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My ex is trying to change to get me back,,, but.... I can't get my other guy friend out of my head
I'm 22 and I've been dating a guy(21) right at about 3 months now, and I fell head over heels for him early on. He was so great, and we had so much fun together! But about a month and a half in we started arguing all the time. Over the stupidest things. Sometimes though it was really serious stuff, like I had a very rough childhood and I still have a lot of emotional problems from it, and he would tell me how I should be over it by now and I was just letting myself go crazy. and he started getting super jealous when I've never given him a reason too. He even got mad at me and started an argument with me because when I pick something up off the floor I bend straight over and don't bend my knees. Told me I was "inviting guys to stare at my butt". Even when I tried to end some of these arguments he just wouldn't let it go! One of the fights we had got into was over a guy friend of mine I've had for almost 2 years, who just went through a bad break up with his gf of a year and a half, and we made plans to hang out since we hadn't saw each other in a while. My boyfriend flipped! Said if I loved him I wouldn't ever hang out with a guy alone. I told him from the beginning of the relationship that I was a tomboy growing up and had a TON of guy friends and he had acted fine with it. I finally had enough and ended it. He bawled like a baby and begged for another chance, swearing he would change. The thing is, is I had had a HUGE crush on my guy friend that I had made plans to hang out with almost 2 years ago when we first met. He's just the sweetest guy and was always so supportive and caring and we would webchat for hours almost every night. And he never made any kind of remark that he liked m and when he got into a relationship I just kinda let it go and moved on. We've started talking just as friends again, more since him and his gf broke up and I've hung out with him once, and the feelings are there again. And my ex, is doing EVERYTHING right to get me back and I do still really care about him, but I just don't feel the way i use to. I don't miss him when I go days without seeing him, and I honestly don't think we will work long term. and I know my guy friend has never made any kind of anything towards me about liking me, but I just can't get him out of my head. I don't know what to do. I know this is really long, and I'm really sorry. I just really need advice!! Do I try to make it work with my ex and see if the feelings will come back if he's changed, or do I move on and tell my friend I like him? Or do I just let my ex go, and stay friends with my friend unless he makes a move?? HELP! PLEASE!!!!:(
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It sounds as if you are over your EX anways. Honestly, you should move on from your ex. First of you said it yourself that you don't have the same feelings anymore. So, don't lead him on and don't lie to yourself. Also your ex sounds really immature. Some jealousy happens with all relationships, but the way he is acting sounds very immature and really overbearing. He needs to grow up and realize that trust is part of a relationship and that he can't be there every single minute to make sure you are not bending over without using your knees. That's retarded. It seems that you also need to experience things in your life. You are at the age where you should have some fun, live life, and experience things before you do make that serious commitment to someone. Your ex has some emotional and security issues that he needs to figure out about himself. You should also take the time to figure out who you are and what really matters to you. Don't throw yourself after this other guy. Take your time and see if he is into you, but make sure he is not using you and actually into you for you. The worse thing you can do is to give up who you are for someone else. Hope fully this other relationship will flourish into something better, but don't forget to value yourself. Some may call this selfish, but believe me, only you can figure out what makes you happy. Once you know who you are and that life is a learning process that you will understand comes with time, only then will you know what a true relationship and love is. Its sacrificng for the love of the other, but not your soul. Relationships require two people, not just one. Don't cheat yourself by going back to your ex. Don't lie to your ex if you dont feel for him anymore. Don't rush into this new relationship blinded by lust and a simple crush. Value things for what they are worth. If you want to have fun then have fun. But don't be with someone because you feel sorry or lonely or etc. You will be doing more harm than good. I say just have some fun, figure it out what makes you happy, work on figuring out who you are, and most importantly live life for what it is. Keep things simple. Take it slow with this other guy and find out what he's about. Listen to what he tells you and set the boundaries you are comfortable with. If you guys are going to date exclusively make sure you both understand. Communicate and trust and make sure he accepts you for you.
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Because you don't have feelingss for your ex anymore you don't want to start dating him again in hopes that the feelings 'come back' because if they don't then you will be leading him on.. It sounds like your just over it. I would not go back to your ex. and i would wait a while before making a move with your guy friend. hang out with him more and see if he flirts back when you flirt. but yet you don't want to do it too soon. because a you don't want him to think he is the rebound. and you don't want him to actually be a rebound.
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