. It means you are attracted to both. Being bicurious isn't a bad thing, it's just who you are and what you are attracted to. You need to stop fooling yourself and just accept that you are attracted to both. Don't worry about what others say. Worry about what makes you happy. If you have the thoughts and do the things you do, then my friend you are bi. You are not bisexual as you have not acted on it yet. You are still curious. Just don't fool around with others emotions if you are going to start dating. Be who you are and let someone fall for who you are. If people can't accept it then forget them. They are too ignorant. Being gay, bi, lesbian, heterosexual, etc is a choice. What should matter is being attracted to that person not only physically but more for who the person is. Don't try to be complacent with the norms of society. Do what you want to do. If you want to experiment then experiment. If you like it then you like it. If you don't then you don't, but obviously your actions speak louder than words. The old phrase if you act like a duck, walk like a duck, then you must be a duck. So if you have thoughts about it and get aroused by it, well all you have to do is try it. LOL. Honestly, I couldn't tell you if are bi or not, until you try it. Maybe if you try it and don't like, then you may stop, but statistics will usually show that's not the case. Good luck to you on your journey.
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i have a bf,i like him especialy before..he cheated on me once we broke up and came back together.we went on and mean whle i was developin a crush on a guy i study with.it came stronger as i realised he likes me too.lately my bf has not been like bfore,doesn text me often,we dont talk much and the othr guy txts me al the time we talk.and yesterday we kissed and had a wild rmance and he wantd to have sex but i refused.i feel bad that i cheated but i couldnt control it.what do i do?i told the guy to stay away frm me but he cant.pls advice (link)
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This is not anything new to most people. Honestly, it seems like you don't know what it is that you want, but you feel trapped. I've been there and done that to. I want to say something and hopefully you won't be upset, but I am very frank and straight forward when I talk to people. When you said your bf cheated when you broke up and then came back together. I think you are wrong in calling that cheating. If you two were broken up then it really isn't cheating. Sure there are unwritten rules that should be enforced like a time of mourning LOL..What I mean is that you shouldn't just run out the same day or next day after you break up and have sex with someone else, especially if you really did care or even love that other person. But all said, it's an unwritten rule and honestly, most of guys lose our brains when we think with our other brain. Haha. Anyways, I am happy that you didn't have sex with that new guy, because it would be cheating, but what it sounds like to me is that you are just finding that puppy love or early stage of romance again. Most people run away and make excuses for not working on their relationships because they are missing something. They complain and say ohhh the person has changed or the romance isn't there anymore. My favorite is that he isn't there for me anymore. If it reaches to that point then it's one of two things. Either try and work on the current relationship or just move on. If you continue to move on you may find something better. If you do I'm happy for you. If not then don't be surprised if things will never be the same again. I don't think its fair for you to judge and say that your bf cheated when you two split, because it's not cheating. Cheating can mean different things to everyone and I believe even kissing another person while you are in a committed relationship is cheating. There is obviously something wrong if you find yourself physically doing something with the other guy while you are in a relationship, but not if you are broken up. Emotionally a lot of women also distance themselves from their partner and usually that is the first sign when problems are about to happen. Hey, listen I'm NOT and expert on dating, but I've been on both ends of this thing and I finally grew up to understand certain things about relationships. Not everything is perfect the way hollywood or the social media makes it out to be. Have you ever seen older couples that have been married for over 50 years. Sometimes I wonder why someone may stay with someone even if seems like they are not happy. Ive seen those types of marriages, but what I like to use as an example is my grandparents. They have been married for 66 years now and 4 kids. I once asked my grandfather and my grandmother both what they thought made their marriage last and even to still be so happy together. The things they told me basically relate to love, communicating, understanding, respect, and sacrifice. Love can only handle so much, but when he's with her, he treats her as his equal. They both give and take a little, meaning they sacrifice certain things for each other, because they know it makes the other happy and they communicate. They know how the other will react before the other does. I mean if that's not true love, then I don't know what is. Call me traditional, but I think you need to take a good look at yourself and see if this is someone you want to pursue being with. Also don't stay with someone just to stay with them or because you feel lonely or pity. Be honest to yourself. Find content with yourself first. If you can make yourself happy and realize what makes you happy then finding someone else is not that hard. It is when you least expect it that it actually happens. You should be with someone who deserves you.
I forgot to write that it takes two to make a relationship work. So if your current bf doesn't make the effort to be with you, then maybe it's time to move on. But don't make excuses for trying to search for someone else if you really haven't tried to work on things. Maybe it's just that both of you really don't want to be together or do need a break. The point I'm trying to make is that you need to make yourself happy. Life is too short to do otherwise. If you find someone you like and want to be with they go for it and fight for it. If you really wanted to be with that person then you would and that in my opinion is the first sign of real love. A person in love is willing to sacrifice certain things for their partner, but not their soul. You can let them into your heart, but you will never let them take your soul. Remember, there is no perfect checklist for your perfect person. What traits and qualities you find in one person can attract you, but there will still be something missing that you can find in another person. I do believe that there is a perfect opposite or someone out there for everyone. You just don't drown in the small stuff and work on building something that truly makes you happy. Who knows, it could be the one person right in front of you or even the one your consider to be your worst enemy. Honestly, I didn't realize that until one day it just hit me. It was like nothing else in the world even mattered anymore. Not that BS that time stands still or etc. Everyone has their own way in which they reach it. All I know is that the things I always said I would never do, I did and all the things that made sense to me didn't. Hahaha. Anywas, sorry for the long speech. Just figure out what makes you happy then go with the flow and make sure that the person who wants to be with you accepts you for you and fights for you. Not only physically, but makes the effort to do so.
