nonamecat's advice column | nonamecat's Advice About General Sex Questions

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Q: I'm 13 years ols and I have fingered myself and I have used a dildo but I need sex I need to have sex with someone because I am horny all of the time .....

I don't no what to do !

Stay in school and learn the difference between "no" and "know". Unless you are prepared for the consequences of your actions, which you are definitely not, you don't need to engage in any sexual activity. Try laying off the masturbation. The less you masturbate, the less you will desire sex.

Q: Hello, I'm 16 female and I had my period and the beginning of June and then about 5 days after I begin leaking a dark color, but it only lasted about 2 days. and then after another 4 or 5 days it started again and only lasted a few days. and It happened once again. And now it is july 13 and I haven't actually I don't think have had my period and the weird stages of bleeding have stopped. I did have sex in mid July, but we used a condom and he pulled it out when we did have sex. We do fool around and he cums, but I can't think of a time when I could have gotten any on me. so I was just wondering if this has happened to any one and what it may be. So please any advice is welcomed!!

Teens, and especially, sexually active teens, tend to have irregular periods that may skip a month or two, be light one month and heavy the next etc. I do not know what the exact date was that you were expecting your period this month, but, if two weeks have passed, it would be in your best interest to take an at home pregnancy test. While condoms are largely effective, sometimes they break, or the manufacturing process can leave a hole in the latex smaller than the eye can see. Pulling out is largely ineffective because pre- come still contains semen and thus you can still become pregnant from this method of birth control.

Q: When somebody is growing up they always say their parents tell them the story of the birds and the bees. My parents dont even know this story, and I hit puberty early. I wuz a little girl and I had just had my first family life class and all the girls came out talking about "the talk of the birds and the bees" so asked my parents to tell it to me *funny i know* and they had no clue.
Could somebody please tell me the story?

It's just an expression dear, there's no actual story about the birds and the bees.

Q: when i get horny on my period, what am i supposed to do? like, i cant get any from my boyfriend and i dont want to stick my fingers up there. what can i do? i can't buy a dildo.

Masturbate in the shower or bath, or rub your clit to orgasm instead of penetrating yourself with your fingers. Although, honestly, it's only blood if you do masturbate in bed- it washes off. And tell your boyfriend to wear a condom- again, it washes off. Safe sex during the menstrual period is healthy.

Q: why do guys like bj's so much. what's wrong with a simple hj, its the same thing minus the spit. or does it feel different, i dont know i dont have a dick. someone please tell me why bj's are so much better

Blowjobs are much more similar to being in the vagina- a warm moist environment. The handjob cannot manipulate the penis as fully as a blowjob can. However, many men do not gain any enjoyment out of either the handjob or the blowjob.

Q: I am a virgin but I have given and recieved oral sex but when guys go to finger me i freak out, why do i do this and is it gonna hurt that bad?

You probably "freak out" because you know you are not prepared for what is about to happen. By the sound of it you are too young to be engaging in sexual activities, including oral sex. No, fingering doesn't hurt when done correctly. But, I cannot promise you that it will not hurt when done to you if the person you are with is not experienced or does something wrong.

Q: ok, just wondering, does penis size have anything to do with weight?

because I've noticed that for the most part, guys that are much more fit, tend to have larger penises...
so, is there any connection?

thanks! =)

It's a total optical illusion thing. The more fatty tissue a man packs around abdomen and thighs, the more likely it is that his penis will SEEM to shrink. Men who have been overweight most of their lives and then drastically lose all that fat sometimes think that their weight loss gave them a larger penis. Actually, it's the same size, there's just no longer any fat in the way.

Q: what do u do in 69?

Simultaneous oral sex.
In a female- male pairing the male licks the female's vagina and the female sucks the male's penis.
In a female- female pairing the females lick each other's vaginas.
And in a male- male pairing the male suck each other's penises.
The reference is that the numerals 6 and 9 are inverted versions of each other, reflecting the physical position that the couple must adopt when engaged in this sexual practice.

Q: Hey, im 14 and i have a 6 and 1/4 in penis.... do u think it will still grow or that im done w/ that? is that normal? and thats about it thx.

Most boys your age are probably not that large when erect- Your penis size is above average for a person in your age range. The average penis size is 5.5" to 6.5" for adults whom have finished growing. You will continue to grow until around age 17. Given that information, you may experience some lengthening of your penis.

