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i feel bad that i cheated but i couldnt control it.what do i do?
i have a bf,i like him especialy before..he cheated on me once we broke up and came back together.we went on and mean whle i was developin a crush on a guy i study with.it came stronger as i realised he likes me too.lately my bf has not been like bfore,doesn text me often,we dont talk much and the othr guy txts me al the time we talk.and yesterday we kissed and had a wild rmance and he wantd to have sex but i refused.i feel bad that i cheated but i couldnt control it.what do i do?i told the guy to stay away frm me but he cant.pls advice
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This is not anything new to most people. Honestly, it seems like you don't know what it is that you want, but you feel trapped. I've been there and done that to. I want to say something and hopefully you won't be upset, but I am very frank and straight forward when I talk to people. When you said your bf cheated when you broke up and then came back together. I think you are wrong in calling that cheating. If you two were broken up then it really isn't cheating. Sure there are unwritten rules that should be enforced like a time of mourning LOL..What I mean is that you shouldn't just run out the same day or next day after you break up and have sex with someone else, especially if you really did care or even love that other person. But all said, it's an unwritten rule and honestly, most of guys lose our brains when we think with our other brain. Haha. Anyways, I am happy that you didn't have sex with that new guy, because it would be cheating, but what it sounds like to me is that you are just finding that puppy love or early stage of romance again. Most people run away and make excuses for not working on their relationships because they are missing something. They complain and say ohhh the person has changed or the romance isn't there anymore. My favorite is that he isn't there for me anymore. If it reaches to that point then it's one of two things. Either try and work on the current relationship or just move on. If you continue to move on you may find something better. If you do I'm happy for you. If not then don't be surprised if things will never be the same again. I don't think its fair for you to judge and say that your bf cheated when you two split, because it's not cheating. Cheating can mean different things to everyone and I believe even kissing another person while you are in a committed relationship is cheating. There is obviously something wrong if you find yourself physically doing something with the other guy while you are in a relationship, but not if you are broken up. Emotionally a lot of women also distance themselves from their partner and usually that is the first sign when problems are about to happen. Hey, listen I'm NOT and expert on dating, but I've been on both ends of this thing and I finally grew up to understand certain things about relationships. Not everything is perfect the way hollywood or the social media makes it out to be. Have you ever seen older couples that have been married for over 50 years. Sometimes I wonder why someone may stay with someone even if seems like they are not happy. Ive seen those types of marriages, but what I like to use as an example is my grandparents. They have been married for 66 years now and 4 kids. I once asked my grandfather and my grandmother both what they thought made their marriage last and even to still be so happy together. The things they told me basically relate to love, communicating, understanding, respect, and sacrifice. Love can only handle so much, but when he's with her, he treats her as his equal. They both give and take a little, meaning they sacrifice certain things for each other, because they know it makes the other happy and they communicate. They know how the other will react before the other does. I mean if that's not true love, then I don't know what is. Call me traditional, but I think you need to take a good look at yourself and see if this is someone you want to pursue being with. Also don't stay with someone just to stay with them or because you feel lonely or pity. Be honest to yourself. Find content with yourself first. If you can make yourself happy and realize what makes you happy then finding someone else is not that hard. It is when you least expect it that it actually happens. You should be with someone who deserves you.
I forgot to write that it takes two to make a relationship work. So if your current bf doesn't make the effort to be with you, then maybe it's time to move on. But don't make excuses for trying to search for someone else if you really haven't tried to work on things. Maybe it's just that both of you really don't want to be together or do need a break. The point I'm trying to make is that you need to make yourself happy. Life is too short to do otherwise. If you find someone you like and want to be with they go for it and fight for it. If you really wanted to be with that person then you would and that in my opinion is the first sign of real love. A person in love is willing to sacrifice certain things for their partner, but not their soul. You can let them into your heart, but you will never let them take your soul. Remember, there is no perfect checklist for your perfect person. What traits and qualities you find in one person can attract you, but there will still be something missing that you can find in another person. I do believe that there is a perfect opposite or someone out there for everyone. You just don't drown in the small stuff and work on building something that truly makes you happy. Who knows, it could be the one person right in front of you or even the one your consider to be your worst enemy. Honestly, I didn't realize that until one day it just hit me. It was like nothing else in the world even mattered anymore. Not that BS that time stands still or etc. Everyone has their own way in which they reach it. All I know is that the things I always said I would never do, I did and all the things that made sense to me didn't. Hahaha. Anywas, sorry for the long speech. Just figure out what makes you happy then go with the flow and make sure that the person who wants to be with you accepts you for you and fights for you. Not only physically, but makes the effort to do so.
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I believe strongly that you cannot control who you love or are attracted to and shouldn't be with someone you aren't as it's not fair to either person.
However, all of us have the ability no matter the situation not to engage in something that isn't right or hurt someone by doing so. You were smart to know to refuse sex but made a mistake with the kissing, texts and other things you mentioned and now are legitimately confused on what you want and need and whether they are one and the same or not.
If you are committed to someone who never talks to you anymore, texts or does any of the things you used to than you have to tell that person as much as you love them that the relationship just doesn't work and move on. Illustrate that you found someone who you are a better fit with and stop short of cheating but want to be with him from here forward.
The other thing you need to do is cool down a bit here. See if this new guy is genuine, explain your BF situation and that you want to leave and aren't in to cheating. Make sure he isn't cheating on someone or is that type before you leap. As far as I see your kissing, texts etc were inappropriate but you're rectifying things and were a smart girl to back of of sex and hurt someone regardless if they did that themselves in the past.
I KNOW you aren't shallow but some people can be and are sometimes to be doing something like this subconciously or intentionally to get back at a partner who cheated. As long as that isn't your situation and movtives to be with someone 100% than go for what and whom makes you totally happy and your heart and gut (trust them) says is right and let nobody else make that choice but you.
Let me know what happens after taking a few days to chew on this as I see nothing wrong with dumping a partner if you chose to and taking a new one one if your current partner doesn't acknowledge you. People fall out of love and that seems what is transpiring. Why be miserable in any way?
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