Well, here's my problem. Last year, in 7th grade, my best friend really liked this guy she was friends with. I was so happy for her, because she never likes anyone, and she was always talking about how much she liked him and that he was so cute and whatnot. But THIS year, now the three of us are all really good friends and we hang out a lot. We've only been in school for 2 and a half weeks, and this guy has been growing really attached to me. I keep trying to pull the too closer together, I'm usually good at that, but I'm not sure it's working. So one time while I was walking down the hall with her, I said, "Listen, I'm really sorry, I'm trying to bring you two together, but he's not cooperating." and she said, "That's OK, I don't really mind, and, besides, I think he likes you." And I started to go, "Oh my God. I'm sorry, but EW!" I've talked to her more about it, and she says it doesn't bother her and she doesn't think she likes him anymore. But it makes me feel really, REALLY weird, because it feels like I'm... like, stealing him or something! And the more I think about, it DOES really seem like he likes me. But I just feel so bad. So, can anyone help me out? I do like him, but in a friend sort of way.
First off, I can tell you are a great friend for feeling THIS bad over something you have NO control over. I had a 'so-called friend' of mine hook up with my current boyfriend, so believe me, I respect you for that.
However, you shouldn't feel bad about that! As I said before, you have no control over the way he feels about you or her. The best thing now is to not try and push him any either direction. If he expresses that he likes you, tell him what you told us...You just care for him as a friend. If this conversation ever comes up, leave it at that. Don't bring up that your friend likes him because you don't want him to think that is the only reason. That may then put drama between all three of you.
If he's never come out and said that he likes you, maybe you can talk (in normal conversation) about a guy that you like. You know, kinda drop the hint that it's not him.
Bottom line though..you've done nothing wrong. You are a great friend and both are lucky to have you.
I wish you the best of luck hun! Let me know how things go.
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17/f. My best friends know a guy (James) who is really cool, a nice guy, and a lot like me. They keep telling me that we will probably end up getting married or something (despite the fact that I have NEVER met him in my entire life... haha). Apparently the other day, James mentioned to one of my guy friends that he hadn't dated anyone in a while... and my friend flat out suggested me. Because of that, my friends arranged a get-together for like six of us on Friday- making dinner at someone's house. The sole purpose of this dinner is for James and I to meet and hit it off... seriously, that is the only reason this is taking place. My friends don't really beat around the bush much... James definitely knows that we are basically being set up (because we're both single and our mutual friends want to see us date each other). I'm definitely not opposed to a date or two in the future, but right now I just want to get to know James. I'm hoping that it will be a funny situation, but I'm worried that it will be really awkward. Like, "Hi, how are you? So, we're being set up." I really would like to become friends with James, and I want it to be fun... how do I break the ice? If you were in this situation, what would you do? Any help is appreciated!
Well first off, get those thoughts out of your head. If you think it is going to be awkward going in, then it will be. Just take a deep breath for a minute and be optimistic.
When you walk in, ask your friends "What's the occasion" and then kinda look at him and laugh. Just so he knows that YOU aren't awkward, but that you are joking about it. The less awkward you are, the easier it will be for you both. I'm sure you will both get a good laugh out of this one.
Promise you girl, this is going to be fine. It's good that you want to get to know him first and odds are, he feels the same way. Look on the bright side..you are starting out with common grounds: you are both being set up, you are both single, and you both share the same friends.
Good luck babe!! Hope I helped a little
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So, today was the first day of school :D well, i'm a freshman in a new highschool, but I have a few classes with upperclassmen. During art, some random senior guy sat down next to me and it was reallllyyyy awkward. He seems pretty cool though and i'd like to get to know him a bit better, because I want to make some new friends this year :) any tips on over coming this awkwardness? Thanks!
Well the good thing is that you all are in a class like art together. What better common interest than art?! Maybe try complimenting his work next time, or even ask him a question like "how do you get your shading like that" or whatever you maybe doing that particular day. It can be as simple as asking him for a pencil. Once you break the ice initially, you won't believe how easy it will be to talk to him. Right now, you are your own worst enemy. You need to stop worrying about feeling awkward. You are making yourself feel that way. Be confident. Stop thinking of him as the 'senior' and remember that he is just a student in the class (just like you). I hope that everything works out for ya babe! Confidence is EVERYTHING!