Q: I was just wondering why are girls so uptight bout admitting that they masterbate cause guys are open about it...thanks

As I am not one of them, I will have to guess at this one. I'd say it largely depends upon the girl/ woman and the level of their maturity and the maturity of the people around them. There's nothing like trying to have mature conversation about masturbation and having a crowd of immature teens (adults even) mock you. It is also a very private/ personal subject, and far and wide, people like to keep private/ personal things to themselves. If you were a 17 year old bed wetter would you run out and tell the world? Probably not. So why should women be expected to tell the world about their sexual habits?

Q: so when me and my boyfriend have sex, i never orgasm. it feels really good, and i love it - but i just don`t get off. i get off when he goes down on me, etc., but not during sex. what`s wrong? am i doing anything wrong? i don`t understand why i don`t get off... i`m 17 btw. any suggestions or answers would be helpful! thanks

Some women cannot orgasm through penetration. You can try different positions, but if they fail to work, just chalk it up to your personal inability to orgasm by penetration. If you can orgasm with clitoral stimulation, you may want to try doing that while being penetrated and see if it helps.

Q: i "did it:" 2 days ago and it was really no lie for 4 seconds cuz it hurt but im scared that im mite be well uk and im only 14 and that wont be good uk and well was wondering wat are my chances of being pregnate and stuff like plan parent hood if i go will they have to tell my parents and do they give out free birth control? HELP SCARED TEEN!

Actually, you can obtain free birth control from planned parenthood or your local health department. However, it is best to obtain a prescription from your primary care physician or gynecologist as they will better assess what form of birth control you require. Did you and your sex partner engage in foreplay before engaging in sex? If so, did you notice any pre- come (usually a clear substance) coming out the tip of his penis? Here's the deal: Pre- come, while containing a far less concentration of semen than come, still has semen in it. If any pre- come came into contact with your vaginal canal, then yes, you could be pregnant. The chances are slim, but still, it is a possibility. If you still do not have your period two weeks after its expected date, take a pregnancy test.

Q: when you eat out a girls vagina does it taste bad?

It's not going to have the best taste in the world, but it won't gag you either. Some men really like it and get turned on by it, others... hate the whole idea of tasting it.

Q: I masturbate but i dont squirt, it just comes out like shampoo in a bottle!! is something wrong?? or is this completely natural??

Any info is helpful!!

Thanks

Very little is known about female ejaculation. While it is believed that the vast majority of women have the ability to ejaculate ("squirt"), only a small percentage of women have actually accomplished it. So, no, nothing is wrong.

Q: Here's the situation. I lost "it" to my first boyfriend [[*we'll call him michael*]]back about 7 months ago. we ended up breaking up and my parents found out all about our relationship and it started a huge family feud and no trust with me and my new boyfriend (who was actually a good friend of mine for 2 years and now we're together and we'll call him Scott). well we worked it out and everything is fine. Scott assured me he wasn't like that and in fact he's a virgin and wanted to wait till marriage because he wanted it to be something special and with the one he knew he was going to marry. well, with our previous history, and we've been together a few months, tonight we were home at his house alone and things just got really hot and heavy and to make a long story short we ended up having sex and weren't protected cuz we weren't expecting it and he doesn't have condoms on hand since he wasn't expecting to ever need them.

now i'm scared to death that i might get pregnant. with michael, i actually was pregnant at one point, but i had a miscarriage [[*not an abortion*]]. and i swore i would change after me and him broke up, but me and Scott just got caught in the moment and didn't realize till it was too late. i feel awful about it and now i'm terrified. is there anyway i can do something to ensure i don't get pregnant?! we're not gunna do that again and. . .if i get pregnant again, i'm no way in heck going to have an abortion, but i just don't know what we'd do! we're both financially unstable right now AND i just patched everything with my parents. i really need advice ya'll!!!

i'm 17 and he's 18

There is no absolutely positive way to ensure that you are not/ will not be pregnant. You can go to your local drug store and purchase plan B. It is largely effective, reducing the risk of pregnancy up to 89%. Plan B can be taken up to 3 days after intercourse, after that, it will not be effective. You cannot purchase it because you are underage, however, your boyfriend can purchase it. Call your pharmacy before going there to make sure they actually stock plan B as some do not. If you cannot get plan B over the counter, you can get a prescription for it from your primary care physician or your gynecologist. But it must be done within the next three days.
If you cannot access plan B and you are late for your period, wait until you are two weeks late to take a pregnancy test. I do not know where you are on your menstrual cycle, but you may not have an egg present right now to be fertilized. Ovulation (the release of the egg) occurs two weeks prior to the start of the menstrual period. Your most fertile time is usually just a couple days prior to ovulation.

