GemmalGD's advice column

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Q: He broke up with me for his ex girlfriend and then yesterday he told me he left his ex girlfriend because she is too up tight for him. He wants to be friends now. But I still like him... A lot! I don't know if I should be friends with him because he doesn't feel the same way. What do I do? Be friends with him or don't? P.s we were friends before we started dating and personally I thought we got along better when we were dating.

I think that its hard for anyone to have a friend and want a relationship with them. What you have to think about is, even though you have said 'I probably wont end up with him but he is what I want right now' but have you considered the toll it will have on your friendship when you finish? You don't know if it end mutually or end badly, but you should be prepared to break up on a bad note if you are both stressed and confused with your lives at the moment. He may be a really nice person, and just going through a rough time but you have to remember that he has left you once before for someone else and can easily do it again. He may just want you when he doesn't have anyone else because he wants comfort from his best friend with a bit of harmless flirting, but you can't get upset if he finds other girls to be in a relationship with because it sounds like he does see you more of a friend than a girlfriend which is probably why this situation is so confusing. If I were you I would forgive him like you have, but I wouldn't exactly be falling head over heals to get back in to a relationship with him.

You just have to be there for him, be caring, be a great friend to him and see how it goes. There may be a chance of a relationship but you have to be ready to cope with any outcome that happens. Its best not to flirt either, because even though its harmless, it could cause confusion. You need to go slow with this and be patient. If he gets in to a relationship with other girls, make sure you're always there for him all of the time and he will notice. Good luck.

Q: 14/f
i dont have a phone.
ok, my mom will not get me a phone no matter what.
my b-day is on sunday, and i on the 4 of july my moms bfs phone got stolen so he bought a new phone then he says that another person can get a new phone for $50 so my mom starts complaining about her phone, before i sugest me get it, so jason gets her the phone now they are talking about getting my brother a new and expencive phone, but when i ask for a phone she simply says that we have no money, BUT MY MOM AND JASON AND MY BROTHER GET A NEW PHONE, and i get nothing.
i almost yelled at her today fixing to say that she has payed over $120 and she cant buy me a phone?!

im not sure i can hold my anger for more than two more days, i blow before then.
so please help i dont know what to do.
any advise will be very thankful!!

Your not going to like what I say but you have to be patient and don't get angry. Showing your anger to your mum over something small like a phone makes you seem like a child in her eyes. I've been there and done it many of times, trust me it gets you know where.

If your brother is older than you then it makes sense that he will get a phone (if he isn't then he must act more mature or need it for a specific reason), but at 14 you should be going out with people and having fun instead of using technology, and if you need to contact them, use the land-line. At your age when I finally got a phone I barely used it because I was with my mates and used the computer to talk to them, so having one wasn't a big deal.

I think you are also focusing too much on money. It will not be because she doesn't want to spend money on a phone for you, its more the principle of having to treat you like a child until in her eyes, you grow up. Then I believe she will get you a phone. It wont be doing you any favours over reacting, at your age everyone is in a rush to grow up. Have fun instead of having arguments and getting angry in life over a phone. You will look back when you get one laugh at yourself over the fuss made over nothing.

One point you could say calmly to your mum is that at your age, if you constantly want to go out with friends then it is a peace of mind for parents if you have a phone so that you can contact them if you get in to any trouble, because in today's world streets and parks are no longer a friendly place to be in. That's the reason I got a phone so that I could ring my parents if i'm in danger or need picking up from my friends etc. Hope you finally get one when she thinks your ready.

Q: My mom said to stay away from the guy I like. I told him she said that and now he is staying away from me. We used to be best friends.What do I do? I am 12 years old and I am a girl.

Listen to your mum on this one. My mum used to tell me the same when I was your age, saying that she didn't want to me to be best mates or going out with boys. I was upset by that but looking back i realised that she was just protecting me and that the guys that I thought I liked, I would not have lasted with at all.

Enjoy being 12 and don't get too involved with guys and I agree with the comment below, if you ever want to go out with guys, go on group dates, they are safe and your mum will feel better about the situation.

Q: Hi I'm 13/f

Ok first i wanna say that my mom is one of those old fashioned moms and she thinks that tampons "pop your cherry". I strongly disagree with her. so i Googled it, and what do i see? A bunch of girls saying the same thing! So i guess what I'm asking is how do I tell my mom that what she thinks is not true?
Thanks to any answers in advice!

Girls are different when it comes to inserting tampons and your mum probably has her reasons for not wanting you to use them. Especially since they can 'break' your hymen. However what you do have to think about is if your mum is only stopping you because she doesn't want to 'popping your cherry', as there is no harm in that at your age, as many girls tear their hymen doing sports like horse riding or cycling etc.