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There's this girl who I like (im a girl too) and I know she's bi curious as am I. Thing is we both have boyfriends and she doesn't know I'm interested. Or even if she thinks the same. I don't know where to start. Help?
17/f
My boyfriend knows I'm bi-curious (link)
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Hey if you want to be with a girl then be with a girl. The only trouble I see in what you are asking is that you currently have a boyfriend. Does anyone believe in commitment anymore? If you want to be with your bf then stay with him and work things out. Curiosity is one thing but acting on it would be cheating. I don't think its fair to your bf for you to act on anything without talking to him first. As the other person answers said, cool it with your bf first before switching fields. People may argue with me and say commitment is just a term but some of us still believe in it. Make sure you understand the consequences of any actions and more important be honest with everyone involved.
I forgot to write to answer the other part of your question. If you want to find out then take the initiative to find out. Like I said be open and honest to everyone, especially yourself. You can talk to her about your feelings and see what she thinks and if it something to pursue. Just remember that there can and probably will be consequences to your decision and actions. So don't be shocked if certain things happen. It could be a good thing and it could be a bad. It's a risk you will have to take.
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Do u tink a 13 year old sud let I lad feel her tits (link)
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Ummm you're 13!!! Come on. I liked girls around your age too, but seriously that is way to young to be doing that stuff. It could lead to other things and cause more problems. I just don't get why kids today are trying to be so grown up at such a young age?
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I told that guy that i like him but he like me only as a friend he is friendly with me but how to get him in my life i really like him a lot I am from India and my age is 18 (link)
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I am sorry to tell you this but you can't make someone like or love you. They feel what they want to feel. If he says he only likes you as a friend well then that's what he means. I suggest you continue to be his friend and move on to someone that likes you just as much as you like them.
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My (good) friend doesn't think I will be a good teacher. Its want I really want to do, but what she has said has knocked my confidence. She said I'm too shy and I don't have a great bond with children. I'm doing as much studying as possible and will soon be volunteering in a school to gain experience with children (as I don't have any experience yet). I love the thought of becoming a teacher and helping children learn, but now I'm doubting my abilities as my friend is right about me being shy I'm worried she's right that I won't make a good teacher. What should I do? (link)
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Don't lose faith in your abilities. Being shy doesn't make you a good or bad teacher. Being a social butterfly doesn't mean you will be a good teacher or bad teacher. When it comes to working with kids only experience will tell. Some people have niche for certain things and it comes easier for others. I work as a nurse and with kids daily as I work in a children's hospital. Just like parenting things come over time. I have always worked well with kids better than adults. When I first told others I was going to specialize in pediatrics my friends thought I was crazy, but what if I had listened to them. Of course it made me think that hey, am I doing the right thing, but my passion to help others and because I think working with kid is more fun and especially challenging I chose this path. Being in the field (clinic) is totally different than reading books. Sure you get the knowledge from books, but you have to apply these things in real life. Working with kids takes a special person. Women have a more natural motherly sense that I as a man do not have. But in time you learn things and adapt. Each child is different, just like each adult is different. All you need to do is learn to break through the social anxiety. I used to be very shy as well, but working with kids, you can't help learn from them and get over that social anxiety quickly. Kids will do the craziest of things. It takes patience, understanding, and compassion. Don't give up on your dreams. I'm sure your friend must be really close to you and know you. It's funny, because I have seen other people that look completely scary, like big football players that could be a bodygaurd or work for the mafia come in a act like little kids with their children. They are the type of people you would want to avoid in a dark alley at night and etc, but once you talk to them or get to know them they are to nicest and coolest people. Your friend should be supporting you with your goals. Your friend needs to keep her comments to herself, even if she was just joking and not judge a book by its cover or assume she knows everything. The best thing you can do is volunteer and get a feeling for working with kids. Only you can answer your own question if it is something you are truly passionate about and what to follow.
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I think I'm getting a physical next week and I'm wondering if I can ask my doctor not to look in my mouth. I'm over 18, but my dad will probably want to go in to see the doctor with me. The problem is that I have scars in my mouth from a very stupid accident that I don't want my doctor or dad to know about. I've gotten care for it from my boyfriend's dad who is a doctor, so it's taken care of, but I'd be extremely ashamed for anybody to know about it. Can I call him and ask him not to look in my mouth? If so, will he ask any questions and how will I possibly answer them? (link)
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Adviceman49 is correct. I agree with everything he stated. You are protected under HIPPA regulation and as a healthcare provider we must abide by patient confidentiality. I am a nurse in a hospital and our job is not to criticize you for whatever your injury may be. We are there to protect your information and provide you with the best care possibly to get you back to normal health. Since you are 18, you are protected under law and by no means does your parent have the right to receive any information without your consent. I suggest that you are up front and tell your doctor about your issues and your physical injuries in your mouth. You can even mention to your doctor or nurse that you do not wish to share this information with your parent. Either way it is important that you do have your doctor assess and examine your mouth. Believe it or not but even issues with your mouth can have secondary affects that can lead to more serious problems in the future such as not brushing correctly can lead to cardiac issues with the valves in your heart due to bacteria.