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So I've been pretty much at my wit's end for a while now, and little things keep popping up here and there and just making them altogether worse. And the more I think about things, the more angry I get. Ok, so I'll give some backstory on just what the hell I'm talking about. First off, there's my friend L. If you're really interested and/or bored, you can read this to find out more about her and my original problem(s) with her:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=544709
Then there's my other friend, M. Again bored/interested read this:
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=544007
Ok so me and M have had a rocky history. And for a good portion of the winter/spring/summer we weren't talking. Well we finally, FINALLY got back on good terms again and were talking and becoming close once more. I was happy about this. But however that doesn't mean he's necessarily a "changed" man. A lot of his bad characteristics are still in tact. Such as, he's undependable and forgetful. And a bad liar. Well I was reminded of all of that on Saturday night. The night before that I had been hanging out with L. We drove around aimlessly as she shot down any idea of fun I came up with, and I was bored out of my mind until M texted me and wanted to meet up with us. (We almost didn't get to because L was shooting down that idea too, but thankfully she finally conceded) and we met up with him and our other friend B. They were both drunk as was to be expected but it was a lot of fun. Then we all planned for the four of us to have fun together the next night, get drunk and just have a good time. We planned to meet at 9 at my house. All seemed well. Except that L didn't think she could make it. You see she's going to Maryland this week with her friends J & K (well, MY friends as well but I'll get into that later...) and was going to sleep over her friend J's house that night before they left. So she wasn't sure but I still wanted her to come. To which she said "yea...but I'll invite J and K." Now I'll admit my initial reaction was kind of bitchy (that being "No, then it won't be fun...") but I meant that I know if she invited them, J especially, they won't want to go and will mess up all the plans, and also keep in mind that it's MY house we'd be going to. So after I said I wasn't too crazy about that she responded with "well then I guess I'm not going." And then I tried to lighten the mood as I got out of the car but she just was nasty about it and sped off after I left.
Now here's an FYI: Her and J had a big falling out earlier this summer, to which all of a sudden L became my best friend again and bitched about J. They worked things out but she still bitches to me about J. Including her bitching to me hours before that happened about how she didn't want to go to Maryland with them (they were originally supposed to go to Disneyworld but the plans got messed up) and how J is stupid and just in general her not wanting to go. Oh and some more info...I wasn't even invited to this little vacation, even though it was mentioned earlier that I'd be invited if they went their or somewhere likewise and I'm also friends with these girls. Nice, right? This was all also the day after I finally confronted Liz about how she's been acting and how I felt like she didn't care about me, to which she apologized and said she loved me and all that...shows how much her words mean...So needless to say I was pretty pissed. Then the next day I relented and texted her to tell her that it would be fine to invite J and K along and she just responded with "its ok lol" then I asked if she was sure and I got no response.
Now back to M. Despite all that, I was still going to have M and B come over that night. I discussed the plans with M the night before, but knowing that he was drunk I made sure I talked about them again the next day when he was sober. Well conviently at 9 he FORGOT that he made said plans with me, and went to the city until 3 am. So where did that leave me? Alone at home depressed. And who cared? No one. He kept texting saying that he'd still meet up with me later. Then at 2:45 am when I finally got to sleep he texts me saying "I'm not back in the area yet". I texted him "good to know" and it just went back and forth with him texting me and me giving him sarcastic, bitchy responses to let him know that I was just disgusted with him. But he didn't get it, (or at the very least pretended not to) and just kept texting me asking if I was around and saying we'd meet up next time and such. Now this is strange for him, since he's usually the type to pick a fight if he senses I'm being bitchy or if I try and hang out with him. So for him to keep trying to make up for it was bizarre. It was like he knew he fucked up so he was trying to make up for it in his own stupid way. But it wasn't enough to win me over. I was far too pissed. Now I can't even see him to talk about it or whatever because he's in South Carolina for the week.