You may want to speak to your mum about why she does not want you to use tampons as she may have reasons as they can cause discomfort and in very rare occasions it can cause TTS. Maybe also tell her why you want to use them, if you have a proper/valid reason then she may be less reluctant to letting you. E.g. using tampons allow you to swim, shower, and bathe with a tampon in place and they are discreet.

Q: Theres this boy in my class that is so disgusting and peverted.He is always harassing me and doesn't know how to keep his hands to himself.He would touch me wrong then say oops i'm sorry.He would say things like I know you like me becuase last night you were loving it when we had sex.I've never had sex and I dont plan to what is wrong with him and hes made cry before becuase he did something to me that I can never say.Please help.What do I do about him?
-Alexa

This is a serious problem and you must tell someone. If you don't want to tell a parent/guardian then tell a teacher in school and then you will have someone keeping an eye on him. Try not to let what he does upset you or make you cry, try to avoid him and if that seems to be impossible then you may have to say something to him. If you don't feel comfortable doing that then that's fine, but he may be targeting you for a specific reason. Maybe you are an easy target?

Either way, tell someone! Hopefully things will be sorted out for you.

Q: im12 i just got a boy friend 1or2 weeks ago and his little sister is my only girl friend / best friend and shes mad because i'm spending more time playing with him and not her.witch one should i choose mbest friend or boy friend and i dont want to break up with him ill just stop hanging out with him instead ill play with her

I know it may be frustrating to hear but don't be worrying about situations like this at your age. All I will suggest is that friends are more important at that stage in your life than boyfriends. Remember, you may have many different boyfriends in the future before you find the right one, but your friend will stay with you through those boyfriends and comfort you in the break ups.

Also, right now how about you spend time with both of them, instead of spending more time with your boyfriend. Your friend will be feeling strange because its her brother, but she is probably jealous and upset that her best friend is not wanting to be with her as much. There is no harm in spending time with your boyfriend, but put your best friend first.

Q: Hey I'm 13 and thinking about taking my life. I don't know where to get help from. In scared to go to my parents so somebody please help. I feel worthless and nobody wants me in their life anymore. Any advice?

Taking your life is never the solution, no matter how right it feels at the moment. I have been in a similar situation where everyone I cared about left me and I felt worthless and on my own. If you have no one to tell your feelings too then try and help yourself, because your life will start to feel worth living when you yourself make a reason to live. I'm sure that you have some hobbies you can take up or make a social life for yourself. It sounds hard that its all on you to help yourself, however as soon as someone special comes in to your life or a special talent, it is a simple little step to making you feel less worthless.

Just remember that there are many people out there feeling like you do now, but in the future your life will seem much clearer and you will find happiness in ways. I was 13 when I felt like you, and now I look back and think how much I have improved and how I have found the good sides to my life.

Best wishes x

Q: If i'm on birth control can I have sex?

If you are on the birth control then you can have sex, however it is then up to you to decide to have your partner wear a condom to protect you from STI's or to give you extra protection.
The pill is 99% effective against pregnancy, however this doesn't mean that you shouldn't be a bit cautious, as people have became pregnant from the pill, as it is easy to not use properly e.g. missing a pill or vomiting/having diarrhea then having sex.
If you or your partner can not use a condom (if you are allergic to latex) then I would personally say that you will be safe while on the birth control IF you use it properly every day. If you are still not sure then go to your doctor and let them explain more to you about how protected you will be.

Q: Basically, I started being sexually active recently and I'm an 18 year old girl in the UK and I notice my boyfriend doesn't really like wearing condoms because he can't feel a thing, so I have been thinking about going on the pill, but I have several concerns:

Firstly, all my friends that are on it are only on it because they have very bad periods and it apparently helps, however, I'm one of those lucky girls where my periods are not heavy and barely cause me any pain so I'm not moody or whatever, I don't want to go on the pill and suddenly get bad periods and become emotional and moody! is this a likely side effect?

Also I don't want my mother to know, so is it possible to get it done in private? or would my mother have to come with me?

And finally, a list of possible side effects would be helpful, for example, I heard gaining weight is one and I would rather not do that haha.

Summery: Will the pill cause any major changes to my body/personality and how can I get on it in private? thank you :)

I am 17 and I was put on the pill when I was 15 to stop my very heavy/painful periods. However, now I also use it as a contraceptive. There are possible side effects, however there is no way of knowing if you will get them or not, because everyone is different and there are many different brands you can get.
I can not say what side effects you will get so I will tell you mine.
I have not gained weight because of the pill, some people gain weight and some people lose it because of the pill (I know someone who has lost weight because of it).
For me, the pill has made me more moody and I get terrible mood swings, however I was not exactly stable with my personality before hand, so it has only increased my moodiness which I already had. I don't know anyone personally who has has moodiness from the pill a part from me though.
Some other side effects are:
breast tenderness and breast enlargement
an increased or decreased in sex drive (I have this (decreased))
fluid retention
headaches (I have this)
nausea
rise in blood pressure (I have this)

However, side effects shouldn't worry you if you are thinking about taking the pill, because when you need more packs of them, you go to the doctor and have a check up, were they measure your blood pressure and make sure you are staying healthy. At the moment because I am getting quite a few side effects (which have only came on recently) I may be put on a different brand/type that will not cause any problems for me. The one I am on is called Mercilon and I would not suggest it.