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18/f
I've just started my freshman year at a private university and tuition is about $40,000 a year. I'm not living on campus to alleviate some of the costs and I also have about $10,000 from an academic scholarship. If I do really well academically this year would my my school consider increasing my academic scholarship? (link)
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Have you gone to your financial aid office. Fill out the FAFSA and see if you qualify to get more scholarships through the federal government by grants. These you do not have to pay back. Also look online and search for you specific field of interest. If you are majoring in nursing like I did you can find numerous scholarships, but you have to apply and fight to get them. Sometimes you win, sometimes you don't. Try to avoid getting in debt, but that is not always possible depending on your financial status. If you do get loans, I suggest getting ones like Perkins loans. The ones that can be paid off by agreeing to work for for a certain amount of years for working in a nonprofit organization or etc. Just do your homework. One thing about the FAFSA is that even though you don't live with your parents, you may be required to submit their taxes and financial income which could weigh against you in getting approved for grants. So don't be surprised. The only way is to show proof that you are either independent via marriage or an emancipated minor which requires legal documentation via a court. Sorry, but that's how the law works. I do not know the cut-off age range between dependency and independents or what the current family size income ranges are. Just look to see what the school has to offer. Go talk to your financial aid office. Do your research and see if you can be approved for more scholarships. Don't give up. Keep up the good work.
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Ok well I wanna kill myself but I know Its wrong and today was the 1st time I actually did anything about it*i took a few pills* well now I'm feeling really sick I guess I took at about an hour or 2 ago. Anyway I was sexualy abused by my brother in law when I was 9 turning 10 I am 12 and only this year I've been wanting my life to end. Its all mixed up I know that's in it but its my love life to I cry because of that because the guy I love doesn't knowi exsist(he's 18 his 14 year od brother likes me)and other things I've kept inside 2 lng anyway how can I just stop this feeling of wanting to kill myself,feeling sick,and stop being depressed (link)
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So am I the only one that finds a problem here with the fact that you are 12 years old and in love with someone who is 18 or even more serious that her brother in law did something illegal to a minor? First of all, I should address the suicidal notions. If you have or continue to take pills to attempt suicide you need to go to the doctor and make sure that physically you are ok. I know I am late in responding to this, but you may need to have your stomach pumped. I understand you are under a lot of emotional damage. The other person was correct. You should tell somebody. Don't keep in inside. Seek help from your parents and get therapy. There is nothing wrong with therapy. In order to face these demons you have to take the first step to recovery. You need to tell your parents about what happened. Your brother in law should be arrested and taken to court and black listed as a sexual predator. He committed rape. I know that word seems harsh, but that is the seriousness of his conviction. If he did it to you, how do you know he wont do it to another. You need to tell your parents and go to the police. If he threatened you or whatever to scare you into not telling then I am sure there are other charges he could be brought up with. Get him off the streets. Now for the other thing about being in love with an 18 y/o. Sorry to be really harsh, but you are only 12. You have not experienced enough in life to understand certain things. You may not want to hear it, but the same thing goes into affect. Statutory Rape of a minor if the 18 y/o does anything physical with you. It's a good thing he doesn't like you. You need to realize the bigger affects things could have on you and others. You are still immature and definitely need to seek some professional help. I think the best thing to do is to handle your demons first and seek therapy. Taking pills is not the answer and don't do anything that will hurt you. Do you nt realize the seriousness of this. You are 12. Thinking of committing suicide. Hell when I was your age I was still playing video games. Well, I still do that now anyways. LOL. But seriously, if you do anything think of the people you will be hurting, like your parents and things. You need to be honest to yourself. Tell you parents. If you can't tell them then find a counselor at school. Tell the police yourself. Find someone to tell. Make sure you tell them that you have suicidal thoughts and that you have already acted upon it one time. Please please please seek some help.