And L, well she keeps updating her status on facebook to pretty much brag about what she's doing in Maryland.
Ok well that was a long and annoying backstory, and I apologize. But here is where I need help: How do I handle the situations with both of these people? What do I do or say to them? I can't let this just slide and I don't want to lose any friendships, but I'm not wrong for thinking that I shouldn't be treated that way, right?
And even more importantly: What do I do with myself now? I've been so pissed off about things to begin with and now this on top is really pushing me over the edge. I feel as if every moment I'm about to snap, and I'm afraid it's going to happen in a really bad, violent way. I just want to fucking punch someone in the face and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm just losing my mind completely. Not to mention since they've pretty much left me all alone this week I don't know what to do with my time either. Which just leaves me more time to think about it and get angrier and angrier. I'm scared for my mental health and well being. What do I do? I know, I know "just stop thinking about it..." well that's a hell of a lot easier said than done.
I know this was long. But please, I'm in need of help. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
WOW! You are in a terrible spot right now. First off, can I tell you what I do to release anger (especially when it's toward people). I take a journal (or even just a piece of paper) and right a letter to the person who has pissed me off. I put EXACTLY what I want to say, I tell them exactly what they've done to piss me off and everything I'm feeling. The catch...never send it! This is just a way to get all those feelings out. It's amazing how much better you can feel with a release.
Now as for your problems. Let's start with 'M'. Whether you truly want to admit it, I can tell you care a lot for this guy (otherwise you wouldn't be putting up with his dumbass haha). Now it would be easy to say that he's "not worth it" or "give up", but 1. I don't know what he's worth to you and 2."giving up" as you say, is easier said than done. I've been there. First off, you need to go out and do things for you. What do you enjoy?! Swimming, playing pool, traveling, etc. Do something on your own, but somewhere you enjoy to be. If you are somewhere you enjoy, the other people there enjoy it too..this makes "Common Ground". I'm not saying give up on M, just saying go out and do things. This way it doesn't seem like you are sitting there waiting on him to call/text. Then next time he texts you, wait about 20 min. Then text him back apologizing about the delay but you are "out with friends" etc. This way he KNOWS that you don't have to have him around to have a good time (and you know too) but that he is more than welcome to join you. Making new friends doesn't mean that you are ditching the old. Just that you have a "backup" ya know?! This way you don't have to depend on L or M being there. Plus it will help your 'state of depression' to get out.
It's hard to answer a question like this because I've been in this situation before and didn't handle it properly. All I can tell you are the things I wish I had done. You deserve better than what both of them are doing to you. Just broaden your horizon babe! I hope that I have been of atleast a little help. Let me know how things go and anytime you just need someone to talk (not just for advice) feel free to drop me a line in my inbox. Take care and good luck!
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Ashton and I used to be good friends. I actually liked him more than a friend honestly. He found out and didn't like the idea of me liking him. We slowly started to drift away from our friendship and he began to ignore me. I told him countless times that I do not like him at all anymore (its been over a couple of months now,and i honestly dont like him anymore) But he doesn't believe me.
Me and my friends were planning to go to the mall Saturday. I invited one of his friends, Dan (which is my friend also). And Dan wanted to know if he could bring Ashton. So I called Ashton and asked if he wanted to come, and he immediately hung up.
How do I get him to know I DONT LIKE HIM AT ALL! and i just want to be friends with him now.
please dont say 'move on,hes not worth it' because i miss our friendship and i want him to come saturday like the good old times.
Have you tried writing him a letter? It seems corny, but if you call him, he can hang up. If you see him, he can walk away. It's a LOT harder to walk away from the piece of paper you are holding. Let him know how you feel. Tell him that you miss him as a friend. Tell him that if it's time he needs, then that's fine but just to let you know. Also, ask him straight up.."Am I wasting my time writing this." This way you know what your options are. The answer may hurt but you NEED to know. This will also give him a chance to write you back. Give him a chance to tell YOU how he feels about everything. Good luck hun. Hope all works out!