Q: 16/f

How big of a chance do I have of getting pregnant considering I had sex the day before my expected period? Like, I had sex last night, but he didnt go but theres still pre-cum, but whats the chance of me being pregnant? I usually get my period between the 20-23 of every month, so far I haven't gotten it and I know I can't be pregnant that soon. So what are my chances?

Truthfully, it's pretty unlikely that you are pregnant. While fertilization can occur from pre- come, it is less likely than from ejaculation. Additionally, ovulation typically occurs two weeks prior to your period, so you may not even have an egg there to fertilize. Wait two weeks from the date you expect to have your period. If you still do not have it, take a pregnancy test. Taking a pregnancy test the first time you urinate after sex (as suggested before me) is a waste of your money and a test. The hormone the test is designed to detect does not have enough time to build up in your body using that method. Waiting two weeks after your expected period allows enough time for this hormone to build up in your system if you are pregnant.

Q: 15/f

i orgasm really easily. like i spent the night at my boyfriend's house recently and during like 6 hours of sex i had 57 orgasms.

one time, when our sexual tension was really high, in 10 minutes, i managed to have about 15 orgasms.

what causes this, and is this irregular? like is something wrong?

i dont fake and i know that they are actual orgasms.

what makes this happen?

There's nothing wrong with you. Some women simply orgasm much more easily with penetration that others.
As far as chemically, it is hard to tell what exactly causes an orgasm, and I'm not sure anyone is able to give a complete explanation of the process. However, experts know a little more about the physical changes that go along with having an orgasm. First of all, an orgasm is defined as the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual tension resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region that produce intensely pleasurable sensations followed by rapid relaxation. It typically lasts for several seconds. Orgasms vary from person to person and for each individual at different times. Some orgasms may be explosive and amazing others may be milder and less intense. These differences in intensity may be attributed to many different factors that are physical (such as fatigue) as well as psychosocial (such as mood or expectations). As far as physiological components of orgasm, the most characteristic physical feature of orgasm is the sensation produced by the simultaneous rhythmic contractions of the pubococcygeus muscle (pc muscle). The pc muscle, anal sphincter, rectum and perineum contract to form an orgasm, along with the uterus and outer third of the vagina. Generally, the first few contractions are intense and close together, occurring at about 0.8-second intervals. As orgasm continues, the contractions diminish in intensity and duration and occur at less frequent intervals. Interestingly, it has been shown that orgasm is a total body response. Changes have been shown in brain wave patterns during orgasm, and muscles in many different areas of the body also contract at this time. Orgasms in men and women are fairly similar. The main difference is that far more women than men have the physical capability to have one or more additional orgasms within a short time without dropping below the plateau of sexual arousal.

Q: I know this isn't the right category but it's the most popular so please just bear with me.

I am so miserable. I've had nothing but a run of bad luck for the last two months.

First the business I worked for closed down, so then I had to find a new job, I found one but hate it.

Then my car was broken into $600 dollars worth of damage.

I live with my grandparents and my grandma is so strict on me, I do absolutely nothing wrong, I don't go out and drink and party, i'd rather stay home with my boyfriend or have a night with the girls. My friends are good people, most of them are at uni.

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over two years. I'm 19 he's 21 in 3 weeks.

In my new job I have to study for it. I have a computer at home but it's easier for me to use a laptop so I could study quietly in my room so my boyfriend lent me his.

We plan on moving in together in the next 12 months so instead of me buying a laptop he's getting a desk top computer and i'm using the laptop.

Well last night I was saving things in my memory stick so he could have all his stuff on the new computer then I cam across conversations between him and all these other girls.