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i am filling out papers for my new job and there is one place where it asks if I want to opt in to the ERP or not? What is an "employee retirement plan" exactly? Does it cost me something? I mean if it didn't cost money why wouldn't everyone do it? I am so confused. This is my first "real job" with benefits and stuff and I am lost. Can you help me understand what to put here please? (link)
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Retirement plans are very important to utilize. Many young people fail to know its true value and they will have a rude awakening one day when they reach 65 and retire and find out they only have social security there to help then survive, that's if social security is even around when we retire LOL...ERP is for employment retirement plan. I suggest you opt in. The other answer is correct as the traditional companiees used to have what were called pensions as a supplement for those people who work at that company for 20 years or more or the required number of years would recieve financial benefits for when they retire. Now most companies do not have pensions anymore and the new benefits are called ERP usually consisting on a 401K or 403b. These are practically the same however the difference is that 403b are for non-profit organizations usually hospitals, schools, etc. Other things are different for government places and etc. So basically what these plans allow you to do are to contribute a small amount of your paycheck (whatever allotment) you put down for and they pull it tax free and put it in this retirement account. The way it works is that this money is placed into whatever funds of the stock market. So basically its a form of investing and it does have the ability to gain or lose. The beauty of it is that if most are included in to what are called mutual funds which are funds comprised a hundreds of companies in a specific fund. This where you need to learn basics of the stock maret, such as what are stock, what are bonds, etc. Then depending on the funds you chose, which I suggest that you diversify with both stocks and bonds that it will gain over years via a term called compound interest. What this basically means is that say you invest 100 dollars. If you invested this money in your retirement account and say that the stock did really good that year and made a 10% increase for that year, you would make 10 dollars. So now you have 110. Now that may not seem like much, but think of it this way. If you take that same 110 and the next year you also add another 100, and the stock or fund you are in does really good again and makes 10% again then not only do you get the 10% on the new 100, but you get 10% on the 110. See how this adds up quick. Then if you expand contributing money to it for 30 to 40 years until you retire, you will have a pretty decent amount of money. The trick is to contribute while you are young so that way the compound interest has time to build over the years. The other trick is to diversify yourself in the right funds. Chose a mixture of stocks, bonds, and treasuries. The younger you are the bigger change or risk you can take because you have more time on your hands that if you lose money, you can gain it back. That's why I suggest you do it. Risk level varies on different people. Some are very aggressive and some are very very conservative. The younger you are the more aggressive you can be. The old the less agressive you should be. So what makes a person agressive is based on the risk you take by the types of funds you chose. Chosing more stocks is vary agressive. Stocks rise and fall like steep roller coasters. Bonds are little bit less. Treasuries are like nothing, but at a young age you don't want to cut yourself too short. You want to risk some and allow your chances to make some money. So if you are young you should chose more in stock and less in bonds and treasuires. As you get older you should change your values to more bonds and less stocks. Now to understand funds, you have to know what you are looking at. Stocks can include specific sectors, large cap, medium cap, small cap, growth funds, large, value, blah blah blah. I can go on and on. Bonds have the same thing. You need to review what everything is. Know what you are investing in. Im not going to tell you what to chose, but my biggest suggestion is that you diversify between different types of stock and bonds and look for someting called no load funds with low fees. I persoanlly am in things called index funds. Im what you would call a passive investor in which I don't sit there and sweat or lose sleep over what the stock market is doing. I did enough research to find funds that had a good history, no fees, no loaded funds, and pay a decent form of dividend back. If you need help with these things you should check out some books in the library and read the internet. You can also go to an advisor and they will help you to understand what is your risk level and give you suggestions. Just be careful they are not getting you into a fund that takes more fees and money from you.
The ERP is a good benefit to have. There may not be social security by the time we retire, so take advatange of it. The younger you are the better. You will need this income in the future. As for the amount to contribute, I do beleive the best is at least up to matching. Like the other answer suggested that the company matches 3%. What this means is that if you chose to allocate (give money) taken from your paychecks then whatever you put the company will match you up to the point of what their policy states. Some companies do 1-2%. Rule of thumb is usually 3% but at one point I know someone's was doing 6%, but that's almost unheard of today. So basically what would happen is you can do a certain dollar amount per a paycheck or a %. Do the amount of % for full matching and you should be well on your way, because if it is 3% then you automatically get a 6% contribution. I only say do this if you are out of debt though. If you are in debt wait and get out of debt first. Especially if you have credit card debt. what happens is that most credit cards have a apr of 20-30% which is way more than what you would make by investing in the market. So if you pay off you debt, then you automatically give your self two important things, a 20 to 30% gain on your money by not having to pay it to credit card companies and you have freed your biggest means to creating wealth, which is your income. If you are debt free (means no debt, zero, zilch, nada) then the rule of thumb is to do 10 to 15% of your income towards retirement, so if you company is giving you a match of 3% then your should only have to give 12%. The % is of your annual income. That meaning if you make 40000 a year and you give 10% you are giving out 4000 per year. The advantages of having this retirement fund is that it is also taken tax free, however when you retire you will then be taxed on everything. You can not withdraw this money before 59 1/2 years old otherwise you suffer huge taxes. Compound interest will help you and obviously the more you put in the faster the money can build. The reason to also give it is that it is tax free, so it decreases the amount you are taxed on and thus decreases the amount your considered to earn on a year. So if you made 40000 but put in 10000, then you are now placed in a lesser tax bracket as if your income was only 30000. They have another thing also called a roth ira. This is money that works like a 401k or 403b but it is money that is taken out and invested after it has already reached your bank account. That means it was taxed by the government already and etc. The plus side to this is that all the money in the builds in compound interest will not be taxed later, so its there for you. I suggest you talk to a financial advisor if you have questions.