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i have an absolutely beautiful perfect best friend ha. and my closest guy friend is her boyfriend. they are perfect for eachother! hes my neighbor, and we hang out alot. but trust me we are NOTHING more than friends. we USED to like eachother, but were way over that and she knows.hes a GREAT friend that i can trust with all my heart too. so i dont ever want our friendship to end. i dont know if i should get any closer with him because i dont want to make her mad that we talk alot. but when we talk it about her or one of the guys i like. it doesnt seem to bother her but i hope one dy me and her friendship doesnt get torn apart because of it.
should i remain as close to him as i am now?
There isn't anything wrong with the relationship you have with this guy. For less confusion we'll call your guy friend Joe and your Best friend Sally. If you and Sally are BEST friends, then there should be trust there. She should know that she can trust you and she shouldn't ever ask you NOT to be friends with anyone. In fact, I know that one of my prerequisites to getting with a guy is that he get along with my friends..I want that to happen! Does Joe feel that she is going to get jealous or upset? If they are 'perfect' for eachother, then trust should not be an issue. Don't over think this! I think that you are a great friend for just being concerned. Continue to do what your doing girl! You've got nothing to worry about in my book.
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16/f
so me and my friends were at the beach the other day and we met a few guys and they gave us their number and then asked us to hang out later that night but it was getting too late so we just told them we would call them another night this week. so i think we're gonna call them today. they go to a different school and they don't live THAT far away. but anyways we're not really sure what we should do with them. because this would be the first time we hang out with them.. any ideas?
we already have...
- park
- mall
- movies
thanksss :)
My friend Tonya and I met some guys at the beach and we decided to go shoot pool with them. At the time, neither of us were very good at it (although now I could kick all their butts haha). The reason this worked out so well is A)guys are more talkative when they are doing something that they are better at than you B) They were eager to teach you how and C)It gives you a chance to laugh at yourself - and show them that you can do this. It's just a good time and it's a 'guy' thing so it keeps them in their element. My advice, however, is to first give them the opportunity to decide. Meet them on the beach (or where ever) and see if they may have some ideas in mind. If not then you atleast have about 10 things you can choose from between your answers and the ones below.
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so for junior year Mandy came to my high school. She is known as a slut but our school is really chill so everyone was eager for her arrival. me and mandy became really close. shared secrets and instantlyclicked. she was knwn to be a social climber but i ignroed that. then she became friends with the prettiest girl in my grade, Rose (who is also best friends with the hot seniors) and kind of stopped talking to be an my friends. but wtrv we were still friends. then i heard she hooked up with this senior. she never told me about it so i called ehr and kind of hinted it out of her. she got mad that i didnt straght out tlel her but wtvr. then we had a lseep over. that sat night there was a senior party. i am not friends with the seniors but she and Rose did so i came. we all amde a pack to not leave me but they did. i got drunk and bad stuff happened. after the party things were never the same. she stopped tlaing to me and is was really sad. we are going ont he sam summer program so i decided to cal her to clear the air. she was such a b***h!!!!!!!!! like sayingall my bad qulities and stuff and i like was just shocked at how soemone who i was bets friends could htink of me liek that!!! i was like are you kidding me? she said that she views me in a bad light now ever since th party. i was like fi my friend made a mistake iw ould never hold a grudge how dare you! she also said that her and her friedsn could make my friend (who she doesn;t like, who is also going on this summer prigram) life a living hell!! who the hell does she htink she is. i am realllly nervious for summer now. i still have schol time with her which will be awkward but i could handle that. i feel since she is SOOOO manipulative that she will befriend everyone and eveyone will be firneds with ehr and i will have a terriable summer. please help. give me advice that you persoannly would take bc just syaing "ignore her" wont help.
reallyappricte it
Wow you are in a sticky situation!!! First thing is first, she definitely is not a true friend so as for being friends again, I wouldn't try it. Secondly, you said your friend is going too right? Well atleast right off the bat you know you have one person there that you click with. You seem like a really cool, outgoing person. Just go there and be yourself and DON'T forget that you do have your true friend going also. If you walk into this camp thinking that it's going to be a bad experience then you will walk out realizing you were right. However, if you go in determined not to let anything or anyone get you down, it'll be the best time ever. Remember the only way you and your friend can truly get back at this girl is to NOT let her win. I'm not saying ignore her, but don't give her any special attention. If you are a happy, outgoing person, you will attract more happy and outgoing people. Good luck and I hope that i've helped you out a little.