Q: here is the situation me and my girlfriend having oral, i had pre ejaculation outside vagina but i have just touched my penis to outside of her vagina , we both are virgin,can she be pregnant with that

I would advice your girlfriend to take a pregnancy test asap, just to make sure and eliminate the worry that she might be pregnant.
She does have a chance of being pregnant if your semen managed to go into her vagina. I don't think that there is a big risk, however there is still a risk there.
Make sure that in future when you have oral or regular sex, that you are being safe. When having sex wear a condom, or if you are allergic to latex, then depending on your girlfriends age, she can go on the pill.
I know I am going off on what your question was, and you may know how to be safe but this was accidental, however I just want to make sure so that there is no risk of this happening again.

Q: F/16

I've always been a kind of careless person, kind of selfish, and always angry inside. I really don't know why and recently, I've hit a change and I know for a fact that I've matured, somewhat, anyway. However, I'm still extremely careless. In fact, I care less than I used to. I don't care if I don't graduate, I don't care if people hate me, I don't care if I'm in danger, I don't care about the people around me. I don't even care if I die, but don't get me wrong, I don't WANT to die. Is this normal for someone my age or is there something wrong with me personally? Not much as happened since I matured, I just lost all my friends, but they really weren't my friends now that I think about it. Mostly peer pressure went on with them, so I just drifted away and now I find myself on the computer most of the time. If I find myself in a social situation, I don't chatter anymore and now I just sit there quietly, definitely listening, but not knowing what to say. I feel like everyone around me is a stranger. I don't really care that I'm lonely either, in fact, it feels kind of nice because I feel like there are no problems around me, but then when I'm at school or at the mall, I suddenly feel uncomfortable and kind of sick. And I get so nervous, that my tourettes go from mild to annoyingly serious. The only people I have real contact with is my boyfriend, who's younger than me, and very good friend of mine that I managed to keep, but she lives at least two hours a day and I don't wanna ruin her social life by randomly driving up there to say hi. Not to mention, I think her mom is annoyed that I'm not all that social since she seems to make faces whenever I say something quietly. I don't know if this normal or not, basically, is what I'm asking and if there's maybe something I can do to change this? Or should I just let it be?

A year ago this seems like what I was like myself. I'm 17 and when I was 16 I had the same problem (however it was just because I was generally not social and lost all my 'friends'. However, instead of the not caring attitude I had then, I find myself in the same situation now however I have a different attitude about it. I believe that having a boyfriend and a friend is all you need (even if you are not THAT close to them), just as long as you feel you could rely on them. Do you have any hobbies? If so, then I think that you should spend your time doing something that you love to do, or if you don't care about any activities then try and give one a go that you think you will enjoy (reading, drawing etc). In social occasions where you are with other people, it is hard but try to make an effort with people, and they will try and make an effort with you (i know you said that you don't care that you don't have friends and that you prefer it, however, it could help when it comes to the 'not caring' side of you towards your life). Just because your previous friends didn't turn out to be good ones, doesn't mean that you wont find people who will actually care about you and remain your friend through thick and thin. In a way there is nothing wrong with having the 'not caring' attitude, however not to the extreme that you have got. The only advice I can give is to believe in yourself and your life. There are many people out there less fortunate who would love to have your life, so make the most of it while you can, even when at first it is difficult and it is up to you now what your next step is. I'm sure that in a year your life will seemed to have turned around for you and you will have a better time.

Q: I haven't had a boyfriend in two years, and there's a guy that I like, and he might even ask me out. I also haven't had my first kiss yet, and every time I say it to my friends, they're shocked. What should I do?

You should do what you are comfortable with. It doesn't matter what your friends think. It took me 2 years to finally get another boyfriend and I just felt comfortable to kiss him and it felt natural to me. However, with all my previous boyfriends I was really shy and wasn't ready. If this guy does ask you out and you like him then nothing is stopping you two from kissing unless you don't want to. So if you want your first kiss to happen, then go for it! and if you want to wait, then don't worry about your friends being shocked. A kiss isn't special unless its with the right person.

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If you have any problems/worries no matter what topic, I will do my best to give you pure honest, helpful advice, most of the time coming from experience.