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I was wondering I have unpaid medical bills I heard if they aren't paid anything medical cant hurt your credit or ruin your credit score when you go for a loan? Is this true? (link)
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Some of what flare stated is true. I would suggest you research. First look at your credit reports. You can find out what is considered outstanding and if what marks on your report. You can also find out where that specific debt is and who is in charge of collecting it, whether it still is with the medical company (hospital) or transferred to a collection agency. The problem that people don't realize is that credit reports go on a FICO system. There are many things that reflect and cause damage or even impact your score. Flare stated it was your credit cards that have the biggest impact and charging. That is somewhat true. What Flare is describing to called the debt to credit ratio. Basically it the amount of credit you have available vs the amount of debt you have. This counts for about 30% of your FICO score. So if you have 3 credit cards and they have a limit of 1000 and you are maxed at 1000 on all of them, then you have a really low debt to credit ratio and since it counts as 30% of your FICO score, then it impacts your credit score more. THe biggest thing anyone can do to fix a credit score quickly is by paying off their debt. The debt to credit ratio does not only apply to credit cqrds, it includes all debt, such as medical bills and etc. Another thing that affects your score is payment history. Have you been late, are their charge offs, collections, bankruptcies, etc. You have to be careful. This isn't as much as the debt to credit ration but it can affect the score. Another the the amount years and different forms of credit you have and the amount f years you have the accounts for. So don't run too many credit inquiries, such as opening too many new cards and etc. If you declare bankrupt, most debt maybe dismissed by in it, but you would have to talk to a lawyer about that. I'm not sure of those details, but one thing that doesn't go are student loans. So if you have debt in that. Try to get rid of it. Otherwise, for you medical loans, i would look to see who is controlling the repayment of it or if it has gone to collections. There are some ways to help you. Talk to the company in charge of the bill before they rport it to the credit bureaus. See if they will make a settlement, but I doubt they will. That's a form of stealing. See if there are grants or places to help. Avoid going to these places that say they will fix your credit for you. You can do this stuff yourself and for free usually. Also look for discrepencies on your credit report and then write to the company to have them fix it. IF they dont then write to the credit bureau and show proof to have them fix the problem. It takes a little work, but its worth it. If you cant afford to pay your bills go to a legitimate place by the government that helps. But there are other ways to fix things. Transfer your highest apr to a lower one This saves you money. Try to become current on all your debt. Don't be late. Those late fees hurt and then they also report to the credit bureaus after 30 days and then your score drops which can affect other things, not only being able to get other loans. It may affect being able to get jobs as some companies even check credit reports now. Honestly, knowledge is power. Don't fall for quick fix schemes or make it rich schemes. Slow wins the race. Research and work on it.
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Hello, I am 22 and will be attending my last year of school an hopefully get my social work diploma. So far there have been some budget cuts to the social services sector in Ontario (Canada) and I am concerned about the quality of work I will be able to get when I graduate. I anticipate I will be about 4000 in debt when I finish school, as I have saved all my life and have been able to pay for most of everything myself (school, braces, books, clothes etc). My family was never really financially "comfortable" and so I have never been the spoiled child. I have been dating someone for 6 yrs and he too comes from a similar background and not financially comfortable. I love to go out and do things with him (travel, camp, shows etc) but it is really hard to afford and so lately we have been trying to compromise about where we can cut our expenses. The thing is I am not cutting on my savings and he will not cut his car expenses which I respect because we are still individuals an have the right to spend on whatever we desire. My problem is I would love so ideas on what I can do for free!!! And what I can do to feel better about myself financially. I help my mom out at home and btw do not like living at home (my mom smokes in the house and I have asked her to stop or smoke outside and it is a constant fail so I gave up) . Do right now I make 900 monthly (255-bills such as home phone, cell, cable & Internet, 125-savings, 200- debt, 80-120 on transportation which leaves about 200 for food, school medical and everything else monthly including entertainment.) I just would really love to be spoiled right now and have someone pay for everything for me! I am So frustrated with being poor!!! Please help, there really isn't much I can cut down on. The bills are mostly to help my mom out! Should I tell her I can afford to help her out anymore? What are some things I can do for free to give me time to relax and enjoy myself and my bf!!! Please help, any ideas are better than no ideas. THANKS (link)
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Many people are not financially literate and then they find themselves in very serious problems. It's not your fault or etc. People in general are afraid to talk about money. They let it control them instead of them controlling it. I believe it is a good thing to help out your mom with her expenses, but if you are struggling with debt you should be honest with her about finances and talk to each other. I'm going to tell you what I think you should do. This is only advice, but I want to tell you how I actually paid off over 26000 in less than 18months. First thing is that you actually have a better mind set than most people do about money. At least you do not go overboard and pay everything on credit or loans or etc. Those are the worst things you can do.