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ohkay so im on this softball team and i have no closer friends on there. i one of the only freshman and i want to become better friends with the girls on the team. i just dont know how.. what to say or do. like its not that they dont like (i think) they are nice to me and everything they say hi to me when they see me around town or even at school but i want to have a better relationship with them. im not new to the school system. ive lived here for like 3 years. i just want to become better friends with them so what do i do??
Take the extra time to tell them what a good game they played. Maybe one of them hit a double..let 'em know they kicked ass on the field =). Ask them one day after a game what their plans are. Maybe after a winning game ask them if they'd like to go celebrate. Do you have classes with any of them? Ask one of them if you can borrow their notes or ask how they did on an exam. Just take the time to initiate more conversation and hopefully you will become better friends with them. Befriending girls was never easy for me until recently. I finally started coming out of my shell a bit! =) Good luck and I hope that all works out
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i basically only had 2 friends a week ago. a guyfriend , Bob. and a girl whose a friend, jane. well jane and i go to the same school. bob doesnt go to our school and i usually went to his house every friday to watch movies and hang out. but he and i both really liked eachother. he had asked me out a few times and i turned him down each time. then he asked me out again last monday and we've been going out ever since. but i asked him if we could still be friends even if we are going out. he said yeah, but its not the same. i want it so badly to be the same. but thats impossible. hes always sitting so close and putting his arm around me and we kiss and stuff. and i know thats what your supposed to do with a bf, but i miss what we used to be. im happy with him, but im a changephobic. and that huge of a change for me? i cant take it. he was my best friend and now i only have one friend! can someone gimme some advice on how to either accept things and get used to it? or do you think i should do something else?
Babe..NEVER just accept things. Not something like this. You need to look out for you. If he truly cares for you than he will still want to be your friend (although it may take him time to adjust to the change also). I have to tell you thought that it is hard to go from relationship back to friendship, so brace yourself. It's what you want so it won't be as hard for you as it will be for him. Either way you can't keep yourself in an unhappy, yes i said unhappy, relationship. I know you care for him and are happy with him per se, but you aren't happy with the current relationship (am i right?). Once you tell him you just want to be friends, you'll have to give him time to get through that before things can start to go back to the way they are. They'll probably never be exactly the same (there is that change you long for...even if it's not the right circumstance). Good luck and I hope that things go well for you. For your sake I hope that he realizes he'd rather have you as a friend than not at all.
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Hi I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and have been best friends with this girl for 4 and they kinda get along, but i mean they aren't best friends or anything. But my boyfriend one day made her really mad by saying that she cant come eat with us at prom and now she is mad at me because I can't change his mind. I dont know what to do about either of them! Please help!!
Do you want her to come eat with you at prom?! Well it's my understanding that this is your prom too. Your boyfriend needs to understand this! It sounds to me like your boyfriend and best friend both need to learn to coexist for the sake of your relationships with them. Let them both know that you refuse to choose one over the other and even either of them are asking you to do so than they don't care about your happiness as they claim.
There is NOTHING wrong with a girl going to dinner before prom with her boyfriend AND her best friend! You are doing nothing wrong by wanting them both in your life.
Good luck babe!
