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How do you keep yourself from boiling over?
So I've been pretty much at my wit's end for a while now, and little things keep popping up here and there and just making them altogether worse. And the more I think about things, the more angry I get. Ok, so I'll give some backstory on just what the hell I'm talking about. First off, there's my friend L. If you're really interested and/or bored, you can read this to find out more about her and my original problem(s) with her:
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Then there's my other friend, M. Again bored/interested read this:
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Ok so me and M have had a rocky history. And for a good portion of the winter/spring/summer we weren't talking. Well we finally, FINALLY got back on good terms again and were talking and becoming close once more. I was happy about this. But however that doesn't mean he's necessarily a "changed" man. A lot of his bad characteristics are still in tact. Such as, he's undependable and forgetful. And a bad liar. Well I was reminded of all of that on Saturday night. The night before that I had been hanging out with L. We drove around aimlessly as she shot down any idea of fun I came up with, and I was bored out of my mind until M texted me and wanted to meet up with us. (We almost didn't get to because L was shooting down that idea too, but thankfully she finally conceded) and we met up with him and our other friend B. They were both drunk as was to be expected but it was a lot of fun. Then we all planned for the four of us to have fun together the next night, get drunk and just have a good time. We planned to meet at 9 at my house. All seemed well. Except that L didn't think she could make it. You see she's going to Maryland this week with her friends J & K (well, MY friends as well but I'll get into that later...) and was going to sleep over her friend J's house that night before they left. So she wasn't sure but I still wanted her to come. To which she said "yea...but I'll invite J and K." Now I'll admit my initial reaction was kind of bitchy (that being "No, then it won't be fun...") but I meant that I know if she invited them, J especially, they won't want to go and will mess up all the plans, and also keep in mind that it's MY house we'd be going to. So after I said I wasn't too crazy about that she responded with "well then I guess I'm not going." And then I tried to lighten the mood as I got out of the car but she just was nasty about it and sped off after I left.
Now here's an FYI: Her and J had a big falling out earlier this summer, to which all of a sudden L became my best friend again and bitched about J. They worked things out but she still bitches to me about J. Including her bitching to me hours before that happened about how she didn't want to go to Maryland with them (they were originally supposed to go to Disneyworld but the plans got messed up) and how J is stupid and just in general her not wanting to go. Oh and some more info...I wasn't even invited to this little vacation, even though it was mentioned earlier that I'd be invited if they went their or somewhere likewise and I'm also friends with these girls. Nice, right? This was all also the day after I finally confronted Liz about how she's been acting and how I felt like she didn't care about me, to which she apologized and said she loved me and all that...shows how much her words mean...So needless to say I was pretty pissed. Then the next day I relented and texted her to tell her that it would be fine to invite J and K along and she just responded with "its ok lol" then I asked if she was sure and I got no response.
Now back to M. Despite all that, I was still going to have M and B come over that night. I discussed the plans with M the night before, but knowing that he was drunk I made sure I talked about them again the next day when he was sober. Well conviently at 9 he FORGOT that he made said plans with me, and went to the city until 3 am. So where did that leave me? Alone at home depressed. And who cared? No one. He kept texting saying that he'd still meet up with me later. Then at 2:45 am when I finally got to sleep he texts me saying "I'm not back in the area yet". I texted him "good to know" and it just went back and forth with him texting me and me giving him sarcastic, bitchy responses to let him know that I was just disgusted with him. But he didn't get it, (or at the very least pretended not to) and just kept texting me asking if I was around and saying we'd meet up next time and such. Now this is strange for him, since he's usually the type to pick a fight if he senses I'm being bitchy or if I try and hang out with him. So for him to keep trying to make up for it was bizarre. It was like he knew he fucked up so he was trying to make up for it in his own stupid way. But it wasn't enough to win me over. I was far too pissed. Now I can't even see him to talk about it or whatever because he's in South Carolina for the week.
And L, well she keeps updating her status on facebook to pretty much brag about what she's doing in Maryland.
Ok well that was a long and annoying backstory, and I apologize. But here is where I need help: How do I handle the situations with both of these people? What do I do or say to them? I can't let this just slide and I don't want to lose any friendships, but I'm not wrong for thinking that I shouldn't be treated that way, right?
And even more importantly: What do I do with myself now? I've been so pissed off about things to begin with and now this on top is really pushing me over the edge. I feel as if every moment I'm about to snap, and I'm afraid it's going to happen in a really bad, violent way. I just want to fucking punch someone in the face and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm just losing my mind completely. Not to mention since they've pretty much left me all alone this week I don't know what to do with my time either. Which just leaves me more time to think about it and get angrier and angrier. I'm scared for my mental health and well being. What do I do? I know, I know "just stop thinking about it..." well that's a hell of a lot easier said than done.
I know this was long. But please, I'm in need of help. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
WOW! You are in a terrible spot right now. First off, can I tell you what I do to release anger (especially when it's toward people). I take a journal (or even just a piece of paper) and right a letter to the person who has pissed me off. I put EXACTLY what I want to say, I tell them exactly what they've done to piss me off and everything I'm feeling. The catch...never send it! This is just a way to get all those feelings out. It's amazing how much better you can feel with a release.
Now as for your problems. Let's start with 'M'. Whether you truly want to admit it, I can tell you care a lot for this guy (otherwise you wouldn't be putting up with his dumbass haha). Now it would be easy to say that he's "not worth it" or "give up", but 1. I don't know what he's worth to you and 2."giving up" as you say, is easier said than done. I've been there. First off, you need to go out and do things for you. What do you enjoy?! Swimming, playing pool, traveling, etc. Do something on your own, but somewhere you enjoy to be. If you are somewhere you enjoy, the other people there enjoy it too..this makes "Common Ground". I'm not saying give up on M, just saying go out and do things. This way it doesn't seem like you are sitting there waiting on him to call/text. Then next time he texts you, wait about 20 min. Then text him back apologizing about the delay but you are "out with friends" etc. This way he KNOWS that you don't have to have him around to have a good time (and you know too) but that he is more than welcome to join you. Making new friends doesn't mean that you are ditching the old. Just that you have a "backup" ya know?! This way you don't have to depend on L or M being there. Plus it will help your 'state of depression' to get out.
It's hard to answer a question like this because I've been in this situation before and didn't handle it properly. All I can tell you are the things I wish I had done. You deserve better than what both of them are doing to you. Just broaden your horizon babe! I hope that I have been of atleast a little help. Let me know how things go and anytime you just need someone to talk (not just for advice) feel free to drop me a line in my inbox. Take care and good luck!
<3 Ya
Leslie
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