I found out after reading hundreds to even a thousand economic and personal finance books of what it really takes to become financially literate. Im not becoming rich as in money. I just want enough money to be comfortable. What will make me rich is having a good life and good family. That's where social media lead everyone wrong. Im glad that you are similar to me in your respect for life and your values. It took a lot of research and reading for me to conclude to what actually helped me out and now I am glad to help out others. I want to see others succeed. So here's what I did. One person I think is a financial genius in getting out of debt is a person called Dave Ramsey. He has a plan of getting out of debt called the debt snowball. You should review that. I followed his plan and am almost done. I made poor decisions in my life, but unlike certain things he says to do, I didn't sell anything to get out of debt. I made a small emergency fund of 1000 dollars and beleive me it comes in very handy. You don't know how many times I have needed it. Next I cut some expenses on things I didn't need. I looked at my budget and saw where I spent a little too much on eating out or even having coffee or etc. I freed up some extra money monthly. Even if it's only 10 to 25 dollars, beleive me it makes a difference. Next i made sure I paid all my bills even the minimum payments. Then I took the one that had the smallest balance and I added that extra 10 or 25 dollars to the minimum payment. So pretend that we talk about you loans. Say yoour student loans were 3 of them them to equal the full 4000. So one is 500. Another is 1500 and the last is 2000. I would pay the minimum on all three to make sure they were current, but I would start with that 500 one. If the minimum was say 25 dollars. I would pay 25 and add 25 (25+25=50) So my new payment would be 50. Now I increased my payment by more and then The bill would go away quicker. What happens is once you finish that one and move to your next one. The next one is 1500. So say the min. amount for that was 100 per month. I would pay that every month while I paid off the first. Then when I finished I would take the 50 i was paying on the first and add it to the next one to = 150. So now that payment went up. Then I paid that until I finished. See how the process works. The reason you start with smaller to bigger is that it is more a psycological impact. You feel better with your accomplishments. Next thing is that you do not go into debt again. Always spend less than what you make and don't go into debt again. Once you do that plan of the debt snowball, I suggest you save a big emergency fund of at east 3 to 6 months of income. I myself and saving while paying down debt now. I started with little being able to pay on my bills but now I am saving alot and putting a lot on debt. Sacrifice for your debt as it is only temporary. Once you save your emergency fund you should invest for your future. Im also not saying give up all fun too while you get rid of your debt. Sacrifice enough that makes you comfortable. When you save for your future, think about your retirement and also things you want in the future like a house or etc. When you invest use a retirement account or IRA. Im not sure exactly what Canada uses but research your area. Use the power of compound interest and passively invest for your retirement. Also make money work harder for you. The emergency fund should be place in something we call liquid. No I don't mean water. LOL. It should be someplace safe that you can easily get to it if you need it fast for an emergency, but not so easy that you are tempted to just grab it and spend it. Don't boyfriend control your money either. No offense. I'm sure he is a good guy, but until you are married, be careful. Once you are married you guys should respect each other and share certain income for bills you have together but also have your own spend income for things you like to do. Anyways back to the emergency fund. I suggest you save it and put it into an online high yield savings account where you will get more return on your interest on your money than a regular bank. Right now most economies are pretty bad, especially in the financial sector so interest rates are really low. Be careful on the accounts you find. Make sure these accounts do have hidden charges or fees. Also when investing diversify, I suggest index funds that are mutual funds and are no load funds. These give you more bang for your buck and allow you to be diversified upon diversification. Educate yourself on basics of investing. If you do a passive approach to investing, then you are more conservative and not trying to beat the market. Let your money sit there and go in. The market will go up and go down Let it work automatcally, but what you have on your help is time my friend. Over 30 years until you retire. This will help you financially and you will be way ahead of your peers if you can start while you are younger. But first get out of debt. That is one first way you are saving for the future. Things work a little different here in the states then canada, but some things work for most apsects of finance. The other thing you can do is keep working and get out of debt meanwhile, but do try to increase your income. I hope you find a good job as a social worker. My cousin is one ehre in the states. She loves it and I think its a great field. If you can earn more then better. Just supplement your budget accordingly and contiue to live like a college student until you get out of debt and build the emergency fund. Trust me you will thank me later for it. Make sure you know your rules and laws for the retirement and handling money. Always look for ways the finanical institutions can take money from you. Don't be paranoid, but search for the hidden fees. Read the fine rpint. My other suggestion, and no offense to your boyfriend, but don't finance or lease a car if you can. That's a bad investment. Sure you need a car, but if you reall the millionare mind and other financial books they will tell you that most millionares don't lease or finance cars, and most actually drive simple cars such as a toyota or something. Not the flashy BMWs or ferraris or etc. Sorry for any mistypes or spelline errors. I'm just trying to write all this really quick while things come back in my mind. Hmm. So lets see. The next thing to know is rules on mortgages. Know the rules for Canada. I know over here in the states that if you want to be financially successful that eventually you should own your own home. Here I ould not even think of mortgaging a home unless I had no debt, a full funded emergency fund, and started my retirement savings, and most important had 20% downpayment to avoid the PMI fees . I woud also make sure I had enough to pay the mortgage with out it taking more than 1/4 to 1/3 of my take home income. Also rememebr that with everything comes more responsibility. What I mean by that is for every action there is always a consequence. What I like to do is think about it in terms of Assets and Income vs. Expenses and Liabilities. Read R. Kiyoski's "Rich dad poor dad". You will understand it better, but what he says is to increase your income and assets and decrease your expenses and liabilities. So with the mortgage as an example this is what happens. If you are paying rent say like 300 or what you stated, but now you mortgage goes to say 600 a month, you have now increase your expenses and now your liabilities too. Here in the states, with a mortgage comes other things, such as taxes, HOA fees, utilities, insurance, etc. So now your expenses and liabilities increased even more.Liabilities are anything that takes money from you or has the ability to take it from you. You will always have some sort of liability and some expense, like food, cell phones, etc. But dont get too crazy over spending on things. The other thing is to increase the income and assets. If you can make it to the point where you have you assets create a postive cash flow to make more income. What i mean by that is later when you are older and have no mortgage or etc, rent out your paid for house or etc and then move to another house. Have the mortgage be paid for on that one from the rent of your old house. See people in the real estate business make major mistakes by spreading themselves too thin. Don't look for quick rich schemes. Don' spread yourself too thin. Make it so you create a passive income without putting yourself at risk. First off your first house