Ok mind you the conversations were two years ago just as we got together but they were dirty conversations with other girls and some of them even said um you have a girlfriend and his response was what goes on here stays here.

I was hurt although they happened a long time ago it was hard to read something like that from someone you love so much. At that stage he was sweeping me off my feet and tell me he loved me for the first time.. why was he still talking to these other girls...??!

I confronted him about it and he said they meant nothing and that none of the convos went any further then that.. where has my Mr Perfect gone?

Am I over reacting because they were a long time ago..?? I guess it was just a shock to see that side of him.. I have never seen that dirty side of him... never!

Could he have just been after a bit of fun because I wasn't there? But then again that's still no excuse right??

I live in a small town so I know who all these other girls are.. I guess I just feel embarrassed becaue those girls knew that I was with him and he was still after more.

Now back then, I was still at school.. As I said my grandma is very strict so I want only allowed to see him on the weekends.. We did only just get together.. about a month before those convos started.

Should I give him credit for waiting for me or be mad at him for disrespecting me?

I'm tired of being miserable.. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and I know he loves me and I know he has always been faithful to me.

I can kind of understand if he was looking for someone else back then but I just wanted to know if it was right to be mad at him..!

Thanks guys! :)

Sounds like quite the fix. I understand your anger, but I do not see a reason to continue to linger on it all this time later. The conversations were not recent, and you do not suspect him of cheating currently, so I suggest moving on. It sounds like you two moved awfully fast back then- maybe he felt intimidated or held down. Or maybe he was unclear of your relationship status. I have dated many men without serious commitment for several months time. You present it as if you were committed to only each other after only knowing one another a month. Maybe he thought the relationship was still open- so the both of you could still date other people and explore.

Q: I know the theory is that if you have sex without birth control and he cums in you, you're pregnant.

But does this really happen ALL the time?
Can you have sex without getting pregnant?

Even if it IS a small chance, I just wanna know.
And dont tell me "dont have sex", I dont plan on it, I'm just wondering.

I'm sick of people preaching about sex on here.

Science has pretty much gotten us past pregnancy being a theory and actually being a fact. However, for you to actually be pregnant an egg has to be present and the sperm has to make it to the egg. Women do not have an egg present at all times of the month, and sperm are not always successful in their journey to the egg. A woman's most fertile days are just before ovulation. Ovulation is the release of a mature egg from the ovary during the menstrual cycle. For most women ovulation occurs 14 days before the next menstrual period. The short answer is, yes, you can have sex without getting pregnant. However, you still risk contracting STIs.

Q: how does a female, well, douche?

A douche set is a plastic squeeze bottle with a nozzle. It is typically filled with warm tap water although some manufacturers offer other solutions. The nozzle is inserted gently into the vagina and the bottle squeezed to release a jet of water.
Sit comfortably on the toilet or in an empty bath. Some women find it easier to stand over a bowl or in the bath or shower.
1. Fill the container with warm tap water only and screw on the nozzle. Do not add any soaps, creams, deodorants etc as they may cause irritation.
2. Insert the nozzle into your vagina as far as the third hole. If you find this difficult, put a water-based lubricant, such as KY Jelly on the nozzle (available over the counter). Don't use an oil-based lubricant like vaseline or baby oil as these may irritate your vagina.
3. Squeeze and release the container gently a few times until all the water has been used. Allow the water to flow out of your vagina.
4. Gently pat your vaginal area dry
5. Clean and dry the douche set with warm water

You should consult your physician before you douche to make sure it is the appropriate action. Douching on a regular basis is not suggested for anyone.
Regular vaginal douching changes the delicate chemical balance of the vagina and can make a woman more susceptible to infections. Douching can introduce new bacteria into the vagina which can spread up through the cervix, uterus, and fallopian tubes. Researchers have found that women who douche regularly experience more vaginal irritations and infections such as bacterial vaginosis, and an increased number of sexually transmitted infections.
Regular users of vaginal douches face a 73% greater risk of developing PID, a chronic condition that can lead to infertility, or even death, if left untreated. Bacterial vaginosis and PID can have serious adverse affects on pregnancy including infections in the baby, labor problems, and preterm delivery.
For these reasons, douching is no longer recommended as a safe or healthy way to routinely clean the vagina. The only safe and healthy way to clean the vagina is to let the vagina clean itself.