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Now what?
*sigh* ugh ok so I wasn't going to even ask this on here because I thought I had it figured out. Well at least sort of, or I thought I could do it on my own but now I'm not so sure. Ok soo here's the situation [i apologize in advance, it's gonna be long]:
This past Sunday I was supposed to go to this screenwriting seminar in the city. And if you know me, you'll know how much this would mean to me and how important it is to what I want to do in the future. Put that on top of the fact that it was FREE. But anyway I was pretty excited for this for a while. This was my chance to hone in on my craft and actually get the chance to at least do something meaningful this summer. The only problem is that I'm not the best when it comes to finding my away around the city, so I wasn't really willing to go alone. So I asked my friend, we'll call her L, if she wanted to do it too (she's into creative writing and we could make a fun day out of it) and she was totally down. So I made the reservations for myself AND for her. I had them sent to her e-mail address and all. Now it's the night before, and I realized I had to plan out what time we should go and whatnot. So I sent her a text at about 1 am (I realize that sounds late, however she got out of work at 12 am so it wouldn't have been) but she didn't respond so I just figured "oh well, she's asleep, I'll get in touch with her tomorrow." So tomorrow rolls along and I texted her first at 10 [to give her enough time to get ready - the seminar was at 1] and I got no response. Then I proceeded to call and text until 12 for nothing. By then it was too late. I wouldn't have made it down there in time and it was too late to get anyone else to go. I WAS SOOO UPSET. I spent the day in bed crying. Partially because I missed out on something important, and also because my friend had completely forgotten about me. Then I started to get nervous, because I couldn't reach her at all and she wasn't online or anything. So then on top of my anger I was worried about her. Needless to say, it was a bad day.
Then I get a text from her the next day. And what does it say? "Omg I'm sorry I forgot about Sunday and I left my phone in my locker @ work." Excuse me ? That's it? All I get is a half-assed apology - IN A TEXT ?! I was pissed. Then she texted another half-assed apology later and just sorta brushed it off with a joke. I just felt as if she didn't even care about what happened, esp. since she didn't even care enough to CALL.
Now this might not seem like the biggest deal in the world, but keep this in mind. This is some background on her and our friendship: She's one of my best friends in the whole world and I'd do anything for her, and have, but whenever she meets someone new, or she grows close to a certain friend, she pretty much forgets all about me and makes her life about that person. She's done this to me twice. She kinda makes me feel as if I'm second rate. And on more than one occasion she's messed up my plans or made me late or screwed up my schedule because of her other friend at the time. She'll change her personality and act like them, drop everything for them and go all these places w/o inviting me (or if she does, it's something so ridiculously expensive I could never go to it anyway), not forget about their plans and occasionally even be a bitch to me [that's what happened last time.] Then when something goes wrong with them, or they screw her over, who does she come back to? Me. And I'll drop everything and be there for her, just because that's my nature and I do still care. Until, of course, someone else comes around for her to cling on to. Then the cycle starts all over. And the last time she had a fight with her friend (the one she choose over me) one of her main reasons she was pissed at her was because the girl had a fight with her OVER TEXT MESSAGES, and because "she didn't even care enough to call" -- wtf ? And she texted me just now saying "I know that you're angry @ me, but do you wanna go to the beach tomorrow?" How the hell do I respond to that ?
I spoke to my other best friend "M" about this, and M said that I should just respond to her texts by calling her and letting her know how pissed I am. And I think she's right, but at the same time I'm really reluctant to be the first to call. I feel like she should be the one to make the first move and call me, to show that she actually cares. And obviously I know that she probably won't, so I guess I should just suck it up and do it right? So I guess I'm asking if I should just call her and get it over with, or maybe text her and let her know why I'm pissed and give her an incentive to call me? I'm not really sure. I'm fed up with being the "fall back friend" who she can easily forget about, but at the same time I don't want to lose her. As I said before, ugh.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
omg ive been in this same situation! ugh. i know exactly how you feel and its terrible. it sucks to be the fall back friend because its like o well im here when shes bored. but i would just call her and explain to her how you feel. and let her know that it really does bother you with what shes done! if she doesnt understand how upset she made u then thats not that great of a friend
i hope everything works out!
-mrscarter
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WOW! I think you seriously need to call her and tell her how you feel. Now I'm not saying cuss her out and threaten her, but say something like:
"you know what? I think the audacity of you to not call me and make me miss something that you know was important to me is just amazing, and yet you can't even call me? Is that really what you think of our friendship. You know I'd love to go to the beach, oh but wait I have other friends, who actually care enough to be there and call me, too bad you can't"
I know that sounds lame, but you should absolutely let her know what going on, she hurt your feelings, and if you don't say anything, its just gonna keep on happening, my friend did that to me, so I stopped talking to her altogether, I had enough, finally she earned the trust back. We're good friends now but she needed to know to not do that anymore. I think "L" is going to need that too.
I'm sorry, I hope things get better for you, but you need to be honest.
A true friend wouldn't do that to you. Stand up for yourself, and say enough is enough. You'll be glad you did.
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