would be paid in full so now if anything you decreased your liabilties and expense a little bit, but you should still have property taxes and etc. Always decrease your risk to things. Having a plan and following it. Some things you will need to readjust along the way. I pull from all these books different things i like. I don't listen to dave ramsey on investing but his getting out of debt plan is almost genius. So simple yet we don't use our common snese. I diversify using passive approach in both bonds and stocks. But research what you are investing in and understand the terminology. Most people are just too lazy to get out of debt and learn to invest and etc. If you want a list of things I studied and books I like I can send you some awesome lists and the best ones that i like personally. So, before I mention the last thing, I just wanted to show that with the mortgage you created a safety net by having your first mortgage paid in full and lowered your risk while lowring your expense and liability. When your mortgage is paid in full you actually own something and now have a positive asset. Now to create a passive cash flow to create a passive income can be through real estate by then turning around and renting out that house while you go and live in another house. Then hopefully the rent on that place will cover the mortgage on your new place, so now someone is practically paying you to live in your newplace. Another way is to be an entrepeneur. Start a business on the side. Find and do something ou enjoy doing etc. The list goes on and on. My point is that you create a passive income so other than your work as a social worker you have another source of income stream coming in. Passive meaning you doint have to go out and physically work for it. Like to rent on the first place. It now comes to you without you having to go out to earn it. That's how the rich become rich. The other thing is to not be greedy. Donate and help others, but don't be a sucker. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Knowledge is power. Don't make rash judgements. Learn not to be greedy. make money work harder for you. Money is just a tangible object made by man but a necessity to survive. Your actions and judgements on what yo do with your money are what is going to lead you. Don't let it control you. Also do protect it enough. Understand the true value of trusts and corporations. People are stingy and very greedy. If you don't educate yourself and become financially literate, then you are no different than anyone else. I proud of you for doing those things and asking these questions. I used to be really poor and ignorant. I blamed the rich and etc and said life is unfair. But no it was my own fault. Rich people are very intelligent. They learned what was necessary to earn it. IF you want to be a millionaire, do what a millionaire would do. The real ones don't go and act like hollywood and etc. Sure its ok to buy nice toys and things, but remember they are all just tangible objects mad by man. Real richness lies in your beliefs ad what you feel is rich. By the way, I actually live in Los Angeles. I was born and raised here and I went to good private schools, but then my high school year we lost everything. So I have seen the best of all worlds. I hope to see you guys successful at life and anyone else who reads this LOL. If don't understand this post then it's on you. I did my part. I tried to give suggestions.
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well..there's this boy at my school who likes and he is really such a nice guy who deserves someone nice to like him back.How do i let him down easy,because he is really such a great person and friend!! (link)
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From a guys point of view:
Be straight forward with him. Worst thing you can do is be nice to him and lead him on. He may get some idea that you are sending him mixed signals and then that can make it worse. Just be honest and set boundaries. Tell him you only want him as a friend and don't see him as anything but that. That way he can get over his feelings. Time usually heels wounds. You will actually be helping him out if you are honest. The other answers are totally spot on. Just be careful because my step sister had this guy friend that was really nice and she didn't want to hurt his feelings but then he became a real creep, almost stalker like. I'm not saying he is like that, but just better to be safe than sorry also.
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i think of her regularly.she calls me and says she wants to get back to me but still living with the other guy.dont trust her again.how do io handle it? (link)
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Amen Dangernerd. Totally true. I was in your exact situation. You can't trust her. The relationship isn't going to be the same anymore. Have pride in yourself and don't be a fool. She just want to use you as her toy. She is clearly immature and doesn't even know who she is. Don't let her have her cake and ice cream to. Have pride in yourself and don't under value yourself. If I had know back then what I know now. grrrr. LOL. If only we could change certain things in the past. It's not worth it. Surround yourself around less drama. Find someone who can respect you and wants to be with you for you.
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i was in to a relationship from past 2 n half year now i got break he went to abroad left me alone m taking sleeping pills every day nd night in a bulk don't know what to do or what is not to do i tried a lot to make his mind to come back to me but he is not ready to even talk to me don't wanna see my face now i can't live anymore like this i want to quit pls tell me which is the poison or else tell me any way to commit a suicide pls i need this answer now (link)
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Please read my full answer:
Killing yourself is not the answer. I know what you are going through is really hard. Everyone has issues whether it be relationship problems, family problems, life's problems, financial problems, etc... You should look for other methods to release your emotions. Talk to someone, seek some therapy. As the other person answered that you may disagree with what I am saying and say that I would never understand the way you feel, but believe me I have had my share of problems to dear. I will share my story with you and I hope that you will find some inspiration in it to look for the sunnier side of life.I found my strength in thinking of how my actions my hurt those that really do care about me.
So my life has been full of roller coasters since the day I was born. My dad abandoned my mom and I when I was 4 but he used to physically hit both my mom and me even as a baby. I have to scars still from burnt cigarettes on my thumb. I got in alot of trouble growing up and did drugs and etc. I ended up in jail for minors many times. I left home when i was 15 and survived on my own while working and going to school. I lost some close friends due to drugs and gangs. I joined the military when I was 17 and went and fought and lost some good friends next to me when they were playing with some explosives. I literally saw them one second, turned my back, heard the explosion, and all that was left was a few body parts. While I was in the war, my ex gf decided to write me a letter and tell me she wanted to end it because she thought she was a lesbian.