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i have a really close friendship with two girls at my school. but thats about it. i want other friends. i mean i love my friends to death but i feel like thats all i have when we get in fights or when we just get tired of each other im stuck doing nothing because i have no one. there are some girls that i talk to and its not that they dont like me (not too many people hate me)i dont know what to do to have a better friendship with them.
also when older boys come and talk to me i freeze up.i have to idea what to say, though i would do anything for them to be friends with me. (who doesnt want older more mature boys to be freinds with them) with the freshman boys its not as big of deal though. basically i have no people skills ha. so yea please help me out! thank you in advace
You sound exactly like I used to be. If I had friends it was because the other person initiated the friendship. Now, however, if I walk into a place, rarely do I walk out without meeting a thousand people. What are some of your hobbies? What do you like to do? Use these things to meet other people. My 'bait' was shooting pool and football..two of my favorite things in the world. I used these things to start conversation.
You are still in school right? Try going to some of your schools sports games (football, basketball, etc).
You have to put yourself out there. I don't think it's that you don't have "people skills", you are just shy and the people skills have not showed themselves yet. More than anything I think it is FOR (fear of rejection). Until you get over this fear you'll never get far. Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself (this is the first step). Be silly, have fun, have confidence and show that you do...this attracts people like you'd never believe. Good luck girl and sorry so long =)
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Hey. My friend, Hali, her sister died today. Car crash. I texted Hali and told her that I'm here for her. But I really don't know what to say. Hali and me were becoming REALLY close friends, and shes really shy. So I'm scared to talk to her, what to say, how to act. Hali lost her cousin over the summer last year, and her family took it hard, really hard. And now this. I'm scared that I'm going to lose my friend, that she'll push people away. I don;t know how it feels to lose a sister, I don;t. So I need help on what to do, what to say. I was thinking of staying with Hali all day at the funeral home whenever that would be. But I don't know. Hali doesn't have any close friends, I think I;m her closes. Please help me =[
I think being there for her at the funeral would be nice of you! It's hard to know how to react in such situations. I think the main thing is to ensure that she knows you are there for her (no matter what time of night). She may just need to be with family for a little while. If she pushes you away, just let her know that you love her and aren't giving up on her. Then give her the space she needs to mourn. Odds are she'll need you for comfort..even if she doesn't realize it at first.
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15/f
i know this is long but to whoever anaswers thanks a billion!
i know im young and im gonna meet a lot of ppl as i grow up, but my bestfriend and i are completely split apart. A few months ago we were super close and tahts when HER bestfriend was hanging out with someone else and completely ditched her in a way, so we got even closer.(we've been friends since we were 10)so now shes friends with her bestfriend again and now shes tlaking behind my back majorlyyy like she hates me. i know i have a lot of other friends but in a way i miss her, shes still my friend. but shes doing to me what her bestfriend did to her. and i know this for a fact, she runs around her bestfriend like shes a queen and tells her absolutely evertyghing.
thats the short version, its a lot more complicated taht that with boys and..other things related to taht, but thats waht im worried about. How i was there and now she completely ditches me fro something "better". im not even kidding she kisses her bestfriends ass, and when something happened with her and her boyfriend she went to everyone else BUT me. and apparently when i asked her to hang out the other day(for the first time since..december?)she went to her bestfriend and asked her how to get out of it she hates me itll be awkward,,and so on. and her bestfriend just laughed. see her bestfriend doesnt like me so much because she used to be jealous of how close me and my bestfriend are.
anyways the end..
haha sorry this is sort of confusing but i realllllly need help please!!
anyways im just asking if i should try to deal with this, but i know if i talk to her she'll go tell the other person no matter waht(weve gotten into many fights before) or if i should just let it go...
also..one big problem is that i feel like im losing myself thsi year, and shes moves on especially because she thinks shes a lot better than me and im like ntohing and worth nothing.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!
Ever heard the saying "with friends like that who needs enemies"? Let her go. It's not fair to the friends who are TRULY there for you. You don't want to waste energy trying to bend over backwards for this person who seems she doesn't even care. Put that energy toward your current friends. You will find another best friend..one that is true to YOU! She'll soon realize what she left behind, but hopefully by then it will be too late for her. Don't play her games though. Don't try to make her mad or jealous, don't call her names..just don't acknowledge her existance at all! Good luck girl! Your friends are lucky to have someone so set on making a friendship work!
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