She said that I never had time for her and etc. What an excuse huh? I mean I was in a war for crying out loud. anyways, when I got back she wanted to repatch things but I said no even after she realized that she missed me and etc. That's just my personality. I've been in your shoes. I felt like dying and etc, but I never gave up. It gets even better. I drank alot and had given up on life and etc after coming home from war. Next I finally found hope again in myself because I wanted to go back to college and help people, so I majored in nursing. Then I met my next ex gf whom I dated for 6 years only to find out that she was cheating on me with her old ex. I mean worst thing is I sacrificed working 3 jobs, going to school, and etc while she got sick and was in the hospital and i visited her everday and worked and school again. Then she would still sneek behind my back and her ex came and proposed to her in the hospital. Her father and sister moved in with us when we lived together and then they decided not to work so I was left supporting a full family now without even having finished school. But I did all this in the name of love. Then she treated me badly an I let her because I loved her and I put up with it. I moved again once she got better and paid for her again and accepted her cheating but then she stopped and then she did it again. I was done. I left her and found my pride in me again .I cursed everyone and gave up again. I asked why the hell am I here. What is my purpose in this world. Then i found strength again in helping kids. Now I am a nurse, but to make things and my life couldn't be happier. In nursing school, I found another ex. She and I almostt got married and we have a daughter together, but things didn't work out with her either. At least this one was more civilized in our breakup. But we are a part of each others lives now because of our daughter together. See I never wanted my life to be like this. I wanted it simple with just a happy family, love of my life, simple house and to have fun and love each other. I want everyone to be healthy and live a good honest life. Not too bad right? My journey has had ups and downs. I hope with this you can find some inspiration. I never thought I would get over all those turmoil and etc. I am happy and now I focus on giving my daughter and even my mom a better life now. If I ever find someone special again, I know what I want and need now. If these things had never happened to me, I would never have developed into the person I am today. So please thing about it. I understand you are hurting, but life goes on. Like I told you earlier. One thing that also helped me from doing anything is thinking of all the people I would hurt by doing that. If I had done something stupid like that then what would my family do. How would I have hurt them and my friends, and even now, my daughter. What would she do without me? I want her to have the best life possible.
So please don't give up on yourself. If you need someone to talk to or anything please feel free to talk to me. I will be more than happy to chat with you.
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I'm 22 and I've been dating a guy(21) right at about 3 months now, and I fell head over heels for him early on. He was so great, and we had so much fun together! But about a month and a half in we started arguing all the time. Over the stupidest things. Sometimes though it was really serious stuff, like I had a very rough childhood and I still have a lot of emotional problems from it, and he would tell me how I should be over it by now and I was just letting myself go crazy. and he started getting super jealous when I've never given him a reason too. He even got mad at me and started an argument with me because when I pick something up off the floor I bend straight over and don't bend my knees. Told me I was "inviting guys to stare at my butt". Even when I tried to end some of these arguments he just wouldn't let it go! One of the fights we had got into was over a guy friend of mine I've had for almost 2 years, who just went through a bad break up with his gf of a year and a half, and we made plans to hang out since we hadn't saw each other in a while. My boyfriend flipped! Said if I loved him I wouldn't ever hang out with a guy alone. I told him from the beginning of the relationship that I was a tomboy growing up and had a TON of guy friends and he had acted fine with it. I finally had enough and ended it. He bawled like a baby and begged for another chance, swearing he would change. The thing is, is I had had a HUGE crush on my guy friend that I had made plans to hang out with almost 2 years ago when we first met. He's just the sweetest guy and was always so supportive and caring and we would webchat for hours almost every night. And he never made any kind of remark that he liked m and when he got into a relationship I just kinda let it go and moved on. We've started talking just as friends again, more since him and his gf broke up and I've hung out with him once, and the feelings are there again. And my ex, is doing EVERYTHING right to get me back and I do still really care about him, but I just don't feel the way i use to. I don't miss him when I go days without seeing him, and I honestly don't think we will work long term. and I know my guy friend has never made any kind of anything towards me about liking me, but I just can't get him out of my head. I don't know what to do. I know this is really long, and I'm really sorry. I just really need advice!! Do I try to make it work with my ex and see if the feelings will come back if he's changed, or do I move on and tell my friend I like him? Or do I just let my ex go, and stay friends with my friend unless he makes a move?? HELP! PLEASE!!!!:(
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It sounds as if you are over your EX anways. Honestly, you should move on from your ex. First of you said it yourself that you don't have the same feelings anymore. So, don't lead him on and don't lie to yourself. Also your ex sounds really immature. Some jealousy happens with all relationships, but the way he is acting sounds very immature and really overbearing. He needs to grow up and realize that trust is part of a relationship and that he can't be there every single minute to make sure you are not bending over without using your knees. That's retarded. It seems that you also need to experience things in your life. You are at the age where you should have some fun, live life, and experience things before you do make that serious commitment to someone. Your ex has some emotional and security issues that he needs to figure out about himself. You should also take the time to figure out who you are and what really matters to you. Don't throw yourself after this other guy. Take your time and see if he is into you, but make sure he is not using you and actually into you for you. The worse thing you can do is to give up who you are for someone else. Hope fully this other relationship will flourish into something better, but don't forget to value yourself. Some may call this selfish, but believe me, only you can figure out what makes you happy. Once you know who you are and that life is a learning process that you will understand comes with time, only then will you know what a true relationship and love is. Its sacrificng for the love of the other, but not your soul. Relationships require two people, not just one. Don't cheat yourself by going back to your ex. Don't lie to your ex if you dont feel for him anymore. Don't rush into this new relationship blinded by lust and a simple crush. Value things for what they are worth. If you want to have fun then have fun. But don't be with someone because you feel sorry or lonely or etc. You will be doing more harm than good. I say just have some fun, figure it out what makes you happy, work on figuring out who you are, and most importantly live life for what it is. Keep things simple. Take it slow with this other guy and find out what he's about. Listen to what he tells you and set the boundaries you are comfortable with. If you guys are going to date exclusively make sure you both understand. Communicate and trust and make sure he accepts you for you.
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